Name: 360° Show on Letterman, December 9, 1986, Split-Screen
Uploaded: 2016-10-30T02:35:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '360° Show on Letterman, December 9, 1986, Split-Screen' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-10-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '360° Show on Letterman, December 9, 1986, Split-Screen' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-10-30. Transcript available.

360° Show on Letterman, December 9, 1986, Split-Screen

From New York, where this time of year, the streets are coming with something
very much
like eggnog, it's Late Night with David Letterman. Tonight, it's the 360-degree
rotation show
with Peter Ustendorf, Mark Bauman from Hamaka Schlemmer, and comedian George
Miller, plus
Paul Schaefer in the band. And now, a man who has his own late-night talk show
on NBC.
Hey, that's not a joke! David Letterman!
Oh, my God!
Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the program. My name is
Dave Letterman,
and welcome to our little studio here in New York City. I didn't get a chance
to see the
entire set of hearings today. Has John Dean testified yet, or was it...
You know, I hate to say something that's going to depress all of you this time
of year, what
being so festive and the holidays just around the corner, or are they just up
the street?
No, I guess they are just around the corner. There was a sad event here in the
midtown Manhattan
today, and the kind of thing, unfortunately, that you read about from time to
time, a man,
very despondent gentleman with a severe stomach ulcer, took his own life today
by ordering the
rib dinner at Bojangles.
Oh, my God. And, uh, Joan Collins is getting divorced? Uh, there's a kind of a
shock, isn't it?
Uh, I guess any marriage is in trouble if the age difference is greater than
that of the nationwide
maximum speed limit. So, that's...
At the House Foreign Relations Committee hearings today, Lieutenant Colonel
Oliver North's lawyer
said that all his client would say about the Iran-Contra affair was that a few
dozen Marines were
involved and no one was injured. Coincidentally, Peter Holmes said the same
thing about his marriage
to Joan Collins. So...
Thank you so much. Uh, well, you can probably see what's happening to your
television picture
here in the studio and at home as well. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, on August 15th,
1932,
1932, CBS experimented with a, uh, television transmission, and I believe the
name of that
program was called the World Wide Review. That was in 1932. Now, since that
time, of course,
we've had local television all over the country. We have network television. We
now have cable
television. We have satellite communications. We have color television. We have
stereo television.
And now, tonight, another experiment, another step forward. Thanks to the
technological geniuses
at RCA and General Electric, tonight we bring you the 360-degree image rotation
television program.
That's right, tonight, during our program, the picture will rotate once
entirely,
as I'm guessing many of you do at home.
You, uh, you, uh, you, you think it's annoying now. Wait about 10 minutes.
It's, uh, kind of starting to sicken me, as a matter of fact.
Uh, I'll tell you more about this noble, a bold experiment in a moment, but
first,
here's who's on the show tonight. Oh, George Miller, a very funny man, is with
us tonight.
Uh, Peter Ustinoff is here tonight, and we have...
You know, this is actually giving me vertigo.
Uh, from Hemmicker Schlemmer, we have a gentleman named Mark Bauman, and he's
here with new,
new gift items from Hemmicker Schlemmer. And now, uh, kids, it's time to...
It's Paul Schaefer, folks.
Great. Great, Dave.
Boy, is this annoying.
Is there any way to be... History is being made.
Yeah, yeah.
I am gonna be just standing, and see if you stand this way, there's really no
problem.
The whole thing goes around completely.
I'm excited, though, about the show.
Nice to see you. Did you have a nice night, last night?
Thank you.
I had a, uh, kind of quiet night. I, uh, I worked on my, uh, soundtrack last
night.
What did you do last night?
Uh, I had a quiet evening. It was interesting. I never did this before.
I had a guy come out to the house and shave my back.
So, that was gonna...
Lifestyles of the rich and famous, eh?
Yeah.
I thought I'd, I thought I'd try it once, whoo!
Yeah.
Um, let me, uh, tell you a couple of things about this, uh, show tonight.
