Name: Dave Watches the Rerun on LNwDL, December 30, 1988
Uploaded: 2017-05-29T20:14:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Watches the Rerun on LNwDL, December 30, 1988' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-05-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Watches the Rerun on LNwDL, December 30, 1988' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-05-29. Transcript available.

Dave Watches the Rerun on LNwDL, December 30, 1988

Hi, I'm Dave Letterman. Welcome to the program. Now, tonight's show is a rerun,
and this one was originally telecast here on NBC May 9th, 1985.
But it's interesting about reruns. They actually seem to improve with age when
they're in the can on the shelf, like fine wine, or perhaps in this case, like
really strong cheese.
Anyway, the interesting thing about tonight's show is I will be sitting here,
along with you, the vast American viewing public, watching the show.
That's right. I'll be watching it with you. You think this is the kind of thing
Pat Sajak would ever do for you?
I don't think so. So let's sit back now and enjoy. Oh, there's the opening
theme right now.
From New York, where life's no picnic, it's Late Night with David Letterman.
Tonight, Bob Hope, comedian Bill Moore, and child recipe winner Brandon Gray
Devon.
Also, we crush things with a 50-ton hydraulic press and viewer mail.
And now, a man who is about to leave for California, David Letterman.
Yeah, yeah, this is a great show. This, to me, doesn't look like a show. It
looks more like an audition tape, like the actors.
The host has died after a lengthy illness, and now they're looking at new boys.
Yeah, yeah, this is a great show. This, to me, doesn't look like a show. It
looks more like an audition tape, like the actual host has died after a lengthy
illness, and now they're looking at new boys.
Interestingly enough, I believe this one, this show has been colorized, and it
was in the primitive stages of that process.
You can see they didn't get around to the tie.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the program. My name is David
Letterman.
Well, it happened again. Now, this is twice now within three weeks. The Coca-Cola
company, I think they've lost their minds.
They announced today another major press conference to announce that they're
changing the formula, they're changing the taste of Coca-Cola again.
This time, they're trying to get a more garlicky taste.
The hell has gone wrong there.
If you're visiting from out of town, or you're a native New Yorker, well, we
have some good news for New York, and I must say, I'm the first one to commend
the city council and the mayor's office whenever they do something that will
really enhance the quality of life in Manhattan and all through the city of New
York.
For example, the New York council has voted now, the New York City council,
that beginning January, I'm sorry, July 1st, arsonists must use unleaded
gasoline.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
We have an exciting show. This is our last show before we go to California for
a week. We'll be back.
You know that part about going to California? I made it up.
We're coming to your house. That's where we're going. Thank you. Thank you so
much.
We have a keen show. We have a what, sir?
I'm sorry. Let's clear this up. All right, go right ahead and say it once more.
What did you say?
Okay, fine. Thank you very much.
A great big guy.
Now, this also answers the question, is there a dress code for the audience?
Obviously not.
Give you any idea why we're going to California?
But we're coming back. That's the important thing.
But we're going to be out there, and Paul, we're going to be treated like, what
are we going to be treated like?
Like tourists, which is probably not too far off the mark. It's Paul Schaefer,
ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you very much. Let me say this. Thank you so much.
Big show today. I have nothing but good, supportive feelings. I am up about it.
Kind of an interesting point here. Whenever you see Paul talking like this, you
can pretty much bet on the fact that he's lying.
To sort of express my feelings about how excited I am about this show.
Paul Schaefer, ladies and gentlemen in the band. Take it away, Paul.
Paul doing the yeah song.
You know, at the time, it really seemed funny.
Are you looking forward to going to California?
Very, very much so, sir.
It's going to be exciting, isn't it?
Yes, it is. How about you?
I'm very excited about it. We're going to be out there all this next week, and
we'll have wonderful stars, won't we?
Marvelous stars.
Some big-time stars.
We'll have Lee Marvin will be on the show from California.
And Bo Derek, Stevie Wonder, later in the week, Hugh Hefner, did I mention Lee
Marvin?
This is kind of interesting. Whenever you see me sort of lean toward the camera
like that, and I look very sincere, very forthright, and I'm saying things like
that, that usually is a tip-off that I, too, am lying.
And also, Johnny Carson will be on, or so they say.
I'll believe it when I see it.
When we do the Hefner show, are we going to do it like the Playboy After Dark
house party?
All wear tuxes.
Yeah, this is also interesting. I don't know whether it's the angle that I'm
leaning at, or it's the light reflecting off my tie, but it kind of looks now
like a filet of some bean fish, doesn't it?
We were in, somebody invited us to a party. I don't know exactly what the kind
of party this was, but invited to this party here.
Yeah, you don't want to miss that there.
Somebody wants to take us out for chili dogs, Paul. That'll be one night.
A lot of wonderful invitations from all of the friendly folks there in Southern
California, and we certainly appreciate everybody who gave us these wonderful
gifts.
Dear Dave, my family owns a tortilla shop in Fresno.
Do you want a free box of corn and flour tortillas?
Of course we do.
Why do you think we're going?
No, I think now it doesn't look so much like filleted game fish. It's kind of
liver-colored.
A tour of Knott's Berry Farm.
Another brunch on the beach in Laguna Beach. Oh, that's beautiful. Have you
ever been down there? It's very nice.
A box of cigars and a tour of Big Surf, the man-made beach in Phoenix, Arizona.
And something, so we're getting a lot of nice things, and we'll certainly look
forward to all of that stuff.
Anyway, beginning Monday night, now, if you have to stay home from work, that's
all right.
If you have to leave school, that's fine. If you have to take a nap, please do.
