Name: Barbara Gaines and Barbara Gaines, Letterman, April 2, 1986
Uploaded: 2016-07-19T21:46:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Barbara Gaines and Barbara Gaines, Letterman, April 2, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-19. Transcript available. Two Barbara Gaines sit at home base with Dave.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Barbara Gaines and Barbara Gaines, Letterman, April 2, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-07-19. Transcript available. Two Barbara Gaines sit at home base with Dave.

We have a terrific show, and the boxer who is with us, Maus Strauss, I
mentioned he had lost 200 fights.
He's only lost 100, right? He's had about 200 fights, but he's only lost 100.
Also, O.J. Simpson was not fired from ABC Sports. He's now doing college
football. Is that right?
Okay. Any other updates? Just keep running them in here.
And tonight, of course, all week long, we have from the American Museum of
Natural History here in New York City, the skull of the Tyrannosaurus Rex.
It's on loan from the museum. We gave you all of the facts a couple of nights
ago, so we have a menu here from the American Museum restaurant.
I'll give you an idea of what you can eat when you go up there.
Cornish Game Hen, $9.95. Breast of Capon. Paul, do we have any music here?
Yeah.
Roast Prime Rib of Beef, $10.95. Lamb Medallions Roasted with Fresh Mint,
American Museum Monterey Jack Burger.
And the special for today, Roast Rack of Lamb with Rosemary.
That's what you can get if you go up there.
That's right, we're killing some time.
Here we go. You know, over the past few years, we've gotten to know and love
our own loyal and very vocal production coordinator, Barbara Gaines.
Isn't that right, Barbara?
Yes, sir!
That's Barbara Gaines back there. And a few weeks ago, something very peculiar
happened. Isn't that right, Barbara?
Yeah!
Yeah.
So, to straighten out all of this intrigue for us tonight, please say hello to
production coordinator on this program, Ms. Barbara Gaines.
Barbara, come out here and introduce yourself to the folks.
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah!
So nice of you to be here. Please have a seat.
That's your little squeaky mouse-like voice we hear every night, isn't it?
Yes.
That's right.
And, uh, what strange thing happened a couple of weeks ago?
Well, oh.
Okay, no, I can do this. Wait.
I got this, um...
Got a letter, didn't you?
I got a letter.
Got a letter.
And, uh, this woman wrote saying that she had the same name as mine.
Another Barbara Gaines.
Another Barbara Gaines.
Here in Manhattan.
Here in Manhattan.
And she kept getting these, um, messages on her machine from, like, people
needing money and, um, uh, people harassing her.
All the messages that I didn't get on my machine she got.
Mm-hmm.
And, um...
You felt cheated, didn't you?
No, I'm really glad.
Um, my, my college keeps calling her for alumni money.
Um, and I guess she saw the Rolling Stone article and figured out that I was
the Barbara Gaines that everyone wanted.
You were on the cover one week, weren't you?
No.
I mean, no, because the staff was in the picture.
So she, uh, so she wrote to me this long letter complaining about, you know,
goes on and on about all the problems she's had.
It's a mix-up, and it's a bothersome mix-up for this other Barbara Gaines, who
lives here in Manhattan, and we're going to meet her in a second, aren't we?
Yeah.
Okay.
See, I, I thought, I, I called her because I, I keep getting jury duty, so I
was hoping she would do it for me.
Mm-hmm.
But she, um, she doesn't want to do it for me.
Now, are you going to be on the jury or not?
No, I, I keep deferring.
Well, sooner or later, you've got to be on jury duty.
Oh, yeah, they're going to go for that.
Uh, so to clear this mess up, we have invited the other Barbara Gaines to be on
this program.
Are you back there, Barbara?
Yeah, I'm back here.
Ooh.
Well.
Well.
Uh, from New York City, please welcome law student Barbara Gaines.
Barbara, come out now and stay over the phone.
Barbara, it's a pleasure to meet you.
Thank you very much for being here.
Now, uh, Barbara mentioned a couple of the items in the letter that you, uh,
sent to her about the problems of having the same name and so on and so forth.
Anything else you can, uh, tell us about how you've been sort of bothered by
this?
Well, um, the first time that, I mean, that I was, started to take a lot of
interest in Barbara was, um, was when I got a, um, a phone call that...
Uh, it was on my machine and, um, the person said, Barbara, you...
Oh, no!
Oh, David is gone.
He's gone.
Well, let's just keep moving.
Look, Barbara, I think we understand the point you're hedging around the bush
there.
So, we have here $30.62.
Now, we want you to take this money and get yourself a bar of soap for your
mouth and an unlisted phone.
Now, this should cover you getting an unlisted phone number in Manhattan for a
year, okay?
Well, what about the psychiatric care for my loss of identity crisis?
All right. Now, take the money there, Barbara.
And it's certainly been a pleasure meeting you.
But, you know, we found out that there are some other rather striking perhaps
coincidences
that we'd like to share with the vast American viewing public.
Take a look here now at some of the interesting comparisons.
The Barbara Gaines, for example, and the other Barbara Gaines.
The first category is number of letters in the name.
And for the Barbara Gaines, it's 13. The other Barbara Gaines, also 13.
The next category...
I understand the family name...
Oh, yes, anything to make this longer.
Uh, I understand the family name for you, Barbara, used to be what?
Ginsburg.
And for the other Barbara Gaines?
Ginsburg.
Ginsburg as well.
Okay, I'm hurrying, please!
Uh, the next category, birthplace.
Uh, the Barbara Gaines was born...
Long Island.
And the other Barbara Gaines, also Long Island.
All right, now that brings us to the category of current residents.
And for both Barbara Gaines, I believe we have Manhattan and Manhattan.
Next!
Next, we have the category siblings.
The Barbara Gaines has a brother who is nine years older named Ira.
The other Barbara Gaines also has a brother nine years older named Victor.
Our next category is affiliations.
The Barbara Gaines is a life member of Hadassah.
And the other Barbara Gaines is a member of the Book of the Month Club.
Our next category, middle name.
The Barbara Gaines sadly has no middle name.
The other Barbara Gaines is named Isabel.
That's your middle name.
It's a lovely name, Isabel.
Barbara Isabel Gaines.
And finally, are we out of categories?
Oh, no, we're not.
Favorite wine for the Barbara Gaines is white.
The other Barbara Gaines, also white.
Next, we have favorite winter fabric.
Oh, my God.
The Barbara Gaines selects wool.
The other Barbara Gaines, also wool.
Finally, oh, favorite member of Hall & Oates.
The Barbara Gaines prefers Daryl Hall.
The other Barbara Gaines prefers Daryl Hall.
It's a pleasure to have both of you ladies out here.
Paul, I believe you have a little something for us.
Go right ahead, Paul.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah, all your life you dream about
A special kind of girl
But now I'm seeing double
And my head is in a whirl
Yeah, 'cause
Life is twice as sweet
'Cause when we count our gains
There's two
Barbara Gaines
And Barbara Gaines
And Barbara Gaines
That's used
And we'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.