Name: Carrie Fisher on Late Show, April 5, 1994
Uploaded: 2016-12-28T03:58:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Carrie Fisher on Late Show, April 5, 1994' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-12-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Carrie Fisher on Late Show, April 5, 1994' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-12-28. Transcript available.

Hey, how are you? Nice to see you.
I like that Wynton Marsalis. That was great.
The best.
A lot of music and just amazing to watch him do that.
Incredible sound.
Hey, film actress during her 20s, our next guest was Star Wars Princess Leia.
Since then, she has gone on to become a novelist and one of Hollywood's leading
screenwriters.
This, by the way, is her third novel.
It's entitled Delusions of Grandma.
Folks, do me a favor. Please welcome Carrie Fisher.
Oh, Carrie.
Hey, hey. How are you doing?
I get very nervous. I was hiding under the sink upstairs.
No, there's nothing. Why are you nervous? Are you just nervous? Are you worried
about me? Are you worried about the show? Are you worried about the audience?
No, it's me. It's a low-dignity quotient that I'm worried about for myself.
Well, then I have a feeling you'll probably be very good.
I think that's wise. I think people who feel that way, always questioning,
always doubting themselves, always do much better than people who come out here.
Well, like Koppel, for example.
Well, he's been reassuring me, so he has some credibility, yes?
You know, yes, he does. I'm very impressed by this. Of course, you wrote one
book, and everybody said, oh, great, she wrote a book.
And then you wrote another book, and now you have your third book, and they all
sell. They're all bestsellers.
And I am very impressed with this, and I think you have every reason to be very
proud of yourself.
Well, I'm not really good at that.
Well, I understand.
But thank you.
But you started as an actress, but did you know before that that you could
write books, that you could write anything?
I knew I could write something.
I could write strange postcards from Europe, and I could write just really
embarrassing journal stuff that I know I will probably get killed in an
elevator accident, and my mother will publish this stuff.
That, again, is the dignity thing.
But it's very hard work, isn't it?
It's very hard work, and this one in particular.
Because every morning, you have to get up, you sit down, and you just write
until you collapse.
That's what I do every day, just until I fall apart.
Let's talk about this book.
This is, and these are semi-autobiographical, aren't they?
They're all absolutely factual.
Yeah.
No, the only reason that I do not write nonfiction is I have no memory, and I
don't like to put those pictures in, and that really is it.
And it's delusions of grandma.
Now, is this, you must have a grandmother.
You have a grandma.
I have a very loud, very bossy grandmother who likes me to pretend that she is
senile in public.
Well, that's odd.
No, not if you know the rest of my family.
It's not odd at all.
She's the only non-famous person in my family, pretty much.
And she likes to, I offered to take her anywhere in the world.
The only place she wanted to go was Disney World.
And she wanted to go there and have us pretend that she was senile, drunk,
crazy, and deaf.
In front of a lot of other people.
So that we would say, you awful, stupid, silly woman.
I am never taking you out again.
And she's this wizened creature in a wheelchair, thrilled.
And this is purely a recreational pursuit.
She insists on me doing this so that people think I'm this awful creature at
Disney World
because I'm screaming at this little woman in a wheelchair and saying,
why can't we put her on the Matterhorn?
What do you mean heart condition?
What would happen?
What's the worst thing that could happen?
Let's see.
Star Tours.
Nothing big.
It just sits in a thing and goes.
So let's put her in.
How old is grandma?
Grandma's 82.
Well, I would guess that this is very entertaining.
She had the best time and then insisted that I take her to Euro Disney
and I was pregnant and I couldn't abuse her enough.
And it was a disappointment.
All I ask is that it would be just as much fun as the Disney World thing.
And I wasn't up to it.
Grandma is wacky.
She's a wacky broad.
Oh, that's all right.
That's all right.
A pregnant woman abusing a really old woman at Euro Disney.
The Parisians would have loved that.
You know how they love us Americans anyway.
Now, when you write about folks in this,
and they're based on actual people that you know.
You are in this.
Yeah, and I understand I'm in here twice.
Nude.
Yeah, that's why I don't do non-fiction
because I can just write you nude and it's not as embarrassing.
Well, tell me.
No, no, no, no.
I meant that.
I know.
I understand.
No, here's what I actually,
I dreamt that you were married with four children
and it was the most demoralizing dream that I ever had in my life.
Thank you very much.
Because if you could do that,
I knew my life was a failure.
And so...
But you see, I wish I had four children.
I do, too.
I wish I had a big, huge, happy family
because that would be great.
And we could go to the circus tonight with my grandmother.
Not a chance.
Pretentious senile.
No, I don't see that happening, no.
You would have...
But when you mention other people in here,
do they know you're writing about them?
Yes, sometimes.
Very rarely do I do jobs on people.
But occasionally I've worked with producers
and I use the term loosely.
Yes.
And I've done jobs on them.
And one guy I've actually heard go around saying,
you know the idiot on the set?
That was me.
Very happy with himself.
Very, very pleased, yeah.
And had no idea that it wasn't kind of a flattering...
He was just pleased that he was in a book.
And another one, I was concerned that he would be concerned
about his portrait.
And so we read his part out loud,
which was a big, long drug narrative.
And he was very pleased
and was sorry it was cut out of the movie.
So what can you do?
What can you do?
It's Delusions of Grandma.
When was this published?
Is it out now?
Now.
Now.
And I hope it does well for you.
Thank you.
All right, we need to pause here once again.
We'll be right back with Carrie Fisher, folks.
Come on back.
Okay.
Hi, folks.
Carrie, thank you very much.
Oh, thank you.
It was a pleasure.
Good luck with the book and my best to grandma.
And good luck with this.
Thank you.
You know Mr. Koppel, don't you?
Carrie?
He has his own show at ABC.
My thanks also to Wynton Marsalis
and, of course, Ted Koppel tomorrow,
Andy McDowell, Rich Hall, and Matt Kramer.
All right, Ted, I'll just follow you.
Go.
Good night, everybody.
All the shows, they send cars.
All right.
Oh, wait a minute.
Come on.
Worldwide pants.