Name: Fee Waybill Collection on Letterman, 1983
Uploaded: 2017-02-01T05:51:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fee Waybill Collection on Letterman, 1983' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fee Waybill Collection on Letterman, 1983' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-01. Transcript available.

Thank you very much, Mr. Paul Schaefer.
My next guest is the lead singer for The Tubes,
a band enjoying their greatest success since their inception 11 years ago.
Right now, let's take a look at a bit of their stage show.
Watch the monitors and you'll see The Tubes.
There they are in concert.
And here, I have a copy of their most recent album.
Ladies and gentlemen, outside, inside The Tubes, please welcome Fee Waybill.
Have a seat, and congratulations on your success.
Well, thank you.
I mean, you were always a force in music, but not, I guess...
The small force.
Yeah.
Now it's bigger, much bigger.
People tell me that it's an odd coincidence that you were on the same show with
Michael Keaton tonight.
Yes.
I tested for the same part in Night Shift that Michael tested for with Ron
Howard,
and I, sorry, I didn't get it.
You did not get it, no.
What could I say?
No.
He was great.
Yeah, he was very good.
Now, was this an emotional setback for you?
Severely.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, they always are.
I mean, you must know.
Yes, no, it's true.
No, you're right, I know.
No, but I know you...
No, you experience it, yes, you're absolutely right.
You're crushed.
It's that simple.
You're crushed, you think no one loves you, you go home, you...
How do you finally rationalize it when you explain it to your friends and to
yourself?
Well, I tell them that they told me I was too tall to play opposite Henry Winkler.
Yeah, and you probably are.
He's a little guy.
Tiny little fella, Henry Winkler.
He's cute, but he's little.
I'm sorry.
You grew up in Phoenix, Arizona.
Right, Phoenix.
And I found out something this afternoon about Phoenix, which I was unaware of
completely,
that it is a really good test market.
Right.
It's what they call an isolated market.
If you've ever been to Phoenix, you know what I mean by isolation.
I've never been to Phoenix, no.
It is surrounded by desert on all sides.
It's 400 miles across the Death Valley to get to California.
So they feel that people in Phoenix aren't influenced by cultural changes in
the major East
and West Coast cities.
So they test these new products out on them.
And, for instance, McDonald's, the first McDonald's was tested in Phoenix.
When I was a child growing up, going to high school, McDonald's was at one end
of Central
Avenue, and we would drive the car.
You know, you would hustle chicks all night long on Saturday night.
And as you turn her, you know, when you really get a nice one, you want to take
her out to
someplace nice.
McDonald's was right at the end of the strip.
So, and you could, and it was a drive-thru.
They're not drive-thru anymore.
No.
So you could drive through there, stop at McDonald's, and maybe hit the Jack in
the Box, Taco Bell,
Der Wiener Schnitzel, and then maybe Roy, you had Roy on the other night, who
was one of
my great heroes.
Very nice guy.
Roy's, Roy Rogers' All You Can Eat for $1.25 started right in Phoenix, Arizona.
That's fine dining.
Boy, oh, boy.
And they all begin right there, huh?
They all begin.
Also, one, a couple other great ones, those super slides, they call them, big
piece of
plastic ribbon that gets to about 150 degrees in the heat of Arizona.
You go up there and you sit on a burlap bag and slide down, you know, take
about 18 layers
off the rear end.
It's brutal.
And one of the great all-time classics was Trampoline City.
Trampoline City.
You love it.
It's, you take a Kmart parking lot.
Solid asphalt.
Kmarts were usually pretty empty, the parking lots, you know, and, no, I'm
sorry.
Anyway, what you do is you just cut square holes in the cement about eight by
six by about
ten feet deep, and you stretch a trampoline canvas over the top of it, and you
sell tickets
to kids to jump on the trampoline.
No padding.
No padding.
Solid asphalt.
Jumping, I mean, they get maybe five, ten jumps before they're off the side,
broken
arm, broken leg, broken neck.
Oh.
Big policy for Lloyd's of London.
So this was tested in Phoenix and, I guess, did not.
Miserable failure.
Yeah, yeah.
Miserable failure.
Have you ever seen a trampoline park in New York City?
No, not in New York City, no.
Not intentionally.
I've seen people bounce on the pavement, but it's a whole different deal there.
Completely different.
It was one of the more miserable failures.
There was a lot of them.
Yeah.
