Name: Viewer Mail on Letterman July 21, 1989
Uploaded: 2017-10-01T03:57:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman July 21, 1989' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman July 21, 1989' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-01. Transcript available.

Letter number one. Dear Dave, do you really mean it when you reply wow to your
guest's
achievements, or are you off in a day's land and that's the easiest thing to
say without
committing a conversation? Just pondering the thought, Lisa May Andra. Andra,
Palmyra,
New York. Wow, great letter.
I was waiting to see the tin man.
Yes, I know. And the star man.
It was a lovely, beautiful, lovely performance. And he did a great job.
Yes, totally spontaneous. It was 12 minutes long. It was a little, yeah, a
little hefty.
Dear Dave, number two begins, my dog barks and acts crazy whenever he sees you
on television.
What kind of powerful, subliminal messages are you sending out that
bugs my dog so much? Curiously wondering, Spring McGraw, Neosho, Missouri.
Let's see. Gee, Spring, I have no idea why the dog would be barking whenever he
sees me.
Maybe I look like somebody he knows. Maybe my voice is restless, could be hormonal,
could be anything.
That was a beauty. And a lot of talking between verses in the song. Last night?
Yeah. It was talking?
Well, the little things. The little connecting. I wonder if I could have played
it. You know, that kind of stuff.
That's my song. Huh? That's my song. No, no, no, no, no. Well, that's the rap
section. How late are we now?
Two minutes left? We have plenty of time. You don't think so, do you? I'll bet
you $100 we finish on time.
All right. Letter number three. "Dear Dave, I've never done anything special. I
probably won't ever do anything special, so I could be a special guest on your
show. Thank you."
No, no. The person who wrote this letter, Paul, there's no name. They didn't
sign their name on that.
No name? Is there any return address? No, there is no return address. I'm
afraid not. You know what that means, don't you, Paul?
Do we have to? Yes, absolutely. We must. We absolutely have to. We have no
choice. We'll be right back. Let me...
Here we go. Okay. I'm sorry, but there's no other way around this. All right.
No choice. I guess.
I think I'm going to lose my hundred bucks, by the way.
I'm sorry. Excuse me. You got a second. Did you write this letter? Is that your
handwriting?
No, it isn't.
Hi. I'm sorry. Did you write this letter?
No. You didn't send it?
Not mine. Nope.
Excuse me, ma'am. Is this your handwriting?
No. Let's try downtown. Let's go to the village or something. This is not
working.
No. All right. Let's see what we got. Oh, here. Pardon me. Excuse me. Did you
write this letter?
Did you send that to me? Is that yours? No, no.
Oh, I'm sorry. Is this your letter? Are you sure? Did you send that to me?
No. I don't know, Paul. Let's try Pennsylvania.
Pennsylvania. All right.
Excuse me. I'm sorry. Did you write this letter? No. Is that your handwriting?
No.
You didn't send that to me? No. All right. Thank you very much.
Excuse me, son. I'm sorry to bother you. Did you write this?
Man, these Philadelphia kids are snotty.
Dave, this is getting ridiculous. I think that...
No, but, Paul, we have to find out who sent me this letter if it means asking
every single person on the face of the earth.
Let's get going. All right.
Uh, excuse me. Le ha scritto questa lettera.
Hey. Hey, Billy. I'm talking to you. Can you hear me?
Hey, Dave.
Did you write this letter?
Dave.
Answer up, pal.
Dave, you're starting to get cranky now. I think it's... it's late anyway. Let's
get back to the show.
Okay. All right.
All right.
I'm awfully sorry.
Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?
All right.
Surprise!
Surprise!
Surprise!
Surprise!
Surprise!
Surprise!
It took us weeks to find a letter with other people.
Oh, my God.
I knew we had to get you out of the studio somehow.
Anyway, happy birthday to the best boss in the world!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Happy birthday!
Thank you.
Happy birthday!
Thank you.
You know...
You know, my, uh...
My birthday...
My birthday is not 'til April.
What?
I say my birthday is not 'til April.
April?
Yeah.
So we went through all this crap for nothing.
Yeah, but we can still have a great party.
Screw it.
I forgot.
Never mind.
Just screw it.
Yeah.
Watch.
Good God.
Now, how are we doing?
All right.
So I owe you a hundred bucks.
All right, let's let it ride.
We'll double it up on the second half hour.
All right?
So it's a total now of $200 on the whole show.
Okay.
Huh?
We got another letter left?
Oh, man.
Jeez.
Better have somebody run to the bank.
Yeah, I got a little money.
Are you betting on your own show?
Yes, I am betting.
I'm betting that it'll be on time.
I'm not betting against it.
I'm not betting against it.
I'm not betting against it.
You're not betting against the show.
No.
All right.
No.
Should we do four, Morty?
Yes.
Okay.
Letter number four.
Just wait until you see how I speed through the second half hour.
All right.
Dear Dave, my parents hate it when I watch your show when I'm home.
They don't think you're funny and they say Paul is a big nothing.
They can't understand why anyone would stay up so late to watch such garbage.
Is there anything you or I could do to bring them around?
Sincerely, Steve Moss, University of Florida, Gainesville, Florida.
You know, gee, Steve, I don't think there's really anything I can do, but I do
think your
parents' criticism is unnecessarily harsh.
Well, you wait till, just wait till you see how I speed through the second half
hour.
All right.
Dear Dave, my parents hate it when I watch your show when I'm home.
They don't think you're funny and they say Paul is a big nothing.
They can't understand why anyone would stay up so late to watch such garbage.
Is there anything you or I could do to bring them around?
Sincerely, Steve Moss, University of Florida, Gainesville, Florida.
You know, gee, Steve, I don't think there's really anything I can do,
but I do think your parents' criticism is unnecessarily harsh.
You know, I don't mind it if somebody doesn't think I'm funny,
but I certainly don't agree that Paul is a big nothing.
Paul, what did you think of this letter?
What?
I say, what did you think?
I'm sorry, Dave, I wasn't listening.
It's me.
I was here all along.
Hey, look at those floating glasses.
That's pretty funny.
You know, Steve, we were wrong to think the Letterman Show is garbage.
You can watch it whenever you want.
Gee, thanks.
The preceding message was brought to you by this network
in association with the National Council of Churches.
Okay, we've got a great show.
Paul Schaefer, in a matter of moments,
will be debuting his brand new single for us on our program.
The lovely and talented Phoebe Cates and also Richard Belzer.
We'll be right back, folks.
Thanks for being here.
Thanks for being here.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.