Name: David Letterman Show in Cresco, Iowa, October 22, 1980
Uploaded: 2017-07-15T23:05:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Letterman Show in Cresco, Iowa, October 22, 1980' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Letterman Show in Cresco, Iowa, October 22, 1980' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-15. Transcript available.

David Letterman Show in Cresco, Iowa, October 22, 1980

Boy, what a great-looking day!
Hey, look at this barn.
Isn't it nice, yeah?
Isn't it beautiful?
You know, I would get...
Why do I have to drive?
You're the only one with insurance.
See that sign, David?
Yeah, it's great.
Boy, oh boy, look at those dogs.
No, no, no, cows.
They're like two-ton dogs.
Trust me, they're cows.
Great, read the letter again.
Me?
Yeah, no, Rich, read the letter.
More of those dogs.
I'm still cows.
Well, we got to turn right here?
We are the Goldsworthy.
We live in rural Cresco, Iowa, on acreage which we own.
Isn't he really beautiful?
We enjoy our area and think we live in one of the most beautiful and peaceful
spots in the world.
Spelled your name right again.
Small towns do exist and we do enjoy ours.
We would like to share it with you and your audience.
Hey, look at the dog.
Good-looking dog.
It's a great-looking dog.
Don't make dog noises.
That's a great letter.
Okay, nice people.
This is it down here, right?
On the left, huh?
Yep.
Okay, all right.
Over the bridge on the left.
This time, see if you can drive through the bridge first.
Now, when we get in to this house, you've got to be very careful not to bust
anything, all right?
They've got to have a second thought.
They've got to have somebody's thermos.
Yeah.
Well, they've got to be really nervous.
They've made a bunch of jerks rolling in they've never seen before.
I think Charles Garopp was here last week.
Yeah?
Make sure we lock the doors.
You don't have to lock the doors.
This is Iowa.
Okay, let's go.
Good morning.
It's Wednesday, October 22nd, and we're coming to you from the beautiful
countryside of northeastern Iowa,
and we're a couple of miles outside of the city of Cresco, Iowa.
Why are we here?
You may be asking yourselves.
I'll tell you.
A couple of months ago, we had a contest.
Why you would like to have this show done from your home?
Today is the day we're going to do it.
We have the winners, Howard and Jane Goldsworthy.
This is their house, and what a show we've got planned for you folks.
Cloris Leachman and her daughter, Dinah England, are going to be here this
morning.
Cloris herself being an Iowan.
Also, her very own Rich Hall.
Will Schreiner, an expert on small towns, is with us today.
Frank Owens and the Symphony Orchestra, they're here.
They're not sure where they are because they came blindfolded.
A special Cresco, Iowa edition of Stupid Pet Tricks and the people of Cresco
themselves.
Now, I want to introduce you to the folks who won our contest.
The owners of this lovely home, Howard and Jane Goldsworthy and their family.
This, of course, well not of course, you don't know this young lady.
This is Gina, and who are your two kitties, Gina?
Scooter and animal.
Scooter and animal.
How old are you?
I'm 11.
11 years old?
You had to think about it a minute there, huh?
This is Jane.
Congratulations, Jane.
I guess congratulations is the word.
Thank you.
Well, thank you for letting us come here.
Oh, wonderful.
We're having a flower.
What kind of a flower is that?
That's a carnation.
All right.
Welcome.
Thank you very much, Jane.
This is their older daughter, Greta.
How are you today, Greta?
Fine.
Who is this little guy?
This is Noodles.
Noodles the dog.
How old are you?
14.
14.
Has this been sort of silly for you?
I don't know.
It's different.
You seem a little embarrassed by the whole thing.
Yeah, a little.
Yeah, so am I.
And this is how I make a living.
This is Howard.
This is a gentleman who owns the home.
And how long have you lived here, Howard?
17 years.
What do you do for a living?
I'm a production supervisor at Donaldson's in Cresco.
Okay, Howard, I want you to describe the landscape here in a second.
I want to ask Jane, why is it you entered this thing?