But what does that do to a resident of the city?
Does that leave you a little jaded?
Twisted, I'd say.
It was twisted, demented.
Between that and the heat, you see.
That, coupled with the 115 degrees in the summertime, so you pretty much have
to stay indoors until
you're ready to rush to the Jack in the Box or the McDonald's to go to, I mean,
we never,
as a child, none of the guys in the tubes ever ate dinner at home.
It was always get in the car.
It was a very car city.
Right.
Not like New York.
It's everybody has a car.
You all have your jacked up 56 Chevy or whatever it was and go straight to
McDonald's.
Is there anything nice you could say about Phoenix at this point for you pretty
much?
Uh, my mom lives there.
Okay.
And all of our folks still live there.
It is a, it's a, if you have asthma, it's nice.
Yeah.
Well, that's right.
There you go.
If you, it's dry.
Uh, we're, we're going to pause here for a commercial announcement from the, uh,
Arizona Tourism Board.
We'll be right back.
Thank you very much.
Uh, Steve Wadeill of The Tubes is here.
Outside, inside The Tubes is the new album.
That wasn't a cut from our album.
No, that was, uh, Paul, uh, taking us back, uh, way back.
Not that far back.
The early 60s.
Is that?
Good, Paul.
Good.
What do you, uh, will you gentlemen travel in a bus?
Is that, uh, how you do it?
Yeah.
We travel in a big tour bus with bunks and microwave and video and all kinds of
diversions.
Any, uh, fun things, uh, people can do while traveling in their own motor coach
around this great land of ours?
Well, we've, uh, we've had a great time.
We just went to the south, the deep south to South Carolina.
And, uh, we decided that usually they have a little roller at the top of the
bus, a little, a window that says whether it's a private coach or Crystal.
Destination or whatever.
Destination, Charter, Crystal Gale, Kenny Rogers, whatever you want.
It just so happens that our roller contains the name Burt Reynolds.
And it is, I mean, the greatest, the greatest part of the whole tour was going
to the south with Burt Reynolds on your bus.
I mean, you have guys in Trans Ams that come by you and look and go, yeah, Burt,
and just, whoa, and floor it down the freeway, you know.
And, uh, we leave it on the, we leave it outdoors in the parking lot at the
hotel, and in the morning, there is like 50 old ladies out there.
I mean, elderly women, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Uh, sitting in their cars, waiting for Burt.
Cameras, video tape machines set up, ready to go.
And they, and we come out the door all, you know, uh, dressed weird, and they
go, well, where's Burt?
What are you guys?
And we say, well, we're the stunt team, the death cheaters.
Burt's stunt team.
And, uh, then we have one of the guys, the crew guys, will put a towel over his
head, and then, uh, jump on the bus, and that's, there goes Burt.
And they go, oh, Burt, Burt.
Oh, Burt can't talk now.
He's real sick.
He drank too much last night.
Anyway, we went to.
That's great.
We went to, uh, Virginia Beach to see the beach at about 3 o'clock in the
morning, because, we did a gig in Norfolk, and we went to the beach, because we'd
never seen it.
We went out and played in the beach, and when we came back, there was about 200
people at 3 o'clock in the morning on the main drag, surrounding the bus,
chanting, we want Burt, we want Burt, all holding their autographs, and the
road manager's going, no, Burt's not in here.
No autographs, no autographs.
We had to make our way through the crowd to get out.
That's a wonderful diversion, though.
It's fabulous.
Yeah, you're going to get beat up, though, pulling that someplace.
I know.
It's the wrong place.
Speaking of beat up, no, I don't want to say that, but you were, you guys were,
uh, are not.
We've been beat up.
You were tossed out of a major hotel in Las Vegas?
That's right.
You were scheduled to perform there?
Well, we did perform.
That's why we got tossed out.
Okay.
I don't know whether I can say the name of the hotel.
Well, sure, give it a shot.
Well, it was the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas.
It doesn't matter, because we'll never play there again, folks, ever.
What was the problem?
Well, they thought our show...
It wasn't that Burt Reynolds' bus track again, was it?
It wasn't Burt.
Uh, we do a rather outrageous theatrical type of presentation.
Saw a little of it on the...
Right, and, uh, we figured, since we're in Las Vegas, the home of outrageous
presentations,
pull out the stops.
Yes.
Go.
Everything in the show.
Everything.
The, you know, the...
