Name: Pre Rerun Plus on Letterman, July 7, 1986
Uploaded: 2017-11-12T23:57:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pre Rerun Plus on Letterman, July 7, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-11-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pre Rerun Plus on Letterman, July 7, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-11-12. Transcript available.

Pre Rerun Plus on Letterman, July 7, 1986

From New York City, once inhabited by a race of humans, it's Late Night with
David Letterman.
Tonight, Tony Perkins, comedian Sandra Bernhardt, and musician Eric Burden.
Also, a look at small-town news and Rush with Greatness.
And now, a man who is known to the nomadic Berber tribesmen as White-Faced
Devil with his own talk show, David Letterman!
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Oh, stop it.
Thank you.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the show.
We're just back from a lovely vacation,
and here in New York City, of course,
the big event, the event of the century,
has finally come to a conclusion.
And I'd just like to say a few words,
speaking from my heart, if I may,
to all of the people, all of the tourists,
all of the friends of ours from all over the globe,
all over the United States, all around the country,
get out of our town!
We've had it! Get out of here!
Get off our buses, our subways, our streets!
Go look at your own statue!
We're fed up!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
We can't go anywhere now!
Feel much better. Thank you very much.
Kind of doing Sam Kinison there, wasn't I, Paul?
Yes.
That new, nutty, young kind of comedy with the kids.
Yeah, it's fun. It's fun to do that.
Isn't it nice?
Let's see what else is going on.
Oh, boy, they're busy cleaning up after the extravaganza,
you know, putting things back in order,
picking up the litter,
identifying tourists by their dental records.
So it's, uh...
And last night, ladies and gentlemen,
I can't tell you, as an American citizen,
I can't tell you when I've been more moved
than I was last night
watching this three-hour wonderful television extravaganza
on ABC from the New Jersey Meadowlands.
And did you see this, Paul?
I didn't see it last night.
I saw it on Thursday.
I mean, I saw the opening ceremony.
Oh, you saw the opening.
So what I saw, I guess, would be the closing.
I didn't see the closing.
And so between the two of us,
we've pretty much bookended the celebration.
We've covered it all.
And I think we all know how painful that can be.
But, you know, ladies and gentlemen, seriously...
So there I was in my trailer watching television, and, um...
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
And the Winnebago?
Kind of a pathetic sight, isn't it?
Ha, ha, ha.
Anyway, and so they fill up the Meadowlands,
giant stadium out there,
and the big finale was...
This was the finale, right, Kevin?
The big coup d'etat, the denouement, whatever.
Yeah.
200 Elvis impersonators.
And, and of course, they were paired with 200 jazzercise ladies.
Now, to me, that, that's a natural right there,
because anybody who ever got a look at Elvis,
I think, could tell that he was kind of a fitness buff.
But, you know...
Oh, boy.
Go home!
Ha, ha, ha.
Now, this was, uh, this was, uh, kind of interesting.
I think I'm moving to the Philippines, by the way.
Well, all you have to do there,
if you want to be the, uh, the president of the Philippines,
you move, check into a hotel,
hold a little press conference,
and announce that you're the new president.
This guy, um...
Tolentino did that.
He and his boys checked into a hotel over the weekend
and announced themselves as being the new Filipino government.
And, uh, unfortunately, the revolt collapsed
when the ice machine went on the blink.
So they...
And today, this guy, unbelievable, the gall of this guy,
not only did he declare himself the new president of the Philippines,
today, he announced himself as being the new host of Wheel of Fortune.
So I don't...
A little help there, a little help there, Anton.
Ladies and gentlemen, he's young, he's personable,
he's our good friend, Mr. Paul Schaefer.
Paul?
Thank you.
Thank you so very, very, very much.
Thank you, David.
Now, do I...
David, David, do I...
Yes, Paul.
Do I have time to mention this now because I'm...
No, no, no, no, no, no, we'll do it later.
We'll do it a little later.
All right.
I know you've got a big show to do.
I don't want to take up any more of your time.
You're up in the audience.
What the hell you got planned for us up there?