Well, I thought it would be really fun for you to come to my home and to do a
TV show,
and it's been great.
Has it been fun?
Yeah, it's really been fun, and you're wonderful people.
Oh, thank you very much.
You're terrific, folks.
Now, Howard, over here in this particular corner of your lot, what's normally
over there?
Or what's not normally over there, I guess?
Well, what's not normally is there is all those cars, that big van sitting
there,
and this extra yard light pole we've got in our yard here.
See all of that stuff, Howard?
That's yours.
You're going to keep it, we're going to leave it here, and you can do your own
TV shows.
Now, I want you folks to see the rest of the beautiful lot that the Goldsworthys
have here.
What's life like in Cresco, Jane?
Oh, it's great.
There's lots of things to do, a lot more than sometimes in the city.
Like what?
Oh, there's card parties, and we snowmobile in the winter, and there's really
wonderful
people that just, I don't know, there's things going on all the time.
Right.
Now, with your churches and all your organizations that they have in the small
town, and where
there's not a lot of people, more people get involved in these things.
So, there's always a lot of things going on.
Did you ever have any desires to maybe move to a bigger city, Greta?
No.
You think when you get older you'll stay here?
I don't know.
I don't know.
How about you, Gina?
Yeah.
You gonna stay?
You got a beautiful lot.
You said about 80 acres?
Right.
Oh, farmland.
Now, this is not all farmland, but what's an acre of farmland go for in this
part of Iowa?
Well, in this part of Iowa, probably around $18 to $2,000 an acre.
I would guess somewhere's in that neighborhood.
It depends a lot on the lay of the land.
Now, this land here, of course, is very quite hilly, and this land is maybe not
worth quite
that much, although I think it is.
Yeah.
It's certainly beautiful.
This is corn country, huh?
Very true.
Yeah.
Corn country and a lot of beef and hogs are raced in this country.
Okay.
We gotta wander on back into the house while we're taking a look at the lay of
the land.
Anything special you folks would like to do today?
Do today?
Yeah.
Well, I'd like to eat that turkey we got cooking in there.
Now, normally on a Sunday afternoon, which is when we're taping this, would you
folks be this dressed up?
Only in the morning when we go to church.
At this time of the day, I certainly wouldn't have these clothes on.
So, you feel a little uncomfortable?
Very true.
Your friends at school give you any stuff about this, Gina?
Yeah.
Well, we'll show them.
Don't you worry.
We gotta get inside here and start festivities.
We'll be meeting Cloris Leachman in a minute or two.
We gotta make our way into what now is the television studio.
The Goldsworthy's living room.
Okay.
I tell you what, Jane and Howard, you take your family on in and have a seat
and we'll follow you closely behind.
And we'll get ready to start the show in a second.
I want you just to see a little bit of the Goldsworthy home.
These folks are...
Look at them run.
They're standing around in the kitchen where they have a turkey in the oven.
Cloris?
Everything under control?
Just a minute now.
We're just getting things to take.
Okay.
Cloris is rearranging things and remodeling.
Put a coat of paint on the house while you're at it, Cloris, if you can.
She's been so busy today.
How do you do?
Nice to see you.
These folks are in the Loge seating area and the tickets here, what, $8 to $15?
What a bargain, huh?
Okay.
We're going through here.
Ladies and gentlemen, how about a nice hand for the show?
Of course, here's Frank Owens and the Symphony Orchestra.
And we're officially beginning now from the Goldsworthy home in Fresco, Iowa.
How are you?
Nice to see you.
Thank you very much.
I feel like Phil Donahue.
Now, welcome to the show.
How are you folks today?
Fine.
Are you having the time of your life?
Yes.
Okay.
Now, you know, of course, that every ticket holder here gets a shot at the
mobile home out back, huh?
Oh, don't you believe a word of it.
Welcome to the show.
We have to pause here for a couple of commercials.
Ms. Cloris Leachman, herself an Iowan.
Is that correct?
Iowan?
Okay.
She will be joining us in a couple of minutes.
We'll be right back.
