Name: Al Maher's Box o' Thrills Collection on Letterman, Jan.-Feb. 1989
Uploaded: 2017-06-10T03:49:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Al Maher's Box o' Thrills Collection on Letterman, Jan.-Feb. 1989' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Al Maher's Box o' Thrills Collection on Letterman, Jan.-Feb. 1989' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-10. Transcript available.

Al Maher's Box o' Thrills Collection on Letterman, Jan.-Feb. 1989

uh you know what we're uh we're gonna do something now oh you know first we
have something brand new
to do for you al mar one of our stage hands is standing right over there al
this was your idea
wasn't it it's called what do you call this uh my box of thrills it's called
ladies and gentlemen
al mar's i see box o thrills box o thrills that's right and and then what what
is the principle al
behind the box well it's a surprise that we cooked up for you we figure you so
richly deserve well
thank you very much also every night we can expect a different surprise yes
every night and you simply
activate it by pulling on that cord that's part of it okay are you ready i'm
ready all right this is the
the first installment of al mar's box o thrills should i move al no stay there
it's your person
you'll like it all right okay anton here we go drum roll ladies and gentlemen
al mar's box of thrills
a great catch by this guy in the front row somebody would be sleeping now
that was great al i certainly enjoyed that i like it yeah you're fired
all right so every night we have a little something like this to look forward
to al
that was uh now what are we doing oh you know uh we wanted to do something that
you're not going
to see on television anywhere in this country we're we want to do something
different we want to do
something exciting we want to do something that you can talk about with your
family at breakfast
tomorrow we thought long and hard and we decided the one thing that we could do
here tonight that you're
not going to see anywhere else we're going to take our camera up into the commissary
the fabled
legendary nbc commissary on the uh seventh floor and i'm going to try and guess
the weight of various
meals of the customers and employees here at nbc now if i if i don't accurately
guess the weight they of
course uh now wait a minute if i don't guess the weight they have to buy their
lunch their own lunch
no if i if i guess the weight they have to buy their own then they have to buy
their lunch if you
do not guess the weight you buy the lunch that's right within a half a pound
higher low if you're
more than a half a pound off that's right then you buy the person's lunch
whichever lunch it is that's
how that works yeah that's right if you guess they have to buy their own morty
did you dismiss the
audience
so i go up there if i guess the weight yeah of the meal they have to pay for it
if i'm wrong
i pay for it if you if you cannot guess all right uh okay so let's let's just
go up there now and are
you disappointed that the red army hockey team is not here of course i am why
is that well i wanted
to translate a little bit all right well you'll have your hands full anyway don't
worry about it
uh okay uh ina you know we have uh last night was the first night we debuted a
segment on the program
last night it was uh wildly successful so tonight will be our second
installment it's called uh right
up there it's almar's boxo thrills can you translate that for us what is it almar
al is the gentleman's
name almar boxo thrills what is boxo thrills well it's probably um well
probably don't get it
shiny oh how about that and uh every night al you load it up with something fun
is that correct
yes we have done that uh-huh and i'm sorry and uh we try to make up for it for
last night well not
last night we had sponges i know but you fired me last night just a just a joke
of course is that all
right so so tonight we're going to see something even more something you might
like it okay do you
want a drum roll for manton yeah but i think you better what does the matter
cover yourself up well
it's uh it's possible it might so we're going to get wet no you won't get wet
no you won't i promise
i promise you won't get wet won't get wet what about ina here she might no she
won't just cover her
too are we going to get hurt al no you won't all right oh my god i don't know
what this is almar's
box of thrills boy is this stupid looking
well we have that we're going to look at that in slow motion oh good we get to
see that in slow
motion kids let's take a look at al mar's box of thrills here it is wow pretty
cool
all right uh you know let's get to our uh uh top ten this is a little something
we do every night
on the show uh and i believe tonight we have simultaneous russian translation
okay so it will
appear on the screen in english and then also in in russian and if we have any
problems we'll
axe you for some help good uh tonight will be ladies and gentlemen our third
night for al mar's
box oh thrills is that what it is al box it's not big box it's just box oh thrills
box oh trills oh
thrills or trills trills trills and and the idea here al is every night there
is a little pleasant
surprise loaded up in there in the box for us made especially for you thank you
very much and then you
trigger it is that right i try okay here we go last night we had what do we
have last night i said we
have bouncing balls uh-huh and the night before we had sponges right and when
was it ball bearings
it's just a joke we don't want to talk about that we don't want to talk about
that okay here we go
ready oh should i move or duck what duck duck duck duck duck how do i duck out
here go ahead i'll do it
you know i must i must say al of the three this is my least favorite the socks
is that right
i like i like the sponges pretty well because they were damp and i could fling
them into the audience
well most of these were clean though i know most were clean now thank you very
much
there's more than you can say for yourself i know um all right al we'll look
forward to uh that
tomorrow do we have it you want to see it in replay i don't know you want to
see it in replay all right
here it is al mar's box of thrills socks
