Name: The Rerun Plus Show on Letterman, September 21, 1987
Uploaded: 2017-10-30T17:54:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Rerun Plus Show on Letterman, September 21, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Rerun Plus Show on Letterman, September 21, 1987' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-10-30. Transcript available.

The Rerun Plus Show on Letterman, September 21, 1987

I'm Dave Letterman. Tonight's show is a rerun, but because I care about you,
the home viewer, we're going to give you something extra. We're going to add a
special bonus six minutes to the end of the program. That's right, 66 minutes
of solid entertainment in just one hour. Now, how are we going to be able to do
this? Well, simply by speeding up the videotape. Now, sure, it may be a little
annoying. It may even give you a headache, but when you think about it, is that
really so much different from a regular show?
So, just stick with us for the bonus six minutes at the end of the program, and
remember, it's not just a rerun. It's a rerun plus.
And now, a man who is known to the nomadic Berber tribesmen as white-faced
devil with his own talk show, David Letterman!
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Oh, stop it.
Thank you.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the show.
We're just back from a lovely vacation,
and here in New York City, of course,
the big event, the event of the century,
has finally come to a conclusion.
And I'd just like to say a few words,
speaking from my heart, if I may,
to all of the people, all of the tourists,
all of the friends of ours,
from all over the globe,
all over the United States,
all around the country.
Get out of our town!
We've had it!
Get out of here!
Get off our buses, our subways, our streets!
Go look at your own statue!
We're fed up!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
We can't go anywhere now!
I feel much better.
Thank you very much.
Kind of doing Sam Kinison there, wasn't I, Paul?
Yes.
That new, nutty, young kind of comedy with the kids.
Yeah, it's fun.
It's fun to do that every night.
Isn't it nice?
Let's see.
What else is going on?
Oh, boy, they're busy cleaning up after the extravaganza,
you know, putting things back in order,
picking up the litter,
identifying tourists by their dental records.
And last night, ladies and gentlemen,
I can't tell you, as an American citizen,
I can't tell you when I've been more moved
than I was last night
watching this three-hour wonderful television extravaganza
on ABC from the New Jersey Meadowlands.
And did you see this, Paul?
I didn't see it last night.
I saw it on Thursday.
I mean, I saw the opening ceremony.
Oh, you saw the opening.
So what I saw, I guess, would be the closing.
Didn't see the closing.
So between the two of us,
we've pretty much bookended the celebration.
We covered it all day.
And I think we all know how painful that can be.
But you know, ladies and gentlemen,
seriously,
so there I was in my trailer watching television.
And, uh...
In the Winnebago?
Kind of a pathetic sight, isn't it?
Anyway, and so they fill up the Meadowlands,
giant stadium out there.
And the big finale was...
This was the finale, right, Kevin?
The big coup d'etat, the denouement, whatever.
Yeah.
200 Elvis impersonators.
And, of course,
they were paired with 200 jazzercise ladies.
Now, to me, that's a natural right there
because anybody who ever got a look at Elvis,
I think I could tell that he was kind of a fitness buff.
But, you know...
Oh, boy.
Go home!
Now, this was kind of interesting.
I think I'm moving to the Philippines, by the way.
Well, all you have to do there,
if you want to be the president of the Philippines,
you check into a hotel,
hold a little press conference,
and announce that you're the new president.
This guy, Tolentino, did that.
He and his boys checked into a hotel over the weekend
and announced themselves as being the new Filipino government.
And, unfortunately, the revolt collapsed
when the ice machine went on the blink.
So, they...
And, today, this guy, unbelievable,
the gall of this guy,
not only did he declare himself
the new president of the Philippines,
today, he announced himself
as being the new host of Wheel of Fortune.
So, I don't...
Help there.
A little help there, Anton.
Ladies and gentlemen,
he's young, he's personable,
he's our good friend, Mr. Paul Schaefer.
Thank you.
Thank you so very, very, very much.
Thank you, David.
Now, do I...
David, David, do I have time to mention this now?
No, no, no, no, no, no, we'll do it later.
We'll do it a little later.
All right.