Uh, first of all, here's, here's what's gonna happen.
Uh, I, I guess you can see what's happening already.
Let's say that this is your television at home.
This is, uh, Paul, remember the show, that show, Paul, you and me?
Yeah, look how healthy we looked then.
So, every...
About every 15 minutes, the, uh, the show will rotate 90 degrees, so...
There we go.
It'll be like that.
Yeah.
And then, when it's completely 180 degrees, it'll be...
Like that.
And then, finally, on the other side, about quarter after, it'll be...
Like that.
That's Howard Vanitsky in one of his favorite sound effects, ladies and
gentlemen.
And then, finally, when we come back down, the show will be...
Just like that.
And, by the way, thank God for this handy visual aid, huh?
Why, why did we need to show them what's going to happen?
It's happening here.
It's happening right now.
Yeah, we should have more meetings, I guess.
Um, oh, uh, Hal, can we see the...
This is...
Can we see the inclinometer, Hal, to indicate what the, uh, degree of incline
is?
We're now at 39 degrees.
And, uh, because experts don't fully understand the dangers of this and viewing
in your own home,
you're advised to look at tonight's show through one of these things.
Or, if you have an opportunity to smoke some glass and look through that, so
you don't get hurt.
Yeah, I was smoking a little glass before the show.
I said glass, Paul, smoking glass.
Glass, yeah.
Uh, now, when the, when the picture is completely 180 degrees,
we have a little, uh, graphic demonstration for you featuring our own Larry
Budd Melman.
Larry, are you back there?
Larry, when, uh...
Larry, when, uh, when we get to 180 degrees, what are you going to do there for
us?
I'm going to dance upside down on the ceiling.
Uh-huh.
And, uh, uh, do you know how to dance, Larry?
Yeah.
Yeah, and is that your own suit?
Sure.
Yeah, okay, so that'll be when we're completely upside down.
Yes.
You'll be dancing to, do you know what, uh, the music will be?
Larry?
Top hat.
Huh?
Top hat.
Top hat, okay.
So, Larry will be dancing on the ceiling.
He's, he's standing on the ceiling right now, isn't he?
Yeah, he is.
He's standing on the ceiling, but see, when it's turned upside down, it'll be...
It'll be what?
I don't know.
We'll just edit that out.
Okay.
Uh, and now, while we're waiting for this, uh, wonderful experiment to unfold,
uh, in our
laps, let's do some dumb ads.
Actual advertisements culled from actual periodicals from all over the free
world.
Yeah.
They're called dumb ads.
Okay, here we go.
Thank you very much, Paul.
Our first ad, uh, how to turn a dirty diaper into a bundle of joy.
You know, I think a Christmas gift always means so much more if you make it
yourself, don't
you?
Uh, here's an ad.
It says, "Introducing Adidas, the fragrance."
Mmm, boy.
Mmm, someone smells like running shoes.
50, 55 degrees.
Have we passed the, uh, I guess we have it, haven't we?
I guess we did.
Uh, isn't that, uh, this is a kiss the fat goodbye, is what it says here.
See?
Isn't that how Dan Rather ends the evening news?
What happened to, what happened to our little 45 degree, uh, message?
Did we pass that?
Comes at 90, Dave.
Comes at, oh, 90.
I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
Okay.
That's Hal, uh, Hal Gurnley, our director in the booth tonight.
Uh, here we have...
Gurnie.
Hal Gurnie, I'm sorry.
Here we have an ad that says, uh, "Allegheny Hearing and Speech Associates:
Dead or Hard
of Hearing?"
This must be a pretty powerful hearing aid.
Here we have, uh, let's not do that one.
Uh, okay, here we have a little something.
"Now we'll pay you to watch TV."
Boy, those folks at the new Fox network are really desperate, aren't they?
Uh, here's something.
Well, it's a correction from a newspaper in Boston.
Correction.
The new Chinatown restaurant ad that ran in Sunday's journal was incorrect.
It read...
It should have read,
"We regret any inconvenience this may have caused."