We even had a girl with a, uh, Golden Gate Bridge headdress on.
Giant, you know, big, tall, six-foot-three girl with this huge Golden Gate.
Anyway, we went all the way to the very limit, and we were extremely risque in
the show, although
there was no, uh, illegal nudity or anything like that.
No, I mean, you can see nudity all over the city.
In Las Vegas.
Sure.
I mean, what could we do to offend someone in Las Vegas?
We couldn't understand it.
Uh, so...
Yeah, that does.
It seems like a tall order, doesn't it?
I thought we could go...
The hell you do, there.
...all the full nine yards, no problem.
They would love us.
We could, you know, work there for the rest of our lives.
Yeah.
But, no, they thought, uh, we were too weird.
Uh, we were...
Our humor was much too risque, and it wasn't in the wholesome nature that is
associated with
Las Vegas.
Yeah, that's a darn shame.
That's a darn shame, Pete.
I really broke my heart.
We have not been back since.
That was about four years ago, and kiss it off.
We go to Reno, though.
Tall, oh, Reno.
You can get away with anything there.
No problem.
You know, it was a pleasure meeting you, and I'm, uh, pleased for your...
Thank you very much.
...record success.
Thank you.
Fee Waybill, folks.
Stay right there, Pete.
You're on the right back.
Ladies and gentlemen, David Fuhrer, the man who sings backwards, honest to God,
I'm very
sorry about this, will be rescheduled for a future date.
My apologies to Mr. Fuhrer.
Thanks to Fee Waybill and Mr. Michael Keaton.
Have a good weekend, folks.
Good night.
Thanks, Paul.
As lead singer for the always controversial band, The Tubes, for the last 11
years, my
next guest has proved to be one of the most flamboyant performers in all of
music, singing
such songs as Sushi Girl, White Punks on Dope, and Mondo Bondage.
We're delighted to have him with us tonight.
Please welcome Fee Waybill.
Thank you for coming back.
Nice to see you again, as I mentioned.
Hey, no problem.
For people who may not have seen you work in concert or in video.
I don't think there's any of those.
Well, there might be.
Just, you know, people new to the country, perhaps.
Just arriving.
Describe the kind of work you do on stage.
Well, good question.
The Tubes create kind of a theater on stage type of thing.
It's not just a band.
I mean, you have a great band, but they just stand there, right?
I mean, Hiram, you're the greatest, Hiram.
We actually can afford shoes.
This guy can't.
No.
You should pay these a lot of money, guys.
No, we tried to develop the songs visually as well as musically.
Right.
And it takes on...
We have dancers to go along with the show to help develop the visual aspect of
the tunes.
Now, what kind of visualization?
What things are you acting out?
Let's get right to it.
What's going on here?
Well, I'll tell you, Dave.
We got Mondo Bondage, White Punks on Dope, and Sushi Girl.
So what...
Sushi Girl is kind of a underwater...
Are you familiar with sushi?
Oh, sure.
It's Japanese raw fish on rice.
Or pork, which is less popular.
The raw pork is really unpopular.
Nobody goes for that.
We have a kind of underwater number with one of the girls has an octopus outfit
on,
and I'm kind of like a deep-sea diver doing some underwater filming.
And we have seaweed, and the stage is complete with props,
and sets.
The set changes.
We have a set that, you know, changes with each number.
White Punks on Dope used to be...
We change it constantly because we've done it so many times.
It used to be just your English rock star...
I've got it, too.
Late night dyslexia.
That's something wrong.
Yeah, that's a problem.
I think it's this altitude.
One thing you don't have to worry about is probably most of the people watching
tonight
also have it.
May have it, too.
Like 12.30, they've got that illegal smile on their face.
It kind of sets in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My problem is, though, it's 6 o'clock in the afternoon, and I haven't got it.
It's 6.10.
Wait a minute.
Hold on.
No, we have all kinds of stuff.
We have Wall Street.
We all come out in suits, and we do kind of a Wall Street gray flannel suit
businessmen
going to lunch with their little umbrella and their briefcase, and we do a
little dance
and sing.
All in good, clean fun?
Good, clean...
Oh, yeah.
Now, but you take your clothes off, though, don't you?
Yeah, but it's fun.
Well, I'm not going to argue with you on that.
The tubes are a fun band.
We're not trying to start a guerrilla war or anything.