Just button that middle button, Paul.
Just button that up.
Do this up?
Yeah, just button that up a little bit.
It's the summertime.
I'll just button that up one night.
Don't you think this is attractive?
We have a lot of Outer Towners here.
The hair is like white down here, you know.
All right.
We don't want to know that.
Do we want to know that?
No.
Just button that up.
Okay.
We're going to do something here in the audience that we like to do because it's
a lot of fun
and because we don't have anything else prepared.
It's called Brush With Greatness.
Members of our studio audience tell us about experiences they've had with
famous people sometime
in their lives.
Is Eric Warshaw here?
Eric, stand up.
Come on down and pick up the keys to your new Buick, Eric.
Nice to see you, Eric.
Where are you from?
Nice to see you, Dave.
Chicago.
What do you do for a living in Chicago?
I'm in medical school there.
Where do you go to school there?
University of Illinois at Chicago.
Uh-huh.
University of Illinois at Chicago?
At Chicago.
And what is the mascot of the...
Are you the fighting Illini?
Yeah, that's the one.
I see.
What exactly is an Illini?
It's about the same thing as a Hoosier.
What kind of medicine are you studying?
Um, I don't know yet.
I haven't decided yet.
It's not important.
Two or three years, just set up an office and see what kind of patients you get.
Um...
Uh...
Tell us about your brush with greatness, Eric.
I was in a health club, the East Bank Club in Chicago, and I went into the
weight room lifting weights, and Lou Ferrigno, the Incredible Hulk, was there.
That's right.
So I said, well, if he can do it, why can't I?
So I went to bench press, and I had about a tenth of the weight he had.
I went, I lifted it up, down, up, down, and then it was pinned on my chest, and
I was stuck right there.
That's it.
But now it's time for the writer's embellishment, isn't it, Eric?
I think so, Dave.
Okay, what happened next, then, Eric?
Next, when Lou saw my predicament, he was quick to act.
After making sure I was trapped by the barbell, he rifled through my pockets
like an expert.
Taking my wallet and car keys, then stripped off my shoes, socks, and brand-new
sweatpants.
Only the sound of approaching footsteps saved me from an even grizzlier face.
Oh, my goodness.
Congratulations, Eric.
Thank you very much.
What do we have here, Bill?
Oh, a CBS t-shirt.
Lovely CBS.
Thank you very much.
Have a nice summer, Eric.
Good luck to you.
Is there a, um...
Is it hot up here?
Is there a Chuck Glasser with us this evening?
A Mr. Chuck Glasser.
Hi, Chuck.
How are you?
Nice to see you.
Where are you from, Chuck?
Stony Brook, New York.
Where?
Stony Brook?
Stony Brook, New York.
Stony Brook, New York.
Nice to have you here.
What are you doing in the city today?
Uh, just visiting.
What do you do for a living?
I'm a pilot.
Commercial pilot.
Oh, really?
For an airline?
Airline, yeah.
What airline?
TWA.
Oh, really?
You know, we took a trip to Miami with TWA.
I hope it worked out well.
Yeah, it was very nice.
We had a good time.
You're back, good.
What kind of planes do you fly?
Wait a minute.
You mean some don't come back?
No, no.
Ours always do.
Yeah, and what kind of planes do you fly for?
10-11s.
Oh, those are nice aircraft, aren't they?
Yes, very nice.
Hey, let me ask you a question.
Is that the most technological advanced aircraft in the sky today?
767 is.
767 is, okay.
What's the difference?
It's easy to fly.
There's more avionics on it.
You just sit there and watch it fly.
And I guess you need a lot of training for that, don't you?
A lot, yes.
Okay, Eric, I'm sorry, it's Chuck.
Chuck, tell me about your brush with greatness.
I imagine in your line of work you meet a lot of famous people.
One time I did.
Okay.
I was on a flight to Paris.
Jane Fonda was on.
And I was dying to go back and meet her.
I thought I'd get a thrill out of her.
She would, too.
And since you had...
I assumed.
And since you had nothing else to do in the cockpit.
Those are the old planes.
