Name: Carl Reiner on Letterman, July 22 & 23, 1987
Uploaded: 2016-12-18T02:54:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Carl Reiner on Letterman, July 22 & 23, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-12-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Carl Reiner on Letterman, July 22 & 23, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-12-18. Transcript available.

Carl Reiner on Letterman, July 22 & 23, 1987

Well, we got a fine show for you folks tonight.
Carl Reiner is here, Lou Duva is here, and Jake Johansson, a comedian, will be
joining
us later.
And let's get right to our first guest.
He is a multi-talented human being.
He can act, he can write, he can sing, he can dance, direct, and his newest
motion picture,
entitled Summer School, opens today throughout the free world.
It's always a pleasure to welcome back here Carl Reiner.
Carl.
Hi, Carl, how are you?
Good to see you.
Come on over and have a...
Carl Reiner, ladies and gentlemen.
How you doing?
You said so many nice things about me.
I feel very warm to you today.
Oh, thank you.
I appreciate that.
I watched Gene Dixon talking about your life yesterday, conjecturing whether
you're going
to get married this year, next year, whether you ever will get married.
And I was thinking, I've never done anything for you.
I mean, I come on the show, but you let me plug my shows.
Uh-huh.
Well, that's true.
And you wrote, you said about all the nice things I do that I can do.
There's one thing I do that I have never done for anybody before, and I'm going
to do it
for you.
Oh, no, wait a minute.
No, no.
Let's find out what it is that you're talking about.
I write music.
You write music?
I write songs, and I wrote a song for you.
I was going to give this to you when you got married, but we don't know when
that's going
to be.
We don't know.
So the title of the song is Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
And it's a tribute to you.
It's autographed here at the bottom.
It's for David Letterman, musical lyrics by Carl Reiner.
It will be registered with the Library of Congress.
Oh, it will be.
It will be if you accept it.
I will, I will, if you, may I use your band?
Oh, please.
Yes, okay.
Go right ahead.
It's all right if I use the band.
Now, this, um, this is written in, I found out all your favorite keys, so each
one of you
has music in your favorite key.
This is for you, the leader.
How did you know?
Okay.
How could you have guessed?
Look it over.
Okay, and now, David.
Yeah.
Lettermania is the name of the song, and it's for you and your betrothed.
Is there anything I need to do with this?
Just sit here and...
Just do what America is going to do in a moment or two.
They're going to enjoy the heck out of it.
That's what they're going to do.
Now they're going to maybe turn off the lights and go to sleep.
Gentlemen, which keyboard am I using?
The top one.
All right, because I only...
I want the top of the line of everything here.
Okay, here we go.
Lettermania.
One, two, three, four.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Let you let a mania go.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Lettermania.
Let you let a mania.
Let you let a mania.
Let you let a mania go.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thanks, Carl.
Yeah.
Give that man five.
Hey, hey.
All right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Beautiful.
Thanks, Carl.
And we have a first child.
Yeah.
We'll talk about another song.
You know, it's not that...
Not that I don't appreciate the hard work, but that truly was one of the most
embarrassing
things.
I know.
Don't you think I was aware of that?
Well...
But you know something when you...
I'm glad to hear that you were aware of it.
Oh, not only was I aware of it, but years ago there would have been flop sweat.
But today at my age, it doesn't matter anymore.
That's right.
Yeah.
The thing is, I attempted it.
You know, that's the thing about live television that we used to do.
You can attempt something.
That's right.
And you can...
You're free to fail.
That's right.
I failed, but I'm so happy I tried it.
Yeah.
Wait a while.
May I ask you out there, how many people would like to hear that song again
sometime?
I'll tell you what...
How many people would like to sing it alone?
No, no, no.
Oh, no, no.
What we have to do is...
Okay.
We...
Get your own show if you want to fail that big.
We have to do a commercial.
Okay.
Thank God.
And then we'll be right back here.
All right.
