Name: Gwen Matthewman, Fastest Knitter, on Letterman, April 13, 1990
Uploaded: 2017-12-04T05:48:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Gwen Matthewman, Fastest Knitter, on Letterman, April 13, 1990' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Gwen Matthewman, Fastest Knitter, on Letterman, April 13, 1990' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-04. Transcript available.

Ha ha ha!
Look, look, they started the program without me.
Coming up in the next half hour, Diane Lane, the lovely, the talented, gifted
young actress, Diane Lane.
Also, the lovely, the talented, the gifted young Carl Perkins will be with the
band.
What are you boys playing tonight, eh?
Oh, we're gonna do one of Carl's hits, one of his hits.
And what might it be?
Honey Don't.
Honey Don't, great, great.
Also recorded by the Beatles.
Yeah.
Carl has his blue suede shoes on this evening.
Is that right?
Oh, pretty cool.
Nice going, Carl.
And I have mine.
Hey, Will's got his on.
And I have also mine, my blue suede shoes.
And Will has them on, so we have three pair of blue suede shoes.
Tomorrow on the big program, Dana Delaney from Knott's Landing will be with us.
And the world's most prolific knitter, huh?
She's on China Beach.
China Beach, she's on China Beach.
And the world's most prolific knitter, Gwen Matthewman.
Oh, Glenn.
Now, what is this gonna be?
Is this, Morty, like a truckload of knitting?
Oh, she's great.
Now, this better be, if this is the world's most prolific knitter, this woman
better have
like four tons of knitting with her.
Yes, she has, she has.
Really?
She's starting a sweater for you tonight.
Right.
And it'll be finished tomorrow.
Hardly prolific.
That's pretty prolific.
Quick, but maybe not prolific.
Yes, it's great.
But will we see an example of her prolific-ness?
Yes, you will.
All right.
It better be in tonnage.
Truckloads.
Sam Kinison will be on the program tomorrow night.
And musician Lonnie Match is sitting in with the band.
Lonnie Mac, he is so bad.
He is so bad.
Damn it.
Typos, typos, typos.
Yeah.
Oh, look, kids, it's, well, you know, the nice thing about my birthday, and it
comes once
a year, I get, everybody's very nice to me today.
Yeah.
The staff and everybody has been very, very nice.
And you deserve it.
Well, I don't know that I deserve it, but I'm enjoying it.
I appreciate it.
Are you saying most, most days the staff treats you like-
Acrimony?
No, I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying that I'm enjoying this one little benefit of having a birthday.
Well, good.
Happy birthday.
It's been very, very nice to her.
I'll pay through the nose.
On the program tonight, ladies and gentlemen, from the runaway blockbuster
television hit
of the decade, China Beach, Dana Delaney will be joining us.
Lovely.
What are you doing?
Also, Sam Kinison is on the program.
And we have right now in our green room, all the way from Great Britain, a very
nice
woman by the name of Gwen Matthewman.
Don't go in there now.
Hey, don't, hey, hey, I said, hey, I said, don't go in there now.
Oh, it's too damn late.
They've gone in there now.
There she is.
No.
Oh, someone get the Dramamine.
Hi.
Hello.
My diary smells like pork.
The world's most prolific knitter, and I understand she's knitting right now.
And by the time the show is finished, I'll have a what?
A lovely scarf.
A lovely scarf.
Now, if anybody knits, do you folks knit?
Uh, this is pretty quick, and it's like a seven-foot scarf.
Yeah.
I wish we could see her in action now, but I think it's virtually impossible.
Oh, look there.
There she is.
I was hoping for a little sequined number myself.
Uh, have plenty of band-aids for that woman.
Uh, now, ladies and gentlemen, say hello to our good friend, Paul Schaefer.
He's right over there.
Hello, boys.
Hello, boys.
We have to do a commercial.
We have a wonderful program.
Dana Delaney, Dan Kiddleton, and the world's most prolific knitter.
Redman Kiddleton, and the world's most prolific knitter.
We like to keep it cold in here, but if you're cold, we can get you a sweater.
You want a sweater?
Yeah, I would.
Bring the woman a sweater, please.
We have several thousand sweaters that our knitter has.
By the way, Hal, how is the knitter doing back there in the green room?
Oh, good.
There you are.
Yeah, great.
There she is.
Wow.
Hal, dim the lights and let's take a look at the sparks.
What is that?
Oh, get her a sweater.
This is no fun.
I said a sweater.
Get the woman a damn sweater.
Do we have sweaters back here?
Thank you very much.
Sure.
Look, here's a lovely little.
Why don't you slip into that?
You need some help with that?
Whoa.
There.
That's better, isn't it?
Oh, much better.
How would you like some cocoa?
Oh, now, you, uh...
Boy, that looks terrific, doesn't it?
I like it, yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, she knitted this.
I know.
Well, she knitted the dress that she's wearing.
She knitted everything, yeah.
Um...
There she goes.
Oh, there's that guy.
How do you do?
Hello.
Welcome back.
Let's check on the scarf.
Can we, Hal?
Do we have some knitting music, boys?
Okay, Hal, you want to go and get the scarf, please?
Oh, here we go.
Uh, coming up, uh, on the show tonight, Sam Kinison will be joining us.
We have the world's fastest knitter, Gwen Mathewman, right there.
How long is the scarf now, Gwen?
