Name: Stupid Human Tricks on Letterman, January 14, 1987
Uploaded: 2016-09-19T02:00:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Human Tricks on Letterman, January 14, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-09-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Human Tricks on Letterman, January 14, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-09-19. Transcript available.

thank you so much ladies and gentlemen thank you very much and thanks for
selecting us as your
evening's entertainment we certainly appreciate that it's time now for another
installment of
stupid human tricks folks from all over the world who do little peculiar things
that they've taught
themselves to do to win bar bets and that kind of thing are now assembled in
our studio and will
perform for you and once again let me caution you this is only an exhibition
this is not a competition
please no wagering is there a michael angel toro here michael come on out if
you're here with us
tonight sir michael hi michael good to see you sir where are you from come on
down here michael
where are you from i'm from sarasota florida uh-huh what do you do for a living
in sarasota i drive a
tractor trailer semi it's a mine uh-huh uh-huh you like living down there i
like living down
there it's nice the weather is beautiful weather is good this time of year a
lot of tennis over there
okay good for you and uh you're going to do for us tonight something i guess to
do with these cigar
boxes right this is uh cigar boxes it's very hard none of them boxes are glued
together these are
these are freestanding then yeah not supported by any internal structure right
now i got a support
right here and those the answer it won't fall intricately balanced on the table
yeah yeah but
this is not your stunt balancing these on a table is it no not really no what
what is your trick sir
my trick this is uh this is you know some for the guinness pool world's record
oh this is for the
world's record yeah yeah and uh the guinness pool world's record uh in 1986 was
40 boxes which you
see right here is about 80 boxes and uh and i'm going to balance it for you for
the public but you're
going to you're going to balance them on my chin on your chin okay okay okay uh
to balance for a record
for the guinness pool world's record is like five seconds but i'm going to do
are we sanctioning
records here tonight by the way just yeah oh we are yeah i didn't realize this
was a record attempt
i'm sorry no no it's not a record attempt but i already did it before uh-huh
but
well there's really really no point in doing it again then is there no yeah no
but i but i enjoy
yeah yeah well we enjoy having here i want a long time to come to you well we're
glad you could
make it we'll watch it over there okay we have some lovely parting gifts for
you so drop right
okay michael uh how about a drum roll anton for this gentleman he's going to
balance these on his
chin here we go all the way from sarasota florida michael angel toro here we go
go
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Yes. Once again, we're making good time, but we're hopelessly lost.
Is there a James Brewster Thompson back there? Jim, come on out. Watch the
cigar boxes.
Hi, James. Good to see you, sir. How are you?
Where are you from, James? I'm from San Jose, California.
Yes, sir. And what do you do for living in San Jose?
Oh, I'm an actor, ventriloquist, and body worker.
Oh, a ventriloquist. You know, Paul was doing a little ventriloquism earlier.
Can you do something, some ventriloquism for us here?
Oh, yeah. Let's use one of these.
One of these. Well, conveniently enough, we have a cigar box.
What's happening down there?
You say what?
Do you want to come out here and talk to Dave?
I don't think so.
No, okay.
Uh, Jim, what are you going to do for us tonight? Not that that wasn't plenty.
Oh, but what are you going to do for us?
Oh, I got two lovely young ladies back there. They're going to help me with my
trick. I do something with jumping rope.
Wait a minute. Has this been cleared with the staff?
Yeah, it's been cleared.
Okay. Two lovely young assistants. Come on out, folks.
Now, they weigh about 300 pounds.
Total.
Total.
This is Sue.
And I'm not going to tell you which one weighs more.
Sue, nice to see you.
Zoe, how are you? Come on out.
Well, you know Sue and Zoe, don't you?
Now, I need your help, too. As soon as I get this young lady up there, I want
you to pull the chair out of the way. Can you do that?
All right. Now, what are you going to do? You're going to jump rope with people
on your back?
Yeah.
All right.
Okay. Now, wait a minute. Hold on tight.
Yeah.
Get that feet back there.
All right.
Now, when the other one gets on, move that chair out of the way quickly.
Okay. Do you want a drum roll or anything?
Oh, no. That's all right.
Now, they're not glued together either.
Oh, my God. If this... Oh, my God.
Oh!
Oh!
Thank you, Zoe.
Unbelievable, eh? You know...
You know, take whatever you want.
You can have the show.
You can have my clothes.
You can have Paul and the band.
You get everything.
I've never seen anything quite like that.
Here it is in slow motion.
Oh, in slow motion.
This is really going to be sick.
It's, uh...
Oh, my God.
Oh, jeez.
Nice job.
Thank you for coming out.
Thank you very much, Sue.
Well, we have to do a commercial.
We'll be right back with Joan Jett, ladies and gentlemen.
Now, that will...
Okay, welcome back to the show.
You know, I'm sorry about that.
I missed a guy who was going to come out here and do something,
and my apologies.
I pulled the wrong card in.
So, if we have time, we'll try and bring him out at the end.
And if he's still back there, I'm sorry, okay?
But if we have time, we'll bring him out here.
Okay.
This gentleman is Bill Wilson.
Hi, Bill.
How are you?
Where are you from?
Caldwell, New Jersey.
Caldwell, New Jersey.
And, uh...
All right, Bill.
All right, Bill.
Don't press your luck tonight, Bill.
Earlier, I got your cards out of order, and I failed to introduce you,
and therefore you were excluded from our segment of Stupid Human Tricks.
But we didn't want to overlook you completely, so you're here now.
And what are you going to do for us, Bill?
I'm going to do a two-ball juggle.
A two-ball juggle on the club.
On the club.
How about a drum roll, Anton?
Okay?
Yeah.
You play a lot of golf, do you, Bill?
Quite a little.
What do you have there?
Is that a nine-iron?
Pitching wedge.
Pitching wedge.
Okay.
Very impressive with one ball.
Yeah.
Oh.
Do I have another one?
Yeah.
Okay.
Take it easy here, Bill.
Okay.
All right.
Try it once more.
Take your time.
I want to thank everybody who was here tonight.
William Poundstone was with us, and Joan Jett, of course.
Paul and Bill Wendell and the band.
Everybody who helped out on Stupid Human Tricks.
Very nice.
Great job.
Thank you, sir.
Here it is again in slow motion instant replay.
Hey, that's better, sir.
Wow.
Tomorrow on the show, Richard Dominique from Sun Magazine and Richard Pryor.
Thank you very much, everybody.
Good night.
Have a good evening.
Thank you.