Name: Roger Moore on Letterman, June 4, 1992
Uploaded: 2017-05-23T20:10:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Roger Moore on Letterman, June 4, 1992' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-05-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Roger Moore on Letterman, June 4, 1992' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-05-23. Transcript available.

Thanks, Dave. I feel great tonight. I got paid from NBC. I got my check. I took
it down to the bank. The check cleared.
Wow!
So I feel marvelous. How are you tonight?
Great, Paul. I feel great.
Good. Thank you.
I'm going to tell you a little something about, uh, it's my life. I don't know
if it's my life. I don't know if it's the city we're living in.
I don't know if it's the times we find ourselves in. This happened last night.
I'm driving home.
And by the way, wasn't last night the most beautiful early summer, late spring
day you'll...
Oh! We've been very, very lucky with the weather.
So I'm driving home and I'm feeling pretty good about life in general.
And there's a fellow in a car right next to me and he pulls up to me and so now
we're kind of going north on First Avenue together.
And he continues to look over a little. After about a block and a half, he
gives me this, which I believe is the signal to roll down your window.
Or a really silly wave.
So I roll down the window and the guy says, hey, are you David Letterman?
And I said, why, yes I am.
And he says, hey, how's it going?
And I said, well, it's going pretty well. How's it going with you?
And he says, hey, it's going great with me.
And he says, where are you going?
And I said, I'm going home.
And he says, that's great.
Now, we hit that moment where he knows and I know we have nothing more to say
to one another.
But he won't go away.
He's still there.
We're now motoring together up First Avenue.
Finally, I said, all right, son, keep moving.
And he looks at me and he says, keep moving.
Hell, I'll kick your ass.
And so then it was like a high-speed chase all the way to my house.
It went from, hi, how's it going?
Nice to see you.
Hell, I'll kick your ass.
I think we're wired into the dumpster downstairs.
Welcome back to the program.
Roger Moore is here.
I just met Mr. Moore backstage a few minutes ago.
How is he?
Very exciting to have him here.
Yeah.
And I met him.
You know, the band was playing and I walked around and I wanted to say hello to
him standing.
He's standing right back there.
And the closer I got to him, I could tell he has no idea who I am.
So, so always, always, you never want to take anything for granted.
I said, how do you do, Mr. Moore?
I'm David Letterman.
Right.
And he said, oh, yes, yes, yes, I know.
And then I said, hell, I'll kick your ass, buddy.
And, and a very bright young girl, 13 years old, Amanda Goad.
She's the, uh, is it 1992, uh, spelling bee champion?
Yep.
Yeah.
And we'll have, we'll do a little spelling right here for us.
Yeah, great.
Uh, in the meantime, let's do the, uh, top 10, uh, category list tonight.
Top 10 restrictions on the new super saver airfares.
You know, if you're traveling anywhere this summer, this is the perfect time
because, uh, I think
American Airlines started it, then United Airlines followed suit, and then, uh,
U.S.
Air and Continental.
Is there still a Continental?
And, uh, TWA, is there still a TWA?
Mm-hmm.
And, and, uh, very, very low fares you can fly anywhere.
Cheap fares.
Yeah.
My mother, as a matter of fact, is flying from Indianapolis to Salt Lake City
for $8 around
that time.
$8.
$8.
But I guess you can't just travel anywhere.
There's probably some restrictions on the flights.
Exactly, Paul.
That's exactly what we're going to cover, cover here tonight with our top 10
restrictions
on the new super saver airfares.
Here we go.
Number 10.
Uh, you may have to bring enough soda for everybody.
Number 9.
On flights less than 500 miles, airline reserves right to take the interstate.
Number 8.
Number 8.
In-flight movie may be stop or my mom will shoot.
Number 7.
Must make all connections in midair.
Number 6.
See, right, right there, I'd think twice about that.
I, uh, number 6.
Carry-on items must fit securely inside your pants.
Well, I don't know.
What, what, what, that would keep you from going anywhere, I would think.
Uh, number 5.
