Name: New Halloween Costumes on Letterman, Oct. 23, 1985
Uploaded: 2016-10-30T02:06:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'New Halloween Costumes on Letterman, Oct. 23, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-10-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'New Halloween Costumes on Letterman, Oct. 23, 1985' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-10-30. Transcript available.

- Thank you, brother. Thank you, brother.
That's nice.
Good luck.
Hi. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Thank you so much. Welcome to the show, ladies and gentlemen,
Joaquin Andujar and Brett Saberhagen.
I don't have a joke here. I just love saying those names.
Now, this kind of upset me.
Ronald Reagan and his lovely wife, Nancy, the First Lady,
they're sending their dog, Lucky, back to California
because Lucky has gotten too big for the White House, they say.
Coincidentally, a few years back, the Carter administration
had a similar problem with Burt Lance, but...
You know, Paul, you have to be very careful where you stand with these cameras.
Why is that?
Well, it's just, it's very... I don't want to go into it now,
but there's a reason why we have a special mark here where I stand for the...
'Cause if you get too close to the camera, you might be hypnotized.
Last night, like most of America, I was home watching a PBS, a fine offering.
Did you see it? It was a NOVA, a special installment of NOVA,
and it was called, "What Albert Einstein Never Knew."
And it was, of course, all about hair care products.
But, you know...
Now, where exactly do I stand? Do I stand, like, here?
No.
Or is it over here? Or is it just a little bit...
Is it about here?
No.
Help me. Help me.
I'm being hypnotized.
Thank you very much.
You all set, Paul? We have a big show tonight, don't we?
Yes, indeed.
Oh, you still have your little beard with us?
This is the last day for this.
The last night?
It's not really a beard. It's just a growth.
It's a Miami Vice, George Michael wham, kind of a Miami wham.
And what kind of feedback...
What kind of feedback have you gotten on this?
Al Frisch really likes it.
Al likes it?
He says, "The girls get turned on."
What about your family and your loved ones? How do they feel about it?
They're not crazy about it. They wish I would just take a shave.
Yeah.
Which I'm going to do because it's right on the line now between growth and
beard.
One more day, it'll be a beard, and that's like not.
Yeah.
That's nowhere.
Yeah.
So this is the last day for this.
But thanks for noticing.
You know, ladies and gentlemen, people...
Oh, there's Al. Hi, Al. How are you?
Al's full of lithium.
No, you're not. You're not, are you, Al?
No, about half full.
No, no. Come on, come on.
You ever been hypnotized, Al?
No.
You know, people who watch...
People...
People who watch this program regularly know that every year we do a segment on
new Halloween costumes.
And now, ordinarily, we would do this program on Halloween.
But because we're so proud of these costumes we've made,
and because someone in scheduling works with a 1978 calendar,
we've decided to do it tonight.
Walk this way, won't you, ladies and gentlemen?
Well, here we are in the Letterman living room.
You know...
Let's just see if there aren't some trick-or-treaters out there now.
Oh, my gosh, there are.
Since as long as I can remember, kids have admired two types of heroes:
football players and florists.
Here's a perfect combination of the two: the Merlin Olsen costume.
Very nice.
Okay, son, I think a little something for you.
This is peel-and-stick parquet flooring.
We'll slide that right in there.
Thank you very much.
Nice costume.
Nice.
Have a nice evening.
Bye-bye.
Number one.
Oh, gosh, there we have it again.
You know, just because the Statue of Liberty is being renovated...
...doesn't mean that Miss Liberty can't still be a great Halloween costume.
Okay, Sandra, you all right?
Yeah.
Okay, we have some treats here for you.
How about some non-dairy creamer?
Okay.
I'd love it.
You'd love it?
Yeah, but I won't eat it.
You won't?
No, I won't.
Okay, well, don't eat it.
Now, what will you do with that?
Well, maybe I'll keep it until I really need it.
Maybe you'll keep it until you need it one day?
Yeah.
Okay.
Nice seeing you.
Be careful.
Okay.
All right.
All right, guys, what a busy night.
You know, America's grade school kids love Walter Matthau.
That's a lovely outfit.
All right, let's see if we have a little something for you.
Did you think that costume up by yourself?
Hello?
Okay.
Apparently having trouble getting air through the mask.
Here we are.
We'd like you to have three pounds of bird seed.
Okay.
Thank you very much.
Good night.
Bye-bye.
Oh, gosh.
Hi.
Come on in.
You know, this year, as in past years, youngsters of all ages are dressing up
as the king of rock
and roll, Elvis Presley.
You are Elvis Presley, aren't you?
No, I'm not.
You're not Elvis Presley.
Then who are you?
I'm internationally known Elvis impersonator, Elvis Wade.
So, let me get this straight now.
You're not Elvis Presley.
You're internationally known Elvis impersonator, Elvis Wade.
Yeah, didn't work much better for me.
Okay.
Let's see.
Oh.
Elvis, for you, we have a 33-ounce bottle of fabric softener.
There you are.
Have a nice evening.
Nice outfit.
You see, he wasn't really dressed as Elvis Presley.
He was dressed as an Elvis impersonator.
Oh, excuse me.
Let's get right back to the door.
Hi.
Come on in.
You know, if there's one thing kids love better than baseball, it's rain delays.
And thanks to Vince Coleman's recent near tragedy in St. Louis, this year's
hottest costume
is the automatic tarp machine.
Okay.
All right.
Settle down, son.
What do we have for you?
How would you like a, what do we go?
Oh, there we go.
A giant eight pound bag of potting soil.
Kind of ties right in, doesn't it?
Are you all right?
Let's help the little fellow out there.
All right.
Do you want to just, here, just go and beat it.
Just get out of there.
Go ahead.
Okay.
Okay.
Is he going yet?
Okay.
You kids stay away from my car.
Somebody at the door.
Well, here's a costume that lets your little tyke pretend they're part of the
magical world
of total convenience banking.
Right behind the bulletproof glass as a drive-through bank teller.
Come on in.
How are you?
Good.
You enjoying yourself?
All right.
Let's see.
For you, how about some bullion cubes?
All right.
There you go.
Thank you.
Have a nice evening.
You too.
All right.
Be careful.
Bye-bye.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, hi.
Come on in.
Here's a costume that particularly appeals to the budget conscious.
It's the complete set of ginsu knives.
Let's see.
I'm guessing this costs about $300.
Wait.
You also get this.
This fabulous gem like zircon diamond.
Now, how much will you pay?
Uh, $500?
Only $19.95.
Unbelievable.
$19.95.
Well, how about a plate of steaming hot roasting ears?
Okay.
There you go, son.
Thank you very much.
Have a nice evening.
Bye-bye.
Well, that should be just about it.
I don't think there'd be a kid up this time of night.
Oh, there's the door again.
Hi.
Oh, hello there.
You know, black cats and floppy-eared bunnies have long been Halloween costume
favorites,
but here's an animal that seems to fascinate kids more and more.
Tainted shellfish.
That's horrible looking, isn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
But do you like that costume?
Yeah.
Yeah?
And does it smell bad?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll tell you what we have for you.
We have this beautiful fireplace log.
I hope you can use that.
Okay.
Bye.
All right, all right.
Bye.
Try and cheer up.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
Okay.
That's it?
Yes.
Okay.
We'll be right back.
Michael Fox is here.
Princess Gloria and comedian Joe Bolster.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.