Name: Steve Martin on Letterman, July 30, 1987
Uploaded: 2017-06-19T23:51:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Steve Martin on Letterman, July 30, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Steve Martin on Letterman, July 30, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-19. Transcript available.

Welcome back to the show.
I think we have a very good show tonight.
It should be mighty entertaining, don't you think, Paul?
Yes, yes, sir, yes.
And we've also sent our old friend James the Drifter, a guy we met in Las Vegas.
He will be covering the arena football championship game Saturday night in
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,
to be carried on ESPN.
And we'll be talking with, hopefully, talking with James tomorrow before the
big event,
to kind of set the scene for you down there in Pittsburgh,
and then after the contest, the first of next week.
So that should be pretty darn exciting.
Arena football, Paul.
Come on up to the house.
We'll watch it together.
I'd love to.
Are we going to get that Drifter, that used car that he...
Yeah, he wanted a second-hand car.
We're looking to do it.
We'll get him a lovely car.
For the game.
Great.
Oh, you know, my first guest tonight is one of the hardest-working men in the
motion picture business,
and it certainly pays off because he's also one of the funniest.
His latest effort is called Roxanne,
and it's always a pleasure to welcome him to this program.
Folks, please say hello to Steve Martin.
Thank you.
So terribly nice to see you.
Nice to see you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hello, Paul.
Hello, Steve.
How are you?
Nice to see you.
And thanks for not doing the whoopee cushion gag on me.
Oh, we wouldn't do that to you.
Yeah, no.
Nice to see you.
And how are things going?
Pretty well, I would guess.
It's the feel-good movie of the summer.
Uh-huh.
Said the Atlanta Journal.
Oh, that's very nice.
Two thumbs up.
Siskel and Ebert.
Uh-huh.
I loved it.
Rex Reed.
Yeah.
It's a gas.
The L.A. Daily Blade said that.
They said it was a gas?
The L.A. Daily Blade.
Yeah.
Wow!
What a movie!
Says the...
the...
Bordertown News!
Yeah.
You used to have a place in Bordertown, didn't you?
Yeah, Bordertown is a fabulously beautiful place.
You know, you're one of, uh...
You know that's true?
Bordertown is a beautiful place?
No, no.
What you were going to say.
Oh.
I was going to say that you're a wonderful guest.
That is a lie!
No.
We always look forward to having you on the show.
Well, I tried it.
I was talking to, uh...
Talkin'.
Talking.
Talking.
To, uh, Chevy Chase last week.
And I was saying, I mean, I'm going to do Dave's show.
And I mean, what am I going to do?
Because I always think of...
You always have nice things to do when you come on.
Well, not necessarily.
But I always try, you know, think...
Sure.
I worry about it.
And then finally we get there and make it up two seconds before we go on.
Anyway, but as Chevy...
But as Chevy, I was sitting there worrying.
And Chevy said, uh, do what I do.
I said, what?
He said, uh, don't prepare anything.
That's right.
Okay.
Yeah.
He comes on with nothing to do.
Yeah, and he's great at it.
Well.
Well.
Hey, now.
I wouldn't say he's great at it.
He's naturally funny.
Yeah.
But you're right.
You always have a little...
Bring a little energy to the proceedings.
Well, so does he.
And now I'm defending him.
Oh, you're defending him.
He's a friend of mine.
He's funny.
Mm-hmm.
Just the other day, he said, hey.
He said, oh, yeah.
He said, hey.
But I guess in the circumstances that he said it...
In the context...
Exactly.
...it put me on the floor.
Uh-huh.
And if you've ever been on the floor of a context, then...
I think we all know.
So this is...
I would have been a singer if I hadn't been a comedian.
You think so?
Yes.
Now, you've done a lot of singing.
You play the banjo.
I was going to be a singer.
I wanted to be a singer.
But I was too smart at the time.
Because singers have to sing lines like...
You know, like, uh...
