Name: "This House Needs Work" on Letterman, May 1, 1986
Uploaded: 2018-01-04T01:20:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"This House Needs Work" on Letterman, May 1, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-04. Transcript available. By request. With Chris Elliott.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"This House Needs Work" on Letterman, May 1, 1986' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-04. Transcript available. By request. With Chris Elliott.

Hi, I'm Dave Letterman, and welcome to This House Needs Work.
Behind me is an old country farmhouse I picked up a couple of weeks ago,
and we've been doing a lot of renovating on it.
In a couple of minutes, we're going to...
We're going to go inside.
Excuse me a second.
Oh, brother.
I think it's chilly up here in the country.
We're going to go inside and see how the work's coming on it.
Come on.
Chris, Chris.
Hi, Dave.
Hi, Chris.
Nice to see you.
Good to see you.
This is Chris Elliott.
He's our head carpenter.
He's in charge of all of the work that we're doing on the house.
How are you?
Looks like it's coming along pretty well, huh?
Well, I've done an awful lot of interior work, as you can see,
but it clouded up on me today, so I couldn't do the roof work.
You know what Mark Twain said about New England weather?
No, I don't.
I don't either.
I was hoping you did.
Why don't we go over here and show the folks the plans.
There's lots of sawdust all over the place here.
I have the blankets on the furniture.
All right.
I see you have the blueprints.
I have them out here.
What is this?
Oh, please.
Oh.
Oh, jeez.
Oh.
Would you like a bite?
No.
No, thanks.
All right.
All right.
So what do we have here?
What is this?
Well, right over here, these are the ground plans.
I have the drain plan and the exteriors.
I've made a few adjustments.
If you take a look right over here.
Yeah.
What is this?
Well, those are my plans for the guest room.
Yeah.
Now, right over here.
No, no, hold on.
Wait a minute.
You didn't build this already, did you?
Well, yeah.
Yeah.
Get rid of it.
All right.
What is this here?
I was just doodling.
It's pretty lonely up here during the week, doesn't it?
Yeah, a little bit.
All right.
Let's go look at the rest of the place.
Show the folks what you've done.
Sure.
Come on upstairs and I'll show you what I've been doing so far.
All righty.
Here we go.
All right.
So you're making some changes here in this guest bathroom.
Yes.
This is the first guest bathroom.
I wanted you to make the final decision on the tile.
All right.
We're going to retile it.
We're going to retile it.
Okay, great.
So I picked a conservative tile and then one that I like and I think you're
going to love.
Let's take a look at the conservative one first.
All right, fine.
This is it right here if you take a look.
I think it'll take about 2,000 of these to cover the shower and then about 4,000
to cover
the floor and the drywall.
It's the Japanese imperial battle flag.
Yeah, you know, I'm not saying that I hate it exactly, but I just think that
this pattern
and so many tiles in such a small place, you know, might cause vertigo.
Oh, well, you don't want that.
No.
No, that's why I picked this one, which I think you're going to like much
better.
Here you go.
Take a look at that.
See, when the shower is on and the steam builds up, the eyelids rock back and
forth.
Can you see that?
Isn't that lovely?
Do you live in a trailer?
We'll talk about this later.
Well, let's see what we're doing upstairs.
Chris, let's take a second and tell the people about the heat.
We're using oil heat with the passive solar assist, aren't we?
Oh, no, no.
That's just a dummy.
I had to put that up to get it by the code.
You know, the inspector and all.
No, there's no heat in this place.
You really don't need it.
If you use anything at all, I'd use some of those kerosene space heaters, but
that's about it.
Can you use diesel in those?
Oh, sure.
You could bring in a generator and hook it all up and use diesel, but really
you don't need anything at all.
This far north, you're fine.
Okay, Chris, so now in the kitchen, I see you got Larry hard at work putting in
the new double sink.
You got the doors off the cabinets.
You're going to refinish those.
What are the renovations you have planned for the kitchen?
Nothing.
I just really needed a drink.
Watch out.
This is going to blow.
Chris, this is usually the part of the show where you show us some kind of hint
with a tool or something.
Or did you forget about that?
Oh, geez.
Thanks for reminding me.
Yeah, I want to show you how to use that double blade rip saw.
Come on upstairs.
There you go.
Look at that.
Chris.
Chris, I did it.
Chris?
Hey, Chris.
Chris.
Hey.
Chris.
Chris.
What are you doing out there?
I got bored.
Can I use the pool?
Yeah.
Bring the gun back in the house first.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yo.
Look, thanks again, Chris.
Hey, thank you, Dave.
Nice job.
That's all the time we have tonight for This House Needs Work.
We'll see you next week.
Oh, and take care of those changes we discussed, all right?
Oh, sure.
Hey, you got to come out more often.
I had a fun day.
Oh, yeah, me too.
Good night, everybody.
Bye-bye.
Take care.
Bye, Dave.
We'll, uh, what?
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.