Name: Melman Bus Lines Collection on Letterman, 1982
Uploaded: 2016-11-28T18:52:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Melman Bus Lines Collection on Letterman, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Melman Bus Lines Collection on Letterman, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-28. Transcript available.

Transportation for some of Dave's guests provided by Melman bus lines.
If you need to get someplace fast, take a plane.
If you need to get to someplace by bus, take Melman.
Melman bus lines. Other people have tried us.
Surprised by that? I know I was.
Transportation for some of Dave's guests provided by Melman bus lines.
If you're planning a trip and don't really care how you get there, think of Melman.
Melman bus lines. Special rates if you help with the driving.
Transportation for some of Dave's guests provided by Melman bus lines.
If you need to get someplace fast, take a plane.
If you need to get to someplace by bus, take Melman.
Melman bus lines. Other people have tried us.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman, president of Melman bus lines with another of my
five good reasons why you should ride Melman buses.
Number one, we have windows in our buses.
These windows enable you to actually see your destination before you arrive
there.
Oh, sure, it's more expensive to put windows in a bus, but that's how much we
care.
Melman bus lines. The next best thing to quality.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman, president of Melman bus lines with another of my
five good reasons why you should ride Melman buses.
Number two, clambering over row after row of seats is dangerous, especially in
a moving vehicle.
That's why we've built an aisle on each and every Melman bus, enabling the
passenger to reach his selected seat with ease and comfort.
The bus of the future is here today at Melman.
I'm Larry Budd Melman, reminding you that next month at Melman bus lines is
kiss month.
Anyone who rides the Melman bus gets a big kiss from me.
Ride a bus, get a kiss, only at Melman.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman, president of Melman bus lines with another of my
five good reasons why you should ride Melman buses.
Number three, we almost always use licensed drivers.
A bus is no place for on the job training.
That's why we insist on using people over 16.
Melman bus lines.
Look for the big guy behind the wheel.
Remember, if it's a bus, it's a Melman bus or some other bus.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman, president of Melman bus lines with another of my
five good reasons why you should ride Melman.
Another number two, we here at Melman care about our buses, both of them.
I personally test drive them every day to make sure that pieces of them don't
fall out of the bottom or anything.
It's just one of the things we do at Melman so that you don't crash and die.
Melman bus lines, ride us and keep living.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman. Why am I laughing?
Because your continued patronage has made Melman bus lines the most successful
bus lines I've ever owned.
Melman, ride my buses and keep me laughing.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman, reminding you that bus spelled backward is sub,
which means under.
So when you're looking under a bus, look for me.
And that's where I'll look for you, only in it, like a passenger.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman, president of Melman bus lines with another of my
five good reasons why you should ride Melman buses.
Number six, when it rains, we roll.
Not all buses can come out in wet weather because they're just not equipped for
it.
In each and every Melman bus, we've installed one of these.
The bus of the future is here today at Melman.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman with another one of my five good reasons why you
should ride Melman buses.
Reason eight, we go most places most buses go.
If you're headed somewhere, we might just be going your way.
Melman, not just a bus ride, an adventure, only in a bus.
I'm Larry Budd Melman with another of my five good reasons why you should ride
Melman buses.
Another reason number two, hardly any of our drivers are convicted felons and
most of them are literate.
Melman buses, where you ride in comfort and relative safety.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman with another of my five good reasons why you
should ride Melman buses.
Reason three, our buses fit in the Lincoln Tunnel.
Some buses are too big so you can't go to Jersey.
But ours are just the right size.
Melman, a big bus but not too big.
Melman, reminding you that when you're looking to ride a bus, why not look for
a Melman bus?
Say goodbye to bus slag.
Ride Melman.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman, president of Melman bus lines with another of my
five good reasons why you should ride Melman buses.
Number one, we have windows in our buses.
These windows enable you to actually see your destination before you arrive
there.
Oh sure, it's more expensive to put windows in a bus, but that's how much we
care.
Melman bus lines, the next best thing to quality.
Ho ho ho ho, I'm Larry Budd Melman, pause.
President of Melman Productions and also Melman bus lines.
Like most Americans, most of the year I'm only interested in buses, bus
schedules and bus maintenance.
But as we celebrate this holiday season, shouldn't we take time out to reflect
on the things other than buses that we should be thankful for?
We live in a nation blessed with good roads, clean highway rest stops and many
underpasses with generous 14 foot clearances.
Not to mention bus terminals where you can have four pictures taken for under a
dollar.
Laminate something in plastic or just relax and make a special friend.
Yes, there is so much to be grateful for this year.
So why not really celebrate and take the whole family out for a real old
fashioned Christmas bus ride.
I think they deserve it.
Thank you.
Merry Christmas.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman, President of Melman Bus Lines, with another of my
five good reasons why you should ride Melman buses.
Number six.
When it rains, we roll.
Not all buses can come out in wet weather because they're just not equipped for
it.
But in each and every Melman bus, we've installed one of these.
The bus of the future is here today at Melman.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman with a message about Melman Bus Lines, just for
you kids.
What, what do you enjoy doing best for me, Dad?
Ride Melman buses, Dad.
