Name: Zsa Zsa Gabor on Letterman, February 11, 1987
Uploaded: 2016-12-19T02:30:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Zsa Zsa Gabor on Letterman, February 11, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-12-19. Transcript available. Zsa Zsa's second of three appearances on the show.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Zsa Zsa Gabor on Letterman, February 11, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-12-19. Transcript available. Zsa Zsa's second of three appearances on the show.

Our first guest tonight is one of the all-time great talk show guests.
Too bad this isn't one of the all-time great talk shows.
She is also a princess and the only woman I know named Zsa Zsa.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Zsa Zsa Gabor.
Nice to see you again. Thank you very much.
Oh my, let's go through number four.
You're a sophisticated woman. You've traveled.
I don't know what sophisticated means.
You've traveled the globe. You've been all over.
You've probably been south of the equator, haven't you?
I don't know where the equator is.
Well, that's the dividing point around the circumference of the world, the
globe, the planet.
Well, I was in Africa.
Yeah, parts of that are below the equator.
I was in India.
Well, so now you knew.
In Australia.
Sure, you knew that there was no difference then, didn't you?
The whole world is always alike and the talk shows are almost always alike
except yours because I'm always afraid of you because you're so damned clever.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I sure am pretty damn clever.
And you're also very unfaithful. Last time I was here, I told you that you're
my type, so you invited my sister and not me next time.
No, no, but you, well, it's nice of you to come back and congratulations. When
were you married? Was it about a year ago?
Only six months ago.
Six months ago. And you're now, is this true? You're actually a princess?
Uh-huh.
Yeah?
And a duchess.
And a duchess. Now, which comes first?
I don't know. The prince, I don't know. I really don't give a damn about that.
I married a very nice man. That's more important.
Now, he's a prince then, I guess, isn't he?
He's a prince. He's a prince of Anhart and the Duke of Saxony.
So he's a prince and a duke.
And I'm Sergei Gabor.
Uh-huh. I know that. I know that.
So, for the price of one marriage, you got two titles. You got a duke and a
prince.
Uh-huh. But I didn't pay anything for the marriage.
Now, is he a real prince, this guy?
Yes.
Because I remember at the time of the marriage, there was some snotty
speculation that...
Oh, yeah. The press is always very nasty.
And they didn't like me to have as my eighth husband a prince.
They wanted me to have a butcher as my eighth husband.
Which would have been not so bad either, because if the butcher is sexy and
exciting, why not?
Exactly. Yeah.
I believe your third husband was a butcher, wasn't he?
My third husband was George Sanders. No, he was not a butcher.
No, he was not a butcher.
Now, that's an interesting point. Now, you've married eight times.
Uh-huh. Well, because, you see, I'm very impatient.
Other women go to bed with a man, and I marry them, because I think it's much
more honest to be married first before you go to bed with a man.
Yeah. Now, wait a minute here. Wait a minute.
Yeah.
You don't expect me to believe that you've only been to bed with eight men in
your life.
Of course, you don't have to believe it.
Well, let's get off that subject for a second.
The husband is in the green room, otherwise I could have told you a couple of
stories.
Oh, is that right?
Yeah.
Now, but seriously, would you ever have married a man who was not a world-famous
figure, a prince, a duke, a hotel magnate, an actor, on and on?
Or an ambassador.
An ambassador.
Or a Texas oil man, or a very rich New York man? No.
There's no bigger aphrodisiac than power, you know that.
You enjoy that. That's a real jolt for you, huh?
But actually, actually, those type of men always ask me to marry them, because
another simple, nice, old American man is afraid of me, and I don't know why.
Might be intimidated by you.
They intimidate me, too.
You're intimidated by men?
Of course I am.
Yeah.
And not by you, though.
Whom have you gone out with that you maybe wish you could have been married to?
I mean, Lord knows you've still got plenty of time.
You haven't even hit a dozen yet, so.
As for the matter of fact, this is just the beginning, isn't it?
Yeah.
You went out with the dated Henry Kissinger, is that correct?
Yes, but I didn't want to marry him.
He was wonderful and sweet, but...
How long did you date him?
He didn't...
Well, Mr. Nixon, who I adore and love, before you old boys think he's wonderful,
Mr. Nixon wanted me to marry Henry, and he sort of fixed up Henry and me all
the time.
We went out two, three, four months, and Henry is a sweet angel, but not for me
to be married.
Now, what kind...
Now, help us with this.
What kind of a date was that, you and Henry Kissinger?
Where...
What was the first date like?
The first date was, you won't believe it, in the White House.
Mr. Nixon, the president, set me next to a little bestackled man, of his
glasses, I say, and a very handsome German prince.
And after ten minutes, this man with the glasses was so interesting and so
wonderful that I never looked at the prince anymore.
I only talked to this man whose name later turned...
I didn't know who the hell he was.
Mr. Nixon asked me, how did you like Henry Kissinger?
I said, I didn't know who Henry Kissinger is.
He says, you sat next to him the whole evening, you talked to him.
Henry is brilliant.
He knows everything, and that's why I didn't want to marry him.
Who wants to marry a man who knows everything?
That's dangerous.
But what would you do on a, just like Henry would call you from the office and
say, I had a horrible day, let's, I don't know, where would you...
When Henry came to California or when I was in Boston, I'm an actress, in case
you don't know, I'm not just marrying, I'm a good actress.
No, I'm in Boston, for example, he used to fly there and take me out, when in
Los Angeles he took me out, in New York, Mr. Nixon once gave a party at 21 when
he was a president.