I mean, we like to have people escape from the pressures of daily life and
forget about
it and come to watch the tubes and just forget and let them be taken away with
the men
in gray flannel suits, Quay Louis XIV, which is kind of a 15th century she-she
singer with
brocade high shoes, brocade gold lace.
Fabulous.
Now, but some places where you take your show, aren't there activist groups,
picketing and
so forth?
Does that happen?
I knew you would bring that up.
Well, every once in a while, we do have this number of bondage in the show, and
a lot of
people think that it's too violent, you see.
Well, now, what do you think?
Is it too violent?
Well, it's, no.
I don't think it's too violent.
I mean, it could be really violent.
It's more violent than it looks like on stage.
I mean, we've got bruises all over our bodies.
But again, it's just in the spirit of fun here.
It's all good fun.
The simulated kidnapping, the gun at the young girl's throat.
It's all good, clean fun.
But in the end, we get the feminists.
That's a problem.
The feminists get a little perturbed at this.
We had a little trouble in western Washington.
We had a few feminists picket against the tubes, boycotting the tubes.
And it basically sold about eight times as many tickets for us as we would have
sold.
But it's not that way.
In the end, I get killed.
The girl wrestles the gun away from me.
I chase her around.
And she ends up blowing my guts out with a huge bag of blood.
Oh, my.
But, you see, you've got to have contrast.
You've got to have something to offset the Wall Street, right?
Yeah.
I mean, if you did that for the whole show, it would be boring, right?
Kids, the kids want action.
They want action.
They want you to get up there.
They want to see everything that they've imagined that they were going to see.
But, you know, in the old days when groups like the Archies would go out on the
road.
You wouldn't.
It's not, no.
The Archies were a pretty dynamic group.
You wouldn't get that sort of.
Almost as dynamic as Donnie and Marie.
A bag of blood.
Yeah.
Oh, jeez.
Well, fake blood.
It's fake.
Oh, well.
And I die and hang upside down on a tower and lay there.
And then just when you think I'm dead and gone, my eyes come back open and I
grab her and tie her up and rip her clothes off.
But don't worry about that.
That's basically the part that the feminist group didn't take a whole lot.
Do you feel like maybe in light of this pressure from these people that you
might change that or omit it or anything?
No.
In fact, in light of this, I mean, it's the most action we've gotten in months.
We plan to elaborate on it because it's, no, I'm just kidding.
For all those feminists watching in Bellingham, Washington, it's only fun,
girls.
It's fun.
Oh, now, see, you're making this worse.
Let's get on to something else because you're just digging yourself a vehicle
here.
I tried to explain that to them, and I did the same thing.
I stepped up my tongue.
See, I think calling them girls probably is not the right approach, too.
I don't know that that was the choice of words you needed.
Ladies.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
All right, let's go on to something else, and you and your lawyers can dig your
way out of this.
Now, what about the last time you were on the show?
It's been, what, three or four months?
You've done it again.
Last time I was on the show, I got in big trouble.
And now here I am again in water up to here.
Arizona hates me now because I mentioned.
You talked about being from Arizona.
You talked about being from Arizona and how it was good for nothing but asthma.
But it's not true.
Arizona's a wonderful place, and I can't go back there.
But it's really a great place.
I really love it.
My folks disown me.
My dad won't talk to me because I didn't mention his name on the show.
I just mentioned my name.
All the guys on the show.
Well, you want to mention your dad's name on the show?
Hi, Dad.
How's it going?
I got a great Christmas present for you.
But you've already gotten it.
Yeah.
You might be enjoying it right now.
You may be.
There's a razor.
I got in big trouble last time, and I was going to come on and apologize to
everybody.
You didn't mention anybody in the band, I know.
No, I didn't mention any of the band guys.
Oh, well, we've got, let's see, we have a guitar player.
A couple of guitar players.
Now, now, now.
No, we have Roger Steed on guitar, Bill Spooner on guitar, Rick Anderson on
bass, Prairie Prince
on drums, Vince Welnick keyboard, Michael Cotton synthesizers.
Did I leave anybody out?
Let's see, guitar, guitar, bass.
No, that's all.
All right.
Well, if you did, you can come back another time and put them in.
Now, how did the tour go?
You just completed a major tour of the United States.
Yeah, we did.
Did you guys go east to west like the skiers do?
No, we do what they call a Star of David tour.
That's where you go to here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, back to
here, where
you started to get.
So we went around the USA about four times.
