Name: Donald Trump on Letterman, 1986-87
Uploaded: 2017-02-22T02:53:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Donald Trump on Letterman, 1986-87' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Donald Trump on Letterman, 1986-87' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-02-22. Transcript available.

Donald Trump on Letterman, 1986-87

You know, most Friday afternoons we tape a piece for our program on the streets
of New York City.
Now, this of course takes planning, meticulous preparation, and a lot of hard
work,
so it was only a matter of time before we said to hell with it.
Instead, we decided to wander around aimlessly, pick up a couple of strangers,
and hang around with them all afternoon, and here, boys and girls, is what
happened.
Hi. How are you? Good, how are you? What's your name?
Right outside their hotel, we met Neil Bordy and Tanya Anderson,
just in from Louisville, Kentucky, for a weekend vacation.
Indianapolis. What are you doing right now?
We're just getting ready to go out and do a little sightseeing.
Would you mind if we came along with you? Would that bother you?
As it turns out, we really have nothing to do today.
That's too bad.
Yeah.
They planned to spend the afternoon sightseeing and agreed to let us tag along.
I'm guessing it was the jet lag.
Vaccine! Hey! Right here! Taxi! Ah! What?
Empire State Building. And step on it.
Nice view, huh?
Look at that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's the Lincoln Memorial over there.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Which one?
Right over there. See those twin towers?
That's Lincoln and his wife.
Well, that's the Golden Gate Bridge.
You can't see it because of the fog.
It's beautiful.
You guys are blocking me.
Oh!
Jeez! My retinas! My corneas!
This is going to look like something left over from the Patty Hearst kidnapping.
Yes! There's memories that will last a lifetime of.
Here's the card. This is going to your...
My parents.
Peggy and...
Lyle and Terrell.
Lyle, Peggy and Terrell.
And it says, New York is horrible. The people are nasty. The city is dirty.
And everyone is very mean.
Dave, how you doing, Dave?
Good. How are you? I want you to meet some people. Some friends of mine.
All right.
They're in town from Louisville. This is Neil and his girlfriend, Tanya.
Neil! Tanya! Why don't you come on in? Peach margaritas.
Do you know about Terrell Tower?
A little.
You just heard of it?
A little.
Yeah.
And you know Donald Terrell's in the news, though.
Is he really?
Yeah.
He just saved some...
He's had these seven people out of their home.
He watched 60 Minutes a year ago.
Hi. How are you?
Are you the security man?
Yes.
Are you carrying heat?
He's keeping on.
Yeah. Do you have a gun on you?
Yes.
Show us your gun.
I don't think it'd be cool.
Let me pat you down.
Come on over. Come on over here.
Let me just see if I can find where your gun is.
Please. No.
What does that go for?
What's the way it's cut?
That's $10,000.
Ten grand.
I don't know.
That might be a little showy with that necklace.
Foxes are what?
They're clubbed to death?
No, no, no.
They have to be very carefully put to sleep.
So they're shot in the head?
Thank you very much.
Go on in.
Thank you again.
Oh, my gosh.
Don, Dave Letterman.
Nice to see you.
How are you?
Nice seeing you.
Would you like to come into the office?
Yeah, let's go into the office.
Because I need to talk to you about the heating in my building, Don.
Don, where is Doug Flutie, for heaven's sakes?
Doug!
Where the hell do you have him?
I have one more question, and then we're out of here.
It's the middle of a Friday afternoon.
You didn't know we were coming.
Absolutely.
You said, come on up.
How busy can you be?
I'm not busy.
I have nothing to do.
You know my truth?
I have nothing to do.
I wish I had more to do.
What would you be doing if you could do it?
If I go to Louisville, we'll do a couple of real estate deals in Louisville.
There's a spot over here down on the carpet.
Look into that.
I'm going to get a favor.
Thank you very much.
Bye-bye.
All right, let's get out of here.
Don't touch anything.
Let's go.
Let's keep doing it.
That's about it.
And after this, you're pretty much on your own.
Nice meeting you.
Take care.
Have a good time.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Keep your hand on your wallet.
Bye-bye.
All right, bye-bye.
Very nice people from Louisville.
We'll be right back with Mr. Wizard.
He just has enough money to give everyone in the audience tonight a million
dollars.
Yeah!
We'll see what kind of mood he's in.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the author of this book right here,
Trump, the Art of the Deal, Donald Trump.
Hi, Donald.
Good to see you.
Nice of you to stop by.
Thank you, David.
You know, at the beginning of the show, I said you either love him or you hate
him.
Now, do you find that that's true, or does everybody love you, or does
everybody hate you?
No, most people love me, and a few really have great distaste for me, David.
And why is it that those people, that few, would not care for you?
Because you're so successful?
I can't imagine.
No, no, I don't think so.
It's just, I sort of speak my mind a little bit.
A little bit like you in that respect.
Uh-huh, yeah.
A little bit like you.
A little bit like me.
Not too much, hopefully.
How much, how much are you worth right now, as you're sitting right here?
Zero idea, David.
It depends on what's happening with the world and the market.
But the million dollars for each person in the audience sounds like it could be
an intriguing idea.
Do you make more money, you own casinos?
How many casinos do you own?
We have four casinos.
Four casinos in?
Including Paradise Island, Atlantic City, and it's really been very fabulous.
Now, do you make more money from the casinos, or more money in real estate
development?
Well, probably real estate in a sense, but real estate is an appreciation
business, whereas the casinos are cash flow.
And I don't know, I never really even think of it in those terms.
I try doing a great job.
