Name: Bill Murray on Letterman, May 31, 1984
Uploaded: 2016-07-15T02:03:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Murray on Letterman, May 31, 1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Murray on Letterman, May 31, 1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-15. Transcript available.

Thank you, Paul. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Here's a little
comedy tip for
you kids at home just beginning. Get yourself a giant tomato and it's laughs
aplenty. We had a
giant tomato here last night as well, didn't we? Yes, we did. Laughs aplenty.
My first guest,
what was that? Tomato? What did you say? Well, tomate grande. Say that. My
first guest tonight
was with us on our very first guest many years ago, and we're glad that he hasn't
held that
against us. He is back tonight, a very funny and talented person. His latest
motion picture
entitled Ghostbusters, I believe, opens soon, if it's not open already. Friday.
Please welcome
Bill Murray.
How about this weather we've been having here, huh? How about this weather? You
know, I saw a Ghostbusters a couple of weeks ago.
You're terrific in it. You're very, very funny. This is the greatest time you've
ever been able to do so.
How about this weather we've been having here, huh? How about this weather?
You know, I saw a Ghostbusters a couple of weeks ago. You're terrific in it.
You're very, very funny.
This is the greatest show on television.
Now, you know, when you were here a couple years ago, over two and a half years
ago,
you had a salt condition. Remember, you came on, you said you had a salt
imbalance.
I had a chemical imbalance, a salt imbalance, but I moved to Florida, and just
by swimming daily,
regular maintenance, in a salt pool that I had down there, I can go to 10 or 11
days without any kind
of treatment at all. That's great. I feel just great. It's four days. I feel
fabulous. That's great.
Dave, I know you're... Is this a rare disorder? I mean, is this the kind of
thing that's sweeping
the country, or were you just singled out for some unknown reason and stricken?
I ate a lot of cafeteria food as a kid. Well, there you go.
And something in the cafeteria food did it to me.
But the only thing that's important now is you're better. Oh, I feel so good.
That's good. I got so many people to thank.
Do you want to thank them? No, no, you're on late. They're all asleep.
Oh, okay.
I got some stuff for you, though, Dave. I'm so excited about Ghostbusters, my
new film from
Columbia Pictures. And I know you go for this stuff, and I got some junk for
you, and I know
you like this kind of thing. I've never been in a movie where I got any of this
stuff.
Ghostbusters napkins, Dave. Lift your spirits with Ghostbusters.
Let's see. There you go.
Stuff like this.
Here's a button. Here's a couple of buttons for you. Don't go nuts with those.
But here, this is where you really make it. I mean, I've made a couple movies,
but I have
never been a part of something where you received a fly swatter with the name
of the movie on it.
Yeah. Yeah.
People say, what's it like being on top? And I just say...
What a gift.
The Academy members come springtime, won't they?
Don't forget, folks.
Yes, sir. Now, that's exciting. Now, do you want to tell the folks what the
movie is about?
No. Yeah, well, sure. It's about Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis wrote this script,
and Sigourney
Weaver is in it, and Rick Moranis, and Bill Atherton, a local guy. And it's
just the funniest
damn bunch of fun you've ever seen in your life. I mean, that's really all
there is to it.
It's about a guy who goes into a temple of doom and finds a lot of comedy in
there.
No, I just don't. It's about three guys from, you know, just New Yorkers like
ourselves. How many of you people from New York?
How many of you people come out of town? Can we hear from you, folks?
What do you say we locals beat up on the hillbillies, huh?
That's old stuff. I'm sorry. But it's just a funny movie. We shot it in New
York and held up a lot of traffic.
How long did it take to film this?
It took six, four months or so.
A lot of excitement and a lot of special effects that are very impressive?
There's a lot of special effects.
Yeah. It's a good blend of special effects and comedy. Don't you think?
I think so. I think so. Getting us all awake in the morning was a special
effect.
I think it's the best piece of work I've done since K-Mutiny. I'm very excited.
You want to take a look at a little bit of this clip?
We have a clip. Let's get it over with.
Now, before we bring it up, if you don't mention it, I'll just go ahead and
announce here that this clip was the source of red-hot, I'm sorry, white-hot
controversy moments ago.
All right?
That's right.
Tell them the clip and then we'll dredge up this ugliness.
Well, there's a clip and, oh, okay, we'll dredge it up.
All right. Well, this is a clip. This is, in the movie, I end up, this is a
good movie for me because I get the girl. It's great.
And it's Sigourney Weaver. I had to go to, like, a physical trainer, the guy
that worked with Chris, what's-his-name, on Superman, to get in shape to work
with Sigourney.
She's a tower of strength. But I get the girl in this one.
And in this movie, we fight paranormals and spooks in this movie.
And in this movie, she's the girl I'm sort of trying all my best stuff on.
And her house is the center of all the paranormal activity.
So I'm going to her house for our first date, and something has happened to her.
All right. A few minutes from the motion picture Ghostbusters opening tomorrow,
all across...
No, no, next Friday.
A week from tomorrow.
I didn't get your name.
I'm Zul. I'm the gatekeeper.
Oh.
What are we doing today, Zul?
We must prepare for the coming of Gozer.
Gozer, huh?
The Destructor.
Are we still going out?
You know, you could pick up...
Do you want this, buddy?
Is this a trick question?