Thank you so much.
One and all.
Carl Reiner is here.
What are you doing here?
A little...
I want them to tell you something, but the band was so loud.
But I've been watching the show and I can tell you that.
Oh, yeah, right.
That's okay.
Thank you so much.
Now this, I looked in here.
I looked in here and it smells...
It actually smells great.
I know.
If you're in the right mood, this smells great.
This is, I'm guessing, some kind of deli sandwich.
I think...
If I'm guessing right, I ordered this.
It's a pastrami sandwich from, I think, Carnegie.
I'm not sure.
From the Carnegie Deli?
Yeah, probably.
Oh, and these things, really.
These...
There they are.
The reason I have it here...
You see, I've been on the Pritikin diet now for about...
Oh, about eight or ten months.
What exactly is the Pritikin diet?
Well, it's no salt, no sugar, no fat, and a lot of grains and vegetables and
very little
protein, mainly fish and a little bit of chicken.
And I've been doing that and I lost 15 pounds.
I feel wonderful.
I've been exercising and it's...
It doesn't mean anything if you say you're on the diet.
You have to deny yourself.
This is my favorite thing in the world.
In the world.
This and hot dogs.
So, I order it wherever I go.
I have it around just to show I can resist it.
It's gonna stay there.
Mmm.
It's gonna drive me crazy.
It's gonna absolutely drive me crazy.
But it doesn't matter.
I will not eat it.
I will not touch it.
Was that disgusting?
I didn't mean to do that.
Now that, that's even more embarrassing than that one.
I know.
I know.
I know.
Someday, when I grow up, I'll learn not to do that.
Now, seriously, have you eaten a lot of this stuff in your life?
Oh, in my life I've eaten...
How many sandwiches just like that have you put away, do you think?
Well, I used to, when I was very young and worked in the Garmin Center,
I had one almost every day.
Every day, yeah.
When I was 16, 18, 20.
Yeah.
Yes.
And now, do you still actually crave this kind of food?
I'm dying right now.
I want this show to be over, so nobody will see me eat it.
But I'm not going to eat it.
And you will attest to it.
I want an affidavit sign that I left it here for whoever wants to eat it.
But I want to look at it.
And then...
How did you...
How were...
How...
But...
Oh, it smells so good.
Yes.
How were you able to work up that much saliva in that short a period of time?
You may have another problem.
You may have some kind of a hormone imbalance that this criticum diet is
affecting.
I'm really a very good actor.
My mouth is actually very dry from singing Lettermania.
I hear my voice.
I lost my voice.
That's right.
I sang above where I should be singing.
I have a very deeper voice than I'm using now.
Uh-huh.
It's gone.
Yeah.
No, I didn't have any saliva.
You just came because...
But I said, as an actor, I said, that would be a wonderful idea if I could salivate.
You called for it and it was there.
I called for it.
And it might not have been saliva.
It might have been other enzymes that I...
I'm...
No.
No.
And I'm sitting next to the guy knowing that any minute he might spit on me or
sing again.
So...
Uh...
You're very courageous.
You are.
I want to know more about this diet now.
Is it accomplishing for you what you hoped it would when you started?
Oh, absolutely.
I was 15 times...
You feel better?
Oh, people tell me I look better and I tell them I feel better.
Yeah.
Well, I exercise a lot with you.
Six times a week I walk for two, three miles.
Now, will you be with this diet till the day you die?
It's still the day I die, hoping I will die later than if I didn't eat this
diet.
Yeah.
Anyway, if you don't...
If you die about the same time, you'll feel better while you're dying.
Yeah.
Yes.
You won't be...
Well, I don't want to walk slowly to my grave.
I want to run to my grave.
I'm ready.
Yeah.
You want to be in great shape when you drop dead.
I want to be laughing.
Yes.
So, for dinner, what do you have tonight?
Because I know a couple of years ago you were here after touring France for
like six months,
eating your way across the country.
