Name: Toast on a Stick Collection on Letterman, 1983-85
Uploaded: 2016-11-29T03:39:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Toast on a Stick Collection on Letterman, 1983-85' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Toast on a Stick Collection on Letterman, 1983-85' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-11-29. Transcript available.

Hey, hey, hey, kids, if you like toast, but hate to feel the bread between your
fingers,
then how about a snack that's easy and quick?
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
You won't hate the taste because it's flavor-free.
It's a perfect snack for a guy like me.
Just pop one in the toaster, breast side down,
and reach for the stick when it's nice and brown.
Just think, you may never have to touch your toast again.
And remember, kids, Mr. Larry says don't eat the stick
because wood splinters can cause internal bleeding.
Hey, hey, hey, kids, ever want a popsicle,
but mom won't let you have a sugary treat before dinner?
Then how about a snack that's easy and quick?
Like Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
All the fun of a popsicle with no muss or fuss.
No chicken chocker, no flicker fingers,
just a few toast crumbs on that stick.
So go for the snack that won't make you sick.
It's Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
The preceding announcement was paid for by the American Toast Council.
Oh, we're wandering across the mountains quick.
And as I go, I love to eat Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Oh, hi there.
You know, artificial snacks are fine for the city,
but not when you get way out here.
So when I go hiking, fishing, and camping,
there's only one snack for me,
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Just bread and wood, and that's it.
And some cardboard.
And all you need is your pack
and the sky
and the clean, fresh air
and your toaster.
And your generator.
And a three-way adapter.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Because you can take it with you.
And should.
Are you sure you're getting all the snacks your body needs?
Hi, I'm Larry Melman with this important announcement.
The most recent President's Council on Snacks
showed the American diet is snack poor.
That's right, you heard me.
Most of us just aren't getting enough snacks.
No wonder six out of ten doctors recommend this
to their snack-deficient patients.
And it's not easy to get six doctors
to play along with this stuff.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Just a snack and nothing more.
Moms love it because it's so low in food value,
it doesn't interfere with dinner.
And kids love it because it gives them a chance
to use the toaster.
So go for the snack that won't make you sick.
It's Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Remember, they're prisoner-tested.
Happy New Year's, everyone.
And remember, this New Year's Eve,
if you drink, you shouldn't drive.
But you can eat all the toast you want.
So this New Year's Eve, don't propose just a toast.
Propose a toast on a stick.
It's much more festive than regular toast.
See, take a look for yourself.
And after you're done eating the toast,
the stick is yours forever.
So remember, alcohol and gasoline don't mix.
But toast and gasoline do.
Hey, gang, I'd like to propose a toast on a stick.
Go ahead, the next round's on me.
Hey, hey, hey, kids, I guess I don't have to tell you
that school's back in session.
Why else are you studying for tests?
And with all those lengthy trips to the library,
now's no time to start cutting back on snacks.
That's why when I have an all-nighter head of me,
I always have Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
It's the one snack that you can take everywhere.
As long as you have a toaster.
Just because you can't talk in the library
doesn't mean you can't toast.
What do you give that special guy or gal on Christmas Day?
What do you give to say,
I think you're special in every way?
Give the gift that folks love most.
Give them all the gift of toast.
Then Christmas morn, they'll wait to see.
Toast and more toasts neat the tree.
Hey, hey, kids and moms.
They make great stocking stuffers.
And Junior's eyes will really light up
when he sees this festive holiday tin.
So Mr. Larry's is the gift to pick.
But remember, kids, don't eat the stick.
Toast is all that you'll be needing.
Wood can cause internal bleeding.
Merry Christmas, toast lovers.
What should I get my wife for Christmas?
Toast on a stick, toast on a stick.
What should I get my kid for Christmas?
Toast on a stick, toast on a stick.
What should I get my boss for Christmas?
What should I get my mom for Christmas?
What should I get my dad for Christmas?
Toast on a stick, toast on a stick.
Hi, I'm Larry Melvin with a special holiday greeting.
This Christmas, give your special loved one
the precious gift of toast.
And when you're all done eating,
Use the stick to decorate your house.
So what should I get my aunt for Christmas?
Toast on a stick, toast on a stick.
What should I get my plant for Christmas?
Toast on a stick, toast on a stick.
What should I get my uncle for Christmas?
You got me there.
I don't know your uncle.
Merry Christmas and keep on toasting.
Are you sure you're getting all the snacks your body needs?
Hi, I'm Larry Melvin with this important announcement.
The most recent President's Council on Snacks
showed the American diet is snack-bore.
That's right, you heard me.
Most of us just aren't getting enough snacks.
No wonder six out of ten doctors recommend this
to their snack-deficient patients.
And it's not easy to get six doctors
to play along with this stuff.
Mr. Larry's Toast on a Stick.
Just a snack and nothing more.
Moms love it because it's so low in food value,
it doesn't interfere with dinner.
And kids love it because it gives them a chance to use the toaster.
So go for the snack that won't make you sick.
