Name: David Letterman Visits Live at Five, February 1, 1989, Split-Screen
Uploaded: 2017-06-12T04:22:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Letterman Visits Live at Five, February 1, 1989, Split-Screen' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Letterman Visits Live at Five, February 1, 1989, Split-Screen' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-12. Transcript available.

huh you know how much time do we have before we go one minute is all you know
Thursday night is it tomorrow night is our big anniversary show it's our
seventh
anniversary and and last year everybody in the world nice enough to invite me
to
come and visit and talk about our anniversary show except for the people
across the hall of live at five but and and we've been neighbors low these
seven
years now but tonight they have invited me to go over there and visit with them
there's a Jack Cafferty right there looks like he's getting a chiropractic
adjustment doesn't it anyway well hey hey Jack how did the ointment work but
you
know six below zero there you see they're on the air right now and they are
nice enough to
invite me over to be a guest do I have to go right away huh I have to go or do
I have time for one
more joke let's see if we have a ten second joke there Kevin oh sure he
continues to take
ah well ladies and gentlemen apparently dominoes pizza has a brand new deal
year that he's had here at NBC if you keep a hostage for more than a half an
hour
You don't have to invite David on the occasion of his 6th anniversary of the
company and David got very upset
God bless you
I can't make a big deal out of this but ever since we've been here tonight
earlier on this network we had a big 6th anniversary show and we needed to get
all of the help we could to get a lot of people to watch this thing so I can
stay in the business and every year for five years the people at Live at Five
would say
Dave we'd like to have you come on last of the moment people all right are they
waiting for me nothing not a call not a card nothing thank you so much and as a
matter of fact we understand that at the last minute we even had a guest cancel
but still no I couldn't come over there I get to be on the show
Why don't you just get this thing over there could you get this in the make up
people I gotta be in there right there
Hi how are you
The security guys are opening the door
I get to be on the show tonight I was invited over
Yeah
Is that a good sign look out Jack
Country alive Jack
Now this is the studio
Hi how are you
Nice to see you
Look it's our friend Al Roker
And there's a Susan
Hi Sue
Nice to see you
Can I just walk right through
Come right over David
We didn't want to upset Dave this year so he's very ready for this
Seventh anniversary
We're doing now
And he's going to help him talk about
Where do we go now
We'll start out here
I'm so confused
Nice to see you
Nice to see you
Happy anniversary
I think this is Broadcasting history
Jack Cafferty ladies and gentlemen
Jack Cafferty we saw Jack in a little bit
We're also doing your show at the same time
Hold on forgive me I'm winded Jack
Oh gotcha Mike
Well this comedy is tough work
Is it
Ah
It's also getting crowded late at night on the airwaves isn't it
A lot of shows
A lot of shows going on
Yeah
Well happy anniversary
Thank you very much
We have a special on tomorrow at 9:30
9:30
Prime time
We're in prime time
Prime time
Who's going to be on the special
What do you have planned
David's for what
Is Pat Sajak perhaps going to be all of us in the world
You know as a matter of fact
You're on the show
And so is Al Roker and Sue Simmons
So you get some kind of
National
Payment check
National television
And prime time
And we get money for that
Get a little dough for that Jack
That's good
Boy this is a nice studio
How do you do
Nice to see you
You remember Shelley sports
Shelley was here when they invented radio
He was hanging around here
Alright let's begin the interview
How much time do we have for the interview for Jack
We've got four minutes to talk about the occasion of your anniversary here at
NBC
Now will you guys go to a commercial simultaneous with our commercial
Well we didn't plan that far ahead David
I'm not sure exactly how it's going to work when we use up the allotted time
We thought we could talk a little about what a rewarding year you've had here
at the company
And as we kind of wind toward the end we'll have to let the producers figure
out the rest of it
Boy this studio has never been this crowded has it
A lot of people
A lot of you
Looks like there's been a major breach of security over here tonight
Now you've never seen this many people anywhere over here
Your audience across the hall can see you hear what's going on here now
Is that
Ooh
We can hear them
Can we punch up a picture from your studio here on Live at Five
I don't know, can you?
Sure
Let's see
Ooh
It's a nice controlled crowd isn't it?
Yeah
Let's play up there
Oh yeah here's Jerry Seinfeld is on the show
Al Green is on the show
Tony Childs is on the show
You know Jack while we have a second and while we're away from the crowd
I just would like to say something between you and me and the audience here in
New York
We get the best looking audiences in TV
We really get it
You know this is free though right?
