Name: Dave's Ceramic Monkey Odyssey on LNwDL, 1987, 1989
Uploaded: 2017-06-23T18:04:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Ceramic Monkey Odyssey on LNwDL, 1987, 1989' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Ceramic Monkey Odyssey on LNwDL, 1987, 1989' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-23. Transcript available.

Anybody who knows me personally knows that there are two things that I really,
really love.
One, of course, is making phone calls in a funny voice to The Donahue Show.
And two, spending a relaxing afternoon working on a craft project.
So I would like you now, the home viewers, to join me as we take a trip to Staten
Island and my ceramics class.
Excuse me, are you a Mrs. Perosi?
Yes, Mrs. Perosi.
Dave Letterman, nice to meet you, Alex.
Howdy good, Dave.
You know, I know we're a little late, and I see that the ceramics class has
actually started.
Yes.
But, you know, I'm not sure how much instruction I really need.
I just need kind of a place to work.
I would like to make a gift for a friend of mine, Tom Brokaw.
He works with me at NBC.
And what I had in mind is a big ceramic monkey.
So is there something that you can help me with along those lines?
We have monkeys right here.
What is this?
That's not a baby monkey.
That's very fragile, Dave.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I have to be a little more careful.
Now, what is this?
This is finished.
This is a finished monkey.
Now, what are these dots all over the monkey?
Let's just dress it up a little to make it cute.
Looks like a meat cutter's diagram.
You take the seam off, right?
Yes, that's right.
Yeah.
The seam goes all the way out.
No, I've got it, of course.
I've done this before.
Oh, you have?
Oh, sure.
No, I've been in a lot of classes.
You know, some of those classes, I don't know if you've been to other places
that have
classes, but they get a little petty, you know?
And I think it's just kind of, well, jealousy.
And sometimes it can generate ill will among other class members.
But you do need the basics for doing ceramics.
Look at me.
Do you think I have the basics or not?
Of course I have the basics.
Of course you do.
I can see what you're doing.
What are you making?
Lamps.
Lamps?
Yes.
Making the lamps.
What are you going to do with that big duck, ma'am?
It's for my back yard.
That's nice.
I'm making a monkey for Tom Brokaw.
Oh, there's a duck right next to the goose.
That's nice.
That's a lawn duck.
A lawn duck?
Yeah.
She'll be putting that in her garden.
Well, this is not a lawn monkey, per se.
I see it's more a Tom's trophy case, if he ever wins any trophies.
What are they supposed to be?
Are those shells or something?
Yeah, they're called a shell type.
Really?
They look like some kind of alien pods that might come from another galaxy.
How big is that goose, do you suppose?
How tall is that?
Oh, I guess it's close to three feet.
Three feet?
I've made monkeys nearly twice that size.
Yeah.
Okay, do the other arm.
Why don't you go down there and supervise the giant goose?
Are you sure you're not going to?
Do the other arm.
Brother.
Those are nice.
Yeah, I like those.
I'll give you $100 for the goose.
No.
So?
$120.
Come on.
You're nuts.
$120 for that?
No, I'll give you this for my pleasure.
I'll give you $4 for the lamps.
You know, this is the part that I really enjoy about these classes, is the
camaraderie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's fun, isn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right, Alice, so now we stick this in the kiln.
Oh, it's warm in here, isn't it?
Yes, it's very hot.
The kiln is on, so don't touch it.
How hot does it get?
It's 1,865 degrees.
1,865 degrees.
Wow.
You know, you ever had tandoori chicken?
Ever toss a chicken in there?
Between you and me, Alice.
Everything except the monkey.
Just crap.
Right?
No, no.
Definitely not.
Really?
Let's fire this one.
Alice, thank you very much for all of your help.
Thank you, Dave.
Well, when will the monkey be ready?
Oh, probably Wednesday.
Yeah.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much, Dave.
Nice meeting you.
Take care of that monkey.
Bye, kids.
Bye-bye.
Good luck with that lamp.
Thank you very much.
Oh, hi.
We'll be right back with Michael Stinks.
You know, kids, when I made a big ceramic monkey in my art class on Staten
Island a couple
of years ago, I realized that something so beautiful shouldn't be hidden away,
but should
be shared with the public.
So recently, I decided to find a place where it could be admired and enjoyed
for ages to
come.
Hal, roll the videotape.
Here it comes.
All right, behind me is the Metropolitan Museum of Art, perhaps the greatest
repository anywhere
in the world of historical, sociological, and anthropological artifacts, and we're
going
to see if they would be interested in my little donation.
Hi, how are you?
I have in here something that I'd like to give to the museum.
It's a donation, and I would like to talk to a curator or an administrator or a
supervisor.
Put it down.
Put it down.
Yeah.
It's just, have you seen it?
Do you mind if I even show it to you?
Let me just show you the item.
Here.
Hey, wait a minute.
I've been manhandled here.
Hey.
You grabbed me.
They seem to be really interested, but the guy we need to talk to is at lunch.
You work here?
Yeah.
What department?
Uh, the, uh, I'd rather not say, you know.
Yeah, I don't blame you.
Museum work is kind of sleazy, isn't it?
I think the reason everyone is so skittish is that the museum employs a lot of
known felons
and folks with records.
I made this a couple of years ago for Tom Brokaw.
For Tom Brokaw?
Yeah, my friend.
I like it.
Wow.
It's a ceramic monkey.
It's really ugly.
That hat's not gonna win prizes.
It's an object of art.
Really?
It represents life in this world in the 1980s.
This is life?
Well, not exactly.
Come on, you're manhandling my monkey.
Give me a dollar for a crush.
No, I'm not selling it.
This is not a yard sale.
No, stop it.
Now you're hurting my feelings.
Go on, go to lunch.
No, no, forget it.
I have something that I would like to donate free of charge to the museum.
I just think it would be nice for the people who come to the museum.
I hope it's not busted.
There.
Now, this is, it's ceramic.
It would give me a nice feeling knowing that I have given this to the people of
New York.
Can you hear me?
Yes.
Watch the eyes.
Notice how the eyes seem to follow you wherever you, just like move around a
little bit.
There you go.
See the eyes?
It seems to follow you, doesn't it?
It's haunting.
It smells kind of musty in here, doesn't it?
I guess that's old stuff.
Make a lovely cologne, wouldn't it?
Old stuff.
You look like a very bright young man.
Where are you from, son?
New Jersey.
Before you go outside, you should towel off your hair, by the way, Mike.
You're gonna catch yourself a cold.
Now, if you had walked into the Hall of African Mammals and seen this, would
that have made you a happy boy?
No.
Huh?
No.
Get out of here.
Just get out of here.
Get back up the bus.
There.
It's yours.
Just take it, put it on a little table with some felt and maybe a card, turn a
small spotlight on it, and it's yours.
Let me tell you this about the donation.
Okay.
This is clearly out of scope for this museum.
Dead beats.
They don't have any idea what they're talking about.
This is like the central bank of elevators, the studio elevators here at 30
Rockefeller Plaza.
And they have this thing titled Long May You Soar.
And I think emphasis on the word soar, as in eyesore.
So, we're just gonna replace this with the monkey.
And, of course, the title of the monkey is Jocko.
Just shove this out of the way.
And be careful.
Try not to leave any fingerprints.
Don't bust it.
There'll be hell to pay.
And I think this is going to be a lovely addition to the NBC broadcast.
All right.
There you go.
Okay.
Good luck.
All right.
We got applause here for a commercial.
We'll be right back with Carol King.
you