When plane lands, you must remain on board for your return flight.
We'll see there, what really is the good of going if you can't get off the
plane.
Number 4.
Uh, passenger must be able to open package of airline peanuts in under one
minute.
Number 3.
Uh, number 3.
Uh, number 3.
Might have to share a seat with Jerry Brown.
Number 2.
Number 2.
People on aisle may be asked to massage the captain.
And the number 1 restriction on the new super saver airfare.
You may be used as a flotation device.
Yeah.
What is that, is it like the hustle or something?
Tighten up.
Tighten up.
Tighten up.
What is that?
Archie Bell and the Drills.
Archie Bell and the Drills from Houston, from Houston, Texas.
From Houston, Texas.
Yeah, but what, didn't they have another song besides the tighten up?
Yeah, they had another song.
They had a follow-up.
We don't remember.
Yeah, okay.
Well, it certainly is a valuable use of our airtime tonight.
I'm playing Name That Tune with the band.
My favorite use.
My favorite use of it.
Yeah, well, we have a huge star back there.
That's right.
Let's cut him out.
Our first guest has no idea who I am.
No, no, no, no.
He's one of the biggest movie stars working today.
Of course, he was James Bond in eight of those motion pictures, including The
Spy Who Loved Me
and Live and Let Die.
It's a pleasure to welcome him to this program.
Ladies and gentlemen, here's Roger Moore.
Roger Moore.
No, no, no.
Please.
What you said about, you came up very nicely and said, David Letterman.
Yeah.
Of course, I know who you are.
Chuck Connors went up to Noel Coward at a party, and he said, I'm Chuck Connors.
I said, of course you are, dear boy.
And that was that.
That was it.
Welcome to the program.
Now, I'm not sure if I can believe this, but people are explaining to me
that one of your first American acting jobs was right here in this building.
Right here.
Two floors up where they do Saturday Night Live.
In 8-H.
8-H.
The big, big studio.
What did you do there?
Oh, it was 1953.
What's that?
39 years ago.
Wow.
And it was the first job I had was for Robert Montgomery Presents, and it was a
play I did with an actress, Phyllis Kirk and Diane Lynn.
And I played a French United Nations diplomat.
And I remember, you know, sort of thinking of the restrictions they had in live
television in those days.
Because she says, oh, you've got to be very careful, Diane Lynn says to Phyllis
Kirk, about United Nations diplomat.
I went up with one once, and he came riding down Fifth Avenue on a camel
wearing a fez.
And we got to the transmission, the dresser house, and they said, no, that's
out.
You can't say it came down on a camel.
It came down on an elephant, because the show was sponsored by Lucky Strike.
Oh.
So the sponsors controlled the content of the show very, very tightly.
If you work for Chesterfield, you couldn't say you were happy, because that had
connotations, be happy, go lucky.
Uh-huh.
Oh, I see.
And L-S-M-F-T, which we all know what that means.
Yeah.
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco.
Of course it does.
Nothing to do with loose sweaters.
What, uh, oh, no, there's another meaning, then, is what you're saying.
Yes.
Uh, tell me at the party after the show.
Uh, now, you must have been a kid, then.
How old a man were you when you were doing that?
I was four.
I was a very young diplomat.
Yeah.
But I remember, I was coming up here this afternoon, and I was going along
Madison.
And I remember, I did about four or five jobs in this building.
And I got paid, you know, this is in the 50s, and I think I got $200 or $300
for a show.
It's about what you're getting tonight.
I'm getting nothing.
It's about what I'm getting tonight.
Uh, but anyway, I had to get from here to 555 Madison Avenue, or 666, which was
MCA's building,
my agents.
And I had to get there in a hurry, because there was probably another job in
the office.
So I grabbed a taxi, which I didn't normally used to do, and I arrived outside
the thing,
and I took a bill out of my pocket, a dollar bill, and I said, keep the change.
It was 75 cents.
It was very lavish.
Keep the change.
And the taxi went, boom, and he was off like a shot.
