Name: Viewer Mail on Letterman, February 9, 1990
Uploaded: 2017-11-14T02:13:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, February 9, 1990' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-11-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Viewer Mail on Letterman, February 9, 1990' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-11-14. Transcript available.

It's our viewer mail. We do it every Friday night. These are actual letters.
Thank you, by the way, Ginger. I appreciate that. Nice job.
Letter number one. Viewers write in, ask little questions like this,
and then we try to produce some comedy.
Dear Dave, how many different ties have you worn during your life,
and can you remember which one might have been the ugliest?
Sincerely, John Finelli, Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.
I have no idea how many ties I've worn in my life, but you know, I certainly do.
I think I do remember the most ugly tie I've ever owned, or the ugliest one I've
ever worn.
We have it on videotape.
Hal, remember the night I had that really ugly tie?
It was the cow stomach tie.
Yeah, watch this. Boy, was that awful. Take a look.
So, coming up in this half hour, we have the world's oldest bellboy will be
here,
and then I'm going to build a picnic table with Paul Anka.
You know, Paul, he's very handy.
Perhaps one of the handiest of our American pop composers,
I think maybe with the exception of Henry Mancini, Paul Anka.
Very good with power tools as well, so he'll be building a picnic table.
Letter number two begins,
Dear Dave, have you ever conducted a nationwide Dave look-alike contest?
I hope I didn't miss it if you did, because you remind me of someone.
You know, Paul, I think whenever I travel around this great land of ours,
this is perhaps the most frequently asked question.
Do we ever have a look-alike contest?
Because a lot of people feel, bless their hearts, that they look like me.
And I'm sorry to say, Elaine, I guess this is the woman who wrote in from Montclair,
New Jersey.
We did, you did miss the big look-alike contest.
And tonight, by coincidence, we are going to announce the winner.
Here, a drum roll, please, either one of you.
Or both of you.
Okay, the winner of the nationwide Dave look-alike contest is Mark C., I'm
sorry, Mark Kleckner from Allentown, Pennsylvania.
Nice to see you, Mark.
That guy's so good-looking, he's frightening people.
You look just like you.
Look just like you.
Yeah.
See, oh, look at that, 59 and 60.
Thank you very much.
Letter number three.
Letter number three.
Dear Dave, you've made jokes about Cher's tattoos, made jokes about her breasts,
her wigs, her young boyfriends, her children's names, her skimpy outfits, her
singing voice, her marriage to Sonny Bono, and her cologne.
Is there anything left to make fun of about the woman?
Just wondering, Darren Leitner, Mount Pleasant, Michigan.
You know, this is a darn, darn good question, Darren.
You know, I know who will have the answer to this question about making fun of
Cher.
Excuse me.
I'll be right back.
They should be just around the corner here.
I'll be right back.
You guys behave yourselves.
Hi, boys.
How's the research going?
Well, just fair.
You know, we just got a letter from somebody who says we should try and find
something new about Cher to make jokes about.
Any prospects?
Well, we thought for a while she was cross-eyed, but that turned out to be a
false alarm.
But good news, she has a very small cranium, right?
And might, now, I'm saying might, technically be a pinhead.
Oh, terrific.
Don't really know for sure.
Give us till Monday.
We'll dig something.
Oh, boy.
This is terrific news.
Keep up the good work.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, sir, for that quiet vote of confidence.
Ah, letter number four.
Dear Dave, what the hell is that big silver capsule thing on your desk?
And don't try to tell us it's a microphone.
We can all see your actual microphone clipped to your tie in plain sight.
Desperate to know David Pogue, New York, New York.
Well, he's right.
He's very observant.
Here is the actual microphone that we use.
And, of course, this wouldn't be a microphone.
It's actually, it's more for our peace of mind.
You know, if we ever have, oh, you know, trouble, trouble with a guest.
In fact, here, let me just demonstrate for you how this works.
You just grab it and you just, like that.
Do that and then, sir, there it is.
You always wondered about that.
You're wondering what that thing was for.
Okay.
It works.
We can't believe it works.
We'll do a commercial.
We'll get a big show.
We'll get back here with Holly Grayson.
We'll be right back here with Holly Grayson.