I'm teaching a family with Melman buses.
What happened to them?
They'd meet me, Dad.
And that would be exciting, wouldn't it?
Then you have it, kids.
Ride Melman buses and meet my son.
That's right, Dad.
Screwed it.
Screwed it.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman, and this is my son, Troy Chipper Melman.
The bus is a lot of fun, but it could be dangerous to do it on a moving bus.
That's why we've posted these signs.
We hate to be squirrel sports, but we believe that dancing on a bus could lead
to slipping, falling out a window, and dying.
Sure, it costs a lot of money to make these signs, but that's how much we care.
Melman buses, a ride, not a dance.
This is Larry Budd Melman with another one of my five reasons to ride Melman
buses.
Reason number two, children.
We realize that small children get cranky on long bus trips, so we've made sure
that kids traveling on Melman buses are properly entertained.
Children are free to play in the luggage racks and to run up and down the aisles
if they want.
They're also welcome to sit with the driver.
Sure, some of our drivers like kids and may even let them drive for a few miles.
Melman buses, because your children are the next generation of Melman bus
riders.
Hello, I'm Yoga.
Actually, don't let them ask for you.
I'm not really that lovable Imp Yoga.
I'm Larry Budd Melman, president of Melman Bus Lines, and that's not Yoda
either.
That's Troy Chipper Melman.
We're dressed like this to remind you that Thursday is Star Wars Day at Melman
Bus Lines.
Every Thursday, our driver will wear one of these masks, and when he starts the
motor, he'll say, "Let's go to warp speed."
So for the young, the young at heart, and children, ride Melman buses on
Thursday, and may the bus be with you.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman with yet another of my five good reasons why you
should ride Melman buses.
Yet another number two, riding backwards in a bus could cause motion sickness
and other fatal diseases.
That's why on Melman buses, all the seats face forward, the very same direction
the bus is heading in.
Melman buses, see where you're going, not where you've been.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello, you love. This is Larry Budd Melman here
to tell you we're letting our hair down and reliving the 60s.
We're going every alternate Tuesday this summer with our magical mystery Melman
bus tours.
It's the hippest thing to come on the scene since Innagata da Vida hit the
charts just 14 short years ago.
So whether you're going a short distance or one that's far out, you'll want to
get your head together for the most mind-expanding trip in town.
A trip on a Melman bus.
Ah. Ahoy, ladies, I'm Larry Budd Melman, reminding you that Wednesday's a song
of the sea day on all Melman buses.
Welcome aboard for all the shrimp and fish sticks you can chow down.
Not to mention our bottomless chest of tartar sauce.
So don't be a landlubber, see the world. Set sail on a Melman bus.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman with another one of my five reasons why you should
ride a Melman bus.
Reason number two.
Reason number two, privacy.
We're required by law to limit the number of passages to 65.
That means that at no time will you be sharing a seat with more than two people.
That means you can sit back, relax and be by yourself.
Or be with lots of people.
Depending how you want to look at it.
Only at Melman.
Larry Budd Melman, president of the Melman bus lines, with another of my five
reasons to ride Melman buses.
Reason number two, newspapers and magazines.
We'll not only allow you, but encourage you to bring your favorite news
magazines and gazettes on board our daytime buses.
There's plenty of natural light, except for when we hit a bump.
You'll feel like you're sitting in your living room, which is what traveling is
all about.
It's not just a good ride, a good read.
Hello, I'm Yoga.
Actually, don't let the mask fool you.
I'm not really that lovable imp, Yoga.
I'm Larry Budd Melman, president of Melman bus lines.
That's not Yoda either.
That's Troy Chipper Melman.
We're dressed like this to remind you that Thursday is Star Wars day at Melman
bus lines.
Every Thursday, our driver will wear one of these masks.
And when he starts the motor, he'll say, "Let's go to warp speed."
So for the young, the young at heart, and children, ride Melman buses on
Thursday.
And may the bus be with you.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman with yet another of my five good reasons why you
should ride Melman buses.
Yet another number two, riding backwards in a bus could cause motion sickness
and other fatal diseases.
That's why on Melman buses, all the seats face forward.
The very same direction the bus is heading in.
Melman buses, see where you're going, not where you've been.
Hi, I'm Larry Budd Melman, here to tell you about all the hubbub at Melman bus
lines.
We're changing the numbers on every bus.
Soon our number one bus will be the number two.
And our number two bus will be the three.
It's complicated, I know.
That's the mathematics to us.
All you have to do is sit back, relax, and travel in pride.
Knowing you're riding a bus with a shiny new number.
And by the way, in case you're wondering, when it comes to numbers at Melman,
you, the passenger, are always number one.
Thank you.
Hello, I'm Larry Budd Melman with another one of my five reasons why you should
ride a Melman bus.
Reason number two, the Melman logo.
That's right, my name is on every one of our buses.
That means when we make rest stops, you'll be able to find your bus on the
parking lot and won't accidentally get on the wrong bus.
You might get on the wrong Melman bus, but don't panic.
One of our courteous drivers will tell you to get off.
It's a mailman.
That spells, that's my bus.
Thank you.