And they went, oh, God, that was a hundred-dollar bill.
He thought, crazy Englishman.
Cool.
No, that's a great story.
You should do that.
You should just, anywhere you go, slap down a C-note.
Keep the change.
Well, of course.
You know who's a C-note doesn't get you to Kennedy Airport.
You know who has been here a couple of times is Tony Curtis.
Oh, he's lovely.
Yeah, and I talked to him about the television show that you and he did
together.
The Persuaders.
Yeah, it was on ABC here in the United States, but I think it was, was it a
British production originally?
Oh, yeah, we did it for Lou Gray.
I, uh, Tony, when we first did it, he was a non-smoker,
and he was leading the campaign in America against smoking.
Right.
It was a big television campaign.
Yeah.
And we arrived, and in those days, I smoked.
And we arrived at Tony's house with the producer, Bob Baker, and the writer,
Terry Nation.
And we said, you know, this is what we're going to do.
And we were about half an hour talking, and Lou Gray said, don't smoke.
Tony doesn't like smoking.
And after about an hour of his conversation, we all wanted a cigarette, and I
said,
look, I know you don't smoke, but do you mind?
And he said, dear sweet Leslie.
That was his wife.
He said, where's that ashtray we used to have?
He signed to do the show.
Two months later, he arrived in London.
I was ill in hospital, having a kidney polished.
I'm sorry?
Having just been in to have it polished.
Well, no, he's having stones removed.
Oh, I see.
As long as you're having to remove, polish it.
What the heck?
Take the rust off and polish it.
They work better that way.
Yeah.
But anyway, they call it dialysis.
But he arrived, and so I was in the hospital, and I wasn't able to go to the
airport.
And he unfortunately had some strange tobacco that the governor of somewhere or
other never inhaled.
Oh, yes.
And so there was a terrible thing at the airport about, you know, Tony Curtis
having this thing, and he got $5.50.
Oh, I kind of remember that, actually.
And Bob Hope was doing lines about Tony Curtis is still circling London three
months later waiting to land.
But, you know, knowing you now, just a little bit, of course, and from your
film work, and then when Tony comes, that was a great combination, the two of
you, for that show.
We had a great time doing it.
It's very funny.
Yeah.
Let's pause here for a commercial, and when we come back, we'll talk about
anything else you want to talk about.
Roger Morris here, kids.
Hi there.
Roger Moore is here, Hiram Bullock, Amanda Goad, and other things.
Let's talk a little bit about your life as James Bond.
You were in eight of those films.
No, I was seven, I guess.
Seven of those films.
And it must have been a difficult situation in the beginning, because you're
following, of course, Sean Connor, but it was also probably very rewarding.
But there must have been other drawbacks as well.
Well, you know, the drawbacks, trying to get paid on Friday.
I always figured they were trying to kill me.
We had violent explosions, which is really the thing I hated.
I'm petrified at guns.
I don't like all that.
But what they did, I remember we were shooting in the Gulf of Siam, and this
was for Man with a Golden Gun.
I was doing a scene with Brett Eklund, and we're on this little island where Scaramanga,
the villain Christopher Lee, has his headquarters.
And I have, James Bond, has set up all the explosions, which we've done in the
interiors, and the island's going to blow up.
Now, will it actually blow up, or are these special effects that they put into
the film somehow later?
I mean, will there be actual explosions?
Always actual explosions there and then.
And so I've got the special effects man and the director, we're walking around,
and they're saying,
right, now you start off here in this doorway with Brett, and you rush through
this to Brett Eklund, who's wearing a bikini.
And why not?
What else are you going to wear, I mean, when the island's going to blow up?
Sure, exactly.
And so they have these big, you know, like those tipster trucks they have
outside a building they're demolishing.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Now, it's full of explosives.
It's full of petroleum jelly.
It's full of bricks and everything else.
They say, that will go off first as you go across there.
Then you get there, you look back, and the next one goes.
Then you go, now, the third and the fourth and the fifth, they all go just as
you get to this big overhang.