Here's an ad, it says, "You've been a good boy, so you deserve a new browning."
Yes.
Looks like it's going to be a John Hinckley Christmas, doesn't it?
Okay, we won't do that one.
Let's see, we won't do that one.
Let's just go right to the last entry.
We're moving on.
This is an audible.
We're going to number 11 now.
Moving to number 11.
We have an ad for something called, "Snuggles the Musical Bear."
"A musically enchanting gift."
And you can see there on the heart it says, "Touch me."
And I guess from the location of the pillow, "Snuggles" gets his thrills any
way he can.
Is that music for us?
Okay.
All right, how close are we now to...
We'll do a commercial and then we come back.
Right at the commercial.
Okay, it's a very exciting night for us.
Peter Usternoff is here and George Miller and Mark Bauman from Hemmacher Schlemmer.
Plus, we're rotating the image for your enjoyment at home.
So, we'll do this and more.
Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you very much.
Welcome back to the show.
And if you're just joining us tonight, we're rotating our image for your
enjoyment at home.
And I think we're coming very close to the 90-degree mark, aren't we, Hal?
Pretty soon, Dave.
Very soon.
Any second now, we'll hit the 90-degree mark.
We have achieved 90 degrees.
Oh, there you go.
One quarter revolution and proceeding.
Please, no flash photos.
No flash photos and now we just keep going on over.
At various times in his life, our first guest has worked as a writer, an actor,
a director, and a winemaker.
He is a linguist, a bon vivant, a history buff, and obviously, on the wrong
show.
Ladies and gentlemen, please say hello to Peter Ustinoff.
Ladies and gentlemen, please say hello to Peter Ustinoff.
Come on over here.
Be very careful.
It's a...
It's a...
Come on over here.
Come on over here.
Be very careful.
It's a...
It's a...
It's like being on a really cheap cruise, isn't it?
Yes, Orioles.
It's a...
It's a...
It's like being on a really cheap cruise, isn't it?
Yes, Orioles.
Come on over here. Be very careful.
It's, uh...
Amen.
It's like being on a really cheap cruise, isn't it?
Yes, or else it's something I'm not used to, which is weightlessness.
Yeah, yeah.
How were things since I last saw you?
You look fine, you look fit, happy?
A little topsy-turvy.
Enjoying the holidays, are you?
No, I haven't had any, no.
Yeah?
No, I've been running from town to town.
I was in Washington this morning.
I'll be in Ottawa tonight.
Yeah, somebody mentioned to me that you do a Ronald Reagan impersonation.
Is that true?
No.
Okay, good.
I was on the Great Wall in China, just quite recently.
How recently?
It was very exhausting, about six weeks ago.
Uh-huh.
Very exhausting.
And I got very tired at one point, because it's almost this angle.
And I got to a point where I had a camera with me.
I had the television with me, and I said, both Nixon and Reagan gave up here,
because it's
a very strenuous wall.
They both decided to stop and make a statement.
And Nixon was so out of breath and mentally fatigued by it, he couldn't think
of anything
to say, except, it's a great wall.
But I think I heard that Reagan had something else to say.
He said, well, this great wall of ours, of theirs.
But that's not a bad Reagan.
Thank you.
When was the last time you were in Russia?
The last time?
Yeah.
About four weeks ago.
I had to go for a very short time.
Is this, did you get a chance to meet Gorbachev then?
Have you met the man at all?
Yes, yes.
And how did he strike you?
He didn't.
Uh-huh.
No, no.
Anton, thank you.
What was the nature of your exchange with the man?
Well, I went together with some very distinguished Americans, such as Arthur
Miller, James Baldwin,
Alvin Toffler, in order to discuss what the future, what the next millennium
should be like.
And it was an extremely interesting, very affable meeting.
And what did you come up with?
What should it be like?
Well, we can't, I mean, that would be silly to say that we came up with
anything, except
he did encourage us in our work, together with some sociologists and people
like that.
And he said, we have many deficits in the world.
The most