I've been through the desert on a horse with no name.
And then...
For there ain't no one for to give you no pain.
Ew!
I can't say that!
And then there was, uh...
Someone left the cake out in the rain.
I don't think that I can take it because it took something to bake it.
Yeah!
So it was the lyrics or the grammar or both that bothered you?
Well, uh...
The one that got me was...
For there ain't no one for to give you no pain.
The one I always had a little trouble with...
I think it was Diana Ross.
Do you know where you're going to?
Do you know where you're going?
That would be fine.
We don't need to.
Do you know where you're going?
You see?
You don't need...
You don't need to there.
And there was, uh...
I'm just wild about saffron.
Do you know the good lyrics, Paul?
Sorry to put you on the spot.
Well, you know...
Yeah, you got that something.
I think you'll understand.
When I say that something, I want to hold your hand.
How about that?
Well, that's a good lyric.
Wasn't that what you wanted?
You wanted good lyrics.
No, I was doing jokes.
Oh, joke lyrics!
Leave it with me.
Leave that one with me.
But then I wrote some songs, too, that had good lyrics.
I love to know you, how I feel.
Yeah, you probably made the right choice staying in comedy.
And, uh...
But you've done so well.
Well, we do what we can.
It's been tough here lately.
But in the comedy, why?
Well, we don't have our normal crew with us.
Yeah.
So, and we miss them.
But everybody else is pitching in and helping.
Filling the sandbags before the river gets too high.
And still, you have the old reliables to fall back on.
And you have the funniest.
I mean, uh...
The, uh...
My favorite, I think, is the pencil thing through the window.
I love that.
Would you do that for me?
Really?
Oh, just that?
That's funny.
See?
Out of all the bits...
You like that.
Well, you have the, uh...
You have the other bit.
The, uh...
That dumb animal's, uh...
What is that?
The stupid...
The stupid...
The stupid pet tricks.
Yeah, right.
The stupid...
That's...
That's funny.
You enjoy that?
And you have the, uh...
The, I don't know.
Ten...
What is it?
Ten reasons to die.
Ten...
Ten...
Sorry, top ten lists.
Top ten lists.
See, that's funny.
Changes every night.
Different category every night.
Yeah.
That is funny.
And you have...
What you do there is you have a...
A top ten list.
You'll make up, like I say, ten reasons people don't want to go into Central
Park.
Then you'll have, you know, writers.
Very funny writers.
Listing...
Right, exactly.
Ten...
That's it.
...things...
That's right.
That would go on there, and then...
Perfect.
And then you would read them off.
Exactly.
And each one would get a laugh.
Yeah.
And they would build.
Exactly.
That's it.
And then you have...
What is there where the, uh...
People...
The viewers write in?
Uh...
Viewer mail.
Viewer mail.
That's right.
The viewer mail.
We do that on Fridays.
And that's a good bit, because you...
What you do is you...
You'll take a letter...
Yeah.
...that the viewer has written.
Right.
And then you'll circle part of it, and you'll point that out.
And you'll go...
And you'll say, oh, yes, it's true.
And then you'll show a funny something.
That's right.
That's it.
That's viewer mail.
Out of all that...
Yeah.
The pencil gag, to me...
...is so good.
That's it.
Glad you're done.
It's so great, the way it's so casual...
Can I try it?
So casually done.
You know, I...
I wrote this.
You wrote the gag?
Yeah.
That's so good.
I wrote the pencil gag.
Wait, on a word processor?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But just to take it...
A little more.
Just a little more.
You have a...
Well, you have a motion.
You have to make it look effort...
I'm not used to that.
It has to be effortless.
Like that.
It's effortless.
Yeah, just more fluid, I think, maybe.
It's the effort of doing...
No.
Let me do it again.
So it's more...
Maybe the overhand would be...
No, that's too high.
Yeah, you're having trouble judging it.
What do you need to know?
It's just a sailing...
Well, we don't...
You're having trouble with your depth for a second.