They don't have to pay to get into it to see you
Oh no they're paying $20, $30 and in some cases $40 a ticket
Per seat?
Yeah
That's a heavy load
It has a lot of pressure on you each night
You have to be really funny
Yeah we come through
As you know we deliver
Yeah
Are you uh...
Did you hear about the Domino's Pizza deal?
No, what's that?
If you hold the hostage for more than a half hour the pie is free
I see
You can trade the guy to the delivery kid when he shows up
Are you going to go to California?
There's a thing in the paper that you might be moving late night out to the
West Coast
No, no we're going to California
No, why would we go to California?
What does it say that they react to everything we talk about here?
I think it's great
Huh?
Because essentially I have nothing to say
And they're eating up most of the time
They're filling in for us here
All the producers try to figure out how we're going to end this
How much time do we have?
How are we doing?
Alright, is that two minutes for me or two minutes for Jack?
For both
Alright, okay
Let me know because I want you to save a little time
I have the uh... the home office here
Uh... the top ten from the home office
Oh alright
So just save a little time and we'll do that
We can do that anytime you're ready
Alright
You used to hand out a lot of cheap gifts on the occasion of your anniversary
You had some little plastic cups that were like eight cents for a hundred and
uh...
Oh cheap, is that right Jack?
Yeah, we're cheap
No question
I don't see any gifts here, you know
It's not exactly let's make a deal
Where is the prize wonderland here Jack?
Well the prize is you've got to come this year
Last year you didn't get invited
You guys didn't even invite me?
Why did that hurt my feelings?
Send a forklift truck over here
I had a better chance of getting on the Today Show last year
And you people didn't even invite me
Did you get on the Today Show?
No, no
Here, let's do the top ten list now
Here we go
This is uh... you know the home office has relocated to Oklahoma City
I didn't know that
Yeah, they've left Lincoln, Nebraska
They're now in Oklahoma City
Uh... the category tonight
Top ten rejected promotional slogans for this very show
Live at Five
The successful long-running afternoon news and entertainment show
Alright
Top ten rejected promotional slogans
Number ten
Gee, I didn't know you guys had a band
That's great
It's a very small band
They're trying to see
Uh... number ten
It's Newsalicious
Number nine
Drop by the studio for a free back rub
Number eight
Number eight
Kaffir, tea or me
That's clever
Cute, isn't it?
Yeah, that's good
Infotainment at its most infotaining
Uh... number six
The perfect way to begin eight straight hours of television watching
That's right
Number five
And my favorite
Sue
Sue
Sue
Oh God, yes
Sue!
That's one we hit a lot around here
Number four
Find the sound during dinner
And you won't have to talk to your family
Uh... number three
We don't care if you watch naked
Number two
Uh... we're right across the hall from Late Night with David Letterman
Which will be showing its seventh anniversary special this Thursday night,
February 2nd at 9:30
Right here on NBC
And number one
Love songs
Nothing
But love songs
Love songs
I gotta go
Thanks
Goodbye, everybody
I appreciate it
Thank you very much
Oh, yeah
We're doing a commercial
We're gonna do the same, I think
Thank you
Thank you
All right
Thank you
All right
Thank you
All right
We're in the commercial
Good
Thanks, kids
Bye-bye
Oh
Cool program here
One line of five continues
I'll take a special look at Diary Huxley
From Chi Di to a power princess
From the first of a series of special reports on
Princess Di
Princess Di
Princess Di
Hi, welcome back to the show
Let me tell you who is here tonight
Lainey Kazan is with us
And she'll be here in a couple of moments
Also
Sure
They Might Be Giants will be here
And from the Ontario Science Center
You know anything about that?
Absolutely
Yes
The Ontario Science Center
Carol Gold
Do you know anything about Carol?
She works at the Ontario Science Center, I believe
She's here tonight
She's here tonight
With a little demonstration of something
That she brought with her from Ontario
The Science Center up there
It's a huge place
Just outside of Toronto
Don Mills, Ontario, I believe
There's a voidage hanging around there much?
Every kind of scientific thing
There they have
Nice to see you, Paul
And also our thanks to the folks at Live at Five
Because if you think about it, Paul
Over the years
We have pestered them
And perhaps in some cases annoyed them
Harassed them
And they've
Yes
Harassed them indeed
Get Jack some Doane's pills or something
But by and large they've been decent about it
And we appreciate it
Very nice to have you
Because they don't need us in there bothering them
They'd rather do their show without us
In fact, I think people would rather see this show without us
without us. Um, anyway, where was I?