Name: Stanley Cup, Johnny Winter, Rita Mae Brown on Letterman, May 18, 1983 (full)
Uploaded: 2017-12-30T13:38:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stanley Cup, Johnny Winter, Rita Mae Brown on Letterman, May 18, 1983 (full)' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stanley Cup, Johnny Winter, Rita Mae Brown on Letterman, May 18, 1983 (full)' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-12-30. Transcript available.

Stanley Cup, Johnny Winter, Rita Mae Brown on Letterman, May 18, 1983 (full)

From New York, the city that can't wait until summer, when things get really
dirty and miserable,
it's Late Night with David Letterman. Tonight, Kirk Newrock and his performing
guinea pigs, blues musician Johnny Winter, and author Rita Mae Brown.
Also, another look at new gift items, and a return visit to the 7th Annual
Worldwide Inventor's Exposition.
And now, a man who acts like Mr. Nice Guy, but has plans for world domination
that nobody's supposed to know about,
- David Letterman!
- That's it. Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the show.
My name is David Letterman. Nice weather outside now. Not too bad?
- No.
- Here in New York, it's nice, but it's cold, and we're all still fed up with
the fact that it's springtime, and it's what, 30, 35, like that outside?
A couple of things are really beginning to steam me. First of all, I guess you
read about the big housing scandal here in New York City.
Some guy bought up a bunch of phone booths and he wallpapered the inside of
these telephone booths and then rented them out as studio apartments, see?
But finally, a housing inspector went and saw one of them and turned out that
these things are so much bigger than the average studio apartment here in New
York that it queered the whole deal.
- And, uh, see the phone booth is, uh, I'll tell you what else steams me. Uh,
you know, the Islanders, of course, won their fourth, uh, straight Stanley Cup.
And, uh, we wanted some people from the team to, uh, be on our show, and they
said, "Well, we really can't because we're busy doing Live at Five."
Yeah. And, uh, they're, they're right across the hall now. Who is it? Bob Bourne
and Dennis Potvan. And I understand...
- Paul, you would like this, being from Canada. - They have, they brought the
Stanley Cup with them, ladies and gentlemen.
- Oh, yeah. - But we, we, of course, don't get to see it because they're on
Live at Five, so...
Uh, we have our, uh, let me tell you who is on this show, and then we'll just
try and put this ugliness out of our minds.
Uh, Kirk Newrock and his performing "Guinea Pigs."
- There you go. - Well, that's good. That's great.
- See? See? Already we got a great show. Uh, oh, this is, uh, amazing. Johnny
Winter is here, ladies and gentlemen.
Uh, Rita Mae Brown will be on the program tonight.
Open the door. Let me, are they out there yet?
Go, go open the other door, if you will, sir.
No, they haven't left yet.
Oh, I don't see anybody that looks like a...
Hockey players have, uh, enormous necks, don't they? They just...
Wrists.
Oh, okay. Uh, also, on this show, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to take a
look at part two of our visit to the 7th Annual Worldwide Inventors Academy.
Uh, at this time, say hello to our good friend, Mr. Paul Schaefer, ladies and
gentlemen.
Thank you very much.
You know, the Stanley Cup is great.
Where I grew up in Canada, we had one channel only, the CBC on Saturday night.
That was it. Hockey night in Canada. You had to watch it.
I would be pretending to watch it and really haven't.
Yeah, you didn't really watch it?
No.
Is it, uh, would you, would you, uh, if, what's going on over there?
All right, I'll be right back. Excuse me, just one minute. I'll see if we can't,
uh, hi, Tommy, how are you?
Hi, thank you very much for opening the door.
Hi, how are you?
Hi, how are you?
Nice to see you.
Hi, how are you?
Hi, how are you?
Hi, how are you?
Hi, how are you?
Nice to see you.
Where, uh, where are the, uh, the Islanders? They're on the air? What happened
to the cup? Where's the cup? Oh, the cup is here.
Well, if we can just get the cup, the heck with these guys.
Hi, how are you?
Nice to see you.
Hi, how are you?
Nice to see you.
Where, uh, where are the, uh, the Islanders? They're on the air? What happened
to the cup? Where's the cup? Oh, the cup is here.
Well, if we can just get the cup, the heck with these guys.
Hi, how are you?
Hi, nice to see you.
Jay Robertson.
Nice to see you, Jay. How are you?
Friend of Dennis Potters.
Friend of Dennis Potters?
Yeah, from Ottawa, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
You know, Paul Schaefer is our musical director. He's from Canada.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Thunder Bay.
Uh, and, uh, this is the, this is the cup.
Boy, could I just see how heavy that is?
Go ahead.
Whoa, boy, that's a lot heavier, isn't it?
Yeah.
Good guess.
Wow.
Uh, how long is Dennis gonna be gone?
Um, he should be back any minute now.
Um, let me, let me, can I just, we have a studio audience full of people who
would love to see this movie.
Sure, sure, we'll all have it.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
Uh, we'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
Thank you.
You guys deserve it.
There you go.
That's...
Close the doors, if we may.
Uh, well, now we have, uh, we have quite a show now, don't we, ladies and
gentlemen?
Keep...
Just close the doors over there.
No, no.
Just close them.
I don't think we're expecting anyone else.
Just...
Oh, no.
Now, uh...
How are you?
Hi, Jim.
Nice to see you.
Dennis, how are you?
Pleasure to see you.
Yeah.
Where is it?
Ladies and gentlemen, uh, it's Dennis Potvin and, uh, Mr. Bob Bourne, uh, from
the New
York Islanders, the, uh, Stanley Cup champions.
Uh, what, uh, what brings you guys over here?