But you're all right, because you'll be behind it.
I said, fine, you know, that's all right.
My hands are getting like this.
I said, where's the camera?
All the camera is going to be.
And I look, and I'm going out to see our boots with cameras on.
They're all getting off the island.
And so there am I left with Brett.
Vroom, the first one goes.
I run up to there with Brett.
She stands.
I then have to grab her.
And I am, her body's sweating.
My hand's sweating.
And she goes straight through my fingers like this.
Yeah.
And she's left standing there.
And I turn around.
I, Brett!
And I, oh, God, shall I be James Bond, who would leave her?
Or shall I be Roger Moore and the Gentleman?
And I rush back, and I got her.
But by this time, the other ones started going.
And I hooked my arm around her.
And this flame shot around her.
And she had little blonde, she used to have little short blonde hairs up her
back.
And I felt them all crinkle and all go away.
Oh, my.
So she was actually singed a bit, then, eh?
Oh, yeah, she was singed.
But all the leading ladies, all the leading ladies thought that if they stood
near me, they were safe.
Barbara Buck, I remember, in, uh, Spire Loved Me, and one of the villain's sets
is being blown up, of course, again.
Because all Bond did was blow things up.
And he should have been a balloon manufacturer.
But anyway, I've, uh, I was standing there.
They're slow, aren't they?
No, I'm standing there, and my, uh, makeup man comes up to me, and he gives me
two little things to put in my ears.
Not earrings.
But, you know, to stop.
She says, what, Barbara says, what are those for, Roger?
I, I said, I said, because they're going to be very loud bangs.
Oh.
Well, should I have some?
I said, yeah, why not?
You know, these are mine.
You get your own.
Uh, she said, well, what, what do we do when the explosion's, I said, we run.
She said, why, will it be dangerous?
I said, of course it'll be dangerous.
She said, oh, I thought if I stood near you, I'd be safe.
Yeah.
She'd be speaking to Brett Eklund.
Yeah.
And then, is she, is she married, the one who's married to Ringo Starr?
Yep.
Well, there you go.
What, that's.
Um, and, and, uh, what, what can you tell us about your involvement with the,
the Amazon?
Your trip there recently?
Yeah, I came back this morning from Rio.
Is that right?
I am, this little button here means that I am a representative of UNICEF.
So you were there for the environmental summit?
Uh, yes, because the, uh, the children are very much involved in the
environment because,
as I say, it is their world that we have borrowed from them, and they expect it
back in a good condition.
So I went down to Manaus to host a show called Viva Terra Viva, which will go
out on the last day of the conference.
Uh, with Roger, uh, who the hell was it?
With John Denver.
I was thinking of Roger, Roger Miller.
No, he wasn't.
He was not there.
It was not Roger Miller.
It wasn't Roger Miller.
It was Sean Connery.
That ain't a bad show, though.
Roger Miller, hell yeah.
And then, and then on Tuesday on the beach, in the Ipanema Beach, I, I hosted
or emceed a big show,
which was for the pre-summit, the non-governmental organizations, and people, a
lot of green pieces, a lot of people protesting,
and we had all the governors of Brazil and the Prime Minister of Norway, Mrs.
Brundtland, Grohal Brundtland.
Oh yeah, she's been here.
You couldn't, couldn't, couldn't forget her.
But on a serious note, she is, she is one of the key women, and Norway is
probably the best example of a country doing something about the environment.
Well, good for you.
We should, too.
Very, very impressive.
For the kids' sake.
Very impressive effort on your part.
It was a great pleasure to meet you.
Thank you very much for your time.
Unless you want to hang around, do you want to hang around?
I like it here.
I like the music.
All right, well, you can hang around then.
Roger and I will be right back after this.
Thank you.
Hyrum Bullock will be here a bit later.
Hyrum, you were, he was in the band the first how many years of the show?
First two, three years?
Two, two and a half.
Two and a half years, then he left, and now you're like Mr. Big Shot solo
recording star,
and you're spending all your money on outfits, aren't you?
