Name: "Chris & Jerry Say Let's Have Babies" on Letterman September 7, 1989
Uploaded: 2016-09-01T15:50:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Chris & Jerry Say Let's Have Babies" on Letterman September 7, 1989' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-09-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Chris & Jerry Say Let's Have Babies" on Letterman September 7, 1989' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-09-01. Transcript available.

Our next two guests are no strangers to this program.
It's always a pleasure to watch them bring the show to a screeching halt.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jerry Mulligan and Chris Elliott.
Come on up.
Nice to see you, Gary.
Thank you very much. Good to see you.
Had a good summer? How are things going?
Oh, very good.
I don't know if I mentioned this to you backstage or not, but last week I lost
another toe.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I say another because that makes it two toes that I've lost in the last month,
which I think is some kind of record.
Wow.
How did that happen?
Well, the first one was actually my fault.
That was a baking accident.
Baking?
Baking accident.
But the second one is kind of a mystery.
I just noticed a couple of days ago that it was gone.
Now, I know what you're going to ask, and yes, I did check my shoe and my sock,
and it was not in there.
Jerry thinks maybe it fell out in my sleep.
Or maybe I just kicked too hard in the pool.
I see.
Well, have you checked the laundry?
No, I haven't.
That's where it is.
Well, thank you for sharing that lovely story with us.
Sure, no problem.
Other than that, the summer's been dynamite.
Good.
And hey, speaking of dynamite, I saw you on Carson last week.
Did we see him?
You were terrific.
Great.
Very, very, very funny stuff.
I'm not sure the audience was with you, but I thought it was very funny.
Thank you very much.
You know, I have a question, though.
Towards the end of your segment, now, did you feel this?
I sort of thought that maybe Johnny was getting, I don't know, a little sick of
you.
Did you feel that at all?
I don't know, but I certainly know what it's like to be sick of someone, but I
don't know.
Well, Dave, let me get right to why Jerry and I are out here, if I may.
As you know, Jerry and I are both certified midwives.
Certified midwives?
Right.
You assist pregnant mothers, pregnant women in the birthing process.
Right, that's what we are.
And after, I guess, delivering, what is it, 7,000 babies?
7,000?
7,000.
That's very impressive.
We've developed our own form of, our own method of childbirth.
I see.
You've heard of Le Mans, which is very popular.
There's also the La Bamba method, which has that, it has a salsa flavor to it.
And what we do is something called La Chris and Jerry.
Oh, and how is your method different?
Well, it's quickened cheese.
That's right.
Basically, 79 bucks, and we'll deliver just about any baby.
But what we're really excited about, Dave, why we're out here, is our brand new
videotape.
And I'd like to show it to you, if I can, which explains how our method works.
It's called Chris and Jerry Say Let's Have Babies.
Oh, yeah.
There it is right there.
It's right here.
I don't know if you can come in on that.
There you go.
There it is right there, yeah.
Wow.
And are we going to take a little look at some of this now?
Well, would you like to take a look at it?
Oh, sure, yeah.
Well, if you have time, I'd be happy to show you a clip.
So this is the new home video.
This is the instructional tape on Chris and Jerry Say Let's Have Babies.
You can have a baby if you have this tape.
All right, let's take a look at it here now and see what's going on.
So you see, ladies, besides being harder on the man than it is on the woman, it's
really
almost like being in a rowboat.
Can you tell us what to expect from the contractions?
I've heard that there can be a lot of abdominal pain involved.
Well, I've never actually heard the term contractions before.
I don't know where you're coming up with that.
If you're talking about stomach pain, what Jerry and I usually do is we take Rolaids.
Yeah.
After the baby's born, can you recommend a good baby food?
Well, let me make something clear, ladies.
Jerry and I are not pediatricians.
All right?
We're midwives.
That's what we are.
We do have a deal with Swanson's, however, so we can recommend Swanson's fried
chicken.
And milk.
Yeah, milk.
Kids love milk.
That's a good idea.
Good questions.
Okay, now, let's get up on our feet, and you at home, do the same.
And what I'm going to do is take you through the relaxation exercises that you
can utilize
in the final moments of childbirth.
And with me, and around about we go, we go.
Round about we go.
That's it.
And hop up, down.
Up and down.
And some more.
Mr. Elliott.
Yeah?
I think I'm going to have my baby now.
Well, that's kind of a problem, because this part of the tape just deals with
relaxation
exercises, so you're probably going to have to go.
Okay, and around we go.
Do you have a phone I can use?
Honey, not my phone.
I'm expecting a call.
You can use, there's a phone booth down by Burger King.
You can use that one.
Okay.
Let's go.
And we're going to hop again.
And up.
Okay, and let's breathe.
Let's not forget to breathe.
Okay.
You girls keep doing that.
I've got to take a rest.
Oh.
Okay.
Dude, that looks like fun.
That's this right here.
Let's have babies.
Chris and Jerry say, let's have babies.
Good to see you.
Thanks for dropping by, kids.
Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan again, ladies and gentlemen.
We have to do a commercial.
We'll be right back.
Thank you.
Come on.