Name: Viewer Mail on Letterman, April 5, 1984
Uploaded: 2017-07-29T20:10:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, April 5, 1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, April 5, 1984' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-29. Transcript available.

It's viewer mail night and let's get right to our voluminous viewer mail.
Letter number one begins, Dear Dave, it seems that you are more and more
frequently telling inside jokes
which refer to something that you say to the studio audience prior to the
program's taping.
I feel that this is quite unfair to those of us who don't understand the
significance of these inside jokes.
Well, this is a good point. Please, Dave, fill us poor home viewers in on What's
So Funny So We Can Laugh Too.
And it's signed, Thanks, Joseph Klein, Glendora, California.
Sounds like this guy was on the same bus that Nancy was on, doesn't it?
Sometimes the fun is in overdoing it.
Well, letter number two begins, Dear Dave, assume you're the casting director
for a major Hollywood movie studio
and it's your job to cast the male and female leads for an upcoming $30 million
motion picture.
This is kind of like a story problem.
For the female lead, you have chosen Jacqueline Bissett.
For the male lead, you must choose between Forrest Tucker, Larry Hovis,
or the guy who played Howard Sprague on the Andy Griffith show.
Who would you choose? Your pal, Larry Mills, Skokie, Illinois.
Larry, you certainly have done your homework.
As a matter of fact, I found myself in this position not too long ago.
And to be honest with you, I couldn't make up my mind between the three
gentlemen you mentioned.
So I decided to take the leading role opposite Jacqueline Bissett myself.
It's a project that we're all kind of proud of.
And it looks like it's going to be released, well, I guess early in the summer
here.
Take a look at it.
It's called Dragor, Lizard King of Rothnia.
And as you can see, I'm the only one who could rule the lizard.
So we're...
No, stop it.
Maybe a little too early for lizards.
All right, now, we're up to letter number three, by the way.
Is that right, letter number three?
Okay.
Dear Dave, I can see that you are a friendly all-around guy when in front of
the cameras
or when I see you when I'm at the show.
But I want to know just how do you act without an audience?
For instance, if I were to sneak offline at the end of the show and find you in
your office,
would you greet me wholeheartedly or would you beckon for security?
Tell me, Dave, tell me.
And it's signed Seth Elliott, Brooklyn, New York.
Well, this is quite a coincidence, Seth.
Earlier this week, someone actually did slip through our vast security systems
after the show
and surprised me in my dressing room.
Luckily, our hidden security camera was there to capture all of the activity.
So, see for yourself.
Oh, hi.
Come on in.
I'm Dave Letterman.
Bill Boski, I hope I'm not disturbing you.
Oh, no, not at all.
Have a seat there, Bill.
Thanks.
Gee, I'm one of your biggest fans.
Oh, that's very nice.
Here, let me get you a drink.
Would you like a drink?
Sure.
All right.
So, how long are you going to be visiting New York City?
Oh, just for a couple of days.
Oh, that's great.
Well, you're going to need some spending money, won't you?
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
No, here, let me give you a couple of bills.
Yeah, okay, there you go.
Thanks.
Enjoy yourself, really.
So, now, where did you say you're staying?
Just at a hotel down the street.
No, you're going to stay with me.
Wow.
It'll be great.
Dave, can I ask you a question?
Sure, Bill.
You think I could have a late-night sponge?
We got them right over here.
Yeah, here's one for you.
Great.
Wait a minute.
This says late-night with David Letterman and Bill Bosky.
It does?
Let me look at that.
I'll be darned.
It looks like somebody's got themselves a brand-new job.
Welcome aboard, Bill.
And now we're ready for letter number four.
Dear Dave, it is tempting to suggest that a custom is recognized as a law
because there is a fundamental rule of recognition, or norm of legitimacy.
But, and here's the question, Dave, does this alternative account provide more
of an advance on the problem of the legal recognition of custom than does
Austin's doctrine of legal recognition?
I can't sleep nights because of this problem.
Sincerely, here is David Heinemann, Columbia, Missouri.
Well, David, this is a very, very complicated question.
And because of its technical nature, I'm going to turn you over to our own
Jimmy Fitzgerald in Technician's Corner.
Jimmy?
So you say you're having trouble sleeping nights.
One common remedy is to drink a glass of warm milk before bedtime.
This stimulates the production of the amino acid tryptophan, which may induce
sleepiness.
Or you could ask your doctor to describe as sedative, such as pentobarbital.
But for a really good night's sleep, do what I do.
Tuck this under your pillow, an Ingram M10.
It's a sure cure for things that go bump in the night.
Just point this alley sweeper towards any suspicious noise and hoes down the
area with a simple side-to-side motion.
The 32-round magazine empties in about two seconds, so you'll be asleep again
before you know it.
So remember, it's easy to nap with a gun in your lap.
Okay, that's it for Viewer Mail.
We have a wonderful program for you tonight.
We'll be back with Dr. Richard Brent and Fun with Rockets.
So come on back.