21, but did you do any other things besides going to 21 and hanging out at the
White House?
Nothing, I never done anything else.
You didn't go out for a big sloppy pizza.
I never slept with Mr. Kissinger, if you want to know that.
No, no, that's certainly your business, and it's beyond me to pry into that
sort of thing.
No, we had one wonderful thing happen to us, he brought me home from a
restaurant in Los Angeles, and he tried to kiss me goodnight, and just as he
tried to kiss me, a beeper went on, which he had right here, and the beeper
said, Henry, come back immediately, I need you.
That was the president of the United States, so he screwed up that one kiss.
You know, I think that's about all he screwed up, unless it was, I think it was,
that was, we have to do a commercial, Zsa Zsa, and then we'll come back.
You can stick around, can't you?
Oh, okay.
Yeah, okay, we'll be right back.
Yeah, that's nice, yeah.
Welcome back, we're here with Zsa Zsa Gabor, and you recently celebrated a
birthday, happy birthday.
Thank you, you know, me and President Reagan has the same birthday, February
the 6th, and I'm the only Hungarian refugee who got telegrams from two American
presidents, Mr. Nixon, to come back to him again, and Mr.
Reagan, isn't that wonderful?
Well, congratulations, that's very nice, yes.
Can we talk about horses now?
We're going to talk about horses?
Well, how, can you tell us how old you are, or I guess that's impolite to ask,
isn't it?
How can a man with his knowledge, his looks, ask a lady that silly question?
It would only lie, anyhow.
You would lie?
Well, of course I will lie, and I will not tell you my age.
Let's talk about my horses.
But you know, I felt like I could ask you that, because you just, you're a
knockout, you know, you just look great.
Well, anyway, I will never tell my age, because Oscar Wilde said a woman who
will tell her age will tell anything.
Uh-huh, and Lord knows you're not that kind.
Uh, uh, all right, what kind of horses do you want to talk about?
Well, I have Tennessee Volcas, and I won four championships with Silver Fox.
Do you ride these things?
Well, who the hell is riding them if not me?
Why should I talk about it?
I don't know, I don't know.
Of course I'm riding, I won four championships, you know, I rode...
You get, like, kind of a Dale Evans outfit, and you get out there on it, and...
No, I am, I am in a very simple sort of t-shirt, just a little bit, but, anyhow,
t-shirt and pants and boots, and I rode, I rode in the Olympics five days in a
row.
Is that right?
I was invited...
In the Los Angeles Olympics?
Yes, sir, not in the Chinese one.
So this is more than just a, uh, you're very serious about this, you're an
accomplishing...
Very serious, I am very serious about my horseback riding.
I opened the International Horse Show in Washington, they flew in my horse,
they paid $5,000 for Silver Fox to fly on an airplane.
Is that hard on a horse to actually load them onto the airplane and then fly?
It's much better than having them loaded in a van.
I lost one of my horses two years, three years ago, two years ago in Houston
with loading, they get, God forbid, pneumonia.
Oh, is that right?
And Silver Fox is, oh, I love him more than anything except my husband and my
child, and my mother, God forbid, and my sisters.
Wait a minute, this list is getting, this list is getting longer and longer
here.
I love that horse with the Flash Snow White, he's a world undefeated guy and
champion, Tennessee Walker.
These things are expensive, aren't they?
I, you, do you have a minute to tell the story how I got him?
Sure.
Do we have a minute?
Let me see.
Yeah, we have a minute, go ahead.
Anyhow, I had a massage in the morning, and this lady said, I know you love
horses.
There's a man with a heart attack, and he needs immediately $5,000, and for
that, he's going to give you a Tennessee walking horse.
I said, $5,000?
That's why do I need the horse?
I had the horse.
Anyhow, she took me into it, and the man had a heart attack, and I have a good
heart, and I gave her the $5,000.
Next day, my stable boy calls up from this table, says, Miss Gubber, do you
know what you bought?
I said, I don't know what I bought.
He says, you bought Silver Fox.
The world on the feet of the Grand Champion is worth a half a million dollars.
Wow.
I paid for him, not only that, he became my love, my best friend, and we've
been all the shows, and anyhow, sometimes in life, it's good to make something
good, a good deed.
So your motto is, take advantage of a guy when he's down.
On his death bed.
I didn't know.
Do you have a stable boy?
A stable boy.
Do we have time to meet the prince or not?
Yeah.
Where is it?
In the green room.
Can you bring him out here?
Not me.
Let somebody else bring him out.
Well, have your stable boy bring him out.
He'll kill us.
Let me go.
Do I go see him?
Huh?
Go.
He won't come out.
Oh, you have to go get him?
He's a difficult man, of course.
What's his name?
What do I call him?
Frederick.
Frederick.
All right.
He'll be in here?
Yeah.
All right.
Excuse me.
Is there a Frederick?
Do we have a Prince Frederick in the room?
He's great.
Oh, there he is right there.
Just wave to us, sir.
Hi.
Nice to see you.
Thank you very much for being here.
Thank you, sir.
That's the prince.
Yeah, if he's a prince, I'm Ed Koch.
Okay.
That's a joke.
No, he's very shy.
And he's German.
He's German.
He's very shy.
And he's petrified of Americans since he read the papers you guys wrote about
him.
Oh, well, let's not get into that.
All right.
Listen, congratulations on number eight.
I think this one's going to work.
Don't say that, Mama.
Nice to see you.
We'll be right back, folks.
We'll be right back.