Name: Viewer Mail on Letterman, March 13, 1986
Uploaded: 2016-07-16T00:52:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, March 13, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, March 13, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-16. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, my musical conductor for the last 35 years, Mr. Paul Schaefer.
Paul Schaefer.
Thank you.
Thank you so very, very much.
David, we're grooving over here.
We're kind of, I feel we're like the Playboy All-Stars over here.
We got, because we got Mr. Steve Kahn with us as a special guest.
Thanks for being here.
Great jazz guitarist.
Over on drums, a cat who has been with us all week and doing what I think has
been a fabulous kind of knock-up job on the drums.
How about it for Mr. Anton Figg?
Anton, nice to see you.
Sounds good.
And, of course, just back from L.A. where he picked up one of those Grammys in
the category of what?
Jazz slash fusion.
Oh.
He's back with us.
How about it for Mr. David Sanborn, the best saxophone player we have.
And let's not forget the great Will Lee on the bass guitar.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Rounding out a kind of a Playboy All-Stars fan.
Let me ask you a question, Paul.
Who is this guy over there in the tie?
The guy in the red tie?
Who is this guy?
That's my accountant.
Who are you?
I don't know who he is.
What are you doing here?
What is your name?
My name?
Yeah.
My name's Jim.
Jim, what do you do for a living?
I work for a living.
Now, who do you work for?
Why are you standing over there?
Why would you like me today?
Well, what do you do?
Who is this guy?
No, I'm serious.
Who is this guy?
Now, what are you doing here, Jim?
There's no light on me.
No, well, that's all right.
What do you do here?
There's no light on me.
What do you do here?
I think he may be in the business.
No, just tell me what you do.
What do you do?
For a living?
Yes, for a living!
I work.
I work for a magazine.
For which magazine?
For Sports Illustrated.
You're going to have...
No, come on.
You can't stand there.
Get out of there.
Come here.
Come on.
Come on.
No, come on.
No, get him out of here.
Oh, no.
What is this guy?
Oh, no.
Come on.
What the hell is security?
It's like I'm a dead dude here.
What is it?
Come on.
Come on.
I'll do it.
Come on.
Do you know this, Jim?
Come on.
Come on.
Out, out, out, out, out, out, out.
Here, let's get him on an elevator.
Where are you from?
Are you running with Sports Illustrated?
Here, give me an elevator.
Somebody stay with him until the elevator comes.
Here.
Is this our...
Here.
No, no.
You stay right there.
You stay right there and get on the first elevator.
Oh, yeah.
I say three.
You're going to say three, four, and three, four.
I'm going to say three, four, and three, four.
You're going to say three, four, and three, four.
The hell is the deal?
You just...
You can't let these deadbeats in here like this.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't let him in here.
Who is he?
He's coming back.
Don't let...
Well, Bob, get out there and rough him up.
Get him out.
You try to put on a little show, and then a guy shows up in a suit.
No, don't bring him in here.
Don't...
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry you had to see that.
Now, where is he?
Here he comes.
Oh, wait a minute.
Hold it.
Well, wait a minute.
Maybe I was too hasty.
Well, he didn't explain it like that, you see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, well.
Have we got time to do this?
Oh, stop screaming in there.
How are we doing?
Can we do this?
Okay.
All right.
We got to get right to it.
This is our viewer mail.
That was Jim.
Jim.
Letter number one.
You ready, Paul?
Oh, by the way, tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to demonstrate to
you the concept
of the pyramid of comedy with the help of our friend here and stage manager, Mr.
Biff Henderson.
Letter...
Letter number one.
Thank you very much, Biff.
We show you now how we build this jumbo pyramid of comedy every Thursday night.
Dear Dave, what's the deal with Harper, Kansas?
Roger Abrams from Nashville, Tennessee.
Well, Roger, same as all our deals.
Volume, volume, volume.
I can't get over that weasel thinking he could just stand there for the rest of
the show.
Cat from Sports Illustrated, hanging out with the band.
