Name: David Letterman on Late Late Show with Tom Snyder, November 8, 1995
Uploaded: 2017-07-30T00:23:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Letterman on Late Late Show with Tom Snyder, November 8, 1995' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'David Letterman on Late Late Show with Tom Snyder, November 8, 1995' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-07-30. Transcript available.

David Letterman on Late Late Show with Tom Snyder, November 8, 1995

good evening folks and welcome back everybody i'm tom and this is the simulcast
on the air now
on cbs radio and television for wednesday night we're at midweek november the 8th
1995 our colleague
in late night on cbs david letterman is with us as he visits southern california
tonight
and richard reeves on today's uh surprising to some announcement by colin powell
that he will
not seek the republican or any other nomination for the presidency or vice
presidency in 1996 you
know there was a story about this on reuters very early this morning before he
made the announcement
and the speculation beforehand was that he would not make the race because
the assassination of itzhak rabin over this past weekend made him pause and
take notice of the fact
that he too might be a target for a gunman's bullet and if that was a part of
his decision what a tragic
day for civilization as we approach the end of the 20th century that a man who
in so many ways is so
qualified uh to be a leader of this country would make a decision partially
based on the fact that
he might face an assassin's bullet what what a terrible way to ponder a
decision in 1995 1996
anyway uh i had a letter today from a fellow who wants to be the coordinator
for the studio audience
of the late late show now we don't have a studio audience but he was very
serious he said you know
i noticed that you have a lot of producers and very few guests and i thought
that since you didn't
have a studio audience i could be the uh studio audience coordinator for the
late late show so i sent
him back a letter tonight i said i said dear friend i said we have decided that
you are in fact the studio
audience coordinator for the late late show but since there is none there's no
salary but the benefit
is you get to work at home don't ever have to come in here then another fellow
wrote in here i was
interviewing sue grafton last week remember the murder mystery a novelist and i
asked her if she had um
how can i put this now as i did then f y money and remember she said yes i have
plenty of it and he said
could you explain to me what is f y money and i send him back a note that was
as uh non-explicit as
i could make it i said dear sir um that is having enough cash in your pocket so
if anybody gets in
your way you can tell them f y and i said it's a wonderful feeling to have back
with david letterman
who is the star of the late show here on cbs fire up the color teenies watch
the pictures as they fly
through the air and thanks for watching everybody
i have the same thing you both had hamburgers yes we did you take your mother
to the beller don't do
this to me don't do this to me now this is why you died out here the last year
lovely woman dear
person she gets a hamburger here is a man who has been a fixture in late night
television since 1982
david letterman the star of the lake show on cbs welcome to the provinces and
thanks for coming
how you doing tom just fine nice to see you buddy how's it going couldn't be
better you know what
i'm working on here don't you yes sir the first time i was on this show i was
the worst guest
you've had in 188 no sir you weren't i want to fight that i want to lose that i
want to beat it
down let me ask you i want to avenge that let me ask you i want to be really
really
good tonight well let me ask you something that's really really on everybody's
mind
load fire how surprised were you last week when you were quoted in the new york
daily news as saying
at the end of your present contract you plan to retire knowing full well that
that takes you to
the year 2001 when in fact if you read the daily news it would appear that dave
was leaving last
weekend well weren't you a little bit surprised by that i wasn't surprised by
the fact of it because
this is something that uh i've said uh four or five times in my career when
people come to
interview you you know like you if we're on long enough tonight you'll get
around to this question
well how much longer do you think you can do this and so i i always try and
give my my best most
thoughtful most considerate answer and you sort of look ahead and you think
well is there a landmark
coming up is there a signpost and i thought okay maybe at the end of my current
contract not even
knowing when the current contract uh comes to an end and it turns out it's like
five six years 2000
2001 or whatever so that's what i said and that's what i believed and i think
it's fair enough
and a reasonable enough thing to have said so and the fact that it was in the
article didn't surprise me
all all due respect eric mink the man who wrote the article what are you doing
with your leg for
god i'm just putting it over the chair here be comfortable man um and so uh but
but i thought i
think the reaction to it i i just found silly frivolous and a waste of time it
really that that part
of it really annoyed me because the the the inference that people seem to it
was coming the day after
tomorrow you were leaving the day after tomorrow that's right as he's quitting
he's fed up and so
where then i just uh i just thought no no no no no this is one of the few times
in my adult life
that i know for a fact tried to be straight i am reasonable here and the
reaction the response to
this is unreasonable so i felt pretty good about that i said geez i wish i had
money on this but
you know how can you make money betting with yourself you have expressed you
took your mother
to the bel air country club and bought her a hamburger that's correct but that's
not why you're here
let me ask you about your exasperation which you've expressed publicly and
which you've joked about
on your program about cbs and the fact that the network is underperforming
expectations for the
