Name: Point-of-Views Collection on Letterman, 1982-83
Uploaded: 2017-12-15T02:59:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Point-of-Views Collection on Letterman, 1982-83' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Point-of-Views Collection on Letterman, 1982-83' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-15. Transcript available.

Point-of-Views Collection on Letterman, 1982-83

This is the guy with the Q-tips.
Hey, Dave, listen.
Oh, hi, Tom.
Last minute on Andy Rooney.
Yeah.
He does not like doors.
He doesn't like menus.
He doesn't like license plates.
Yeah.
He doesn't like quiche.
Quiche.
He doesn't like a whole bunch of things.
He doesn't like imported cheese.
What about...
I don't believe in it.
Is he going to do the number from Sugar Babies or not?
No, no.
This is not Mickey Rooney.
It's Andy Rooney.
Here, here, take my nose.
You better look at him.
Listen, David, last week...
Ann Miller's not here.
Listen, David, last week, one of your guests, you called him a putz.
You called him a what?
You called him a putz.
A putz.
Tonight, you're going to have to give an apology on the air.
Apologize that I called again.
He was a putz, though.
David, you're shining.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
How are you doing?
Listen, Dave, just a little thing about the audience.
A lot of them are from Brazil.
Brazil.
And they don't understand so much English.
So, if you can throw in a few Spanish words, you know, like, arriba, buenos
dias.
Okay.
Que pasa?
Maybe a putz.
Okay.
Dave, just a few little changes.
Act one becomes act three.
Act three is four.
Act five is six.
And act two is one.
And, oh, yeah, we have a new first guest.
Okay.
Human caboose.
Human caboose.
Okay, great.
Okay.
All right.
We'll do what we can.
Act one is act two.
Mickey Rooney is here.
I don't have the...
Hey, this caboose guy, is that spelled with one O or two?
Uh, just make it a coal car.
Just change it to coal car.
Okay.
I don't think it's got a coal car.
The piece is done from last Thursday.
It's real funny.
You want to see it?
Hey, you want to see it?
Let me see.
It's real funny.
It's real funny.
We needed it a week ago.
I was going to get an impression.
Comedian, Franklin Ajayi.
Listen, Dave.
They speak Portuguese, not Spanish.
Okay.
It's like Spanish, but it's completely different.
Okay, great.
A man who is frightened by the slightest change in air temperature, David
Letterman.
Oh, great.
Oh, look at these guys.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Hold on, hold on.
Thank you.
Very nice.
Thank you very much.
Welcome to the show.
Have anybody here from Brazil, just out of the...
Oh, great.
Nice.
Well, you folks came on a fine day.
It's President's Day here in North America.
Actually, the United States.
Andy Rooney is with us.
Franklin Ajayi, a gentleman who actually operates a potato museum, a report on
the world's finest
coffee, and our first guest, whom you're going to meet in a couple of moments
after you
say hello to Mr. Paul Schaefer.
Hello, Paul.
How are you, sir?
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Tonight is one of those nights you're going to be telling your grandchildren
about for years.
My first guest has had a rather interesting experience.
He's here to tell us all about it.
Welcome, please, a man who is known as Bert the Human Caboose.
First of all, Bert, let me get right to the nickname, Bert.
How did you get to be known as the Human Caboose?
Is that what I am?
It was something about a railroad accident.
You got on a train in St. Louis, and then you fill in the details from there.
It was...
Well, it's rather vague now.
I don't really remember the exact details.
You got on a train in St. Louis, there was a mix-up, you slipped off, and were
dragged to Wichita.
Well, it sounds familiar, but I did that?
Have you had any, uh, side effects?
Yeah, quite a few.
You've had some side effects.
Uh, you know, darn the luck of Bert.
We're out of time.
I'm going to...
I'm going to have to ask you to come back another time.
Would you have some help?
Yeah, I'd love to have some help.
Bert the Human Caboose.