There we go.
It's a stronger thing.
No, I still got that.
There we go.
Here we go.
We have one...
Shoot.
We have one more.
One more?
Just one more.
Okay, there we go.
Sorry.
So, uh, the movie...
You know, I saw the movie a couple of weeks ago and I really enjoyed it.
I thought it was really well done.
A nice deal.
I don't have another pencil.
We don't, Steve, we don't have any more pencils.
No, I'd like another pencil.
Sorry, we don't...
Can we get some more pencils?
Barbara, do we have any more pencils back there?
Gaines?
Here she has some pencils.
Thank you very much.
You want the whole fist full?
I would like a half.
All right.
Now, don't hurt yourself.
No.
Ow!
No.
No.
See, you actually, you hit the equipment.
Steve, it's more...
If you could just...
Just more like this.
Just a little...
Just about like that.
All right.
I'll tell you what, we'll do a commercial and then you can practice while we're
away.
And we'll come back with Steve Martin.
We'll be right back.
You're making...
You're making a bigger deal out of this thing.
Oh, now see, look.
Someone's been...
May I say that he deserved that?
He was walking past there right when I'm trying this shtick.
All right.
But it's just...
It's more just with the wrist.
Just about...
It's just very easy like that.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah.
It's so simple when you're standing so close.
Yeah.
Say that one was...
You broke that one out with your...
I broke that one out with your pencil.
Yeah, with your pencil.
Yeah.
With your pencil.
Hey.
Now.
When we started throwing the pencils earlier in the first...
Did you smell a bit coming?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think we could smell it coming up 6th Avenue.
Yeah, we smelled it.
Yeah.
Oh, it's a bit.
Yeah.
Let's take a look at this clip here from Roxanne.
Oh!
What are we going to see?
And is this a new clip or is this the one we've seen on all the other shows?
You have not...
I don't think you've...
I don't know.
I did it once on one show.
Both twice on two shows.
I'd like to think that...
No, what clip have you seen?
Well, I've seen the one where you have just fallen out of a tree and you're
telling the
old ladies about the guy from outer space.
No, this is a completely different one than that.
All right.
All right.
Well, tell the folks what we're going to see.
Better not to set it up.
Just roll it.
All right.
From Steve's new film, Roxanne, playing all over the country.
Watch closely.
Hey, it's two minutes to get out of here.
Hey, Tim!
It's the same damn clip.
That's not the clip you saw.
No, that's the clip I saw.
No, that's a different clip.
That's the same damn clip.
No, that's a different clip.
That was with me and Daryl, didn't...
I didn't see Daryl Hannah.
Daryl was the second one.
It was just bad lighting.
How was that, working with Daryl Hannah?
That was great.
Is she a nice woman?
Very nice.
Very easy to work with.
Very smart.
And then, so am I.
I'm just wild about sand.
And you shot the film in a small town in British Columbia?
A little town called Nelson in British Columbia.
And then in Vancouver, we shot there, too.
Was it as nice in the small town as it looked on the screen?
Yes, very nice.
Yeah.
Very nice.
But there's a little bit of cheating.
Like, sometimes you'll see the town, and it will be the actual town of Nelson,
and another
time you'll see the town, and it will actually be outside of Vancouver.
But all that's explained in the credits, I'm guessing.
I'm sure.
No, we explained it right off the top.
Kind of hurts the movie.
We have the president of Columbia.
Come on.
Come on and explain.
Not to be distracted by it.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Problems of continuity.
Please ignore them.
No, it's not a continuity problem.
It just makes you think you're all in the same town.
Oh, I see.
But through the...
Now, we should explain...
There we go.
Okay.
They're non-union pencils is the problem.
It's going to go.
It's going to go, Dave.
Run for your lives.
If that baby goes...
Oh, my God.
You know, I know that feeling.
It's always a pleasure.
Come back and visit us any time.
Steve Martin.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Steve Martin.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.