1995-1996 season as it relates to your own rating well yeah but you know the
truth of it is people get
tired of hearing me whining about this and the only reason we bring it up at
all is because people are
always saying well what's the matter with the show why does it suck why do you
suck why are the ratings
not where you want them and so after a while you have to think well it ain't my
fault and you know that's
just human nature so we blame it on somebody else i was talking to uh uh maureen
dowd who was nice
enough to uh waste summer for evening with me the other night on the telephone
and we're chatting
about this back and forth and back and forth and much the same about the
retirement and all of that
uh stuff and she says uh seriously what's going on with the network and i went
through my song and
dance about you know we got our problems we're working hard we're going to fix
this we're going to do
that uh you know i'm going to get a different to have different hair color
anything you want
it's going to be great but you know the network also has some problems right
and then i said maureen
between you and me if cbs was an airplane i wouldn't fly at the buffalo and
then i realized
well you've done it again dumb bell but you've done it again dumbbell you take
great delight in putting
down cbs but certainly you don't want their fortunes to continue as they are
everything will it's not
like the people eventually at the top four are saying for god's sake let's let's
keep this network
failing so letterman doesn't succeed take a deep breath and before you know it
50 60 years from now
we'll be back on top mark my word but you forget nbc when you first arrived
there in the late 1970s
and 1980s i made fun of nbc i made fun of general electric uh when i worked in
local television i used
to make fun of uh avco broadcasting which owned it then and prior to that it
was crawley you just it's
something you do it's a device and uh lord knows nothing i can say or do on
television 11 35 on cbs or
what's left of it wouldn't fly at the buffalo uh okay can in any way injure or
damage uh the interest
pursuits and dreams visions of lawrence tish so it's uh it's all silliness and
and and you know i'm i'm
getting tired of me talking about it and i know everybody else is so what the
hell you just is it is
it possible that people are tired of watching did you get her the jello salad
as well did you get her a
side of the jello salad tom with that hamburger is it possible that people are
tired of watching david
letterman make fun of cbs i suppose i suppose but you know the truth of it is
it's it's a device
it's a you walk into a room what can we make fun of we make fun of the ed sullivan
theater we make
fun of myself i make fun of paul i make fun of bill wendell oh wait a minute he's
not there anymore
um he got fed up he said i'm tired of you making fun of me uh i make fun of
myself you know you just
go by your best instincts and and uh if your instincts are on the money then
everybody loves
you and if you're you know wide to the right so what take four and go to first
i have no idea what
that means you are on a roll in los angeles you've done well here for three
nights we're enjoying
ourselves in los angeles i know you are shows on the air it's great fun uh it's
it's nice to be back
in a studio uh we're in this uh big theater in new york city which is all
together a different
experience for a television show a good experience but a different experience
uh but you know as all
of us do we begin in in uh studios and it's it's fun to have the comfort and
confidence that that
supplies there are stories in many papers this morning that the late show is
considering moving
to los angeles i think we would consider it i think we would consider it i don't
know how soon or when
uh but i think obviously we would consider it everything here is no surprise uh
is a little easier
than life in new york city not as many obstacles um and fraught with a little
less drama uh so we might
consider it what about the availability of guests in los angeles well they're
all here they're all here
tom it's the show business capital of the world my gosh they're all here from
jamie far to suzanne
they're all here not marv alpert oh marv well mayor giuliani not mayor giuliani
but you get that the
equally charismatic mayor uh reardon is that who it is reardon there is
speculation in the press that
there is in fact conversation now going on between worldwide pants your company
and cbs to move the
show to los angeles it's it's news to me it's news to me i better get to work
early to read the newsletter
because i i just you don't get the worldwide newsletters scheduling meetings
without me then and
god bless them more power to them what is it like fries to be rise to get mom
fries mashed potatoes far
healthier oh man what is it like to be in the paper day after day after day oh
god i crave it jay wins
dave wins dave getting clobbered jay getting clobbered i crave the attention i
can't get enough
no seriously more ink after a while as with most things in life you become a
nerd to it and uh but
you you learn from it if it's if it's an ongoing negative assessment of your
work i think it provides
overview and perspective that you don't have when you're you know in the trench
doing it every day
and it's not a bad idea to stick your head up and uh let a bullet graze you so
it's uh it doesn't
bother me and in many respects i i think it's constructive now in the beginning
the first time it happens it
really it knocks the wind out of you because you come to television you think
okay get ready we got
all the answers and two weeks later somebody takes you apart and you realize oh
wow excuse me and then
it's hurtful it's painful but uh you know i've been doing this more or less for
20 years or so so you
you try and use it as something constructive did you make a decision when the oj
simpson trial began or
when the matter first came up in the press that you would not do oj jokes there
was it wasn't i don't
know if it was a decision i just felt that uh to me the whole thing was a
matter of access where
does this circumstance provide access for me and my sense of humor and i found
it deeply confusing and
troubling because at the c