Uh, we seem to be missing something in the room over here.
Yeah, I know.
I, uh, I gotta tell you something.
The guy, your buddy from Ottawa, uh, he just let me walk right out with this
thing.
Oh, yeah.
The security is surprisingly, uh, lax here.
Uh, I tell you what, if we could just, uh, have it for the rest of the show,
and we'll...
Can we, can we talk with the cup in our hands?
Oh, sure.
Sure.
Oh, no, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Wait a minute.
I tell you what, Dennis, and see this seat right over there.
If we could just leave it there for the rest of the show, and you, uh, you, I,
I don't,
I, I wouldn't take your cup.
What about, what about Marv?
What, what's he gonna say?
Uh, Marv?
Well, Marv has no say in this.
Marv has no jurisdiction over the cup whatsoever.
Well, we'll...
See, there you go.
Marv says we can keep it.
That's darn nice of you, Marv.
Thank you very much.
Uh, of course, uh, uh...
Uh, now, have you guys been on Live at Five yet?
No, no, in a few minutes.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, okay.
Well, you probably wanna run on over there and get into makeup.
Uh, okay, uh, I tell you what, we're gonna, uh, uh, you wanna see and watch
this?
First of all, congratulations again on number four.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Truly an unbelievable, unbelievable occurrence in sports.
Um, what are we gonna do?
We're, we're gonna, uh, we're gonna, we're gonna talk this over with our good
friends
from the country to the north, and, uh, we'll be right back, folks.
- Three, two, one, two, one, two, one.
- Welcome back, we reached an agreement
and Dennis and Bob took it away from us for their appearance.
No, no, but they said it'll be coming back.
So when they're done over there across the hall
with Marv, Albert, they'll bring it back.
Truly an impressive feat, four of these suckers consecutively.
Anyway, my congratulations to the New York Islanders again.
Now here at Late Night, ladies and gentlemen,
we have long maintained that a well-informed consumer
is our best friend.
But you know, it's a fact that a misinformed consumer
can also be pretty good company.
So tonight, as a public service,
we'd like to showcase some new product ideas.
And let's begin right over here, shall we?
You know, today's busy executive spends
a lot of precious time on elevators
and he can't really afford to squander that time
by telling everyone who gets on an elevator,
whether it's going up or going down.
Now, the Japanese know this
and that's why they have invented
this elevator direction indicator hat.
Put the hat on and see.
Put it down.
The Japanese know this and that's why they developed the hat.
Well, you were just in Japan, weren't you, Steve?
Yes, sir.
Probably saw a lot of these hats, didn't you?
Yeah, that's right.
All right, now.
Now, everybody you run into these days
has one of these drumming chimps.
Now, of course, they sound great,
but they can also be disturbing to coworkers
or fellow passengers.
Fortunately, the new drumming chimp comes with the headphones
for private listening as well.
You just plug this in and let's see.
There you go.
And you turn it on and you're the only one that would...
Oh, yes, there.
You'd be able to hear those.
Well, that's funny, you can hear them without my time.
And it's a little belt.
You could put it in your pocket as well.
The drumming chimp.
Drumming chimp.
It's the Walkman drumming chimp.
Now, here's a great new gag item
for the next time you go to the movies.
These trick movie tickets.
Now, they look just like the real thing,
but these are actually made
from an indestructible titanium alloy.
Now, watch the usher go crazy
trying to tear them in half.
Excuse me, sir.
Here's our usher right here.
There you are, sir.
Smoking in the rear section only.
Thank you very much.
I say smoking in the rear section only.
Thank you very much.
Smoking in the rear section only.
Smoking in the rear section only.
All right, here, try these bolt cutters, son.
Oh, thank you, sir.
That'll help you.
The new titanium alloy theater tickets.
That'll be smoking in the rear section only.
Smoking in the rear section only.
Smoking in the rear section only.
It just can't be done, can it?
No, it can't.
No, okay, thank you.
Perhaps the perfect practical joke.
Thank you very much, sir.
Thank you for being here.
Everybody knows that old ladies
are wild about two things,
grandchildren and slot machines.
Finally...
Science has come up with a way
of combining both.
This ingenious slot machine
lets grandma gamble
with something more precious than money.
Yes, photos of her grandchildren.
Take the coin with the picture of the child
and put it right into the slot,
like so, and...
There we go.
See?
Pictures of little children.
And smoking in the rear section only.
Now, here's a new way to rent formal wear
that's as convenient as a Coke machine.
It's the coin-operated tuxedo,
ladies and gentlemen.
Two quarters...
Two quarters let you look sharp
for 45 minutes before more money is needed.
Now, let me demonstrate.
Do you have a quarter?
I'll use one of these grandma tokens.
There you are.
Put it right in there.
Okay, now,
but do not try to cheat the device.
A failure to deposit coins
promptly releases crankcase oil
all over the jacket.
Oh, jeez.
Oh, thank goodness.
Is there any more in there?
It's empty.
It's empty.
It's empty.
Okay.
It's empty.
It's empty.
Well, uh...
Everybody's noticed that a glass
containing a cool summer...
See, here's the crankcase oil right there.
It's all over there.
Fell all over the bolt cutters,
which really have nothing to do
with that particular joke.
They were part of another joke.
Everybody has noticed
that a glass containing
a cool summertime drink
collects beads of moisture.
But why let this dazzling
natural phenomenon go to waste?
With this set of novelty glasses,
beads of perspiration
actually seem to run down
the faces of your favorite
sweaty celebrities.
This set includes four,
Rodney Dangerfield, of course,
Jackie Gleason,
James Brown,
and, of course,
U.N. Ambassador
Gene Kirkpatrick.
These are...
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Don't wo