I guess the roses worked, huh?
Take me now, sub-creature.
We never talk anymore.
I'm making a rule.
Never to get involved with possessed people.
Actually, it's more of a guideline than a rule.
Okay.
Now, we have to do a commercial.
Okay.
But when we come back, we'll talk about this white-hot controversy.
Okay.
Or whatever we can get to.
We'll be back with Bill Murray, ladies and gentlemen.
Bill Murray is here now.
We saw a couple of minutes from your film, and tell the folks what the problem
was.
I understand you were on a phone call, a heated argument with an NBC attorney.
Yeah, yeah, a guy from the Standards and Practices.
There's a great joke that happens right after the clip.
What's the joke?
See, it's funnier than the clip.
I want you to know.
Well, the joke is that the girl says, I want, I want, what do you think about
being...
And I say, it's too crowded in there.
It seems like there's at least two people in there already.
Probably wouldn't be that good.
Because she's obviously possessed by other people.
Possessed by other people, yeah.
And so, we just thought that would...
So, we had a disagreement on the thing.
And we can't say it on the show tonight, and we just want you to know that.
But, uh, that's why TV is free and movies cost five bucks.
Yeah, that's right.
So, now they took it out of the film, that joke out of the film, although it's
a very funny clip, even without that joke.
But that's what the whole little scene is building to, is that one line.
Yeah.
But now, you're saying it here tonight, will this stay in, or will this be
removed?
I don't know.
All right?
Yeah.
Oh, okay, well, I'll just repeat it in case, so they'll have to take it out
twice.
Oh, no.
Okay.
So, the woman is possessed, and she says, I want you...
I want you to say, uh, it's kind of crowded in there as it is.
I say, well, it sounds like there's at least two people in there already.
Yeah.
Like it a little crowded.
Oh, okay, there you go.
So, now, wait a second.
This is not to leave this room, though, okay?
If you have any trouble with any of this, we have the address for the, uh, the
affiliate in New Orleans, 520 Royal Street.
They'll be happy to take care of your questions.
Tell me about this trouble I read in the newspapers here about you and Aykroyd
being nasty and surly,
and, you know, he was supposed to be here, and he just took a hike.
He never showed.
Well, you know, to me, coming on this show isn't like work.
It isn't like anything like family.
You know what I'm saying?
Right.
Your family.
And I just think that anything that they print in the press is not, you know, I
don't buy it because you know what we have.
And I think that we should show them what we...
I think the only thing, like, the statement we can make is if we were to become
blood brothers.
I'll, um...
The good people over in Switzerland, Davey.
We're nice enough.
Now, you can, uh, I tell you what, I'm all for this.
I think this is a marvelous gesture.
You go ahead, and I'll...
Okay.
Um, uh, Dan felt that he should be here, too, but he couldn't make it.
Um, he just figured, why should I show up on that, uh, show?
That's right.
So, but he did send some of his bloods here.
So, we can all get it, and this will be the three of us, and, uh, that'll be
that.
No, no, no, no, no, not there.
Don't do that.
Where should I do it?
Here?
Yeah, do it on your finger.
Do we have a needle or something?
I'm going to...
Well, don't do that.
Oh.
Wait a minute.
This isn't your fight.
Stay up.
Yeah, this is making everybody sick, Bill.
I don't...
Oh, don't...
No, this is not a roast.
You don't...
No, here.
No, no, no, no, wait a minute, wait a minute.
I can't, I can't do this.
No, stop it.
You're just drawing on it anyway.
What is this?
One of those rubber...
No, wait a minute.
Just...
No, no, no.
Well, it's pink.
You know, I have a mosquito bite that hasn't healed.
I thought if we had that up, we'd be all right.
How much time do we have?
Yeah, don't stop hammering on yourself.
Oh, I thought it was...
No, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, don't...
Please, please, now just get a hold of yourself.
Let me get a needle.
Let's see if this is any better.
Here.
Do we have to go through with this?
Ah.
Well, see, it's hard.
Well, I may need a checkup.
Ouch.
Damn.
Oh, here we go.
Whoa.
All right.
Thank you.
I got to.
All right.
All right, now let's...
This, of course, is actual blood and a little ketchup.
There we go.
Ooh.
Oh, boy.
That's great.
That's great.
That gives me a real spiritual boost.
Ah.
That's marvelous.
I'm eight miles high.
You know, I have fun on this show every time I come on this show.
Paul, do you know every time?
Yeah.
Every time it rains, it rains.
Penny's from heaven.
I love looking at that.
Yeah, great.
Oh, what a kick.
All right, the movie is opening a week from Friday.
What's after that?
You got another movie coming out.
Oh, yeah, I did another movie called The Razor's Edge.
Comes out in October.
Are you coming back for that one, or is this it?
Huh?
Are you going to be able to come back for that one?
I'll be able to come back.
This will heal right up.
All right, well, Bill, congratulations again.
I know it's going to be a big hit for you.
Oh, well, let's finish about the movie.
What have you been doing, man?
I have a show every night.
I'm here most every night.
I have a long commute every day.
I make the commute twice a day.
Michigan.
I have to go to Michigan every night.
We got to go for station identification.
Bill, nice to see you again.
It was nice to be here, Dave.
Thank you very much, sir.
We'll be back with Tina Turner.
Thank you very much, folks.