Name: "It's a Wonderful Life" Parody on Letterman, October 7, 1982
Uploaded: 2017-04-13T23:38:59.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"It's a Wonderful Life" Parody on Letterman, October 7, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"It's a Wonderful Life" Parody on Letterman, October 7, 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-04-13. Transcript available.

thank you very much hi and welcome back to the show ladies and gentlemen Monday
on this very
television program we will have filmmaker Werner Herzog now he's only a
filmmaker he's not filmmaker
mystic or shoe clerk he's just a filmmaker Werner Herzog will be here and also
comedian Jay Leno
now that'll be Monday my next guest is the owner of the Oakland Athletics did I
say owner I mean
former owner I can't believe I actually made that stupid mistake you know he's
a former owner you
know I don't believe I made that mistake sometimes I think we'd all be better
off if I had never been
born did you ever stop to think what the show would be like without you what
difference have
I made I'll bet the show would be just as good without me well take a look at
this
and now no one at all
Thank you.
Just, uh, go sit over there.
Well, I imagine it's good to see me.
Uh, I guess we'd like me to share my amusing story about, uh, what I've been
doing lately.
Uh, sure.
Whatever you want.
I guess I'd just go ahead and tell it.
Um, yeah.
Uh, we got five seconds.
Uh, well, we're running out of time, I guess.
Uh, I've certainly been a pleasure, and I imagine that if I'm ever in the area,
I should stop by again.
What do I do now?
Uh, split.
One, two, three.
See how different things would be, Dave?
All right, interviews would be improved, but not much improved.
And did you ever stop to think what would happen to the ratings?
If there was no one hosting the show, the ratings would plummet.
Approve three-tenths of one percent.
Gee, I, I guess I was only thinking of myself.
We're not done yet, Dave.
Take a look at this.
Well, I recognize him.
That's the owner of the Chinese restaurant that I interviewed during a remote.
It sure is.
Well, this is the last time I will come to visit your boys.
I'm closing down my restaurant.
Oh, no.
Nobody come to visit me.
They just don't know about us.
If only some really television comedian would come and make fun of me on
television.
I have a sign with many comical misspellings.
No one will ever come to laugh at them.
I come to America with such great dreams.
Now, I return to Taiwan.
A broken man.
And do you remember this guy, David?
Now, who, who was that exactly?
That's Earl Stevens.
Earl Stevens.
He was in your biology class in high school.
He called you up once for some help on his homework.
But because you've never been born, the phone is still ringing.
You've never picked it up.
You mean he's been on the phone all these years?
Yes, Dave.
You are important in ways you never imagined.
For instance, if you had never been born, for reasons that are too complicated
to go into,
the letter P would look like this.
And George Bush would be the vice president of the United States.
George Bush is the vice president of the United States.
What do you think, Vladimir?
What do you think, Vladimir?
The whole world revolves around you?
Yeah, I guess I see your point.
Everybody would be a little worse off if I had never been born.
Except me, Dave.
If you had never been born, I would still be alive.
And I would have been the first man to set foot on the moon.
One more step for me.
Another small step for me.
One more small step for me.
Well, that was fun, wasn't it?
We'll be right back with former baseball team owner and mystic Charlie O. Finley.
Thank you.