I know you've got a big show to do.
I don't want to take up any more of your time.
You're up in the audience.
What the hell you got planned for us up there?
Just button that middle button, Paul.
Just button that up.
Do this up?
Yeah, just button that up a little bit.
It's the summertime.
Oh, just button that up one night.
Don't you think this is attractive?
Just people, we have a lot of out-of-towners here.
The hair is like white down here, you know.
All right.
We don't want to know that.
Do we want to know that?
No.
Just button that up.
Okay.
We're going to do something here in the audience
that we like to do because it's a lot of fun
and because we don't have anything else prepared.
It's called Brush With Greatness.
Members of our studio audience tell us about experiences
they've had with famous people sometime in their lives.
Is Eric Warshaw here?
Eric, stand up.
Come on down and pick up the keys to your new Buick, Eric.
Nice to see you, Eric.
Where are you from?
Nice to see you, Dave.
Chicago.
What do you do for a living in Chicago?
I'm in medical school there.
Where do you go to school there?
University of Illinois at Chicago.
Uh-huh.
University of Illinois at Chicago.
At Chicago, right.
And what is the mascot of the...
Are you the fighting Illini?
Yeah, that's the one.
I see.
And what exactly is an Illini?
It's about the same thing as a Hoosier.
I see.
Oh, yeah.
Pretty good, pretty good.
What kind of medicine are you studying?
Um, I don't know yet.
I haven't decided yet.
It's not important.
Two or three years, just set up an office and see what kind of patients you use.
Yeah.
Um, tell us about your Brush With Greatness, Eric.
I was in a health club, the East Bank Club, in Chicago.
And I went into the weight room, lifting weights, and Lou Ferrigno, the
Incredible Hulk, was
there.
That's right.
So I said, well, if he can do it, why can't I?
So I went to bench press, and I had about a tenth of the weight he had.
I went, I lifted up, down, up, down, and then it was pinned on my chest, and I
was stuck
right there.
Yeah.
That's it.
But now it's time for the writer's embellishment, isn't it, Eric?
I think so, Dave.
Okay, what happened next, then, Eric?
Next, when Lou saw my predicament, he was quick to act.
After making sure I was trapped by the barbell, he rifled through my pockets
like an expert.
That's it.
Taking my wallet and car keys, then stripped off my shoes, socks, and brand-new
sweatpants.
Only the sound of approaching footsteps saved me from an even grizzlier face.
Oh, my goodness.
Congratulations, Eric.
Thank you very much.
What do we have here, Bill?
Oh, CBS t-shirt.
Lovely CBS.
Thank you very much.
Have a nice summer, Eric.
Good luck to you.
Is there a, um, is it hot up here?
No.
Yes.
Is there a Chuck Glasser with us this evening?
A Mr. Chuck Glasser.
Hi, Chuck.
How are you?
Nice to see you, Chuck.
Where are you from, Chuck?
Stony Brook, New York.
Where's Stony Brook?
Stony Brook, New York.
Stony Brook, New York.
Nice to have you here.
What are you doing in the city today?
Uh, just visiting.
Mm-hmm.
What do you do for a living?
I'm a pilot.
Commercial pilot.
Oh, really?
For an airline?
Airline, yeah.
What airline?
TWA.
Oh, really?
You know, uh, we took a trip to Miami with TWA.
I hope it worked out well.
Yeah, it was very nice.
We had a good time.
You're back.
Good.
What kind of planes do you fly for?
Wait a minute.
You mean some don't come back?
No, no.
Ours always do.
Yeah.
And what kind of planes do you fly for?
10-11s.
Oh, those are nice aircraft, aren't they?
Yes, very nice.
Hey, let me ask you a question.
Is that the most technological advanced aircraft in the sky today?
767 is.
767 is.
Okay.
What's the difference?
Um, it's easy to fly.
There's more avionics on it.
Mm-hmm.
You just sit there and watch it fly.
And I guess you need a lot of training for that, don't you?
A lot, yes.
Absolutely.
Okay, Eric, uh, I'm sorry, it's Chuck, isn't it?