We toured for about nine months.
Do you have favorite cities that you hit again this time?
Well, Bellingham, Washington was really one of my favorites of all time.
No, Edmonton.
Actually, Canada is great for us.
We go gold in Canada right away.
And we had a swell time in Canada this tour.
We did a lot of David Bowie shows this tour, opening for David.
And one of them was in Edmonton for about 70,000 people.
And, I mean, there's nothing like playing to 70,000 people.
It's quite a kick.
It's not like 70 people.
Hey, now, wait a minute.
I'm sorry.
No, no, we have...
See?
See, I've done it again.
We have at least...
I like that.
What is this?
This is close to 300 people, isn't it?
About 300 people.
Yeah.
It's not...
It's still not like 70,000 people.
No, no.
But I'll tell you something.
I'll take this 300 over your 70,000 any day.
We don't need to take this.
Controversial.
It's definitely...
Oh, the home of cheap applause.
I just love it.
That's one thing you don't get on stage, opening for David Bowie.
You don't get any of that.
Now, you were up there in Edmonton, and I know you're friends with Wayne Gretzky,
and I'm sorry I said it because we're out of time.
Great.
You got a great Wayne Gretzky story.
Yeah, I do.
Fabulous.
Next time when you come back.
Continued success.
V, nice to see you again.
Good luck with those lawsuits.
V, Waybill, of the Cheers.
We'll be right back.
Bob, Bob, Wade.
Thank you.

Fee Waybill Collection on Letterman, 1983

Thank you very much, Mr. Paul Schaefer.
My next guest is the lead singer for The Tubes,
a band enjoying their greatest success since their inception 11 years ago.
Right now, let's take a look at a bit of their stage show.
Watch the monitors and you'll see The Tubes.
There they are in concert.
And here, I have a copy of their most recent album.
Ladies and gentlemen, outside, inside The Tubes, please welcome Fee Waybill.
Have a seat, and congratulations on your success.
Well, thank you.
I mean, you were always a force in music, but not, I guess...
The small force.
Yeah.
Now it's bigger, much bigger.
People tell me that it's an odd coincidence that you were on the same show with
Michael Keaton tonight.
Yes.
I tested for the same part in Night Shift that Michael tested for with Ron
Howard,
and I, sorry, I didn't get it.
You did not get it, no.
What could I say?
No.
He was great.
Yeah, he was very good.
Now, was this an emotional setback for you?
Severely.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, they always are.
I mean, you must know.
Yes, no, it's true.
No, you're right, I know.
No, but I know you...
No, you experience it, yes, you're absolutely right.
You're crushed.
It's that simple.
You're crushed, you think no one loves you, you go home, you...
How do you finally rationalize it when you explain it to your friends and to
yourself?
Well, I tell them that they told me I was too tall to play opposite Henry Winkler.
Yeah, and you probably are.
He's a little guy.
Tiny little fella, Henry Winkler.
He's cute, but he's little.
I'm sorry.
You grew up in Phoenix, Arizona.
Right, Phoenix.
And I found out something this afternoon about Phoenix, which I was unaware of
completely,
that it is a really good test market.
Right.
It's what they call an isolated market.
If you've ever been to Phoenix, you know what I mean by isolation.
I've never been to Phoenix, no.
It is surrounded by desert on all sides.
It's 400 miles across the Death Valley to get to California.
So they feel that people in Phoenix aren't influenced by cultural changes in
the major East
and West Coast cities.
So they test these new products out on them.
And, for instance, McDonald's, the first McDonald's was tested in Phoenix.
When I was a child growing up, going to high school, McDonald's was at one end
of Central
Avenue, and we would drive the car.
You know, you would hustle chicks all night long on Saturday night.
And as you turn her, you know, when you really get a nice one, you want to take
her out to
someplace nice.
McDonald's was right at the end of the strip.
So, and you could, and it was a drive-thru.
They're not drive-thru anymore.
No.
So you could drive through there, stop at McDonald's, and maybe hit the Jack in
the Box, Taco Bell,
Der Wiener Schnitzel, and then maybe Roy, you had Roy on the other night, who
was one of
my great heroes.
Very nice guy.
Roy's, Roy Rogers' All You Can Eat for $1.25 started right in Phoenix, Arizona.
That's fine dining.
Boy, oh, boy.
And they all begin right there, huh?
They all begin.
