Name: Viewer Mail on Letterman, May 21, 1987
Uploaded: 2016-08-04T02:13:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, May 21, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-08-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, May 21, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-08-04. Transcript available.

Thank you very much.
Paul, Paul, do you have a good roll on?
Okay.
You know...
Gee, I...
Gee.
Let's take a poll on the giant slot machine.
Calvert, come on out here and do this.
Larry, I called him...
Las Vegas is a city of love.
A city of sharing.
A city of caring.
It's with this spirit that I gamble this coin.
For you, our beautiful studio audience.
I hope you all enjoy your share of this gigantic jackpot.
Okay, let's go.
One, two, three.
Here we go.
Sorry, suckers, you lose.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Gosh, what a lovable little guy he is.
All right, here we go.
Tonight, it's Thursday night all across North America.
That can only mean one thing.
It's time for viewer mail, so.
Are we ready?
Letter number one.
Letter number one.
Dear Dave, if you take away your wit, your charm, your money, your talent, your
looks, and your fame, what have you got?
This comes to us from Doug Bowles, Kansas City, Missouri.
Gee, I don't know.
Regis Philbin?
I don't know.
One of our stage managers, Biff Henderson.
Biff, what are you doing down here in that thing?
It's been a long week.
I'm sure it has, Biff.
Thank you so much.
Biff Henderson, there he goes.
Thought for a minute there that we had nominated a president.
Letter number two.
Paul, we'll go out on the street later, and I'll give somebody $100 if they're
walking like that.
Nobody, nobody walks like that.
That is the wonderfulness of the femininity which we here in Las Vegas glorify
and put on a pedestal.
Letter number two.
Dear Dave, why is it that David Sanborn always wears black?
Doesn't he have anything else he can wear?
Perhaps a pastel or some other color.
From Roger and Teresa Varan from Danville, California.
A good question.
Dave, any thing we ought to know about this?
Why are you always dressed in black?
Well, I took a vow, Dave, to wear nothing but black until this senseless
Vietnam War is over.
Well, that's certainly an admirable notion, David, but the war's been over for
more than 10 years now.
All right!
Yeah!
Fever, Las Vegas!
Fever, Las Vegas!
Letter number three.
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
You know, this show may not be in the best interest of television.
Woo!
Woo!
We may get a reprimand from the commissioner, Paul.
Uh, number three.
Dear Dave, if you come to my town, you better bring Chris Elliott.
Got it or else?
Ralph Lewis, Las Vegas, Nevada.
Uh, well, actually, Ralph, uh, Chris Elliott is not with us here tonight, but
we do have something
just as exciting.
It's a Chris Elliott impersonator.
Ladies and gentlemen, once again, from the Boylesque Review at the Silver Slipper,
the
amazing Skylark.
Skylark.
Thank you. Paul, give it to me.
That just keeps getting better and better.
Thank you. I'm out of breath just from that. Thank you for having me on the
show, Dave.
I'm becoming kind of a regular here. Maybe I should come to New York and do the
show there.
In New York, the show is really booked up pretty quickly and I'm not sure there
will be an opening for you.
Well, that sounds great. I've never been. It'll be fun.
Now, listen, Skylar, that little juggling you did for us, that's pretty much
the show you do down the street?
Well, that's just part of it. We do a lot of things down there at the show. I
give the audience what they want.
Oh, I see. And what do they want?
They want a lot of shaking, a lot of this.
All right. What else?
Well, I do a lot of physical stuff and I'm going to show you something. They
said I could do this.
You wouldn't jump through a hoop, so we're going to do something else for you.
Okay, what do I do?
I just stand here.
Do you want a drum roll or anything, Skylar?
No, this is fine.
It's called The Human Chain.
We do this in the show.
All right, Skylar.
Get a couple of guys together.
Okay.
And we just grab like this and then we hold.
Okay.
And then...
Now...
Now what...
Well, what happens now here, Skylar?
I'm sorry?
Well, what happens here now?
This is it.
Skylark, ladies and gentlemen, the amazing...
He has bodyguards, Paul. Skylark has bodyguards.
Some say he should be barred for life. All right.
Uh, is it, uh, letter number four?
Dear Dave, I can't believe you are going to Las Vegas.
I am really disappointed.
If you're going to take the show on the road,
I think you should go to real places in America.
Las Vegas isn't a real town.
It's only a breeding ground for Elvis impersonators.
Sincerely yours, Kelly Foss, Tullahoma, Tennessee.
Where, uh, where is Mulligan? Where is, uh...
Gerard, get up here.
Now, uh, Gerard, whose idea was it for us to bring the show out to Las Vegas?
Yes.
What?
It was my idea.
And, uh, and, and what, what did you say, if we brought the show to Las Vegas,
what did you say that Kelly Foss from Tennessee would be?
Completely delighted.
Completely delighted.
What?
Completely delighted.
Completely delighted, exactly.
But here, we get a letter from her, and it turns out she's not completely
delighted, is she?
No, she's not.
No, what is she?
Really disappointed.
That's right, she's really disappointed.
This is it, Gerard.
You're done.
Get a cab.
Beat it.
You're fired, pal.
Now.
It's only a joke, right?
It's only, we didn't really, we didn't really fire Gerard.
Jerry, come on, are you, are you?
Is he, maybe, well, maybe we did.
Perhaps, perhaps it wasn't a joke after all.
Perhaps he's actually gone.
Jerry, are you, Jerry, are you, turns out he's left.
He's at the airport, he's fed up, and he's just taken a plane east.
Jerry, are you, oh, no, here he is, it's not.
Jerry, Jerry, it was, the whole thing was a joke, wasn't it?
It was just a joke, I was just kidding, right?
Forget it, pal.
I don't need your, I don't need your little job anymore.
Let's go, Susie.
No, no, come here, Jerry, it's a joke, come here, come on, tell the folks it's
a joke.
It is a joke.
It is a joke.
Thank you, thank you.
Of course, of course it's a joke, Dave.
You know, Susie wouldn't even talk to me unless we paid her.
That's right.
Are you kidding me?
Get serious.
And what about all that gambling we saw?
Did you really win all that money?
I'm down about two grand.
Yeah, right.
So it's just a joke, ladies and gentlemen.
Good night, everybody.
Thank you.
Yeah, we're going to pause here for a commercial, and when we come back, we'll
bring out Robbie
Gazer?
Gazer.
And his sea lion.
So come on back, folks.
Thanks for being here.
Thanks for being here.
you