Monday night, our week-long bombastic review of shows from California will
begin, and there are going to be a lot of different things on the shows, right,
Paul?
Are there?
I don't know. We're going to have a meeting or something on the plane.
So that'll be beginning Monday.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, it's Thursday night. Of course, that's the reason
we've doubled security.
Yes, it's time to answer our voluminous viewer mail.
That's Howard. We're going to miss Howard in California.
Will we have a Howard in California?
Yes.
All right.
We'll have a Howard.
We'll have a Howard in California.
Yeah.
Not actually Howard.
No.
Have a Howard.
We'll have a Howard.
Yeah.
And the West Coast Howard is now practicing doing this.
Now, Howard, we love you, and I'm sorry you're not going to make the trip, but
we do love you, Howard, and thanks for all your...
Dear Dave, letter number one begins the other day.
A friend told us about a curious phenomenon.
He said that chewing, that is crunching, a wintergreen lifesaver in the dark,
causes green sparks to be emitted from your mouth.
And you know what?
We tried it, and it works and is perfectly harmless.
Fluorescently yours, Heather McCann, Steve Alexander, Jack Geber, Jamie Hook.
It took four people to write this letter.
They're coming to us from Alston, Maine, I believe.
Well, sure, everybody knows that, folks.
But did you know that if you squeeze an after-dinner mint with a pair of pliers,
it emits a ghostly image of Andy Williams?
Since it's Howard's last night here in New York, not his last night, since it's
our last night here, let's really work Howard crazy.
You know, it seemed like a good idea at the time and kind of like harmless fun
to overwork our sound effects guy, Howard.
But we really overworked him, and he had some kind of a seizure and collapsed
and died.
And come right to the question at hand.
Just what are your writers looking for?
Gail Granfers, Sacramento, California.
Congratulations, Gail was able to write her letter all by herself.
Well, Gail, what are my writers looking for?
An excellent question.
Perhaps this videotape will answer your question.
Hi, I'm Meryl, a late-night writer.
I'm looking for someone who knows what it is to be a man, but hasn't lost touch
with the little boy he once was.
And yet senses the threadbare and exhausted pile of hopeless human wreckage he'll
become.
I'm Jerry.
I'm one of the married writers.
I'm looking for a cheap, meaningless, backstreet affair that will fill me with
self-loading.
At least I'd feel something for change, dammit.
Hi.
Hi, I'm Chris.
And I don't really want anything for myself.
All I want is peace for all nations and an end to world hunger and disease.
But if I can't have that, then please, somebody, make these damn voices stop.
Make them stop.
Dave, please make them stop.
They're driving me crazy.
Yeah, that's interesting.
Of the three writers you just saw there, only one really got their desire.
Of course it was Jerry.
And he really is still filled with self-loathing.
Dear Dave, we would like very much to receive two tickets, four if possible,
she includes there parenthetically,
to one of your great late-night shows.
We would prefer a Friday night if possible.
Yeah, I'd give you an idea how long ago this was.
In those days, we weren't on Friday nights.
Now we are on Friday nights, and I'm not sure it's much of an improvement.
To get you tickets for a Friday night.
But the problem is we don't do a show on Friday night.
In fact, I'm not even sure what they do here at 1230 on Friday nights.
Hal?
Yeah, Dave.
Could we see some videotape of what NBC runs at 1230 on Friday nights here,
so the Ruperts will have an idea of what they'll be seeing?
Sure.
Okay, it's our director, Hal Gertner, there.
Good evening.
Welcome to Worth the Weight with Al Frisch.
I'm Al Frisch.
Let's get right to it.
150.
No.
Any change in your pockets?
No.
136.
No.
You wearing socks?
No.
160.
No.
I'm stumped.
We'll be right back to put her on scales.
Now, is Al going with us?
Al's not going with us.
Will there be a West Coast Al?
Oh, good.
As long as we're covered.
Here you go, Howard.
A little something new for you.
Howard, it was only water.
All right.
Where are we?
Number four?
Is that it?
Number four.
Dear Dave, how come your guests always seem so ready to bolt at the conclusion
of their interviews?
Your friend, John Hamilton.
P.S.
What does your director, Hal Gertner, do?
You know, John, it's funny that these two questions should be included in the
same letter
because the answers, surprisingly enough, are related.
Here.
Let me show you how.
You know, our director, Hal Gertner, besides being one of the finest directors
on duty here
at NBC after midnight, is also an excellent...
Well, I'll show you what he's really an excellent friend.
Oh, it's wonderful.
Hal Gertner is an excellent cook.
And every night he brews up a special batch of his three-alarm chili.
How is it tonight, Hal?
It's great, Dave.
Here, have some.
Oh, thank you very much.
Here, it's over there.
Oh, boy.
Watch your fingers.
That is a little hot.
Did you put anything else in here different tonight, Hal?
Nothing strange.
No, it's about the same.
Carl, how about you?
Let the cameraman have some of that.
There's some...
Oh, yeah.
I'm sorry.
I don't know how that happened.
TV sound, yeah.
Okay.
Okay, I'll take care of it.
My gosh, boy, it's interesting.
Three and a half years, and look how the fashions have changed.
Hal, come here.
Look at the way you used to dress in those days.
Isn't that unbelievable?
Yeah, isn't that wild?
Yeah, that's pretty strange.
Well, that's it for Viewer Mail for another week.
Our guests tonight, Bob Hope, Bill Maher,
and the runner-up in the Child Recipe Competition,
Brandon Gray-Devitt.
We'll be right back, folks.
Okay.
Take a look at this.
Take a look at this.
Yeah, please help.
Thank you.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you so much.
Thank you, Paul.
Thank you.
Welcome