Also, one, a couple other great ones, those super slides, they call them, big
piece of
plastic ribbon that gets to about 150 degrees in the heat of Arizona.
You go up there and you sit on a burlap bag and slide down, you know, take
about 18 layers
off the rear end.
It's brutal.
And one of the great all-time classics was Trampoline City.
Trampoline City.
You love it.
It's, you take a Kmart parking lot.
Solid asphalt.
Kmarts were usually pretty empty, the parking lots, you know, and, no, I'm
sorry.
Anyway, what you do is you just cut square holes in the cement about eight by
six by about
ten feet deep, and you stretch a trampoline canvas over the top of it, and you
sell tickets
to kids to jump on the trampoline.
No padding.
No padding.
Solid asphalt.
Jumping, I mean, they get maybe five, ten jumps before they're off the side,
broken
arm, broken leg, broken neck.
Oh.
Big policy for Lloyd's of London.
So this was tested in Phoenix and, I guess, did not.
Miserable failure.
Yeah, yeah.
Miserable failure.
Have you ever seen a trampoline park in New York City?
No, not in New York City, no.
Not intentionally.
I've seen people bounce on the pavement, but it's a whole different deal there.
Completely different.
It was one of the more miserable failures.
There was a lot of them.
Yeah.
But what does that do to a resident of the city?
Does that leave you a little jaded?
Twisted, I'd say.
It was twisted, demented.
Between that and the heat, you see.
That, coupled with the 115 degrees in the summertime, so you pretty much have
to stay indoors until
you're ready to rush to the Jack in the Box or the McDonald's to go to, I mean,
we never,
as a child, none of the guys in the tubes ever ate dinner at home.
It was always get in the car.
It was a very car city.
Right.
Not like New York.
It's everybody has a car.
You all have your jacked up 56 Chevy or whatever it was and go straight to
McDonald's.
Is there anything nice you could say about Phoenix at this point for you pretty
much?
Uh, my mom lives there.
Okay.
And all of our folks still live there.
It is a, it's a, if you have asthma, it's nice.
Yeah.
Well, that's right.
There you go.
If you, it's dry.
Uh, we're, we're going to pause here for a commercial announcement from the, uh,
Arizona Tourism Board.
We'll be right back.
Thank you very much.
Uh, Steve Wadeill of The Tubes is here.
Outside, inside The Tubes is the new album.
That wasn't a cut from our album.
No, that was, uh, Paul, uh, taking us back, uh, way back.
Not that far back.
The early 60s.
Is that?
Good, Paul.
Good.
What do you, uh, will you gentlemen travel in a bus?
Is that, uh, how you do it?
Yeah.
We travel in a big tour bus with bunks and microwave and video and all kinds of
diversions.
Any, uh, fun things, uh, people can do while traveling in their own motor coach
around this great land of ours?
Well, we've, uh, we've had a great time.
We just went to the south, the deep south to South Carolina.
And, uh, we decided that usually they have a little roller at the top of the
bus, a little, a window that says whether it's a private coach or Crystal.
Destination or whatever.
Destination, Charter, Crystal Gale, Kenny Rogers, whatever you want.
It just so happens that our roller contains the name Burt Reynolds.
And it is, I mean, the greatest, the greatest part of the whole tour was going
to the south with Burt Reynolds on your bus.
I mean, you have guys in Trans Ams that come by you and look and go, yeah, Burt,
and just, whoa, and floor it down the freeway, you know.
And, uh, we leave it on the, we leave it outdoors in the parking lot at the
hotel, and in the morning, there is like 50 old ladies out there.
I mean, elderly women, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Uh, sitting in their cars, waiting for Burt.
Cameras, video tape machines set up, ready to go.
And they, and we come out the door all, you know, uh, dressed weird, and they
go, well, where's Burt?
What are you guys?
And we say, well, we're the stunt team, the death cheaters.
Burt's stunt team.
And, uh, then we have one of the guys, the crew guys, will put a towel over his
head, and then, uh, jump on the bus, and that's, there goes Burt.
And they go, oh, Burt, Burt.
Oh, Burt can't talk now.
He's real sick.
He drank too much last night.
Anyway, we went to.
That's great.
We went to, uh, Virginia Beach to see the beach at about 3 o'clock in the
morning, because, we did a gig in Norfolk, and we went to the beach, because we'd
never seen it.