I think we have the best hotel casinos in the world, and hopefully I have the
best real estate in the world with Trump Tower and everything, and that's what
I like.
All right, now let's get back to the assessment of your wealth for a second.
If you had to liquidate, if you just decided, I'm going somewhere else, I'm
going to live in a trailer, and you wanted to sell off everything, you'd start
with your real estate development, all your real estate holdings, and whatever
else you have, your casinos, so on and so forth.
You sold everything.
How big would that check be that you put in your pocket when you headed west
for the trailer?
Well, I hate to disappoint, but I have zero idea, David.
How come this seat is at such a low level?
You know, I'm looking at him, he's got this stage rigged, folks, just, you know,
that seat is a good half, six inches higher than my seat.
And so am I.
Ah, I see.
But no, I'm serious, I think, I think that this...
I'm not going to get you over that subject.
No, this is, I think, I think this is the kind of thing that people love to
fantasize about, because you are unquestionably one of the most successful men
in the country, if not the world, and also one of the wealthiest.
So, give us a figure that we might ponder here.
You'll never get it out of me, David.
You'll never get it out of me.
You'll try, but you'll never get it.
Let's get something like, you know, how we're going to become more successful.
Let's talk about that.
I read something this afternoon that said, in the bank, right now, you have...
500 million dollars in cash.
In cash.
Is that a fair...
Which paper did you read that in?
Well, I can't divulge those sources.
You have to give me the newspaper.
No, no, just tell me.
Is that not true, or is that close?
Am I nuts here?
Well, I don't know.
I just...
You have to tell me where you got that, David.
This is a very unusual interview, folks.
You won't put a figure, just an imaginary figure?
Never have, never would.
A billion.
You're worth a billion dollars?
Perhaps.
Perhaps?
Perhaps.
Perhaps.
Are we the low-sided, perhaps, or the high-sided?
What were you like as a kid?
What kind of childhood did you have?
Well, I had a good childhood, wonderful parents, really good parents, and it
was a good, solid
childhood, I'd say.
Very normal in a lot of respects, but a very, very solid childhood.
Yeah.
From the standpoint of family and all.
Are you a driven person?
Do you jump out of bed in the morning and just...
I don't think of myself as driven.
I'm fortunate.
I don't need lots of sleep, like some people, and some people don't.
I don't need that.
I would say that I'm somebody that enjoys what I do, and I enjoy it so much
that perhaps
I do it well, but I really enjoy what I do.
I don't like to think of myself as driven.
I don't like to think of myself really as ambitious.
I just enjoy what I do, David.
Is what you do something you've always wanted to do?
I know your father was and still is a real estate developer.
My father was in the real estate business, and I've been in that and other
businesses
and different things.
I like what I'm doing.
I just enjoy what I'm doing.
I love the real estate business, and I love the other businesses that I'm in.
Could you have done it without your father as a support system, both
emotionally and financially?
Did he help you out when you were starting?
Well, the emotional was very important.
I learned a lot from my father, more than anything else.
I learned a lot.
My father was out in sort of a tough business in Brooklyn, Queens, rent control
property and
various properties, and it wasn't a great business.
It was a good business, and he was a solid guy and a bright guy, and I learned
a lot
from my father, and I think in terms of support, that would be the number one
thing that I got
from my father.
Have you had failures, big failures?
Well, I don't look at failures as failures.
I think a failure is something that you really want to learn by.
I would say that I haven't had too many, and I want to keep it that way.
What's the biggest bath you've taken on a deal?
I don't know if I can answer it yet.
I mean, let's see what happens.
So far, I've been very fortunate, but I mean, we've all been fortunate.
Markets have been going up other than a few weeks ago.
Now, did you get hurt in the stock market?
Not particularly, but I think everybody gets hurt because when you lose a
trillion dollars
or whatever throughout the world, I suspect everybody's hurt indirectly.
I mean, in the real estate business, you sell apartments, you sell this, you
sell that.
Perhaps people don't have as much.
Everybody gets hurt by that, David.
Let me ask you one more of these silly questions, and I promise after we do the
commercial,
we'll go on to other topics.
Then we're going to get serious, right?
Well, I didn't say that.
What would it take, what kind of a hit would it take to get your attention
where you would
maybe need a drink?
Where somebody came in and said, Don, we got some bad news.
Woo!
The, uh...
That's 7-Eleven in Akron, well...
What?
Hopefully, David, I wouldn't be in a position where I'd have to take that kind
of a hit.
I know that.
I know.
We're just, we're just pretending.
I want to, I just want to tell you that.
You act like you're running for something.
No.
All right, we got to, we'll do a commercial.
We'll let him think some of these over and try and get a straight answer.
Okay, Donald Trump is here.
You're on the cover of the new issue of People magazine.
I don't know what I'm beating around the bush here.
I don't know why you're being so goofy about this.
It says on the cover, you're a billionaire.
It does say that.
Yeah.
So would you...
If People says it, I would have to believe it.
When People says it...
Um, what's the deal with you and, uh, and Ed Koch?
Is, is this an old irritation between the two of you, or is this something new?
No, it's really not.
Ed Koch is a man who I've, I've liked at some points in terms of...
I, I have no objection to Ed except for one, one thing.
He's not a very capable or competent mayor.
He's done a...
Whoa!
He's done a, he's done a bad, as most of you New Yorkers will probably know,
he's done a pretty bad job running New York and that hurts me and it hurts
everybody.
And when I see somebody that's not competent and he's running something
and something that I have a big, really a big stake in,
it bother