Name: The Fitzgerald Twins on Letterman, September 25, 1985
Uploaded: 2016-06-15T19:26:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Fitzgerald Twins on Letterman, September 25, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-06-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Fitzgerald Twins on Letterman, September 25, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-06-15. Transcript available.

We mentioned we have a gentleman in the audience from Wisconsin.
What part of Wisconsin, sir?
Central.
The central part, where they have no cities.
Anyway, the Markson Veterinary Clinic, and he mentioned he had treats from
Wisconsin in here in his veterinary bag.
The man spends all day taking the temperature of cattle.
And, of course, we have the cheese right here in this.
We'll gobble this down right after the show.
Thank you very much, sir.
Can we keep the hat and so forth?
Yes.
Okay.
Thank you very much.
I don't know why we bother.
This is exciting.
My first two guests tonight were recently voted the most alike twins in America.
All the way from North Dakota, please say hello to Faith.
I'm sorry, Faye and Faith Fitzgerald.
Ladies, come on up.
How do you do?
Faith?
Nice to see you.
Okay, how are you?
Nice to see you.
Have a seat.
You've heard it all your lives.
The resemblance is stunning, isn't it?
Oh, yes.
We get a lot of comments.
Yeah.
Tell me about the contest.
Okay.
This was held just in August.
It was August 3rd and 4th, and it was their 10th annual Twins Festival.
Where was it held?
In Twinsburg, Ohio.
It's 30 miles south of Cleveland, and it was all hell outdoors.
It's kind of a festival.
They have to do that, don't they?
They have to hold it outdoors for health reasons.
Wow.
For this type of event, there was over 10,000 spectators.
So people come from all over.
Okay, the day we competed in the Most of Light Contest, there was over 900 sets
of twins.
Uh-huh.
And the last day we were there, there was 1180.
1180?
80 sets of twins.
Do you compete in a lot of these contests?
No, this is our first time.
Has your sister ever said a word?
I think she'd like to.
Now, what do you do, Faye?
What are the, I mean, what are the categories?
How do you compete in this?
You just show up and they judge you.
They had a lot of different contests.
We entered the most identical contest and also the amateur talent contest.
But they had the least to like contest also for fraternal twins,
so boy and girl twins could compete in that, too.
Yeah, yeah.
And has this been a problem for you?
All your life, or has this been a blessing for you?
Is it fun?
It's been a blessing.
It's been great.
Do you have odd experiences?
Like, do you know everything about each other without, you know, talking on the
phone?
Do you know, like, for example, if the other one has a cold, would you know
that?
No.
No.
Yeah.
If we're not together, like, we don't have psychic powers or anything.
Like, if something would happen, if she was in a car accident, I would not have
any feelings or anything.
Yeah, yeah.
We live 300.
What?
No, what you mean is you wouldn't know it.
You would have no premonition.
I would be hurt.
We live 300 miles apart right now, and the only time I can tell what she's
thinking is when we're together.
Like, I can look at her pretty much, tell what she's thinking, or if something
bothers her, things like that, because we're very close.
Do you still dress alike?
We don't do it very often, but when we are together, it's kind of fun to do it
now.
For the competition.
Oh, yes, for the competition.
Everybody dresses alike.
And when you were kids, did your parents dress you alike?
Once in a while, they did.
They didn't force us.
We were able to choose our own clothes for school and things like that.
Yeah.
And do you have any other twins in the family?
No.
Yeah.
We are the youngest of five girls.
Now, one of you is married, one is not married.
Right.
I'm married.
You're married.
Now, do you have any kids yet?
No.
Now, is it likely that you'll have twins, or do we skip a generation here?
I'm not sure.
I do have a girlfriend who is a twin and had twins.
I'm not sure what the statistics are.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I'd love to have twins, because I love being a twin.
Yeah.
Have you ever played any jokes where one takes the other's a place at work, or
in school,
or with a boyfriend, or something like that?
Yes.
Yes.
We had a lot of fun.
What kind of things did you do?
Well, when we were in high school, and we were sophomores, on April Fool's Day,
we switched all of our classes.
Did anybody know?
No, not at the time.
One of the teachers found out later, a few days later, but we fooled all of our
teachers
and our friends, and it was hard, because we had a lot of accessories we had to
switch,
and purses and shoes, and get it all down in the detail.
Oh, yeah.
The nightmare of switching accessories.
The toughest part was to go to class, and Faye had told me, she had drawn a
little map,
like which desk to sit in, and everything, and then here's this guy sitting
next to me,
and he starts talking to me, and I've never seen him in my life, and I have to
act like,
hey, this is my buddy in biology, you know?
And so that part was tough, because it was really switching roles.
And what happened when he found out?
He felt really stupid.
He said, I hope I never see your sister again.
But now, what about your husband?
He must be able to tell.
Oh, definitely.
But when you were dating him, was there...
Were there ever any mix-ups with your husband and Faye?
No.
Are you sure?
No.
Yeah.
Okay, now I know, automatically, I know which is which here, and I can prove it.
If you guys, I'll look away, and you can switch around, and I can tell you, I
know, I can pick you out of a...
I can do this.
I know your Faye, your Faye.
Go ahead, switch it around.
Do anything you want.
I'll be right over here.
Don't let me see.
Did you shuffle the deck?
Are you ready?
Ladies?
Yes.
All right.
Your faith, your Faye.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Now, is that impressive, or am I just being a duck here?
That is.
You're very observant.
Now, most people, most people do that?
Even, even...
You know how I can tell?
Oh.
You have a mole, or an Oreo, or something right there.
And you don't have it.
And I noticed that just before in the makeup room.
Oh.
Yeah, no one cares.
I don't know what I'm even doing here anymore.
I was lighting my ring.
You tell me on, you know what I'm doing.
Oh, yeah, see, the ring would have been a tip-off, too.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Now, before we get too far out of time here, I understand you have a song.
We did compete in an amateur talent show.
Uh-huh.
And we, well, actually, Faye, I should give Faye the credit.
She wrote this song.
It's called Two Instead of One.
Two Instead of One.
And it's a song about being twins, and we wanted to share it with all the twins
there.
Okay.
All right.
Do you need music for this?
We don't have music.
Paul's not here tonight, so we're on a look.
Wait a minute.
What does Paul have to do with you being here tonight?
Oh, no, we were going to ask him to play for us.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
All right.
A cappella.
Thank you.
Faith and Faith, it's Gerald.
The most alike twins in the world.
Don't know what life would be without my twin.
We've stuck close together through thick and thin.
We've always had each other to face life head on together.
And even now we're closer than Andy's sister or brother.
We've enjoyed double the wardrobe and double the friends.
We left the thoughts of who they have been making plans.
When we switched our school special, we were only caught in one class.
And some guys wanted to date us, but didn't know which one to ask.
We'll be right back after this commercial, folks.
We'll be right back after this commercial, folks.
We'll be right back after this commercial.
We'll be right back after this commercial.
We'll be right back after this commercial.
We'll be right back after this commercial.
We'll be right back after this commercial.
We'll be right back after this commercial.
We'll be right back after this commercial.
We'll be right back after this commercial.
We'll be right back after this commercial.
We'll be right back after this commercial.
We'll be right back after this commercial.
We'll be right back after this commercial.
We'll be right back after this commercial.
We'll be right back after this commercial.
We'll be right back after this commercial.