We went out and played in the beach, and when we came back, there was about 200
people at 3 o'clock in the morning on the main drag, surrounding the bus,
chanting, we want Burt, we want Burt, all holding their autographs, and the
road manager's going, no, Burt's not in here.
No autographs, no autographs.
We had to make our way through the crowd to get out.
That's a wonderful diversion, though.
It's fabulous.
Yeah, you're going to get beat up, though, pulling that someplace.
I know.
It's the wrong place.
Speaking of beat up, no, I don't want to say that, but you were, you guys were,
uh, are not.
We've been beat up.
You were tossed out of a major hotel in Las Vegas?
That's right.
You were scheduled to perform there?
Well, we did perform.
That's why we got tossed out.
Okay.
I don't know whether I can say the name of the hotel.
Well, sure, give it a shot.
Well, it was the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas.
It doesn't matter, because we'll never play there again, folks, ever.
What was the problem?
Well, they thought our show...
It wasn't that Burt Reynolds' bus track again, was it?
It wasn't Burt.
Uh, we do a rather outrageous theatrical type of presentation.
Saw a little of it on the...
Right, and, uh, we figured, since we're in Las Vegas, the home of outrageous
presentations,
pull out the stops.
Yes.
Go.
Everything in the show.
Everything.
The, you know, the...
We even had a girl with a, uh, Golden Gate Bridge headdress on.
Giant, you know, big, tall, six-foot-three girl with this huge Golden Gate.
Anyway, we went all the way to the very limit, and we were extremely risque in
the show, although
there was no, uh, illegal nudity or anything like that.
No, I mean, you can see nudity all over the city.
In Las Vegas.
Sure.
I mean, what could we do to offend someone in Las Vegas?
We couldn't understand it.
Uh, so...
Yeah, that does.
It seems like a tall order, doesn't it?
I thought we could go...
The hell you do, there.
...all the full nine yards, no problem.
They would love us.
We could, you know, work there for the rest of our lives.
Yeah.
But, no, they thought, uh, we were too weird.
Uh, we were...
Our humor was much too risque, and it wasn't in the wholesome nature that is
associated with
Las Vegas.
Yeah, that's a darn shame.
That's a darn shame, Pete.
I really broke my heart.
We have not been back since.
That was about four years ago, and kiss it off.
We go to Reno, though.
Tall, oh, Reno.
You can get away with anything there.
No problem.
You know, it was a pleasure meeting you, and I'm, uh, pleased for your...
Thank you very much.
...record success.
Thank you.
Fee Waybill, folks.
Stay right there, Pete.
You're on the right back.
Ladies and gentlemen, David Fuhrer, the man who sings backwards, honest to God,
I'm very
sorry about this, will be rescheduled for a future date.
My apologies to Mr. Fuhrer.
Thanks to Fee Waybill and Mr. Michael Keaton.
Have a good weekend, folks.
Good night.
Thanks, Paul.
As lead singer for the always controversial band, The Tubes, for the last 11
years, my
next guest has proved to be one of the most flamboyant performers in all of
music, singing
such songs as Sushi Girl, White Punks on Dope, and Mondo Bondage.
We're delighted to have him with us tonight.
Please welcome Fee Waybill.
Thank you for coming back.
Nice to see you again, as I mentioned.
Hey, no problem.
For people who may not have seen you work in concert or in video.
I don't think there's any of those.
Well, there might be.
Just, you know, people new to the country, perhaps.
Just arriving.
Describe the kind of work you do on stage.
Well, good question.
The Tubes create kind of a theater on stage type of thing.
It's not just a band.
I mean, you have a great band, but they just stand there, right?
I mean, Hiram, you're the greatest, Hiram.
We actually can afford shoes.
This guy can't.
No.
You should pay these a lot of money, guys.
No, we tried to develop the songs visually as well as musically.
Right.
And it takes on...
We have dancers to go along with the show to help develop the visual aspect of
the tunes.
Now, what kind of visualization?
What things are you acting out?
Let's get right to it.
What's going on here?
Well, I'll tell you, Dave.
We got Mondo Bondage, White Punks on Dope, and Sushi Girl.
So what...
Sushi Girl is kind of a underwater...
Are you familiar with sushi?
Oh, sure.
It's Japanese raw fish on rice.
Or pork, which is less popular.
The raw pork is really unpopular.
Nobody goes for that.
We have a kind of underwater number with one of the girls has an octopus out