Name: David Letterman Fires Henry Collection, 1983-85
Uploaded: 2017-06-25T06:18:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Letterman Fires Henry Collection, 1983-85' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Letterman Fires Henry Collection, 1983-85' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-06-25. Transcript available.

David Letterman Fires Henry Collection, 1983-85

uh duquesne is in the pitchberg huh all right are those folks on the staff not
sure all right
uh dear mr letterman each night as you assume your monologue position a pair of
rather superfluous
stage doors close behind you however the door on the audience left always but
always takes longer
to reach its closed position than the door on the right truly a glaring and
ugly eyesore what gives
mr letterman sincerely steve dobbins chapel hill north carolina uh steve thanks
for the letter this
is the third complaint we have received about those doors and i'm afraid we're
going to have
to do something about it hal could could we open the doors please okay all
right let's go back here
and see just what the problem is
excuse me
uh william hi hi how's it going fine you're doing a great job keep up the good
work
henry how are you fine mr letterman good fine uh henry uh how long have you
been with us
24 years since almost the beginning yeah right right from the start almost uh
henry i'm sorry we
received another complaint about your side of the door is opening a little
slowly and uh i'm afraid
we're going to have to let you go so if there's anything i can do for you a
letter of recommendation
or something like that i'd be happy to almost one year to my well i know well
just clean up and get
out if you will okay i'm i'm sorry i had to happen
well uh
it's a joke actually we're certainly not it's kind of a joke we're not yeah we're
not really going to let
henry go
uh letter number four dear dame
no no no no
go go get henry i don't i don't want these people upset for henry's welfare
poor poor guy henry
where did henry go
henry henry i just we were just teasing you have a job with this company for as
long as you'd like it
and to prove it mr tinker asked me to give you one of these late night sponges
and here are some facial blotters
well thank you congratulations nice working with you
henry we uh it all just kind of seemed like a joke earlier today but took sort
of an ugly turn didn't it well uh my first guest tonight
where are we letter number four or five five
i'll be getting impatient now
dear dave after you do your opening monologue you introduce paul and the camera
leaves you and focuses on paul the next time we see you
you're comfortably seated behind your desk you once said that this was done in
order to prevent a really awkward situation from taking place
my question is what is this awkward situation that myself and millions of late
night viewers are deprived of a loyal fan
and then blue ball mount vernon ohio dan there are a lot of reasons for the
camera to stay on paul to cover my cross to the desk
and i'm afraid that sometimes it is to spare you the viewing public from
witnessing awkward scenes take a look at this videotape from one of our
isolated cameras
and i think you'll see what i mean that's myerson turns to roberto duran and
she says
okay
you inflate it
uh oh now say hello to our good friend mr paul shaffer ladies and gentlemen
thank you so much
david you are
come on we need a chair
get out
we like your presence
oh it's been the wrong place
we're doing right
let's go
come on
we gotta get you out of here
come on
here here here here here
i just got a feeling about this show i think it's going to be one of our best
shows ever don't you think
dave uh i have a feeling probably it will be thank you very much paul you look
very nice
you are thanks
uh we have a uh fine program for you
we do have a fine program for you folks we have uh uh ex uh also bob green a
visit to the electronics fun expo
and this year's penthouse pet pet pet of the year sheila kennedy she'll be
joining us in a couple
of minutes come on back folks after you take a look
letter number four dear dave boy you really blew it i was in your studio
audience when you had audience brush with greatness
because i was only a lonely standby
uh i did not get a chance to volunteer my story i sat on the lap of luciano pavaratti
yeah uh it's like being in a state park
now i think that's pretty good not everyone could even find his lap at any rate
i'm disappointed i didn't get to tell my story and missed out on my chance to
win a facial blockade
and i thought you should be aware of what you missed this is from a faithful
late night
insomniac elizabeth field new york gee elizabeth you know you're absolutely
right i guess we did blow it
that would have been a great story to hear on the show and uh i'd like to get
to the bottom of this
so henry henry do you mind coming out here for just a minute please
now yes mr littleman yes henry uh how long have you been picking out the
audience participants for
brush with greatness 29 years mr
and yes
now i have only one year to go for my pension yeah less than a year to go well
henry how how is it that
with all of that experience nearly 30 years uh you didn't pick the woman in the
audience who sat on
luciano pavaratti's lap uh for brush with greatness oh i'm so sorry
oh i i remember that day i left the clinic and i was mugged they they took my
coat and my
eyeglasses so when i faced the audience i couldn't read the uh writings of the
questionnaires very well
so uh i was shivering so much and i couldn't write anything down either yeah
yeah well i'm sorry i'm
sorry about i'm so sorry about that i'm so sorry yeah yeah well you're fired
oh
that's quite a feeling to get booed on your own show so what about my pension
well henry what about the lady who sat on pavaratti's lap
why don't you just get your stuff together and get a cab will you
oh my poor henry well
oh all right you give him a job
just uh let's see letter number five that concludes this batch of viewer mail
is henry
out there yes henry come on back in and take a bow
here he is ladies and gentlemen
okay uh we got a great show for you