Look at that.
Where is the little note I had about Archie Bell and the Drells?
Is that still here?
We found the name of their other hit, Paul.
Well, I don't know.
It's gone now.
It'll be back here in a minute.
Hyrum Bullock will be playing a little song later.
Thank you very much.
Thanks.
Nice job.
Archie Bell and the Drells.
I just can't stop dancing.
That's right.
I just can't stop dancing.
Yeah.
1967.
Yeah.
Wow.
Imagine that.
Good Lord.
All right.
Okay.
That's the answer to our music quiz.
I hope you had that at home.

Roger Moore on Letterman, June 4, 1992

Thanks, Dave. I feel great tonight. I got paid from NBC. I got my check. I took
it down to the bank. The check cleared.
Wow!
So I feel marvelous. How are you tonight?
Great, Paul. I feel great.
Good. Thank you.
I'm going to tell you a little something about, uh, it's my life. I don't know
if it's my life. I don't know if it's the city we're living in.
I don't know if it's the times we find ourselves in. This happened last night.
I'm driving home.
And by the way, wasn't last night the most beautiful early summer, late spring
day you'll...
Oh! We've been very, very lucky with the weather.
So I'm driving home and I'm feeling pretty good about life in general.
And there's a fellow in a car right next to me and he pulls up to me and so now
we're kind of going north on First Avenue together.
And he continues to look over a little. After about a block and a half, he
gives me this, which I believe is the signal to roll down your window.
Or a really silly wave.
So I roll down the window and the guy says, hey, are you David Letterman?
And I said, why, yes I am.
And he says, hey, how's it going?
And I said, well, it's going pretty well. How's it going with you?
And he says, hey, it's going great with me.
And he says, where are you going?
And I said, I'm going home.
And he says, that's great.
Now, we hit that moment where he knows and I know we have nothing more to say
to one another.
But he won't go away.
He's still there.
We're now motoring together up First Avenue.
Finally, I said, all right, son, keep moving.
And he looks at me and he says, keep moving.
Hell, I'll kick your ass.
And so then it was like a high-speed chase all the way to my house.
It went from, hi, how's it going?
Nice to see you.
Hell, I'll kick your ass.
I think we're wired into the dumpster downstairs.
Welcome back to the program.
Roger Moore is here.
I just met Mr. Moore backstage a few minutes ago.
How is he?
Very exciting to have him here.
Yeah.
And I met him.
You know, the band was playing and I walked around and I wanted to say hello to
him standing.
He's standing right back there.
And the closer I got to him, I could tell he has no idea who I am.
So, so always, always, you never want to take anything for granted.
I said, how do you do, Mr. Moore?
I'm David Letterman.
Right.
And he said, oh, yes, yes, yes, I know.
And then I said, hell, I'll kick your ass, buddy.
And, and a very bright young girl, 13 years old, Amanda Goad.
She's the, uh, is it 1992, uh, spelling bee champion?
Yep.
Yeah.
And we'll have, we'll do a little spelling right here for us.
Yeah, great.
Uh, in the meantime, let's do the, uh, top 10, uh, category list tonight.
Top 10 restrictions on the new super saver airfares.
You know, if you're traveling anywhere this summer, this is the perfect time
because, uh, I think
American Airlines started it, then United Airlines followed suit, and then, uh,
U.S.
Air and Continental.
Is there still a Continental?
And, uh, TWA, is there still a TWA?
Mm-hmm.
And, and, uh, very, very low fares you can fly anywhere.
Cheap fares.
Yeah.
My mother, as a matter of fact, is flying from Indianapolis to Salt Lake City
for $8 around
that time.
$8.
$8.
But I guess you can't just travel anywhere.
There's probably some restrictions on the flights.
Exactly, Paul.
That's exactly what we're going to cover, cover here tonight with our top 10
restrictions
on the new super saver airfares.
Here we go.
Number 10.
Uh, you may have to bring enough soda for everybody.
Number 9.