And she was sleeping.
And I told the cabin tenants, when she wakes up, let me know, please.
They never came up.
She slept the whole way.
I never did get to meet her, and that was that.
Yeah.
But there's more to this story, isn't there?
Oh, jeez, there is.
Yes, absolutely.
This man is a pilot, ladies and gentlemen.
But not everything was a loss.
I remember a trick from my days at summer camp.
And midway through the flight, I placed Jane's left hand in a pan of warm water.
Okay, that's a nice one.
There we go.
Let's give him his...
He's a pilot.
This man is a pilot.
Thank you very much, Bill.
There you go.
CBS t-shirt.
Thanks, Chuck.
Nice to meet you.
Have a good summer.
Okay.
Is there a...
Renee Burger here.
By the way, who ordered the Renee Burger?
Oh, hi, Renee.
Nice to see you.
You probably hear that joke a lot, don't you?
Too often.
Yeah, I'm sorry to do that to you.
Where are you from, Renee?
South Jersey.
What do you do for a living?
I wage it at South Jersey's finest restaurant that settles in in Medford Lakes.
Oh, good.
I hope he gets a little something for that plug.
I'm trying.
And you're just in town today visiting?
Mm-hmm.
Shopping?
Hanging around?
Just came to see your show.
Oh, thank you very much.
It's unbelievably hot out there, isn't it?
It's terrible.
Yeah, it's nasty.
Okay, Renee, tell us about your brush with greatness.
It was about 1970.
I was in Las Vegas.
My family lived there.
And my uncle was working at Caesars Palace.
Mm-hmm.
What did he do at Caesars Palace?
He was a floor walker.
Floor walker?
What does that mean?
Security?
I don't know.
He just...
I think he was taking care of the people in the pits like a supervisor.
Sounds like he might have been a pilot from this description.
Maybe he knows him.
Uh, okay, so...
Did you do that?
What the hell is the matter with you?
I'm sorry, Renee.
And what happened now?
Frank Sinatra walked over to him.
Oh, yeah.
And he knew him, and his hand was bleeding, and he says,
Benny, look what they did to me.
And my uncle looked at his hand, and they just took it away, and he left.
Wow.
Uh...
But that's not all.
Oh, that's not all.
Okay, well, I guess we're about to hear the rest of this story.
I walked back to the room Sinatra had come from, in the darkness.
I saw Dean Martin, Joey Bishop, and Sammy Davis Jr., all giggling crazily.
There was no mistaking the glint on their sharply filed teeth.
It was fresh human blood.
What a terrible story.
Nice job, Renee.
These are, uh, these are T-shirts.
I hope you enjoy that.
Thank you very much.
Have a good summer.
Nice meeting you.
We're going to do a commercial.
Are we done here?
All right, we'll be right back.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Welcome back to the show, folks.
Let me tell you who's here tonight.
Tony Perkins is here, Sandra Bernhardt, and Eric Burden will be singing with
the band.
It's hot in here, isn't it?
You honestly don't think...
It's comfortable, then.
Paul, do you think it's warm in here?
It's in here.
Perfect temperature.
I don't know.
I'd be running a fever.
Usually it's freezing.
Well, that's the way it ought to be.
Because you insist on keeping the temperature like 30 below Celsius.
I don't insist on it.
That's just the way it ought to be.
That's the way it should be.
No, it should be always a little chilly like that.
I know.
Listen, I've got to interrupt for a second.
No, no, no, don't do that.
I've got to.
No, no, no, no, no.
Let's forget it.
All right, I've got to.
No, no, forget it.
Let's don't do it.
Just have a minute?
No, no, it'll be embarrassing.
One minute.
No, no, don't do it.
Because of this magazine.
No, no, don't do that.
He's embarrassed.
David doesn't like to blow his own horn, but this is People Magazine on the
stands right
now.
Late Night Television Smarty Pants.
Okay, thank you very much.
That's enough.
That's enough.
Thank you, Paul.
No, I know you don't like to spend a lot of time with this.
No, no, I asked you to do it, but I'm saying 