Yes.
I know.
We are about to...
We do that all the time.
Now, can you still do that?
I'm going to try desperately.
I'm going to France for six weeks right after I leave here.
Yeah.
And I'm going to try to eat correctly.
Now, what will you have for dinner tonight that will be in keeping with the
diet?
Well, I had lunch.
I had a plate of beautifully steamed vegetables and I tossed salad with a
little...
Well, that's great.
A little olive oil and mostly vinegar.
So, now, tonight for dinner.
What are you going to have for dinner?
I might have a piece of fish.
A little piece of fish and some green vegetables, broiled vegetables.
Yeah.
Maybe a baked potato.
Uh-huh.
And some fruit.
Yeah.
And like a quart...
A quart of beer?
No.
Every once in a while...
I love beer.
I do love beer.
So, I will have a beer every once in a while.
And there's also this non-alcoholic beer.
It has about 0.05% of alcohol.
Yeah.
Does that taste all right?
It tastes like beer and it looks like beer.
Yeah.
But you don't get the heat.
Yeah.
But I...
See, I get drunk on people breathing on me.
So, a little bit of...
Even 5% of alcohol, I feel great.
You're gone.
And look at me now.
I have nothing to drink and I'm pretty silly.
That's right.
I want to move this because I'm worried about cats running in the studio.
Okay.
Okay.
And, of course, I mean old man cats.
But, you know...
Yeah, he'll go.
Mr. Cats.
Yeah.
Now, tell me...
Tell me about the...
Tell me about the...
The movie.
It's Summer Rentals.
It's Summer School.
Summer School.
What did I say?
Summer Rentals.
Summer Rentals was...
Summer Rentals was with John Candy.
It was last time.
Two years ago.
Yeah.
I came and I shamelessly plugged it.
I gave you $20.
That's right.
Let me plug it.
Summer School is starring Mark Harmon.
A very lovely gentleman.
And somebody said, "Why Mark Harmon?
Why not David Letterman?"
You were looking for comedians.
You know you were the first choice.
Yeah.
You were the first choice, but you were very busy.
NBC would not let you go.
Yeah.
They would not let you go.
And so, given the fact that we couldn't get you...
Uh-huh.
We got Mark Harmon who's a tad better looking.
Just a tad.
And I don't even think...
I don't know what it is.
Just a...
Maybe he's not.
Maybe he's not.
He's not.
He's not.
He thinks he is.
Yeah.
He thinks he is.
Yes.
Yes.
But I bet this guy can get gas in any city, any time, night or day.
Yeah, I think...
You know, I lived in...
Long time.
And I know when you exit.
But I think that guy wasn't born yet when I lived there in 1953.
Yeah.
Well, it was nasty.
It was unpleasant.
But anyway...
Anyway, Summer School is opening all over the country in a theater so near you.
Uh-huh.
So near everybody.
You won't have to walk far to see it.
It's a very funny movie.
It's a...
I'm very proud of it because it...
It is a movie about teenagers and kids.
And it doesn't pander to those terrible kind of teenage movies I don't like.
It's got a...
It's got a solidity to it.
It's a...
It's a smart approach.
It's a...
It's a human approach.
It's an approach about misfits who help each other.
The teachers are misfit.
But it's funny.
Yes.
And it doesn't do this.
It doesn't do what?
To give the middle finger to authority that doesn't deserve it.
I didn't...
You know, I didn't even know what...
I didn't want to show it to you.
Yes, I know how sensitive you are.
That's very, very thoughtful of you.
Thank you, Carl.
You have a bad opinion of me from what I have done up to now.
I want to be gentle.
Sure, the last thing I needed to see was you doing that.
Yes, right.
Uh...
All right, let's take a look here at a clip here of, uh, Summer Rentals.
Summer School.
Summer School.
Here it is.
With, uh, Carl Reiner and, uh, Mark Hudson.
Harmon.