Uh, we have to pause for, uh, a couple of messages from one of our sponsors.
We'll, we'll be right back, folks.
Bye.
Folks, thank you very much for coming tonight.
Here you are at NBC here in New York.
This is Studio 6A.
Right across the, uh, hallway over here, Studio 6B is where Milton Berle
started many, many years ago.
This is perhaps one of the greatest studios around for a television audience.
This is the best you can do?
We've got a show for you tonight.
All the way back here?
You've really got to enjoy it.
I'm sorry, sir.
We've got some great, great guests for you.
David will be out in just a second here.
We can see the show better at home.
So just stay with us and watch everything that goes on in the show.
What are you supposed to do?
Sit here and look at television?
This is just a little part of the warm-up that I'm doing now.
We could have stayed at home and watched television.
We didn't have to come off here.
Hope to have a good time with us, all right?
Is that David Letterman?
Watch us, see what's going to happen on the show.
What kind of an outfit is that?
He looks like he's going in a safari, shoot lines or something.
And do one or two things for me.
Watch that applause, sir.
That's it.
That's it.
Give that applause, John.
Okay, okay, okay.
What is this?
They have to tell you to clap?
All right.
What if I don't feel like clapping?
Because that's a big part of the show itself, all right?
What are they going to do?
Come up here and arrest me?
We've got one other thing for you.
Look, there's gum underneath this seat.
And there's no leg room.
My knees are killing me.
Nice carpet.
Where did they get it?
Fire sale?
Everybody inside is just so happy that you can't hear it enough.
Look at that.
Fifty people standing around doing nothing.
Don't enjoy yourselves.
Watch the money.
A man comes in and sits behind a desk.
And he has to tell all those people just what's happening around him.
Okay, here we go.
Ten seconds.
Stand by.
It's about time.
Here we go.
Okay, now, turn your mark.
Stand by.
In five, four, three, two, one, tape.
That's some music?
That's some music.
Why can't they pick tunes like everybody knows?
Misty, Blue Moon, Stardust.
Now, I'm from New York, the Los Angeles of the East.
It's late night with David Letterman.
Tonight, world welterweight champion, Sugar Ray Leonard.
Comedians, Fred Willard and Sandra Karen.
Owen Thomas, a man who came back to life.
And a look at some of Dave's other show business projects.
And now, here's a man who has just signed a four-year,
multi-million dollar contract with the California Angels,
David Letterman.
That's him?
Thank you very much.
A young guy like that is close?
Welcome to the show.
My name is David Letterman.
Who picks out his clothes?
We have assembled for you folks here tonight.
A rich guy like that can't even afford to tailor.
Before we begin the extravaganza.
Let me tell you about something.
If you're planning a trip to New York City,
here's something that's going to be a lot of fun.
Make your studio much more enjoyable.
Everybody in New York City does this kind of little contest.
Go to a busy intersection, stand on the sidewalk,
and try to guess which cars will actually stop for the red lights.
It's a lot of fun.
And we have assembled quite a show for you folks tonight.
Sugar Ray Leonard will be joining us in a couple of minutes.
Some guests.
A fighter is a guest.
Comedians Fred Willard and Sandra Cairn are here tonight.
I never heard of him.
This gentleman who is a fascinating individual.
He's on the cover of New York Magazine this month.
Owen Thomas will tell you more about his story a little bit later.
Also, a rare look at some of my other show business activities.
Before we do that, we're going up into our studio audience
and visit with the folks who have come here this evening.
How do you do?
Nice to see you.
This is a lovely group of folks.
You know, I think they have it all rigged up.
Is it you?
You know, I really do.
Hi there.
What is your name?
This is all set up.
They use actors.
Chris, do you mind standing up?
You think they talk to actual people?
You've got to be kidding.
What do you do for the...
That's probably his cousin.
Is that a lot of fun?
No, it's boring.
Boring.
So you're here to drop off a resume?
