Name: Viewer Mail on Letterman, February 20, 1986
Uploaded: 2017-06-09T15:55:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, February 20, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, February 20, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-09. Transcript available.

Thank you very much.
Thank you, Paul.
Thank you all so much.
David, thank you.
I don't know, you know, we're young, we're in show business.
The world is our oyster, don't you think?
Get the world by the tail, buddy.
We got it.
Tonight is Thursday night.
We answer our voluminous viewer mail on Thursday nights.
I got this telegram a couple of nights ago from this management company.
What's the name of it, Paul?
Who are they?
Is it Meathead Management?
It's Frontline Management, yeah.
No, Frontline Management, that's right.
Stevie Nicks is...
They said we couldn't talk about Stevie Nicks, so I don't know.
We would appreciate it if you would not mention Stevie as a guest on an
upcoming show as you did last evening.
We were talking about Stevie Nicks.
We all love her, think she's terrific.
I wanted her to be on the show.
We got a telegram here saying we can't talk about her.
So now, I get a call from the guy today out there at Frontline Management.
Here's the address, by the way, if you want to drive by.
It's Los Angeles, California.
And they say now that they didn't send us this telegram.
Oh, really?
Yeah, they didn't send this telegram.
And furthermore, they're talking to their attorneys, and they really didn't
care to be called weasels.
So, when I said weasels, I only used that word in the best possible sense.
So, you know, maybe they're not weasels.
I'm sorry if you're not weasels, then...
But a high percentage of people in show business, in music, are weasels.
Are weasels.
But that doesn't mean there couldn't be a slight percentage, like these folks
here at the goofball management,
who aren't weasels.
Front...
No, no.
Frontline management.
I'm sorry, frontline management.
Yeah.
It's only a joke.
It really...
This whole thing is a joke.
Do we have some Stevie Nicks we can look at, Hal?
Is that loaded up and ready to go?
It's only a joke.
We love Stevie.
We love music.
We love the management.
Here she is now, never looking better, ladies and gentlemen.
There she is.
Stevie Nicks, asking the musical question, I can't wait.
There you go.
Thank you, Stevie.
So, don't get any...
Yeah, exactly.
But don't get any silly ideas about suing us, because it's only a joke.
We have nothing but the highest regard for meatball management.
Front...
What is it?
Frontline.
Frontline management.
We have nothing.
In fact, we had this discussion earlier today.
If I needed a musical management firm, I'd go right there to the front...
Oh, no.
No, it's a joke.
We love everyone in show business.
Yes, we do.
No, but we really do like Stevie Nicks, and we'd like her to be on the show.
You love Stevie.
You were telling me...
We don't have a problem with Stevie.
It's just these people that sent us the telegram.
But they say now they didn't send us the telegram.
So that means that it's some kind of random act of terrorism here.
Please don't sue us.
I have a cold.
Parents' night.
This is going to be exciting.
Parents' night.
Tuesday.
Everybody's parents are going to be here.
I have a whole list of parents.
I'll read you some of the folks who are going to be here a little bit later.
Paul, your parents are coming down from Thunder Bay.
Yes, they are.
Will, how about you?
You got parents coming?
Steve, you got parents coming?
All right.
Sid, anybody?
Couldn't make it.
Couldn't make it?
Fucked.
Couldn't make it or didn't want to make it.
All right.
But we got the whole list right here.
That'll be Tuesday night.
I think that'll be a nice show.
We get to see everybody's parents.
I am representing Sid's parents now, as a matter of fact.
Oh, that's nice.
And managing them.
You're managing Sid's parents.
And they would really rather you didn't talk about, you know, their appearance
on the show.
Okay.
Okay.
They're flattered.
They are flattered.
So that's breadline management out there on Melrose.
Those don't bother them.
Folks, look at this.
Look what we've got to do.
It's viewer mail.
How can I possibly do viewer mail?
I have a terrible cold.
I'll tell you how I can do it.
I have the strength of 10 men.
Here we go.
Am I overlooking something?
I've wasted all this time, haven't I?
Well, let's get on with it.
Damn it.
We've got a show to do.
We've got Americans to entertain.
Let's just get going.
Dear Dave, letter number O.
Oh, wait a minute.
What about the pyramid?
That's right.
Hal Gurney tonight, ladies and gentlemen, is going to enhance the presentation
by graphically
explaining for you the pyramid of comedy, the concept upon which this
presentation is based.
Go ahead, Hal.
The pyramid of comedy.
Letter number one, laying the foundation.
That's right.
These are the building blocks of solid, red-hot comedy.
Here we go.
Dear Dave, what's the deal with the donuts?
With regret, Herb Bailey, Terre Haute, Indiana.
Good question, Herb, but I must tell you, it's the same as all my deals.
Volume, volume, volume.
Letter number two.
Letter number two.
The mezzanine level.
That's right.
Did you know the Egyptians had mezzanines in those pyramids?
I didn't know they had that, actually.
He'd go up there and have finger sandwiches and soup.
