Name: Four Short Band Skits on Letterman, 1988, 1989
Uploaded: 2017-10-01T03:21:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Four Short Band Skits on Letterman, 1988, 1989' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Four Short Band Skits on Letterman, 1988, 1989' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-01. Transcript available.

From our nation's capital, the Letterman Group, an unrehearsed program
presenting inside opinions
and forecasts on major issues of the day. Here's the moderator, David Letterman.
Item one, the invisible presidency. Last week, a Washington Post editorial
criticized the Bush
administration for its lack of new initiatives. Paul, your thoughts?
Well, this brings up an important question. If you were invisible, would you
follow one really good-looking
babe around, or would you just take your chances at the girls' locker room?
Well, in a crowded locker room, there's a bigger chance someone would bump into
you.
Wait a minute, Anton. Wouldn't they just go right through you?
He said invisible, not a ghost, stupid.
Who are you calling stupid?
All right, let's move on to the next topic. Latin American guerrilla leader Javier
Suarez
is scheduled to give a talk at the United Nations next week.
A talking guerrilla?
Oh, wow.
That is great.
I saw a horse one time that could add.
All right, I'll tell you what, just go ahead and roll the regular old things.
It was really fabulous.
What are you doing?
Dear Mr. Letterman, my name is Craig Derling, and I am 17 years old.
I have been a fan of yours for quite some time.
Well, that's very nice of you to say, Craig.
I host a show very similar to yours.
Of course, it's modeled after your show.
We tape it as often as we can in a small cable studio.
It's called After Hours, and I've tried everything from top ten lists to dumb
ads.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely, yours is Craig Derling.
Andover, Maryland, Massachusetts.
Gee, I don't know.
We were so taken by this letter that we actually sent away for some of that
tape.
Hal, did it ever arrive, the tape of Craig Derling's show?
Yeah, here it is now.
All right, go ahead and roll it.
Let's take a look at it.
This is 17-year-old Craig Derling.
We have a great show planned for you tonight, so phone the kids and wake the
pets, because
it's time for something we like to call supermarket finds.
So this is supermarket find number one.
This is called Janitor and a Drum.
Folks, we're talking about a very little janitor.
Do you like that, Paul?
That one put me away.
Yeah, you are some kind of nutty kind of cat, Craig Derling.
Thank you.
Paul, what exactly was that all about?
You and the band are, what, moonlighting on this guy's show?
Well, I didn't really see any harm in it.
You don't mind?
You don't mind, do you?
Well, look, look.
Nothing personal, but you're going to have to choose either this show or that
show.
All right?
Make up your mind.
You have to make a choice?
Yeah, do you mind?
Can you give us a minute?
All right.
Come at it.
Guys.
Okay, we're happy to announce that the band and I have decided to stay on this
show.
Oh, great.
Thank you.
Unless Craig, you know, unless Craig's show gets picked up by Fox, then we're
on it.
Looked a little bit like Anton was asking directions to the interstate there.
Well, we were acting.
We were acting and indicating the difference between the two shows.
I get you.
Letter number three.
Dear Dave, after school ended last semester, the teacher's...
Excuse me, Dave.
All right.
If you don't need the band or myself for this letter, we have to run to our
dressing room
to get some more sheet music.
More sheet music?
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
But come right back, all right?
Sheet music?
Get some music.
Okay.
Letter number three.
Dear Dave, after school ended last semester, the teacher's aide for my
political science
class and I went out on a date.
I thought he was a nice guy, but as it turned out, he was a jerk.
Five days later, he moved to New York without telling me.
And since I live in San Francisco and you live in New York...
Wait a minute.
Hal, can you zoom in on that barn for a second?
Do you mind?
Can you get really tight on that barn?
Here.
Right in there.
Right...
Yeah.
Thank you very much.
You'll never suspect us in here.
Yeah.
It feels great to goof off.
Hey!
I thought you guys went for sheet music.
Get back in the studio now.
All of you.
Paul, what exactly was that all about?
I'm not exactly sure.
I've been trying to figure it out ever since I saw the script.
Yeah, this morning.
I don't know what it was.
And why didn't you take some of the Grateful Dead with you?
Well, some of them because we didn't tape them previously in the little sketch
in the barn.
We have to leave them here.
Oh, I see.
They were on the road earlier today.
Yeah.
There we go.
Come on, Charlie.
Come on.
Come on, get it, boy.
That's a good dog.
Hi, I'm Paul Schaefer for Alpo.
You know, why do dogs like Charlie love Alpo?
Well, because only Alpo delivers the rich, meaty taste dogs crave.
But that taste isn't enough.
You know, Alpo also provides ten important nutrients that dogs need for a happy
and happy...
Paul, happy...
Paul, it was my turn to feed the dog tonight.
Anton, I'm in the middle of the commercial.
We'll talk about it later.
Okay, where was I?
You know, Alpo also provides ten essential nutrients for...
Paul, Paul.
What?
You lied to me.
You know, you promised me last week that I could feed the dog this time.
Anton, he doesn't like you.
Your accent scares him.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah?
Let's see about that.
What?
Here you go, Charlie.
Come on.
Have a nice quarter pound with cheese.
Come here.
Come here.
Hey.
You see, it won't do you any good.
And besides, what are you...
No, get away.
Get out of here.
What are you doing?
What are you...
This is supposed to be a plug for Alpo dog food.
He's never going to eat this crap if you keep feeding him cheeseburgers.
Come on, Paul.
Paul, lighten up.
Back off, Sid.
Back off.
You're going to be playing guitar for the icecapades.
Now, Alpo...
Sid, you don't have to take that from him yet.
Hey, Will, stay out of it.
Just go bleach your hair or something.
Bleach my hair?
Yeah, right, so I can look good for my date with your mom tonight, babe.
At least I have a real mother instead of some kind of series of stepmothers.
All right, that's it, man.
Outside, come on.
You and me right here, right now.
Anytime you're ready.
You want to go outside, I'm ready anytime you're ready.
Come on, excuse me.
Hold on, hold on.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
It's just a dog food commercial.
Don't you think maybe this has gotten a little bit out of hand?
Yeah, I guess.
A little bit?
I suppose you're right.
Bev's got us all jumpy.
We never used to fight like this before.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I'm through pimping for Alpo.
Let me tell you.
I'm going to stick to the one thing on this earth that I was put here for.
Entertaining America with you, Mr. David Letterman.
Very nice.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you, man.
Just settle down.
Try not to take it so hard.
Thank you.
Let's, of course, unless I get a good offer from Budweiser, in which case, I'm
out of here.
I understand that.
Thank you very much, Paul.
Never to return.
For those inspiring words.
Thank you so much.
All right.
We're going to go over here.
Let's take a second now to let this sink in.
All right.
We'll be right back.
Look, it's Charlie.