which last time we're here it's a far-for-the-show
let's see we're up to letter number four for those of you scoring along at home
dear dave
i watched viewer mail on january 5th 1984 in which a woman informed us that she
had sat on pavaratti's lap
ah but had not been selected to tell her story on the brush with the stars
segment
for failing to select this young lady the old gentleman responsible was fired
that's right
poor old henry less than one year from his pension well dave it seems that you
gave virtually the same
response to a viewer letter on october 13th 1983 by going backstage and firing
the old gentleman
responsible for closing the left door yeah he had been closing that door for
nearly 30 years
and was just six months short of his pension too bad for him i don't like to
criticize but i have
never known you to use duplicate answers before what's the story dave your pal
kevin underwood tacoma
washington uh kevin you're right despite all the safeguards in our system we
did slip up and
duplicate an answer to viewer mail i'd like to thank you for pointing that out
and i'm going to take
steps now to ensure that this never happens again henry henry do you mind come
on in here henry
yes mr letterman henry is it your job to make sure that each reply to viewer
mail is is unique
and not a repetition of something we've done before yes mr letterman i've been
doing it for for about
30 years now yeah but soon i will have one more year and one a few weeks more
and i'll get my pension
yeah and you're you're uh obviously all excited about that pension aren't you
yes very much
and you you you have plans with the money you'll get from the pension oh yes
if i can get a loan from my brother-in-law i can get this cottage in the
country oh that'd be great
because they they have difficulties too oh i know it's it's not easy but that's
really not my problem
is it um well anyway henry with all that experience 30 years it's hard for me
to believe that you could
make an embarrassing silly mistake like this yes i'm very sorry about that but
my my memory is not as
good as it used to be uh maybe i'm very sorry about that yeah but uh but i have
a i will help it off i have
have a device the system where i can a very very refined system where i can get
uh help in in figuring
it out and track the letters that come from out
so uh now henry this system we've heard so much about it uh it's uh it'll help
keep these mistakes
from happening again and uh what i want you to do is explain to the person who
will be taking over
your job just exactly how it works because you're history pal
but my my my pension
you know henry maybe if you'd spend a little more time worrying about viewer
mail than talking
about your damn pension we wouldn't be having this discussion would we now just
get a cab and get out
out of here
well
that was a little skit we like to call henry
now what are we doing just moving on
it's just a joke it's a joke we'll we'll have henry back here another night
uh okay
tonight on this program the star search spokesmodel of the year tracy ross will
be joining us stupid
human tricks rob lowe and dick gregory quite a show come on back as soon as you
can
letter number five dear dave now this is kind of rough language who's the idiot
who took away your
black phone i liked your black phone but now it's gone why dave why marie reed
beautiful kilgore texas
well marie you're absolutely right the black phone has been replaced by this
beige model over here
and honestly i have no idea who did this or why it was done let me check with
our director mr hal gurney
how can you hear me
sorry what was that
hal has many shows to direct simultaneously and
has his hands full plus trying to get aircraft landed out of jfk so he's
many things on his mind go ahead yes hal uh do you have any idea what happened
to the black phone
and uh who who took it away no i don't i want to check with louise the cleaning
lady
all right louise louise could you come in here please talk with louise the
cleaning lady
hi louise yes mr lederman uh louise do you know anything about my uh favorite
black phone here
yes i do mr letterman you do well louise i wonder if you could tell me what
happened to it
i uh replaced it with this one so you did take my black phone yes i thought it
was this one would be
easier for you and look a little nicer than the old black wine louise how long
have you been here at mbc
almost 25 years mr letterman i have just two months to go before my pension
yeah yeah
uh i hope to join my sister and my brother in florida i haven't seen them in 10
years well
uh that sure would be nice now louise with all that experience nearly 25 years
you'd think that
you would know better than to just take something that didn't belong to you
without asking wouldn't
you yeah i i thought that uh-huh see that's just it louise you thought
yes i i thought it could be nice this way well louise don't worry because now
you're going to have
all the time you need to think all the time you need to think because you're
fired
go ahead get a cab louise if you will your history go on hit the road
okay okay okay okay okay louise louise
yes mr letterman louise you forgot the damn phone
there you go
okay that's viewer mail for another another thursday evening let me remind you
is louise all right
uh this of course is only a joke and it's been performed for you by highly paid
professionals
and louise in fact that's not even louise is it no and everything's just fine
we couldn't be happier
here could we
okay well we're gonna load up the water ski film we'll be back in a few minutes
uh tonight ladies and gentlemen i'm very excited two months ago we thought that
we would select a brand
new catchphrase for the united states of course you had the hugely popular
where's the beef
uh swept the nation and of course other catchphrases the always popular okie dokie
stuff like that
and we by your votes here in the studio we selected a brand new catchphrase
that we really wanted to
sweep the nation and and just be on the tongue and lips of of everyone in north
america well
let's take a look at the competition we held uh about two months ago here on
this program to select
a brand new catchphrase oh when