also last night the russian hockey team was supposed to be here they did not
show up tonight
uh let's uh we have al mar's box of thrills great now what do you have loaded
up there for us tonight
another surprise another surprise for you we uh scoured the countryside right
find something that would
titillate you
all right good titillate me al all right now do i need to duck or anything no
but i would cover your
head just in case all right well i'm just gonna i'm just gonna clear the area i'll
just be right over
here well don't go too far all right al mar's box of thrills ladies and
gentlemen
al there's like a uh you got like a metric ton here of uh breakfast cereal
pretty funny al that could
have killed a guy it didn't titillate you no it didn't titillate me a lesser
guy would have been
killed by that al let's look at al mar's box of thrills good lord there's an
awful lot of cereal here
here it is in slow mo all right let's see it here it is there okay
now let's do our uh viewer mail this is something we do every uh friday night
all right thank you all right like the notifier affiliates we may be running
over tonight i just
have a here in big dumb dave's tv clubhouse
big big dumb dave the big dumb guy with a show letter number one
wow was that a long trip well let's uh kick off the show tonight we have uh al
mar you know one of
our stagehands al mar has been helping out ever since the new year isn't it al
since before new year's you have a little something here called al mar's
what is it box o thrills box o thrills box o thrills and every night you you
have a little
surprise for is there anything you need to explain to us about tonight's
surprise no it might help
you cold a little oh really so perhaps something medicinal probably something
would it be in bottles
al no no no no no uh all right so uh a drum roll should i move al no stay right
there okay al mar's box of
you know
you know if you're speaking of movies now this was pretty coincidental wasn't
it we didn't plan this
no no no but if you ever see a movie with roger ebert when it's over that's
what his chair looks like
are we gonna look at this oh yeah this ought to be pretty good here in slow
motion is al mar's
box o thrills wow
all right charles groden is here michelle shocked and uh rick patino from the
new york nets and now
ladies and gentlemen it's time for tonight's comedy presentation
and now we're going to have a little something for us tonight we have a nice
surprise this is al marr ladies and gentlemen one of our stagehands and for the
last couple of weeks
and for the last couple of weeks
and for the last couple of weeks al has been uh providing us with a nightly
surprise that al calls
al marr's boxo thrills and last night i thought last night al i thought it was
particularly nice it
looked lovely in slow motion and it was fun it was like several tons of popcorn
we got to you yeah
and tonight again another surprise big surprise all right and what do i need to
do by way of preparing
myself it's going to help you on the road to help ah wait a minute al should i
get under the
should i get under the desk or anything no stay down all right all right al marr's
boxo thrills
let me let me get this straight again out your last words to me were stay there
stay there cigarettes cigarettes we have here well any no it's i have nothing
to do with this i know
this is i don't know anything about it i don't sanction this and it nearly
killed me
al how smoking does kill i understand
hello hello it's it's a dollar and a half for the first minute would you like
to talk to susie or
sharon what hello hello yes what can i do for you madeline smithely hang on
does she have a really
nice tan i'll see if i can get her we have a madeline smithely here
he said smithely let's don't put words in this man's mouth we don't even know
who this is
no there's not a madeline smithely here
excuse me do you mind if i put you on the air for a second
yeah do you mind my this is my name is dave can i just put you on the air a
second i think
it's important that we hear this message do you mind sir okay uh we can talk to
this gentleman yeah
hi how are you now who are you looking for i'm looking for a madeline smithely
madeline smithely
what what does madeline do that you know of uh i don't i have a message here to
call madeline smithely
it came into my office and what office is that sir what is your name by the way
my name is edward
lousy ed do you smoke i don't all right i don't smoke cigarettes all right what
do you do for a living
ed gosh what a hip guy
ed ed what do you what do you do for a living ed actually i'm a personal
manager in hollywood
okay all right so so anyway you're looking for a madeline smithely yes okay and
what is the message
i got a message here that her gorilla suit is is here in the closet now i don't
know if it's a joke or
what but it's all right i got a funny feeling i've been had yeah but but anyway
you have madeline's
a gorilla suit if she needs it yes it's yours okay nice talking with you oh
wait a minute there's
there's my call holding i gotta go okay
uh let's see well let's do our uh our top ten uh list is that right is that
where we are now
butts anybody
it's butch-a-plenty
uh our category tonight as always prepared for us by the home office in lincoln
nebraska personal
manager from hollywood from hollywood yeah madeline uh top ten uh the tonight's
category top ten least
popular fairy tales well these are the least popular yes that's right that's
right usually
everybody has their favorite fairy tale these would be at the bottom end of the
scale the
least popular very popular fairy tales yeah nobody really likes exactly paul
these would be not very
popular i see uh here we go top ten least popular fairy tales number ten uh the
gingerbread man
shoes off his own leg to get out of a bear trap number nine heraldo and gretel
number eight the ugly duckling who had liposuction and cheek implants
number seven the little old lady who lived in al sharpton's hair
number six number six dr campo and the magic beads gosh i wonder if that's the
same dr campo morty is
that not the same guy uh number five mike tyson whips the hell out of the
little people
number four scrappy the very contag