And it's always the same questions.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, we're always out of contact lenses upstairs.
I should have stayed here.
We'll see what we can do.
Could have gone to a Broadway play.
Okay, thank you.
Anybody else here have any...
Yes, I have a question.
He won't ask.
Yes, I have a question.
Go ahead, stand up, sir, if you will, please.
Yes, sir.
What is your name?
Earl Stohera from Yonkers.
Yes, sir.
How do you spell that?
It's S-T-O...
No, no, I mean Yonkers.
It's Y-O-N-K, I think an E, R-S.
Okay, and what do you do for a living, Earl?
I'm a carpenter, but right now I'm not too busy.
And what is your question?
Well, I was wondering, when you do a show like this,
do you have the whole thing...
do you make up the whole thing yourself
or do you have a writer
or like a couple of writers
and they make the things up
or do you have the guests make up their part
and you make up your part
or do you make their parts up too
or do you just get together with them
and a couple of writers
and you all make it up together
and then you split it up later
or do you set it up first
and then they just work out later?
I was wondering...
I'm sorry I asked the question.
You inhale a lot of sawdust in your life.
Gee, I'd love to spend some more time talking with you, Earl.
Thank you very much for being here.
We have to pause.
Now, coming up next, Sugar Ray Leonard.
Thank you, folks.
Some folks.
No wonder they don't charge for tickets.
I'm so nervous.
This is my first time as a guest on a television program.
Professor Taylor, don't worry.
Dave's a professional.
He can make anybody look interesting.
And I feel so silly.
I mean, this is the first time I've ever worn makeup.
Oh, you look great in makeup.
You look a little bit like Ginger Rogers.
Professor Taylor, Robert Morton.
I'm the segment producer.
I wrote your spot tonight.
We spoke on the phone.
Do I look okay?
I'm a little worried about this jacket.
It's not too loud, is it?
I can change.
No, no, it's fine.
Don't worry about it.
Listen, anyway, it's going to be a great interview.
Dave was crazy about your movie, really.
Come on in here and sit down.
It's not a movie.
It's a book.
Whatever.
Listen, listen.
It was my idea to have you on the show.
I had to put up a big fight with the producer of the show.
But we're going to do it.
You'll be great.
Don't let me down, all right?
We'll come and get you in a few minutes.
I need your signature on these papers here.
I hope you understand that your presence here indemnifies NBC from any damage
that may occur from your appearance on the show.
Fine.
That's okay.
Now, we're a little short this week.
I hope you don't mind if I pay you in pennies.
No.
No, not at all.
Do you think this sport coat is okay?
I think it looks great.
It'll be just fine.
Hey, Chief.
Chief, excuse me.
Chief, listen.
I know we bumped you from the show about 18 times before.
I got bad news for you.
We're running a little short on time.
We may have to do it again.
I'm really sorry about this.
Really.
Really.
You think you're sorry now?
Wait till you hear from my attorneys.
Right, Chief.
Thanks.
Professor, you'll be on in a few minutes.
You better not go long.
Oh, me?
Oh, no, I won't.
Do you like this sport coat?
Yeah, it's nice.
Because I can change.
I brought another one.
What are you talking about, Barry?
Is this one you ever listened to me?
Professor Taylor, it's so nice to see you.
You'll be on in just a minute.
Are we all set with that clip from your film?
I don't have a film clip.
I'm an author.
Uh, Gordon, can I see for a minute, Cliff?
Yeah.
What the hell's going on with this?
I thought you said you had a clip.
I thought he did, Barry.
I don't know.
Professor Taylor, yeah, you're on now.
You want to come with me, please?
How you doing, Chief?
This way?
This way, please.
Thank you.
Do I look all right?
Fine, fine.
You better get your jacket on.
It's about time to go out.
Uh, is this jacket okay?
Uh, because I brought another one and I can, uh...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's fine.
It's fine.
My first guest tonight is a professor
who has made a fascinati