Name: Frank Zappa Collection on Letterman, 1982-83
Uploaded: 2017-01-29T05:33:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Frank Zappa Collection on Letterman, 1982-83' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-01-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Frank Zappa Collection on Letterman, 1982-83' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-01-29. Transcript available.

Frank Zappa Collection on Letterman, 1982-83

For you folks tonight, Frank Zappa is here.
And in addition to Frank, of course, his daughter Moon is here tonight.
Hi there.
Welcome back to the program.
My next two guests are the first father and daughter team we've ever had on
this television program.
The father made a name for himself in the late 60s as the leader of the Mothers
of Invention.
And the daughter, certainly.
You can applaud that.
Absolutely.
The daughter is currently making a name for herself as the person who
introduced Valley Girls to the rest of the world.
Please welcome Frank and Moon Zappa.
You folks, you in particular, I'm guessing, Frank, have quite a following here
in the audience.
And we're very pleased to have you here.
Let me ask, I know you get tired probably of discussing your family's sons and
daughters' names and so forth,
But originally you named Moon, Moon Unit, right?
Right.
And now you've dropped the unit?
No, I've kept the unit.
It's still on the bush, typically.
Still on the, and, and what exactly was going through your mind when you named
her Moon Unit?
Well, actually it was a choice between that or Motorhead.
It was, now, it, and I saw your son, or one of your sons, on the Today Show
this morning, and his name is?
Dweezil.
Dweezil.
Now these are, well, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but these are peculiar
names for children.
I don't think so.
Has, has it been a problem for you, Moon, being known as Moon Unit?
Uh, no, not really.
When I was little, I wanted to change my name to Beauty Heart or Mary, but, uh,
I think that I like my name.
Yeah.
Uh, and what about, uh, the names of the other?
Dweezil, Amit, and Diva.
Yeah, Amit and Diva.
Now, I know, I was reading that Amit actually wanted to change his name for a
time, didn't he?
Yes, he did.
Yeah, to what?
Rick.
Rick.
When people called him Amit, when he, when people called him Amit, they called
him Amit Vomit.
And then when he changed his name, when he changed his name to Rick, they
called him Rick.
So he changed it back again.
But actually, you know, they should just call him Amit the d***.
Because as he matures, I'm sure that that's what will stick with him.
You get the sense that all hell has broken loose here, and, uh, um...
Quite a bit of heck, perhaps.
Yes.
Uh, now, tell me about your father as a, as a father.
I mean, he is a, a musical and, um, sociological phenomenon, and a legend, and
a little strange, or at least used to present himself that way.
So what was he, or what is he like around the house, and...
Well, you know, the usual, say, no, mask, his...
No, he's, he's a normal guy.
I mean, really.
Now, what about, uh, uh, when you bring friends...
That's interesting now, huh?
When you, when you bring friends over to the...
How old are you?
Do you mind?
Fourteen.
Fourteen.
So, will you bring, uh, boys home to meet, uh, your dad?
Is that strange, or not?
Yes, he, he, he, I bring them home, and, and Frank looks at them, shakes their
hand, asks, asks them questions, and, you know, if they're okay, you know, it's
all right.
Yeah, now, what, now, what, uh, do you, what constitutes okay for you?
Have you, I mean, anybody not make the cut?
Well, she had a guy over the other, the other day that I didn't like too much.
I didn't like him either.
No.
Well, I, I wouldn't want to embarrass him by...
By singling him.
Describing him, yeah.
Yeah, uh, so, so...
But that's the only one that she's brought to the house that I didn't like.
Yeah.
And only because he was, uh, like a wise guy type.
Kind of a, yeah.
Smart mouth?
A nerd.
A nerd.
Uh, uh, now this, uh, this, uh, collaboration between the two of you, have you
ever worked together before on a project?
Yeah, on the last album.
Uh-huh.
Uh, and that was the one before the, the single that's so popular now?
That's right.
Yeah, and do you want to be a singer, Moon?
No.
I want to, uh, be an actress.
I'm looking at scripts now.
Um, I can sing if, if, uh, it's necessary.
I'd like to do a musical or a Hawaiian punch commercial or perhaps...
Me too.
How about you?
I'd like to be an Encino housewife.
Uh-huh.
So these, these are all lofty ambitions and, uh...
Uh, we're going to take a pause here and, uh, I'm not sure why exactly, but we'll
be back to talk with, uh, Mr. Frank Zappa and his daughter.
Hi there.
Welcome back to the show.
This is the, uh, most recent, uh, Frank Zappa album, Ship Arriving Too Late to
Save a Drowning Witch, from which, uh, Valley Girls is taken, or is on, or
whatever they say when it's included in, in the album.
Uh, explain to us, again, I'm, uh, you must be tired of this explanation, but
tell us about how this, uh, came to be.
Either one of you.
This is a toss-up question for 20 points.
Oh, well.
Uh, I was qualified for the job and, uh, you know, I've been to parties, bar
mitzvahs.
I know what I'm doing, so.
Now, now, by, by qualified for the job, you mean this song is about your peer
group, right, essentially?
Uh, well, anybody who, uh, knows what the Valley's about and, uh...
You've been there.
I have been to the San Fernando Valley.
And experiences it and, uh, can let others experience it as well.
Uh-huh.
And, and what is it about?
Something to share with the world.
Yeah, what, in, in your estimation, what is the Valley about, Frank?
Well, you see, I don't want to break, uh, the hearts of a lot of people who
really like this record.
Uh-huh.
Because I hate the San Fernando Valley.
I mean, it's perhaps one of the most disgusting places on the face of the earth.
And I wrote this song about the values of the people in the San Fernando Valley.
Uh-huh.
But it turned out to be cute, and so everybody thinks it's cute.
