Name: Johnny Carson Faxes Joke to David Letterman, May 2, 1990
Uploaded: 2017-12-12T05:03:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Johnny Carson Faxes Joke to David Letterman, May 2, 1990' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Johnny Carson Faxes Joke to David Letterman, May 2, 1990' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-12. Transcript available.

Today, a Colorado woman was found guilty of breaking into David Letterman's
Connecticut home for a sixth time.
Margaret Ray will return to Niantic State Prison, where she'll serve a one-year
term for this latest break-in.
Letterman told a judge today that before he saw Margaret Ray in the hallway of
his new Canaan home on March 19th,
he, quote, didn't know she was on this planet.
I was upstairs in my bedroom. I thought perhaps I was smelling smoke, so I was
unable to go to sleep
and look down the hallway to see the silhouette of a person standing in my hall.
Thirty-seven-year-old Ray has already served seven months in state prison for a
break-in at the late-night host's home last August.
Strange story.
You know, Paul, I'm a history buff, and I was reading one of my numerous
historical periodicals to which I subscribe,
and I was taken by something that I found fascinating earlier today.
Listen to this now.
Up to this point in her life, Queen Elizabeth, and they have a record of this,
Queen Elizabeth now, up to this point in her life, has never uttered the phrase,
Four bucks for a can of turtle wax?
Well...
You should know about that.
That is a history buff, of course.
You are a historical buff, yeah.
Four bucks for a can of...
Oh, never mind.
Thus far, she's never uttered the phrase.
Listen to this. I think this will now give you an idea of the differences in
Russia from just a year.
For example, this year, in the May Day Parade yesterday, not only was Gorbachev
booed by people assembled there at the parade route,
there were also five guys dressed up like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz.
Oh, my God, we have a...
You know, I would like to do another joke for you folks.
You're a wonderful...
We didn't originally plan to do an additional joke.
Excuse me.
I feel like I would like to go ahead and do...
Go ahead, sir.
Do one more joke.
Well, I don't...
You know, I don't have another joke.
All right.
If you're going to pout...
Wait a minute.
I have an idea.
Hang on.
Just take a second, Paul.
Hi.
Nice to see you.
Yeah, by the way, I could use a little dialing music here.
All right.
Is this phone working?
Oh, good.
Thank you very much.
No one answered there for quite a lengthy period of time.
Okay, thank you very much.
Our director, Hal Gurney.
Calling California, that would be 213.
Okay, here we go.
Here we go.
Just take one second.
I'll see if I can't get you another joke.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Second ring.
Hello?
Yeah, Johnny.
Johnny, this is Ed.
Can I have a ride to work today?
No, no.
Hello, Dave.
Yeah, Johnny, this is Dave Letterman in New York City.
Dave.
How you doing?
What a surprise.
Yeah.
Listen.
You know, very often after I finish my show, I come to my office and have a
camera standing
by just in case somebody might call.
Well, good thinking on your part.
Listen, Johnny, I'm sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you had a joke
there that
you could let me have as kind of a favor.
If you could just do me this favor, I'd really appreciate it.
Just one joke?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, let me see what I got around here.
Okay.
Hey, by the way, I saw your show yesterday, Dave, and I enjoyed the sketch
where you played
the witness on the stand with the glasses.
Oh, no, that, Johnny, that was, that was, that was, that was a slice from my
real life.
Would this work for you at all, Dave?
Yeah.
Too sophisticated, huh?
Uh-huh.
Maybe so.
I'll tell you what, Dave, I got a couple of jokes here.
Can I fax them?
Yeah, hang on.
I got a fax machine.
Let me get it for you.
All righty.
Johnny, where'd you get that chicken at a Sajak yard sale?
That's right.
David, I'm going to fax you this joke, and no matter what happens back there,
it left here
funny.
Okay.
All right.
Hang on, Johnny.
Now, do you want to wait while I tell the joke when it arrives?
Sure.
Let's see how you do.
Okay.
All right.
Hang on.
I'm going to put the phone down.
All right.
Hang on.
This just takes a second.
That comes all the way from California.
Three.
This is amazing.
This is unbelievable technology.
Here it is.
There's a little alarm.
You ought to have it by now.
It's coming.
It's coming out now, Johnny.
Okay, then.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it smells funny.