Dear Dave, do you expect me to stay up late every Thursday night just to see if
this lousy
letter gets read on the air?
David Tanner, Columbus, Ohio.
You're right, David.
I think that's way too much to ask of you.
So here's what you do.
In the future, just check your TV guide.
Oh, here it is.
Yeah, just check the TV guide and see if there's something there in the listing
that might
interest you.
Take a look at that.
There's no point in spending your day waiting for the show when you can look in
the TV guide.
Oh, there it is.
Scheduled guests include Ron Reagan Jr., Sissy Houston, and David Tanner gets
his lousy
letter read on the air, so...
So...
Just look at the TV guide.
Letter number three.
Midway point.
Breather.
The breather.
That means that this is the midway point where people can kind of relax, freshen
up, take
a break from all of the laughing they've done.
So there's not necessarily going to be any much funny about this one.
Is that what you're saying?
Not necessarily.
This is just a resting point.
Rest period.
Resting point.
Letter number three.
I'm going to get something to eat.
I'll be back.
All right.
Dear Dave, I've heard that the only creatures that would survive a nuclear war
are rats, cockroaches,
and record executives.
No, I just added that part.
I'm sorry.
That's a joke there.
I think late night should survive, too.
Would you convince NBC to construct a special shelter for the late night crew
and personalities?
Concerned Rob Keith, Kingston, Ontario.
I've been to Kingston.
Nice town.
Gee, surviving World War III.
Gosh, I wonder what that would be like if we would survive World War III, and
would it
even be worth it if we...
Hi, everybody.
Welcome back to the show.
Thank you very much for being here.
We've got to...
Paul, you can stop that now.
Stop playing now.
He's been like this ever since his beloved Canada was vaporized.
We're all terribly sorry about that.
You know, we only have a couple of seconds left, and my next guest is the
leader of the mutants
living in what's left now of Nevada and Utah.
He's also the only guest we've ever had on this show who can see 2,000 angstroms
into the ultraviolet.
Please welcome Blargo.
Hi, Blargo.
Nice to see you.
How you doing?
Thank you very much for being here today.
Now, Blargo, I understand you can actually see two...
Oh, don't worry about that.
You know what that is?
That's Tom Brokaw.
He's trying to get in, but he's not getting in.
He's all contaminated.
He was doing some interviews on the outskirts of Ground Zero.
He's not getting in here.
Look, we're just about out of time.
Thanks for being here.
Blargo, sorry.
Come back again and see us another time.
Good night, everybody.
Good night.
The midway point.
That's the midway point, or in layman's terms, that's a breather for you there.
Okay.
Now let's keep...
Letter number four.
Letter number four.
Approaching vertex.
Approaching the vertex.
So, Hal, we're very near the pinnacle, aren't we?
That's right.
Okay.
Approaching the vertex.
Letter number four.
Dear Dave, on the February 5th show, what happened to your tie?
It was hanging down to your knees, trying to start a new fashion trend.
Sincerely, Benson Willis, Lake City, Florida.
Hanging down to my knees.
Was that your tie?
I got news for you, Benson.
That wasn't my tie, pal.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, you of course know Grant Tinker, chairman of the board of
NBC and the
chief executive officer.
Grant, nice to see you again tonight.
Same here, Tom.
Good evening, everybody.
I'm very pleased to announce that for the second time this week, the board of
regents of Humanitas
International has singled out another joke for special recognition.
This time, it was a delightful quip about your necktie that provided us with a
fresh perspective
of fashion foibles and helps us laugh at ourselves and live together in peace.
Here's your Humanitas Award, Tom.
Congratulations.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
And you folks at home, remember that today's show is back in New York.
And tomorrow on today, Dr. Art Uleem has another medical update.
So let's all be there.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Nice job.
We'll see you next time.
Letter number five.
Kinnacle, really big laugh.
Dear Dave, I often worry that what I would do if I should see you on the street,
I would want
to be friendly because I'm one of your big fans.
That's very kind.
Thank you, sir.
But I sure don't want to bother you.
At the same time, I don't want to be standoffish and have you think I don't
like you.
Please tell me what are the rules of etiquette when seeing Dave on the street.
Thank you, Tom Holbrook, Palmer, Massachusetts.
Tom, it's very easy.
If you've ever seen me on the street, you would know what to do.
I try to make things very easy and very clear-cut as possible.
Another one of these is...
Hey, that looks like David Letterman.
Gee, I wonder if I should bother him for an autograph.
Hey, hey, you.
Hold it right there, buddy.
Hold it.
Hold it right there.
Are you thinking about asking for an autograph?
Let me tell you something.
I've had a terrible day.
I've got a miserable cold.
I'm not in the mood.
Do you even watch the show?
Are you carrying a weapon of any kind?
No.
All right, you may approach.
How are you doing?
How are you, folks?
Pretty good.
You're from the area?
No.
Okay, there you go.
That's right, the pyramid of comedy.
We've got a great show.
Sissy Houston is here, Dave Thomas and Ron Reagan Jr.
All that and much, much more right after...
Take a look.
Thank you.