Can you hear me?
Hello, Gwen?
How long is the scarf?
How long is that scarf?
Wow.
And it seems to be narrower than most scarves.
It's a two-inch scarf there.
Let us know when you're done, Gwen.
Next week, it's Pete Fadovich week, ladies and gentlemen,
and Monday kicks it off with a visit from actress Kathleen Turner,
musician Lou Reed, and rodeo champ Lynn Junkmowski.
So, now what are we going to do?
We're going to pause now for station identification.
We'll be right back.
Go!
In the commercial breaks, we're taping these promos for upcoming shows,
and it's like having a part-time job.
Yeah.
Hi, hey, frankly, I'm exhausted.
It's hectic.
I could use a new vacation.
Really?
Yeah, thank God I have that lovely scarf.
I'll wear it when I go motoring in the country.
It's about this wide.
Several miles long and an inch and five-eighths wide.
Nice job!
That sounded great.
Look who's dropped in here next on Dave's Broadway Cavalcade.
Hi.
Hi.
For 25 years, our guest here has been named in the Guinness Book of Records
as the world's fastest and most prolific knitter from Yorkshire.
Yorkshire?
Yes.
Yorkshire, England.
Please welcome Gwen Mathewman.
Gwen, nice to see you.
Hop right back there.
Gwen, how long have you been knitting?
When did you start?
As a little girl?
Yeah, when I was seven.
Seven years old.
How did you pick it up?
Did your mom knit?
No.
Your father knit?
No.
Yeah?
How did you acquire the interest?
One of the neighbors used to help me if I got stuck.
Mm-hmm.
So you just started on your own and the neighbors would help you?
Yeah.
And you've been knitting non-stop ever since?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And who feeds you?
How do you know that you're the world's most fastest, although it seems to me
to be clear
in this case?
Is there a competition?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
I see.
And I've won them all.
You've won them all.
Is it an annual competition?
No.
Uh-huh.
Every other year?
No.
It's in the Olympics every four years.
That's it.
Where was the last competition held?
Japan.
Oh, Japan.
I see.
And how?
Tell me about that.
Well, they've got a knitting professor.
Mm-hmm.
A guy who teaches knitting?
A woman.
A woman who teaches knitting.
And she's eight knitting schools.
Mm-hmm.
And I was took out to knit again, the two fastest knitters.
Mm-hmm.
But they didn't tell me this.
You didn't know they were the world's...
No.
...they're two fastest, yeah.
And then you beat them.
I beat them.
Handily?
Pardon?
I say, you beat them handily.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, uh...
Oh.
Paul, you have any questions?
Yeah.
How many miles an hour is she going?
Yeah.
How many miles an hour are you going there?
I...
I need 111 stitches a minute.
811 stitches?
111.
111 stitches.
That's, uh...
Yeah, that's very impressive.
Now, okay.
How do we know you're the world's most prolific knitter?
Well, I've been in the Guinness Booker Records 25 years.
Right.
And so when they send a guy around to your place, what does he just go to the
garage and start
counting sweaters?
How close are you to finishing that?
I've been with a ball of wool, I have...
Now, does your family mind you knitting all the time?
No.
Yeah?
Well, I see.
Well, it's certainly been a pleasure having you here to knit.
Is...
Are you done with the scarf?
Nearly.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I've knit you this sweater.
Oh, this is a beautiful sweater.
Now, how long did it take you to knit this sweater?
It took me six hours last night, didn't it, that?
Six hours?
Yeah.
Wow, this is beautiful.
This is like a blend, like 50-50 here?
No, that's pure wool.
I know.
I'm trying to make a little joke.
This is a beautiful garment.
Now, do you sell these?
No.
Yeah.
Oh, you don't?
No.
Well, you could make a lot of dough.
I know, I could.
Yeah.
Now, if I were to go into a store, what would this cost me?
About $150.
$150, that's right.
Now, how long would it take a normal, a mortal knitter to knit this sweater?
Maybe about 10 days.
10 days.
You did it in six hours.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
So, are we done here with the scarf?
There.
Okay.
Are we?
Are we?
Are we done with the scarf?
Hello?
Hello?
All right.
We have to do a commercial, and we'll be right back here with Gwen Mattheon.
We have to do a commercial, and we'll be right back here with Gwen Mattheon.
We have to do a commercial, and we'll be right back here with Gwen Mattheon.
We have to do a commercial, and we'll be right back here with Gwen Mattheon.
We have to do a commercial, and we'll be right back here with Gwen Mattheon.
We have to do a commercial, and we'll be right back here with Gwen Mattheon.
We have to do a commercial, and we'll be right back here with Gwen Mattheon.
Thank you once again.
I'm very pleased to have the sweater, and thank you also for the scarf.
Do you have any tricks that you use to make this a shortcut?
No.
No?
Yeah?
I think you should put your sweats in your scarf on.
Put my sweater and my scarf on.
By the way, Sam Kinison will be at Nassau Coliseum tomorrow night.
You want to go?
I'm going home tonight.
Oh, you're going home tonight?
No, it's too bad.
I slipped this on.
Have a nice weekend, folks.
We'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
This is lovely.
Thank you.
I'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
I'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
I'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
I'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
I'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
I'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
I'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
I'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
I'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
I'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
I'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
I'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
I'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
I'll see you next week for Pete Fadovich Week.
Pete Fadovich Week.