Let me ask you this, Al.
You ever tried Winky's cow paste?
I don't know if I ever did or not.
I don't know if I ever did or not.
I don't know if I ever did or not.
We're going to have a couple of commercials.
We're going to have a couple of commercials for a couple of commercials.
Ms. Cloris Leachman, herself an Iowan.
Is that correct?
Iowan?
Okay.
She will be joining us in a couple of minutes.
We'll be right back.
Let me ask you this, Al.
You ever tried Winky's cow paste?
I don't know if I ever did or not.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
And welcome back to the show.
We're coming to you this morning from the living room of Howard and Jane Goldsworthy.
They live in Cresco, Iowa.
It's the northeastern corner of the state of Iowa.
And we got a second.
I want you to at least take a look at Jane's parents.
This is Mr. and Mrs. Vandermeer.
Nice to have you folks here this morning.
And thank you for the rest of the studio audience.
Thank you folks for being here.
Thank you.
So it's our living room audience this morning.
And we're having more fun than humans should be allowed to have here today.
My first guest grew up in this part of the country.
She left to become a movie and television star.
Four Emmys, one Oscar later.
She's back today.
Please welcome Ms. Cloris Leachman.
Hello, Cloris.
How are you?
Nice to see you here.
Where exactly did you grow up?
Uh, in, uh, right on Route 6.
Right there on the road, huh?
Well, yes.
Right back, uh, from the road on an acreage at 5017 Hubble Avenue.
Uh-huh.
And it was east of Des Moines, about three miles and just before Altoona.
Altoona?
Yes, talking to the moose's head, I know.
Altoona being Altoona, Iowa?
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
I didn't realize there was an Altoona.
There's an Altoona.
There was an Altoona.
There was an Altoona.
There was an Altoona, there was an Altoona.
There was an Altoona.
There was an Altoona.
Hello, Cloris.
How are you?
Hello, Cloris.
How are you?
Nice to see you here.
Where exactly did you grow up?
Uh, in, uh, right on Route 6.
Right there on the road, huh?
Well, yes.
Right back, uh, from the road on an acreage at 5017 Hubble Avenue.
Uh-huh.
And it was east of Des Moines, about three miles and just before Altoona.
Altoona?
Yes, talking to the moose's head, I know.
Altoona being Altoona, Iowa?
You know?
I don't even think I was ever in Altoona, but I remember the field kids lived
down a couple
of, about a, oh, three-quarters of a mile.
Was the, uh, topography anything like what we have here?
Uh, there was no, uh, hill like that that I remember.
It was, uh, moor rolling.
Yeah.
This is quite beautiful.
Yeah, this is a view out of, uh, one of the living room windows here.
This is just wonderful.
I think we'll do this show from these people's home every day.
I think so.
We'll, we'll get you a motel on the outskirts of town.
How old were you when you, when you left Iowa?
Can I ask you that?
I guess I can.
Well, let's see.
I went to Northwestern when I was 15.
15?
A college kid at 15.
Yes, for the summer.
Uh-huh.
But, uh, as a cherub.
Uh-huh.
Then I got a scholarship to Northwestern later, uh, to go to college.
Uh-huh.
Well, I guess when I was about 18, I left, and, uh, I went back every once in a
while.
Uh, would you sometimes, uh, miss being in Iowa?
I talked to some people yesterday, and they pretty committed to staying here.
Uh-huh.
Well, this house is a lot warmer than ours was.
I remember I used to just stand by the hot air register and say, "Oh, Mama, it's
so cold."
She'd say, "Get to work."
So I didn't complain too much, or I'd go down and shovel coal in the, in the
furnace once
in a while.
But, um, it was cold.
Yeah.
And we slept in an, in an unheated attic upstairs.
Three little girls.
I was the oldest.
And we'd go up this little, tiny stairway to the attic, and, uh, the window was
always
wide open, and the snow would come in.
We'd have the pee-pee bucket there.
There wasn't.
I'm sorry.
What?
What did, Cloris said what?
What did Cloris say?
Last one down, you know, bring