On flights less than 500 miles, airline reserves right to take the interstate.
Number 8.
Number 8.
In-flight movie may be stop or my mom will shoot.
Number 7.
Must make all connections in midair.
Number 6.
See, right, right there, I'd think twice about that.
I, uh, number 6.
Carry-on items must fit securely inside your pants.
Well, I don't know.
What, what, what, that would keep you from going anywhere, I would think.
Uh, number 5.
When plane lands, you must remain on board for your return flight.
We'll see there, what really is the good of going if you can't get off the
plane.
Number 4.
Uh, passenger must be able to open package of airline peanuts in under one
minute.
Number 3.
Uh, number 3.
Uh, number 3.
Might have to share a seat with Jerry Brown.
Number 2.
Number 2.
People on aisle may be asked to massage the captain.
And the number 1 restriction on the new super saver airfare.
You may be used as a flotation device.
Yeah.
What is that, is it like the hustle or something?
Tighten up.
Tighten up.
Tighten up.
What is that?
Archie Bell and the Drills.
Archie Bell and the Drills from Houston, from Houston, Texas.
From Houston, Texas.
Yeah, but what, didn't they have another song besides the tighten up?
Yeah, they had another song.
They had a follow-up.
We don't remember.
Yeah, okay.
Well, it certainly is a valuable use of our airtime tonight.
I'm playing Name That Tune with the band.
My favorite use.
My favorite use of it.
Yeah, well, we have a huge star back there.
That's right.
Let's cut him out.
Our first guest has no idea who I am.
No, no, no, no.
He's one of the biggest movie stars working today.
Of course, he was James Bond in eight of those motion pictures, including The
Spy Who Loved Me
and Live and Let Die.
It's a pleasure to welcome him to this program.
Ladies and gentlemen, here's Roger Moore.
Roger Moore.
No, no, no.
Please.
What you said about, you came up very nicely and said, David Letterman.
Yeah.
Of course, I know who you are.
Chuck Connors went up to Noel Coward at a party, and he said, I'm Chuck Connors.
I said, of course you are, dear boy.
And that was that.
That was it.
Welcome to the program.
Now, I'm not sure if I can believe this, but people are explaining to me
that one of your first American acting jobs was right here in this building.
Right here.
Two floors up where they do Saturday Night Live.
In 8-H.
8-H.
The big, big studio.
What did you do there?
Oh, it was 1953.
What's that?
39 years ago.
Wow.
And it was the first job I had was for Robert Montgomery Presents, and it was a
play I did with an actress, Phyllis Kirk and Diane Lynn.
And I played a French United Nations diplomat.
And I remember, you know, sort of thinking of the restrictions they had in live
television in those days.
Because she says, oh, you've got to be very careful, Diane Lynn says to Phyllis
Kirk, about United Nations diplomat.
I went up with one once, and he came riding down Fifth Avenue on a camel
wearing a fez.
And we got to the transmission, the dresser house, and they said, no, that's
out.
You can't say it came down on a camel.
It came down on an elephant, because the show was sponsored by Lucky Strike.
Oh.
So the sponsors controlled the content of the show very, very tightly.
If you work for Chesterfield, you couldn't say you were happy, because that had
connotations, be happy, go lucky.
Uh-huh.
Oh, I see.
And L-S-M-F-T, which we all know what that means.
Yeah.
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco.
Of course it does.
Nothing to do with loose sweaters.
What, uh, oh, no, there's another meaning, then, is what you're saying.
Yes.
Uh, tell me at the party after the show.
Uh, now, you must have been a kid, then.
How old a man were you when you were doing that?
I was four.
I was a very young diplomat.
Yeah.
But I remember, I was coming up here this afternoon, and I was going along
Madison.
And I remember, I did about four or five jobs in this building.
And I got paid, you know, this is in the 50s, and I think I got $200 or $300
for a show.
It's about what you're getting tonight.
I'm getting nothing.
It's about what I'm getting tonight.
