Name: Barbara Gaines Remote on Letterman, May 25, 1990
Uploaded: 2018-01-01T00:13:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Barbara Gaines Remote on Letterman, May 25, 1990' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Barbara Gaines Remote on Letterman, May 25, 1990' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-01. Transcript available.

You know, kids, ask my staff about me and they'll tell you one thing.
He's a deeply caring man.
Recently, when I accidentally injured one of the folks who work here,
I decided to take care of it immediately,
accompanied, of course, by a videotape crew here now.
Please watch and enjoy the results of that visit.
A couple of weeks ago, what happened?
We're in the studio tossing the football around.
One thing leads to another, and then what happens?
I hurt my finger.
We have the x-rays right here,
and so we're going to have a doctor take a look at Barbara Gaines's finger.
We hope that it's not broken, but we'll find out.
And why are you in the elf suit?
It's what I look best in.
Yeah, and to kind of liven up the teeth.
So we'll sit here and wait for the doctor to come in now.
Interesting people in here about whether or not you should lie to your kids.
The baby here wants more cookies,
and the parent is saying, there are no more cookies,
and he's lying.
Hi, how are you?
Dave Letterman.
Nice to see you.
Nice to meet you.
What's your name?
Charles Cornell.
Doctor, we think we have a busted finger here.
Look at that.
It's the index finger, and it's all puffy and swollen.
Yeah.
So be very careful.
Okay.
How'd this happen?
Playing football.
And can you remember how the ball hits your finger?
Did it push the finger back or hit it right on the end?
I don't know.
Well, this is where the reenactment will come in.
Oh, my finger!
Oh, my God, Barbara.
Are you all right?
Oh, my finger.
Oh, here.
Here.
Stand back.
Here.
Let me see.
Oh, my God.
So do you think she'll ever be able to make toys again?
I think she should be.
The little elf thing.
Doctor, I noticed this.
What exactly are we looking at there?
That's pretty interesting.
This is a plastic model of the lumbar spine.
You know, it's interesting.
One time, I found one of these floating in a bowl of hot and sour soup.
I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown.
It's possible.
Wouldn't that be something, honey?
That would be something.
Go ahead and touch the finger.
Yeah.
Oh, hell, you butcher.
Get away from her.
I'm sorry.
Is it all right to touch you again?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're 36?
You know that Doogie Howser's like 11.
You ever see that show?
He's a little smarter.
Man, wow, the 11-year-old doctor.
It's all right.
Let me look at your x-rays.
Look at that.
That's me and Paul.
Can you see them?
I would probably say it's probably not fractured.
Oh, it's not fractured.
Yeah.
Hey, that's good news.
It's probably not fractured.
Yeah.
And probably just a very minor ligament sprain.
Wow.
All right.
So what are we going to do?
I think she should just keep moving it.
Aren't you going to?
No, we want it bandaged up or something.
Split it or something.
Put it in a big plaster can.
This elf suit cost us a lot of money.
She's trembling like a little bunny.
It'll be fine, Barbara.
Now, will she be able to type with this on?
She should be, yeah.
So, Barbara, come on in here.
Do you mind if we borrow the machine?
No, no, go ahead.
All right.
What kind of typewriter is it, Gaines?
Does that look familiar to you?
Sure.
It's a miracle.
It's a miracle.
I can type.
It's a miracle.
Oh, it's back there.
Thank you.
Oh, thank you.
We'll do a commercial here.
You know, you can't do that with a robotic arm.
Oh, no.
No, sirree.
We'll be right back with Chris Ria, ladies and gentlemen.