Name: New Gift Items on Letterman, May 26, 1982
Uploaded: 2016-12-01T20:26:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'New Gift Items on Letterman, May 26, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-12-01. Transcript available. Includes the first appearance of Rabid Dog Shaving Cream Dispenser.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'New Gift Items on Letterman, May 26, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-12-01. Transcript available. Includes the first appearance of Rabid Dog Shaving Cream Dispenser.

Anyway, say hello now, once again, please, to Mr. Paul Schaefer, ladies and
gentlemen.
Hey, David. You're some kind of a nutty, marvelous kind of an individual.
Paul Schaefer, ladies and gentlemen, thank you.
You know, if you saw our features last week on the Inventors' Fair,
you may have gotten the impression that the world's silliest new products come
from Korea or Mexico.
Not true!
In fact, America has long been the leading innovator in ridiculous gift items,
and to prove it, we have some of them right here tonight.
Ridiculous gift items.
May not be a bad idea.
Lifetime birthday card.
Did you ever start to send someone a birthday card and then think to yourself,
wait a second, I sent this guy a card last year.
Now you can end that torture for good with the new Lifetime birthday card.
We have one right there.
This sturdy card made of long-lasting fiberglass keeps telling friends and
relatives,
I'm thinking of you long after you've forgotten them.
Also comes in the Christmas greeting.
And here's one for Heather's Day.
This is a good one.
Here's another winner from the people who brought you the back scratcher.
Wait a minute here.
It's the front scratcher.
You know how that works?
This was developed by the Marine Corps for inexperienced recruits.
Now it's available for civilians.
It's the front scratcher.
Oh, this is a good one.
Oh, right here.
Kiddie tattoos.
Everyone knows.
Everyone knows that kids love tattoos, but they also hate needles.
Now here's a new type of tattoo parents and kids will love.
Unlike real tattoos, they are painfully, that are painfully injected under the
skin,
like the old-fashioned kind, you see.
These simply iron on.
Don't worry, Mom.
They're not permanent.
In fact, they should fade in 15 to 20 years.
Now this is kind of a nice one.
This one says,
My parents took me to the World's Fair and all I got was this disfiguring
tattoo.
Just a joke.
Don't be ironing your kids.
Here's the latest diet craze.
Oh, yes.
Here it is, Dad.
Oops.
Now what have I done?
Whoa.
Well, maybe we'll come back to the latest diet craze.
It kind of...
Is it all right?
Is it all right?
Take a look at this panel of experts, will you?
Guys are telling me, oh, it's all right.
It's okay.
Okay.
Oh, my gosh.
Now I slipped this one.
The latest diet craze, the Little Facial Jail.
This head...
This head-sized model of a real padded jail cell unlocks three times a day for
quick diet meals.
There you go.
Then slam shuts to prevent snacking.
Never do another silly-looking exercise.
The jet set has known about these things for years.
Ever wonder how Jackie Onassis stays so slim?
It's the diet jail.
Okay.
Oh, this is my favorite right here, ladies and gentlemen.
And not a minute too soon.
Remember the days when gas station attendants were really polite and would fill
your tank for $5?
It can still be that way when you turn on the new hypno-gas cap.
Yes, in seconds, the attendant will be in a trance and you'll hear things like,
A dollar for 21 gallons?
Thank you, sir.
Or, let me get the inside of that windshield, too, master.
Yes, it's the hypno-gas cap.
Okay.
Not a minute too soon for this baby, either.
This is the official preppy and cat book incinerator.
This coffee table incinerator burns cute bestsellers like this.
There you go.
Or that one.
Before they get a chance to clutter up your shelves at home.
Then you simply store the ashes in this matching...
I hate novelty books-er.
Now, let's see how this...
You just put the books in like that, I think.
Works similar to a toaster.
And then you...
There you go.
And it should...
That's it.
Yeah, okay.
That's the novelty book incinerator, ladies and gentlemen.
Ask for it by name.
And finally...
Let me move some...
Ooh, still a little hot.
Did someone...
Has this been taken care of?
Okay.
Oh, the nice stuff about this, the nice thing about this,
it really didn't smell that bad, that stuff.
For those people who find shaving just too dull,
how about the Rabid Dog Shaving Cream Dispenser?
Realistic foaming mouth holds six ounces of shaving cream or dessert topping.
Let me...
What a good applause here.
We'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll join you.
All right.
We're going to pause here.
We'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll join you.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Martin Muller, we'll be right back.
Thank you.