Uh, but anyway, I had to get from here to 555 Madison Avenue, or 666, which was
MCA's building,
my agents.
And I had to get there in a hurry, because there was probably another job in
the office.
So I grabbed a taxi, which I didn't normally used to do, and I arrived outside
the thing,
and I took a bill out of my pocket, a dollar bill, and I said, keep the change.
It was 75 cents.
It was very lavish.
Keep the change.
And the taxi went, boom, and he was off like a shot.
And they went, oh, God, that was a hundred-dollar bill.
He thought, crazy Englishman.
Cool.
No, that's a great story.
You should do that.
You should just, anywhere you go, slap down a C-note.
Keep the change.
Well, of course.
You know who's a C-note doesn't get you to Kennedy Airport.
You know who has been here a couple of times is Tony Curtis.
Oh, he's lovely.
Yeah, and I talked to him about the television show that you and he did
together.
The Persuaders.
Yeah, it was on ABC here in the United States, but I think it was, was it a
British production originally?
Oh, yeah, we did it for Lou Gray.
I, uh, Tony, when we first did it, he was a non-smoker,
and he was leading the campaign in America against smoking.
Right.
It was a big television campaign.
Yeah.
And we arrived, and in those days, I smoked.
And we arrived at Tony's house with the producer, Bob Baker, and the writer,
Terry Nation.
And we said, you know, this is what we're going to do.
And we were about half an hour talking, and Lou Gray said, don't smoke.
Tony doesn't like smoking.
And after about an hour of his conversation, we all wanted a cigarette, and I
said,
look, I know you don't smoke, but do you mind?
And he said, dear sweet Leslie.
That was his wife.
He said, where's that ashtray we used to have?
He signed to do the show.
Two months later, he arrived in London.
I was ill in hospital, having a kidney polished.
I'm sorry?
Having just been in to have it polished.
Well, no, he's having stones removed.
Oh, I see.
As long as you're having to remove, polish it.
What the heck?
Take the rust off and polish it.
They work better that way.
Yeah.
But anyway, they call it dialysis.
But he arrived, and so I was in the hospital, and I wasn't able to go to the
airport.
And he unfortunately had some strange tobacco that the governor of somewhere or
other never inhaled.
Oh, yes.
And so there was a terrible thing at the airport about, you know, Tony Curtis
having this thing, and he got $5.50.
Oh, I kind of remember that, actually.
And Bob Hope was doing lines about Tony Curtis is still circling London three
months later waiting to land.
But, you know, knowing you now, just a little bit, of course, and from your
film work, and then when Tony comes, that was a great combination, the two of
you, for that show.
We had a great time doing it.
It's very funny.
Yeah.
Let's pause here for a commercial, and when we come back, we'll talk about
anything else you want to talk about.
Roger Morris here, kids.
Hi there.
Roger Moore is here, Hiram Bullock, Amanda Goad, and other things.
Let's talk a little bit about your life as James Bond.
You were in eight of those films.
No, I was seven, I guess.
Seven of those films.
And it must have been a difficult situation in the beginning, because you're
following, of course, Sean Connor, but it was also probably very rewarding.
But there must have been other drawbacks as well.
Well, you know, the drawbacks, trying to get paid on Friday.
I always figured they were trying to kill me.
We had violent explosions, which is really the thing I hated.
I'm petrified at guns.
I don't like all that.
But what they did, I remember we were shooting in the Gulf of Siam, and this
was for Man with a Golden Gun.
I was doing a scene with Brett Eklund, and we're on this little island where Scaramanga,
the villain Christopher Lee, has his headquarters.
And I have, James Bond, has set up all the explosions, which we've done in the
interiors, and the island's going to blow up.
Now, will it actually blow up, or are these special effects that they put into
the film somehow later?
I mean, will there be actual explosions?
Always actual explosions there and then.
And so I've got the special effects man and the director, we're walking around,
and they're saying,
right, now you start off here in this doorway with Brett, and you rush through
this to Brett Eklund, who's wearing a bikini.
And why not?
What else are you going to 