What?
Okay.
I'm going to go try this.
Hang on.
Okay.
All right.
Let's give that a try.
All right.
Here we go, Johnny.
Get ready.
Yeah.
You all set?
Have it?
Oh, okay.
A judge yesterday increased Zsa Zsa Gabor's sentence.
He said that she had not been out doing her community service work.
Instead, she had just been staying at home.
You know, for my money, if Zsa Zsa Gabor stays home, there's your community
service.
Okay, Johnny.
Well, well, it seemed to work pretty well.
Well, Dave, after this, would you just call Dial a Joke in New York?
Okay.
Thank you very much for your help.
See you, Dave.
All right.
Nice talking to you.
Bye, Johnny.
Well, that was fun, wasn't it?
That was fun.
Ladies and gentlemen, here's our good friend, Paul Schaefer, right over there.
I forgot to introduce Paul.
Welcome back to the big show.
Paula Zahn will be out here in a couple of minutes.
And after Paula is here, Johnny Piers and his comic canines will be joining us.
So that will be taking place ever so shortly here on the second half of the
show.
Biff, what are you doing with that camera?
This is Biff Henderson, one of our stage managers.
He brought it.
What are you doing with that?
Because it's like a home video camera?
Yeah.
Well, Dave, I figured I'd bring my camcorder to work with me today just in case
something
funny happened, I'd send a tape to America's Funniest Home Video.
Oh, I see.
There's not much chance of anything funny happening here, Biff.
And also, I think that's a union violation.
Well, I...
You'll be beaten silly.
Well, we'll see what...
Oh, okay.
All right.
That's all right.
Okay.
Biff Henderson.
Tomorrow on the program, boys and girls, Bob Hoskins.
He was, of course, the voice of Howard the Duck.
He'll be here.
Bob Hoskins.
And the black...
Huh?
Is that who Bob Hoskins is?
No, he was in Roger Rabbit.
Who framed Roger Rabbit?
Is that who he is?
Bob Hoskins.
Is that right?
Yeah.
And also, the Black Crows will be here tomorrow.
They are, I mean.
Yeah, these guys are great.
Happening young.
Now, are they playing with the band?
Yes, they are.
All right.
Well, what the hell is with this light?
I'm like having some kind of fit here.
Have we got a light going bad, actually?
Morty, nice going.
You know, it's a show.
This is not a rehearsal.
What?
Alan, to fix it.
All right.
Al, can you fix the light for us, please?
Yeah, I'll check it out for you.
All right.
Great.
Al's going to check it out for us.
Careful.
Careful.
Watch it there.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, get that on tape, Biff.
There, sure.
That's a lot.
Just for heaven's sakes, Al, don't hurt yourself.
Just get up there, all right?
Cut it out of control.
All right.
It's this one right up there, and I think we've got a loose connection or
something.
Let's check it out.
But just fix it, for heaven's sakes, so we can get on with this damn program
tonight.
We've got trained dogs coming out here a little bit later.
All right.
Oh, my God.
What the hell?
Oh, my God.
Al, are you all right, Al?
Oh.
Oh.
Hey.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
Hey, Davey.
Yeah.
Hey, Davey.
Thanks a lot.
Okay.
I tell you, this will win the $10,000 for sure.
All right.
Thanks.
That's good.
All right.
Yeah.
Okay.
There it is.
Beginning comedy.
Man, look at that.
Body is still smoking.
He really got electrocuted, didn't he?
All right.
We'll do a commercial, carry out the dead in the wounded, and we'll be back
here with Paula
- Okay, here's one quality, it's stagehand Al Marr.
- He suffered that nasty electrocution in fall earlier,
but he's fine now. - He's fine now, yeah.
- He was supposed to come down smoking.
All right, can you smoke him now?
All right, oh, there, there, okay, there.
All right, all right, haul him out of here.
All right, get him, let's get him out, here we go.
Come on, let's get, no, let's get rid of him.
We have a show, we have, that's right.
We have Paula Zahn coming.
- On, off the door.
- Wait a minute, that was, that was Al Marr's evil twin
that carried him.
We got a, we got a burned chair.
And, and here, I believe that's one of Al's fingers down here.
Whatever happens, it was funny when it left here.
Whew, you know, I've, I've seen Al coming out of Hurleys like that.