Okay, it's a nice, cute record.
Uh, now, now, for people who may not know what, uh, if you could just talk like
these people talk, do you mind, or...
Sell them for real estate.
Well, like, okay, take this house over here, for example.
You notice it's got, like, a little picket fence.
It's so cute.
There's, like, vines growing over everything.
I don't know what the flowers are called, but, like, they're so awesome.
So, it's just, uh, just airheads, is what you're saying, pretty much.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, and, and what I, what I read about the record, you, you just, you got her
out of bed at midnight and said, come down here, and you, did you just ad lib
what's on the, on the record, or?
Yes.
Yeah.
And, uh, the, uh, results have been overwhelming, successfully for you folks.
Ridiculous.
Ridiculously so.
Um, now, when, when you were, uh, in your earlier stages of your career, you
did some, as far as public appearances, you did some interesting things,
audience participation, you know.
Um, that's right.
You got Marines out of the audience and on stage?
Yes.
Which is a good place for Marines.
Uh, now, what, once you get them on stage, what do you do with them?
Well, you're talking about something that happened in 1967 at the Garrick
Theater in the middle of the, uh, the Vietnam War, and what happened was, uh,
there had been a murder in, in the village, and, uh, I think a Marine had been
killed, and somebody had spread this rumor that the hippies had done it.
So, all the Marines were coming into the village, the rumor had it, to murder
people with long hair.
Remember when all that stuff was popular to do?
And so, we were rehearsing one day, and, uh, these three Marines came in, in
full dress uniform in the afternoon, and I figured, well, if this was the hit
squad, they wouldn't be dressed up.
And they were just fans.
Yeah.
And they were hanging out for a while, and, uh, we talked to them after the
rehearsal and asked them, uh, if, uh, they knew any good songs and if they
wanted to come on the stage.
So, they said that they knew House of the Rising Sun and Everybody Must Get Stoned.
So, I said, well, that's really good.
We'll warm up.
We'll learn the, the songs.
And you go across the street to the Tin Angel and get drunk and come back when
the show starts.
So, they did.
And when they came back, they sang the two songs, and then I said to the
audience, um, well, let's hear it for the United States Marines, and we got
this large doll of a child and said, uh, how would you like to, uh, show these
people what you would do with this, uh, in your normal daily work?
And they ripped it apart on stage with musical accompaniment, and then after
they'd finished that, I showed the pieces of the broken doll to the audience.
There's a lot of people crying out there.
Yeah.
So, uh, yeah.
That's, uh...
Well, you know, there's, there's a reason for doing things like that, and, and
by the time the media gets a hold of it and people try and explain it over and
over again, it turns out to sound like something weird to do, but, uh...
It's, yeah, it still sounds like something, well, no, in, in the context of the
times, I understand it, but, but, yeah.
Yeah, for instance...
That was pretty sick back then, wasn't it?
Now, uh, now, another time, you, you actually got yourself kind of roughed up,
uh, in London, right?
Yeah, I was, uh, attacked by a crazy person.
And, uh, the crazy person was unhappy with you, or just crazy?
Well, who knows about crazy people.
Yeah, that's true.
For sure.
Yeah, uh, it was...
But I spent, uh, a couple of months in the hospital and a year in a wheelchair.
And, uh, that was not too fun.
Yeah, yeah.
And you never found out what the motive for this was?
Well, he told two different stories when they caught him.
The first thing, the first story he told was, uh, uh, see what happened was, I
was working in a theater that had an orchestra pit, 15 feet deep, with a
concrete floor and a bottom, and they didn't have it covered over.
And, uh, the security guards that were hired by the theater were off to the
side smoking some marijuana at the end of the show, just as we were doing the
encore, so they weren't paying any attention.
And this guy came out of the audience, and he knocked me into the orchestra pit.
Yeah.
So he told the press that, uh, I had been making eyes at his girlfriend, and he
was jealous.
That was one story.
I couldn't even see him or the...
I don't even know what the guy looks like today.
I didn't see him or his girlfriend, because the lights were in my eyes.
And then after that, he said, well, uh, we weren't giving him enough value for
his, uh, ticket dollar.
Uh-huh.
That was the second story that he gave, so I don't know.
That was his entertainment dollar.
Uh, see, Moon, your father has had a very difficult life, and, uh, we're going
to pause.
Again, we'll return to talk more about this with, uh, Frank and his daughter,
Moon.
Hello, I'm Larry Bud Melman, with yet another of my five good reasons why you
should ride Melman buses.
Yet another number two.
Riding backwards in a bus could cause motion sickness and other fatal diseases.
That's why on Melman buses, all the seats face forward, the very same direction
the bus is heading in.
Melman buses, see where you're going, not where you've been.
Hi there.
Welcome back to the show.
Frank Zappa and his daughter, Moon Zappa, are here.
I wanted to ask you about your friends, uh, in the Valley.
How do they react to, uh, your success by, uh, introducing them to the world?
Well, most of my friends don't speak Valley.
They prefer to speak English.
But those that I, uh, imitated are, uh, flattered because if there's one thing
Valley girls love, it's attention.
And, uh...
Uh, you're making a lot of money on this, I hope, huh?
Uh, and Frank, it was a pleasure meeting you.
I've been an admirer of yours for many, many years, and I know you wanted to
get a greeting for someone here.
Yeah, ready?
Happy birthday, George!
And George...
George, George has quite a following of his own, apparently.
That's right, George is a cool guy.
He was there when it was all happening.
And George will be...
75.
75.
Well, again, and for me, George, happy birthday, too.
Look for the, uh, UPS truck, uh, coming by with a lovely gift.
Thank you very much, folks.
I know you're very busy.
I appreciate you being here.
Frank, Moon, nice meeting you.
T