Chuck, tell me about your brush with greatness.
I imagine in your line of work you meet a lot of famous people.
One time I did.
Okay.
I was on a flight to, uh, Paris.
Jane Fonda was on.
And I was dying to go back and meet her.
I thought I'd, I'd get a thrill out of it.
She would, too.
And since you had...
I assumed.
And since you had nothing else to do in the cockpit.
That's...
No, that, those are the old planes.
And, uh, she was sleeping.
And I, I told the cabin tenants, when she wakes up, let me know, please.
They never came up.
She slept the whole way.
I never did get to meet her, and that was that.
Yeah.
But there's more to this story, isn't there?
Oh, jeez, there is.
Yes, absolutely.
This man is a pilot, ladies and gentlemen.
But not everything was a loss.
I remember a trick from my days at summer camp.
And midway through the flight, I placed Jane's left hand in a pan of warm water.
Okay, that's a nice one.
That's a nice one.
There we go.
Let's, uh, give him a, he's a pilot.
This man is a pilot.
Thank you very much, Bill.
There you go.
CBS t-shirt.
Thanks, Chuck.
Nice to meet you.
Have a good summer.
Okay.
Is there a, uh, Renee Burger here?
By the way, who ordered the Renee Burger?
Oh, hi, Renee.
How are you?
Nice to see you.
You probably hear that joke a lot, don't you?
Too often.
Yeah, I'm sorry to do that to you.
Where are you from, Renee?
South Jersey.
Uh-huh.
What do you do for a living?
I waitress at South Jersey's finest restaurant that settles in in Medford Lakes.
Oh, good.
I hope he gets a little something for that plug.
I'm trying.
And, uh, you're just in this, in town today visiting?
Mm-hmm.
Shopping, hanging around?
Just came to see your show.
Oh, thank you very much.
It's unbelievably hot out there, isn't it?
It's terrible.
Yeah, it's nasty.
Okay, Renee, tell us about your, uh, brush with greatness.
It was about 1970.
I was in Las Vegas.
My family lived there, and my uncle was working at Caesar's Palace.
Mm-hmm.
What did he do at Caesar's Palace?
He was a floor walker.
Floor walker?
What does that mean, security?
I don't know.
He just, I think he was taking care of the people in the pits like a supervisor.
Sounds like he might have been a pilot from this description.
Maybe he knows him.
Uh, okay, so, did you do that?
What the hell is the matter with you?
I'm sorry, Renee, and what happened now?
Frank Sinatra walked over to him.
Oh, yeah.
And he knew him, and his hand was bleeding, and he says, Benny, look what they
did to me.
And my uncle looked at his hand, and he just took it away, and he left.
Wow.
Uh...
So that's not all.
Oh, that's not all.
Okay, well, I guess we're about to hear the rest of this story.
I walked back to the room Sinatra had come from, in the darkness.
I saw Dean Martin, Joey Bishop, and Sammy Davis, Jr., all giggling crazily.
There was no mistaking the glint on their sharply filed teeth.
It was fresh human blood.
What a terrible story.
Nice job, Renee.
Here's your, uh, here's your t-shirt.
I hope you enjoy that.
Thank you very much.
Have a good summer.
Nice meeting you.
We've got to do a commercial.
Are we done here?
All right, we'll be right back.
Welcome back to the show, folks.
Let me tell you who's here tonight.
Tony Perkins is here, Sandra Bernhardt, and Eric Burton will be singing with
the band.
It's hot in here, isn't it?
You honestly don't think...
It's comfortable, then.
Paul, do you think it's warm in here?
It's in here.
Perfect temperature.
I'm going to be running a fever or something.
Usually, it's freezing.
Well, that's the way it ought to be.
Because you insist on keeping the temperature like 30 below Celsius.
No, it should be always a little chilly.
I know.
Listen, I've got to interrupt for a second.
No, no, no, don't do that.
I got it.
No, no, no, no, no.
Let's forget it.
I got it.
No, no, forget it.
Let's don't do it.
We just have a minute?
No, no, it'll be embarrassing.
One minute.
No, no, don't do i