Name: Viewer Mail for Other Shows on Letterman, December 22, 1983
Uploaded: 2017-09-18T18:21:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail for Other Shows on Letterman, December 22, 1983' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail for Other Shows on Letterman, December 22, 1983' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-09-18. Transcript available.

What else are we doing? Oh, we're going to answer some viewer mail from other
television shows.
What can I say about him that hasn't already been said? Ladies and gentlemen, a
Canadian, Paul Schaefer.
Yes, indeed. Thank you very much. Thank you very much.
Well, Dave, I didn't get to do my annual seasonal special this year that I've
been working on.
Oh, darn.
I've been developing a little special, though. I've got a working title already.
Schaefer, come celebrate.
So a lot of people are interested in it, a lot of the networks.
You know, I've got a lot of interest. I'll be letting you know how we do.
Good, Paul.
I hope you, if I don't get a chance to see you later, have a happy holiday and
a good New Year, sir.
Thank you. Same to you.
You know, every Thursday night since this thing first went on the air way back
in the late 50s,
we have been answering our viewer mail.
Tonight, we have decided since it is the holiday season, the charitable thing
to do would be to answer mail written,
to other television programs.
So, we're going to do that tonight.
Our first letter comes to us from a student at the University of Notre Dame in
South Bend, Indiana.
He has written to Julia Child on PBS.
This man has a complaint for Julia Child.
Dear Julia, we eat in large dining halls here that serve thousands of people a
day.
For this reason, the food isn't all that hot and our stomachs tend to suffer.
My discouragement with the food situation came to a peak yesterday when I bit
into what I thought was an innocent piece of fried provolone.
Only to find a pink chiclet.
How a chiclet got into my provolone, I don't exactly know.
Well, frankly, I'm a little baffled by that chiclet also.
Let me check my recipe for fried provolone and see.
Oh, yeah, mine is a little bit different.
When I make it, we always use the traditional half cup of certs.
If something seems out of skew or out of kilter tonight, it's because these are
actual letters written to other programs.
Not this one, other actual programs.
Our second letter is written to the NBC daytime drama, Another World.
Dear sirs, I'm writing to plead with you not to let Sally and Peter break up,
and of all things, please do not let Cecile spoil their relationship.
I have been watching Another World for 15 years.
If you allow this to happen, I will never watch this show again.
Sincerely, Reba Saleh, College Park, Georgia.
Gee, Reba, stop watching Another World.
Gosh, heavens, I wonder what that would be like if Reba did.
Let the kids stop watching Another World.
Gosh, that would be horrible.
Dave, are you all right?
Golly, what a terrible...
Oh, why, thank you, Paul.
I did.
I drifted off.
I'm fine now.
Thank you.
Everything's fine.
Hey, now, wait a minute here.
Oh, wait a minute.
Settle down, man.
We need a vacation and a hot shower.
Everybody.
Get me some soup and blankets in here.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry you had to witness that little bit of ugliness.
Hal, I think you owe this man an apology.
I'm sorry, Paul.
Paul?
I'm terribly sorry.
Oh, right.
It's Christmas.
It's Christmas.
There you go.
Oh, now, now, Steve.
Hal and I will make up later in that special way that only we can.
Thank you.
Drive safely, everybody.
Letter number three is also addressed to Miss Julia Childs, care of PBS.
Miss Childs, when asked why he left the hot dogs, my son explained that after
watching your
program, he would never eat hot dogs since the casings are intestines.
Miss Childs, I'm sure you know that the casings no longer are animal intestines,
but they
are of man-made material.
Sincerely, Mrs. Castro Valley, California.
Well, of course, Mrs. Castro Valley is right.
In fact, you'd be amazed by the recent advances in man-made sausage casings.
Take a look at this example, for example.
Now, as you can see, this one is Naugahyde right here.
That's lovely.
And this little fellow here is titanium alloy.
And this one is rayon right here.
And we have one that comes in a lovely tartan clad.
This one, by the way, has been scotch-guarded.
So, no, there's no longer animal intestines involved.
Leave these under the lights for a few days and let the sports guys worry about
them.
Well, letter number four.
Well, here's another letter to the producers of the popular daytime drama,
Another World.
I'm especially happy that Nancy Frangioni is wearing some new clothing.
She looks beautiful in them.
Until recently, she was wearing some things I remember seeing Susan Keith wear
on the show
when she was Cecile.
Similarly, I watched every episode of Texas, felt badly when it was canceled,
and I recognized the clothes from that show now being worn on Another World.
And I think the actresses on your show should not have to wear hand-me-downs.
Well, that's an interesting point.
It comes to us from a viewer in Newton, New Jersey.
You have a sharp eye.
What you saw is all part of NBC's budget-minded wardrobe rotation policy.
We're kind of used to it.
Let me give you an example.
Paul, what canceled NBC clothing provided the clothes for you and the band this
week?
I have a feeling these are Eric Estrada's little threads.
They're little chips.
You look good.
There's an echo in there.
You look great.
And I'll bet Hal wishes he had an outfit like that.
Yeah.
Okay, letter number five.
Now, I've seen letter number five, and I'm going to tell you something, folks.
You are in for a bit of real excitement tonight.
This comes to us from a man.
He wrote to NBC's own Willard Scott.
Willard, of course, the popular Today Show weatherman.
Dear Willard, you said that cows stood with their behinds to the wind.
That's kind of a farm term, behinds.
I have been a meteorologist for 34 years
and spent my youth growing up in Shamrock, Wisconsin, a farming community.
My grandfather could forecast the onset of a blizzard some 12 hours in advance
by watching the cows in the pasture.
They would stand and graze with their heads facing into the wind.
Well, this issue has divided the American people long enough.
I think it's time to determine for once and for all,
do cows stand with their heads into the wind or their backs into the wind?
Bring in the cow.
Thank you very much.
Okay.
Now, go ahead.
Hold it.
Turn on the fan.
Okay, the fan is going.
We'll just sort of test this and see which way.
Nice to see you.
Nice to see you.
Sweet little cow.
Well, what do you think?
Have we determined anything here?
A little longer?
Uh-oh.
Okay, there you go.
Oh, my God.
That's amazing.
The cow makes an exit on her own.
Good night.
Good night.
Thank you very much.
I don't know.
Did we answer the problem?
You don't want to try it again, do you?
No, no.
Boy, I'm sorry.
Each and every one of you couldn't have been here for rehearsal today, though.
We've got a great show for you.
I'm sorry we couldn't hammer the solution to that one down.
Regis Philbin is here.
A beautiful Christmas story for you.
Carol Leifer.
And, yes, Mr. Wash and Wear.
So, come on back, folks.
Thank you.
Thank you.