Name: Dave's Record Collection Collection, Part 2: 1984
Uploaded: 2017-04-11T13:57:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Record Collection Collection, Part 2: 1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Record Collection Collection, Part 2: 1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-11. Transcript available.

We will be having Carole King back with her daughter Sherry for another song
with the band.
And before we do that, may we look in now at this unbelievably dynamic
experiment that's being conducted in our makeup room.
This is Frank Mariello, the man who was with the Identikit folks.
And through the description of the man in the beekeeping hat, Renee Hensley, he's
putting together a picture.
And is that what we've got so far?
Okay, and at the end of the show we'll see how close he is.
Now keep in mind, ladies and gentlemen, he can see right through that thing.
So this will be a real test of Frank's ability.
Well, it's time now to take another visit to our record collection.
Paul, do we have theme music with the record collection?
I don't know if we have any, but there it is.
Sure, that's the theme music.
That's right.
As that familiar theme music reminds us, once again, it's time for our record
collection.
You know, I used to associate music with song and melody.
That was before golfer Bob Rosberg introduced me to the poetic beauty and, yes,
music of the spoken word.
Let's listen now to a cut from this album.
No matter how well you play, sooner or later, you're going to be in a sand trap.
Ah, that's certainly true.
That's what they're there for.
Uh-huh.
The trick is to get out of them without running up a disastrous score.
That's true.
It's sort of lifelike, isn't it?
Let's see.
This one is the two sides of Telly Savalas.
Now, you probably think of Telly as tough, aggressive guy, but there's another
side to this complex man, a sensitive, tender Telly.
Listen, as he remembers yesterday when he was young.
The naked light of day, and only now I see, are the years by the way.
Yesterday when I was young.
That's right.
Certainly a lot of hair under the bridge there.
All right.
You know, uh, most people use this record to train their parakeet, but for me,
there's no better way to relax and unwind after a hectic day.
Pretty bird.
Pretty bird.
Pretty bird.
Pretty bird.
Three hours of this, I'm a new man.
It's just unbelievable.
All right.
Now, here's an interesting album.
Those awkward years, Twix 12 and 20, would have been a lot rougher for me
without the inspirational guidance of this particular record.
Don Lonnie talks with teenagers.
Don?
I was in a high school not too long ago.
I overheard two girls with hair all over their heads talking.
In fact, this girl down here sort of reminds me of her hair looked like an
explosion in the mattress factory.
Why don't you get a cab, Don?
All right.
Robert Clary, of course, has LeBeau on Hogan's Heroes.
Robert Clary was great at making chumps of the Nazis, but he's just as good in
a tux at the Playboy Club, belting out the French classic Alouette.
Is it Alouette?
Whatever.
Here he is now.
Yeah.
That's right.
Okay.
That's plenty.
Thank you.
You can also use this record to train your parakeet.
Now, one of the pinnacles of investigative journalism was this special report
by the late Chet Huntley on the International House of Pancakes.
When the public really likes something, you hear the expression, it's selling
like hotcakes.
That stands for the label of success on any product.
But let me put it to you.
What item can sell like hotcakes except more hotcakes?
That's right.
Now, if this didn't win a Pulitzer Prize, it should have.
Well, this is the music capital of the world.
Well, it has to be Rockford, Illinois.
And this album, Make It in Rockford, finally captures the excitement of that
music city.
Listen now to my favorite, We've Got It All in Rockford.
Thank you very much.
You know, a record like this would put New York City on the map.
And finally, ultimately, every true artist must confront the puzzle of his
existence and ask simply why.
Nobody has ever done it better than perhaps our greatest living poet, Hervé
Villachez.
Let's all now listen and learn.
Why do people have to fight?
Why don't they learn to do what's right?
Okay, we've got plenty of show left.
Carol King is coming back with her daughter, Sherry Goffin, right after you
take a look at this, folks.
Okay, we have time for one more spin on Dave's wheel of whatever we're calling
this tonight.
All right.
And it looks like it's going to be this.
And it's...
Well, all right.
It's come up on a tribute to Bob Dylan.
And we thought it only fitting that the spokesman of a generation should be
honored by another important voice of the 1960s.
I, of course, am talking about William Shatner.
Tonight, we have selected a cut from William Shatner's album, The Transformed
Man.
And we're going to play for you his moving version of the legendary Bob Dylan
song, Mr. Tambourine Man.
Our salute to Bob Dylan.
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
In the jingle, jangle morning, I'll come following you.
Mr. Tambourine Man!
Okay. This was just a test for possible overseas broadcast. This won't be
included in the real American version of the show, but we have quite a program
for you tonight. Aaron Gray will be here. Thank you very much, Grandma. You can
go now. Very nice job. Thank you for being here.
And we also have the Border Collies and a quiz on Campaign 84, and everybody in
the audience gets an end table and I think a Hassek, so we've got plenty of
time.
Thank you, folks. Later on this program tonight, Lauren Hutton will be here.
Tomorrow, from Kate and Allie, Jane Curtin will be here.
Also from St. Elsewhere, Howie Mandel, and from the Nut Museum, curator
Elizabeth Tashjian. Is that how she pronounces her name? Elizabeth Tashjian?
A sweet woman. She's been here once before, and tomorrow night she will be back.
We'll look forward to seeing her then.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time once again for something we like to
call Dave's Record Collection.
Thank you.
Very nice. Thank you very much, Paul.
Well, here's the first record we're going to be listening to a little of.
You know, the Fantastics is in its 25th year, and when you think of musical
comedy, you think of one man, Mr. Telly Savalas.
