Name: Who Asked For It, Letterman, September 24, 1984
Uploaded: 2016-06-27T18:35:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Who Asked For It, Letterman, September 24, 1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-06-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Who Asked For It, Letterman, September 24, 1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-06-27. Transcript available.

Well, I want to tell you, thank you very much.
It's ever nice to be here, aren't I, buddy?
David, you know, a lot of people ask me,
and people are starting to get worried about this,
they say to me, Paul, when you play Vegas,
we notice you play at one hotel, you play at a Sands,
then you play at the Dunes, then you play at a Caesars,
you know, how can you do that?
How can you play so many different hotels in the same season?
And how can you do that?
Well, what I ask, what I answer them, David,
is I say that each hotel does what it does the best that it can be done.
That's why I do it, it's just kind of a cake.
Nice to have you here. Did you have a nice weekend, Paul?
Pretty nice, yeah.
Had a good weekend?
Pretty nice weekend, yeah.
Nothing much to say about it, you know.
But a nice weekend, it was pretty nice, wasn't it?
Did we have rain? No, we had a gorgeous, gorgeous day.
We had a nice time, we had a good weekend.
You can't really say when this is, though.
No, we're doing this earlier and it's coming on later.
In a time frame.
That's all they need to know.
Okay.
It's not what you think it is.
We've done this show ahead of time and now you're seeing it.
Doing it.
And actually, it's really none of your business.
We're in charge of doing the shows when we want to do them, all right?
That's right.
We can do them whenever we want to do them.
We show them whenever we want to show them.
That's right.
Those record executives driving by my house all weekend.
Oh, am I getting a lot of flack from that?
Throwing stuff.
Am I getting flack from this record executive stuff?
And I never said it.
No.
Well, it's a known fact.
One thing you know about show business, all record executives are weasels.
That's a known fact.
No, there are some.
No, it's a time-old, honored...
Can we not adjust it?
Some.
Some record executives are weasels.
Couldn't you say?
Well, if you say some, then we're going to need a list of names.
So I think we're safer just saying all of them are weasels.
Oh, ladies and gentlemen, it's time tonight for another segment we do
periodically.
Every few weeks, we like to reserve some time to explore what's on the mind of
the television-viewing public.
To answer questions about the kind of things that they would like to see on big-time
network television,
we've got some folks here in our studio audience with questions.
Who's first in a segment we like to call, Who Asked For It?
May I have your name, sir, and the town you are from?
My name is Joe Murphy, and I'm from North Lake, Illinois.
Yes, John, what could I do for you tonight?
What would you like to have me do for you?
Well, Dave, I'm a tourist, and I've never been in New York before.
Well, I just didn't bring enough ammo with me.
And, you know, I've already run out, and I have a dinner tonight and a show to
go to.
And can you help me out?
There's really nothing that we can do.
This is the kind of thing that we don't...
Hold it, Dave, Dave, excuse me.
I think maybe I can help.
Got the .45 here, the .357 Magnum, and the beautiful 9mm.
What have you got there, the 9mm?
Well, actually, this is a .45.
Well, then you're looking for the round nose, right?
I prefer a hollow point if you have them.
Hollow point.
There you go.
All right.
Good luck to you.
Hey, great.
All right.
Thank you very much, Joe.
Thanks, Dave.
Good luck to you.
Little late-night thespians.
Yes, sir.
May I have your name and the town you are from, please?
Yeah, my name is Alan Hansi.
I'm from Corning, New York.
Alan, what can I do for you tonight?
Well, I have a job that involves making sludge all day, and it gets really
boring.
And I was just wondering if you had some ideas as to how I could make my day go
a little faster.
Well, let's get this straight.
You, for a living, you make sludge.
That's part of my job.
Yeah, and you're looking for a way to make it go a little more quickly, make it
less boring,
make it a little more fun?
That's right.
Well, you're in luck.
I believe we have a short film dealing with just that subject.
How could we see that film about sludge?
Okay, Dave, here it comes.
Okay, watch closely, if you will, sir.
Take a look at the monitor there, and this should answer your questions.
May I have a little music to make sludge by?
Certainly.
Certainly.
Thank you.
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you.
Is there any point going on, do you think?
Yes.
Okay.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir, may I have your name and the town you are from, sir?
Philip Kramer, Brunswick, Maine.
Yes, Philip, what can we do for you tonight, sir?
I'd like to have wealth, power, and fame.
All right, now let me ask you this.
Are you absolutely sure this is what you want?
Yeah.
Okay.
Here we go.
No, wait, wait, wait.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Wait a second.
What's the problem, Philip?
We're, uh, were you going to change me into Wayne Newton?
Well, yeah, as a matter of fact, we were.
Yeah, no, I, uh, I don't want to have, that's not for me.
Sorry.
Thanks anyway.
I don't.
All right, who's next?
Oh, how do you do, ma'am?
May I have your name and the town you're from, please?
I'm Barbara Sheehan, and I'm from Madison, Wisconsin.
Nice to, nice to see you, Barbara.
What can I do for you tonight?
Well, I'm from the Derry State, and I'm kind of homesick.
Could we hear a song about butter?
You know, this may sound like a silly request, but, Barbara, I know a song
about butter.
It was an old folk song out of the Old West.
Hal, do we have that there in the control room?
Yes, we do.
Okay, could you go ahead and play a little of it for us?
Here we have a song about butter.
Listen closely, Barbara.
I think you're going to enjoy this.
All day I've faced a barren ways, without a taste of butter.
Butter.
Butter.
Butter.
A little man and I, the throats that cry, and souls that cry for...
Butter.
Butter.
Okay.
Butter.
Okay, there you are, Barbara.
Thank you.
We all set?
Okay, we've got a good show tonight.
Dr. Ruth Westheimer will be out here, and plenty of other stuff, so come on
back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll be right back, ladies and gentlemen.