Name: Merrill Markoe on NNTN, August 2, 1989
Uploaded: 2017-08-05T15:43:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Merrill Markoe on NNTN, August 2, 1989' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Merrill Markoe on NNTN, August 2, 1989' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-08-05. Transcript available.

Jackie Collins, Yakov Smirnoff, Walter Mondale, Meryl Marko, Dan Quill, James
Baker, Patty Davis, Nancy Regan, and in the center square, the Pope, all on the
next...
And hopefully the last...
I certainly hope not.
...Hollywood Squares.
What a country.
What a weasel.
Now with a report that promises to be completely scintillating.
Is that the word you wanted me to use, Meryl?
Excellent choice.
Here's Meryl Marko.
Thanks, Annabella, and thanks for letting me join you on a little desk ride
here.
Well, certainly this week we have seen some very unique crisis situations in
the Middle East.
But, you know, I'm thinking Ted Koppel will get into that on his show.
So I'm here to talk about something of concern to me: dog toys.
Okay, I don't get the premise.
Here I have the squeaking vinyl lamp chop.
What is the dog supposed to make of this?
He's thinking, "This is the toughest, noisiest piece of meat I've ever eaten."
I have many questions along these lines, which is why I decided to pay a visit
to the Pet Industry Convention at the Long Beach Convention Center this week.
So let's now go there, shall we?
Welcome to the Pet Industry Trade Show.
A giant room full of every kind of pet-related item.
Which is why you find yourself having some pretty strange conversations.
Like this one.
Are the holidays an important time for the dog?
They really are. They really are.
Have you noticed that the dog will very seldom give you any kind of gift in
return, so what's the point in really giving them anything?
You know, no matter how bad your day was, when you walk in the door, the dog's
always there wagging his tail and happy to see you.
Oh, big deal.
This is the new species of mealworm.
Those are pets.
Right.
But they're also used for feeding reptiles.
You can go ahead and pick up some if you'd like.
I think they're darling. These are darling. These are really cute.
Hello.
Hello.
Are they tasty?
They are tasty.
Of course, you gotta figure there'd be this kind of thing here.
What we do is do high fashion products for people and their pets that match.
We've got a great line of sweaters and coats.
This is called hugs and kisses.
Now you guys are married?
Yeah.
We're married.
And you have dogs?
Two.
Now have you ever, yet, in this life, all dressed up in the same outfit and
your dog's in the same outfit and gone somewhere in public?
No.
This is Gigi.
This is Gigi.
Oh, I knew that.
In a nylon ruffled coat with a feathered hat.
Do dogs like to wear hats?
They love it.
Really?
Yes, they do.
Sorta looks like something for a bar mitzvah now.
What about the yarmulke?
What about the yarmulke?
There are yarmulkes made for dogs.
Yes, and they're being sold.
Thank God.
And not a moment too soon.
This is Bambi.
Doing the twist.
Come on, Bambi, let Doody twist.
Come on, Bambi, let Doody twist.
Come on, Bambi, let Doody twist.
Come on, Bambi, let Doody twist.
Come on, Bambi, let Doody twist.
Come on, Bambi, let Doody twist.
Come on, Bambi, let Doody twist.
Come on, Bambi, let Doody twist.
Come on, Bambi, let Doody twist.
Good boy.
Bambi's okay, but I think you're sensational.
It's the number one selling doghouse in the country.
How do you get your dog to go in there?
You don't have to throw meat in there first?
No, no.
Let me show you.
Let's play a joke on him.
See, it's deceiving.
There's actually a lot of space in here and, you know, it's comfortable enough.
And now it becomes a handy device to protect your home from salesmen.
Well, where is all of this leading?
Actually, it's leading here.
In October, we started growing this head in the space.
But in April, we started all this schoolwork and the flowers and the butterfly.
Now, in your opinion, does the dog like having this done?
Oh, he loves it.
Oh, yeah.
He really likes the attention.
Now, do you think Nicky enjoys this?
Um, I don't think he's extremely happy.
But I don't think he's extremely unhappy either.
And then Santa himself is not that happy.
Does Nicky drink out of the toilet?
No, he can't reach it.
That's good.
Because that would be kind of disturbing to see Santa drinking out of the
toilet.
And so, alas, we say goodbye to a group of special folks.
Pet owners with love in their hearts and tremendous amounts of free time.
You look very nice in your shoes, Nicky.
Quite frankly, you look very nice in your shoes.
Say thank you.
Say thank you.
He's mad.
Thanks for another delightful piece, Meryl.
The only thing I can't believe is you got through the whole piece without an
assault on my character.
Oh, geez.
That's an oversight.
I'm sorry.
Tom, you look like a jerk in that tie.
You really do, Tom.