As a tribute to that long-running show, here now is Telly singing his version
of Try to Remember.
Telly Savalas, ladies and gentlemen.
Try to remember when life is slow, and oh, so mellow, try to remember.
Damn, that man can sing.
Okay, here is, um, now this is a record entitled The Magic Key to Colorful
Conversation.
Let's listen to a cut.
The Magic Key to Colorful Conversation.
But you did have an eventful trip, didn't you?
Uh-huh.
Yes.
Travel is all right, but never alone.
Every morning I long for a good American breakfast of ham or bacon and eggs and
piping hot coffee
and the morning paper from back home.
And a good American voice on the phone, asking me out to the movies in the
evening.
Only that phone call never came.
No, and it's not going to if you don't knock off that incessant whining.
Now, now this is exciting.
Now, now this is exciting.
This is Rolf Paulsen.
Uh, Rolf, of course, is Europe's, Europe's big-voiced, popular favorite singing
hits of the 60s in German.
Tonight, the theme from Bonanza.
Rolf?
Today the Ponderosa, tomorrow the world.
Thank you, Rolf.
Okay, now this is after a tension-packed day dodging New York City traffic.
There's nothing quite as soothing as this touch-typing drill from Olivetti
Underwood, A to Z.
Let's listen now to a few minutes of this.
N, G, space, muzzle, M, U, Z, Z, L, E.
Of course, muzzle was the hit single off that album.
This one is called The Record Way to Stop Smoking.
Let's listen briefly.
The Record Way to Stop Smoking.
I will have more energy, pep, and vitality.
I will have more energy, pep, and vitality.
I will use this increased energy to improve my life.
I will enjoy my activities.
I believe the Secret Service later caught this guy stalking the president.
All right, and this is the record from which we had the two hits, Meat, no,
what was the other one?
The Car and Truck Rental song and Steakhouse.
We have another cutoff of this album for you tonight.
When you buy meat, you want it full of flavor and so tender.
Not tasting like a leather boot or old crumpled fender.
We have the finest quality choice, great day.
Come in when you're ordering meat today.
Now, I could be wrong, but wasn't that Europe's big-voiced popular favorite, Rolf
Paulsen?
Big, big voice.
You know, not too long ago, somebody wrote in and they said that Michael
Jackson's song, Billie Jean,
they actually thought they heard Michael Jackson sing,
The chair is not my son.
Let's listen and see if we can tell anything.
Do we have that queued up?
This is, let's be careful, it's here.
I find her, she's just a girl, I'm a woman, I'm a woman, I'm a woman, I'm a
woman, I'm a woman, I'm a woman, I'm a woman.
Chad.
I didn't know that.
Turns out it's true.
Okay, uh...
All right, we're going to close out this installment of Dave's record
collection with a tune from William Shatner's album entitled The Transformed
Man.
Here he is now singing, well, let's be surprised.
William Shatner from The Transformed Man.
In a boat, in a boat, in a boat, on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade
skies.
Somebody calls you.
You'll answer quite slow.
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
We'll be right back with Lauren Hutton, folks.
Thank you, Paul.
Tomorrow on this program, comedian George Miller will be here, also baton twirler
Claudia Costa and movie historian Michael Medved.
That'll be tomorrow and later in this half hour, Clarence Clemens will be
joining us.
It's time now for a regular segment.
By the way, this segment has won seven Peabody Awards.
It's called Dave's Record Collection.
I believe Paul has some introductory music, don't you, Paul?
Yes, I certainly do.
All right, we'll get it up for you here later that same night.
Yeah, that's it.
Perfect.
It's time for Dave's Record Collection.
Here's record number one, if you're scoring at home.
This one is called Sam the Drummer.
Sam tells famous fairy tales for your children, for kids three to eight years
old.
Let's listen to Sam.
And the mama's chair was much too soft than the baby's chair.
I guess we are already.
Just right, but she broke it all to pieces.
That's the kind of story that will make any kid nod right off.
All right, this next one I've played so many times, I haven't even had a chance
to take the cellophane off of it.
This one is called Eddie Albert Sings and Narrates Americana.
Let's listen, shall we?
Most of the songs I've chosen go back as far as 1776, when America was
struggling to become free from England, to break away, to become independent.
Independent.
That's a big word meaning doing your own thing.
I believe that's the version he did at Woodstock.
Now, this next one, African Safari, and it says on the label there, the
activity and excitement of an actual big game hunt.
101 strings with an African Safari.
Let's listen closely now.
Keep telling yourself it's only a recreation.
It's only...
This next one, we have music for cooking with gas.
It's kind of like being on an African Safari, isn't it?
Now, here's something from Pat Collins, the hip hypnotist.
It's called Turn On the Powers of the Mind, Songs and Self-Suggestions.
Now, let's have a few of these.
Well, I think I'm going out of my head.
Yes, I think I'm going out of my head.
Over you.
Over you.
I want you.
Do you want me?
I need you so badly, I can't think of anything but you.
Okay, now, this woman's hypnotic powers are so great, people actually leave her
show feeling they've been entertained.
And finally, oh, it's a short collection tonight.
Finally, we have something called Virginia Belmont's Famous Singing and Talking
Birds.
This tape will prove the point that parakeets can talk.
Oh, good.
Yes, you're a very sweet budgie boy, and all is forgiven if you sing that
little song that our dear friend Elsie taught you.
Remember?
It goes something like this.
Yes, that should quiet the skeptics for once and for all.
Parakeets can, in fact, talk.
Okay, that's it, Paul.
We'll be back with Clarence Clemon.