It's Mr. Larry's Toast on a Stick.
they're prisoner tested. I have to tell you that school's back in session. Why
else are you studying
for tests? And with all those lengthy trips to the library, now's no time to
start cutting back
on snacks. That's why when I have an all-nighter ahead of me, I always have Mr.
Larry's toast on a stick.
It's the one snack that you can take everywhere, as long as you have a toaster.
Just because you
can't talk in the library doesn't mean you can't toast. Mr. Larry's toast on a
stick.
Hey, hey, hey, kids, if you like toast, but hate to feel the bread between your
fingers,
then how about a snack that's easy and quick? Mr. Larry's toast on a stick. You
won't hate the
taste because it's flavor-free. It's a perfect snack for a guy like me. Just
pop one in the toaster,
bread side down, and reach for the stick when it's nice and brown. Just think,
you may never
have to touch your toast again. And remember, kids, Mr. Larry says, don't eat
this stick,
because wood splinters can cause internal bleeding.
Hey, hey, hey, kids, ever want a popsicle, but mom won't let you have a sugary
treat before
dinner? Then how about a snack that's easy and quick? Like Mr. Larry's toast on
a stick. All
the fun of a popsicle with no muss or fuss. No drinking chocolate, no drinking
fingers. Just a
few toast crumbs on that thing. So go for the snack that won't make you sick.
It's Mr. Larry's
toast on a stick. The preceding announcement was paid for by the American Toast
Council.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick, the simple natural snack. Just bread and wood and
that's it. And some
cardboard. Now all you need is your pack in the sky, the clean, fresh air, and
your toaster.
All right. Toaster.
Well, we'll have it eventually.
How do you do this to me? Toaster! It's coming!
It's coming!
Oh, we got it!
All right, let's do that up.
By the sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea. Oh, there's nothing like a day at
the beach.
It's one of nature's wonders until you start to starve. Then what are you
supposed to do?
Just collapse and die? Well, how about a snack that is easy to carry? Toast on
a stick from
Mr. Larry's. There's really nothing better for a long day at the beach.
And it won't melt in the sun like a popsicle or break in the waves like fried
eggs.
It's the one snack that actually improves when it's wet and salty. So when you're
hungry,
here's a good trick. Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick!
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Mr. Larry's toast.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Nothing at all. Unless you're kinda hungry and soon you get hungrier, hungrier
and hungrier. And hungrier than that. And your stomach starts making noises and
daylight turns to dusk. Night begins to fall. Suddenly those palm frongs start
to look tasty. And a lizard runs by and you hear a noise. What the hell was
that anyway? And you fall to your knees. And you scream to the heavens above.
Dear God, please don't leave me here to starve and die this way.
Oh the sun, oh the wind, oh the stinging sea lights. What you have been
watching is just a dramatization. It won't happen to you if you take steps to
prevent it. So before you head out here, try this little trick. Fill the
pockets of your suit with plenty of toast on a stick. Now we're ready for sun
and fun. Aren't we boys and girls?
Hey, hey, hey, kids and moms. Larry Einhorst Melman here. And that familiar
crack of polished wood against taut horse eyes can only mean one thing. It's
baseball season. And when the umpire shouts, play ball. You gotta make sure you
have enough energy to go the full nine.
That's why between innings I fuel up with a snack that's easy and quick. Mr.
Larry's toast on a stick.
The distinctive thrust makes a hit in any league. But don't take my word for it.
Look for yourself.
These dark tones indicate real toast. Mmm.
So batter up with a snack that's the champion's pick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick. It's toast terrific.
Attention moms. I'm only going to say this once.
Every army travels on its stomach.
So in WW2, I made damn sure my men had plenty of tea rations.
That's toast in a can.
Now the child that won the war is available for civilian use.
So go get the snack the hunts couldn't lick.
Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
It's tested under jungle conditions with low moisture.
So it's nil-do resistant.
And the camouflage finish won't give away your kid's position to schoolyard
bullies.
Now some of you cowards will ask,
what if my children won't eat toast on a stick?
Don't worry.
All real kids love to eat toast.
So if your troops are lagging,
give them a kick with Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Toast.
God help me, I do love it so.
How are we doing?
We have time for one more?
All right.
This was a product that was advertised for a time on this show by a friend of
ours.
And for some reason or another,
this particular one never saw the light of day.
Here now, for the first time,
something that you didn't see in 1984.
Hi, this is Larry Road Warrior Mountain.
Death and danger are my constant companions,
and I live more in one day than most men do in a lifetime.
So when it comes to snack time,
do I want snacks designed for weenies?
No thanks, pal.
Just give me the snack that's easy and quick Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Thanks.
She gives me the steely nerves I need to laugh in the face of danger.
Yes, I personally ignore all warnings from the Food and Drug Administration
to ensure that every bite is an adventure.
So hang tough with the snack that a man likes to lick.
That's Mr. Larry's toast on a stick.
Now let's see what this baby will do.
Okay, we'll be right back with Kevin Nealon, folks.