Name: Simon Bond on Letterman, February 22, 1982
Uploaded: 2017-03-18T22:11:48.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Simon Bond on Letterman, February 22, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-03-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Simon Bond on Letterman, February 22, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-03-18. Transcript available.

Thank you. Thank you very much, and welcome back to the show.
Simon Bond is a young cartoonist who likes to shock his readers, it says here,
with drawings of black humor.
His first book, 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.
...has sold over one million copies. His newest collection is entitled "Unspeakable
Acts."
Would you please welcome Simon Bond?
Can I just apologize for these bloody rags?
What's the, you mean, by bloody rags you're referring to your clothing?
For my garb, yes.
What's the matter with them?
Well, I just sort of picked up a line from the play and I thought it was apropos.
Oh, I see. You mentioned the, uh...
Obviously it wasn't noticed.
The folks in Valley Forge were wrapping themselves in bloody rags.
Kind of a disgusting notion now...
Yes.
Well, certainly thanks for recalling our attention, too, that disgusting notion.
This is my job. I just observe life and report it.
Okay, fine. Uh, where were we?
I was behind here a few months ago.
No, you were right there and you look, uh, you look fine.
I was sitting here.
Sporty.
Yeah.
Sporty.
Yeah. Uh, it's a sweatshirt and jeans.
Is it? But it's cashmere.
Cashmere?
No, I lied.
Doing my best.
It's growing more and more fascinating by the second, though, isn't it?
Sort of a level of mediocrity, but it's consistent.
Now, uh, you don't, you don't seem like the kind of fellow who would, uh...
Sell insurance.
No, no, not sell insurance.
Sell insurance.
Um...
I don't know. I forgot what I was going to say.
Shall I just take it over?
Yeah, go ahead and see what you can do.
You don't seem like the kind of guy who'd draw this kind of type of cartoon,
Simon.
No, I'm not, David.
No, I was going to say, you don't seem like the kind of guy who would be silly
enough to show up in a sweatshirt.
No, I was going to say, you don't seem like the kind of guy who would be silly
enough to show up in a sweatshirt.
Oh, hey, Hallmark.
Hey, John.
I'm not done with you.
Sit down, Simon.
Um...
You are bigger than I am, aren't you?
This time of night, I get testy.
That's right.
Feisty, feisty.
Now, we want to talk about your book.
Okay, let's do it.
Or at least one of us does.
Yes, yes.
Hey, let's do that.
Uh, the dead cats.
What's the deal with dead cats?
How do you, uh...
About 7%, are you?
7% is the deal on dead cats.
Um...
But what I was going to say...
Yes, David.
You seem like such a mild-mannered fellow.
Mild.
How does one arrive at the notion that a collection of cartoons dealing with
hard, stiff, little
dead kitties would be something fun to do?
Uh, I think it's prescription medicine.
That...
If you had that for a long time, it works this way.
Mm-hmm.
I don't know, David.
It's an old idea.
It goes back to '76.
And I concocted it once, living in Phoenix.
It's probably because I lived in Phoenix, I came up with the idea.
If anybody's ever been to Phoenix, they'll know all about it.
Now, can you pinpoint the day that the notion occurred to you?
Or is it...
I know it was summer in 1975.
Mm-hmm.
It was a long time ago now, David.
We were just kids, remember?
And, uh...
I just came up with it once.
I sent it to Esquire, 'cause Esquire went in to have full-page color cartoons,
and, uh...
This was one of the ideas, and it was hastily returned.
Oh, really?
They didn't go for the first one, huh?
No, they just threatened to blow my knees off.
Yes, I know.
We're going to the pictures.
That's a nice one.
We have some pictures.
Oh!
Oh, what a surprise!
We call them graphics in the business.
All right, Simon.
Let's go for the DCs, which it's called.
Yes, now, for the folks at home who have no idea what we're talking about...
This is one of theirs.
...including us.
Uh...
Just tell us what we're dealing with here.
This is from 101 Dead Cats.
I don't want to use this one.
This is a wheelbarrow.
A wheel...barrow.
Mm-hmm.
With two dead kitties.
That's right, and a live man.
What, did you always want to be a cartoonist?
No.
Or did you do something else in mind early?
Just wanted to be a star, David.
Um...
Making any progress?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Here we go.
This is...
Well, I was until now.
I...
Why you...
I oughta...
This is a...
My mother's favorite.
This is the, uh...
This is the plow.
That's a plow.
A plow with dead...
A plow with dead...
That's a clever one.
I like that one.
A plow with dead kitty.
This guy can certainly draw, can't he?
You get the feeling this guy is an imposter and the real Simon Bond is tied up
in the lobby.
He's with Bob the dog at the moment.
Bob the dog.
Yes, Bob the dog.
Hey, that's not a bad idea.
Do we have that tape?
Now...
Yes, David?
Uh, now this...
This 101 Dead Cats thing sold a lot of books.
Quite well.
Still selling.
Still doing well.
Now your follow-up book is called...
Unspeakable Acts.
Okay.
Like tonight.
Gonna take a look at some of these.
Yes, here comes Unspeakable Acts.
Is this...
Is this published now?
Soon to be released?
Oh yeah, it's been out since before Christmas.
So buy it, damn it.
A subtle guy, huh?
A subtle guy, huh?
Yeah.
That's a subtle guy, huh?
And what have we here?
This is a gentleman tipping his toenails in a restaurant.
Uh-huh.
And it's probably a good restaurant and cheap nails.
Mm-hmm.
That's what that one is.
Now, how do these ideas come to you?
Do you observe this stuff or do you just imagine it or are you...
Actually, I think you just take life generally like...
And just twist it very slightly.
It's not that difficult.
Even you could do it.
Oh, maybe not you, but most people could.
Oh, I like...
I like that pretty well.
A little, uh, baby toss.
That's right.
Uh-huh.
Popular event in Barnum & Bailey.
You gotta, uh, rub the kids down with fish before they'll touch them a little.
We might have.
We might have.
We might have.
Other than leave them unwashed.
Oh, I like this.
This is nice.
You do?
This is, uh...
Oh.
Gentle.
This is a...
Tossing tacks into a new display.
Tossing tacks at naked people.
For those...
At naked...
I think that should be an Olympic sport, don't you?
Yeah.
Naked people.
Yeah.
Okay.
Now, but before...
Oh, there's yours.
Yeah, I like this one quite well.
This is a goodie.
I won't stand for this one.
But you wanted to be a stand-up comic.
I understand.
Yes, I've done a bit of that.
How do you like doing stand-up comedy?
Well, if I can get to the microphone, I don't mind.
Really?
It'll be a problem, yes.
Would you ever consider adding that to your career, uh...
Oh, yes.
Yes, I do.
Oh, sure.
There's that.
Oh, no.
See, well, you're gone too far now, Simon.
Yes, right.
Is the car waiting?
You pushed your luck there, pal.
Have you ever performed in public this stand-up comedy?
Uh...
Yes, I have, David.
Where about?
Phoenix.
I've even performed at the Playboy Club.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's my wrist.
Get your saxophone z-barted.
That's right.
Do we have time for one more here?
One more.
Just quickly, here's one more.
Another one from Simon Bond's "Unspeakable Eyes."
A reasonably charming cartoon.
I know.
Oh, well.
A lot of French people in the audience.
Of course you do.
I appreciate you being here.
It was a pleasure meeting you.
You do?
Good heavens.
Simon Bond, ladies and gentlemen, and, uh...
We'll be back.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.