Go ahead.
Letter number two.
Pyramid of comedy.
A little short guy in a cheap suit and a tie thinks he can just stand right
over there.
Yeah, yeah.
Dear Dave, have you ever considered recording Barbara Gaines' voice back and
then playing
it back at lower speeds?
Doing this might be fun.
Barbara is the woman you hear from time to time shrieking back there like a rabid
squirrel.
Barbara, what do you think about this?
What do you want?
Okay.
Hal, did you get that recorded?
Yeah, here it is.
Okay, play it back at really slow speed now.
Who loves you, baby?
Who loves you, baby?
Letter number three.
Dear Dave, how does Pat Sajak on Wheel of Fortune get his audience to ooh and
ah so much?
P.S.
The A is silent in my last name.
A loyal fan, Kimberly Wright Bless, Richmond, Virginia.
Oh, I see.
You don't pronounce the A in her last name.
Kimberly, you know, I can't really speak for the Wheel of Fortune, but I'll
show you here
how we get our audience to ooh and ah.
Folks, did you realize that the A in this woman's last name is silent?
Ooh.
Ah, okay.
Letter number four.
Dear Dave, is Tommy in charge of anything but making sure you have fresh water
in your
cup?
Deeply concerned, Eric Pakula and Phil Ross, Roseburg, Oregon.
Ah, this is a good question, you know, but I think it should be answered by
Tommy Casabona
himself.
Tommy, answer this question about filling up the cup there, if you don't mind.
As a matter of fact, you little pucks, I don't actually fill Mr. Letterman's
cup with
water.
Mug maintenance is a two-man job.
I'm in charge of storing, cleaning, caring for the cup.
My friend Jimmy here handles the water.
That's right, Tommy, which means it's my responsibility to obtain and transport
the water for Mr. Letterman
several times a night, usually with only a moment's notice.
Sometimes when the pressure's really on, I wish I had Tommy's jab.
Oh, yeah, like I'm having a real picnic over here.
Any way you look at it, it's Eric and Phil.
It's not a job for amateurs.
You boys stick to writing letters to TV shows.
Now, there's something that takes two guys to do.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Letter, letter number five.
Thank you very much, Biff.
Now, we've completed our pyramid of comedy, haven't we?
For today.
Yes, for the day.
Yeah, the reason that guy sneaked in here is because you were in wardrobe
putting that
hat on.
Isn't that the truth?
That's right.
Well, don't let him back in here.
No way.
All right, and a fine job.
Nice going, Biff.
Thank you, Dave.
Letter number five.
Was that it?
We're up to number five now?
Letter number five.
Yes, sir.
We're up to letter number five.
Here we go.
Dear Dave, how about giving some members of the band, not including Paul, it
says parenthetically
here, some attention to, hopefully waiting, John Sibley, Fairfield, Connecticut.
Let's see.
John, you know, gee, you know, maybe I haven't really given the rest of the
members of the
band enough of my time.
You know, I always chat here with Paul on the show, but I don't know if I've
spent enough
time with Steve and Will and Anton and...
David, I don't...
Yes, Paul.
I don't, uh, I, uh, I don't think anybody could accuse you of not giving
attention to these
boys.
You know, it was just this very afternoon here in the, in the studio.
I, I can remember it so clearly, and it's funny that...
I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I...
You know, Dave, I gotta say, it's not easy hosting a show and being both a
father and
a mother to these, to these boys.
And personally...
Thank you very much, Paul, I certainly, I appreciate those kind words.
I think you do.
It's just a fine, fine show.
Thank you.
We have a, uh, we got a fine, fine show here for you tonight.
Gosh, we have that, uh, beautiful woman that was, uh, with that little weasel,
what was
his name?
Jim.
Uh, comedian Michael Davis is here, Bob Green, and, uh, what else?
Oh, all kind of other stuff.
So, we'll do a commercial, then we'll begin the show.
Come on back, folks.
Thanks for joining us.
We'll be right back.