Name: LNwDL January 5, 1993 (full) w/Art Donovan, Al Franken, Carolyn Jabs
Uploaded: 2018-01-12T03:27:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'LNwDL January 5, 1993 (full) w/Art Donovan, Al Franken, Carolyn Jabs' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'LNwDL January 5, 1993 (full) w/Art Donovan, Al Franken, Carolyn Jabs' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-12. Transcript available.

LNwDL January 5, 1993 (full) w/Art Donovan, Al Franken, Carolyn Jabs

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From New York, Happy New Year. Hey, my wallet. It's Late Night with David
Letterman.
Tonight, NFL Hall of Famer Art Donovan. From Saturday Night Live, Al Franken.
And Holiday Trash to Treasures with Carolyn Jazz. Plus, Paul Schaefer and the
world's most dangerous band.
And now, the next head coach of the New York Giants, David Letterman.
And now, the next head coach of the New York Giants, David Letterman.
And now, the next head coach of the New York Giants, David Letterman.
And now, the next head coach of the New York Giants, David Letterman.
And now, the next head coach of the New York Giants, David Letterman.
And now, the next head coach of the New York Giants, David Letterman.
And now, the next head coach of the New York Giants, David Letterman.
And now, the next head coach of the New York Giants, David Letterman.
Hi, how are you?
Welcome to the...
Oh, we have moose in the audience.
Welcome to the program, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Dave Letterman.
And as far as I know, this is still NBC, right?
Speaking of NBC, did you folks happen to see one of the big NFL playoff games
over the weekend on NBC?
It was Houston and Buffalo.
Oh, I mean...
So, let me see if I have this straight.
The quarterback for Buffalo, Frank Reich.
Now, in college, he leads his team to the greatest comeback in the...
Yeah, Maryland.
Exactly, sir.
Hey, hey, welcome to Jeopardy!
He leads his college team to the greatest comeback in the history of the NCAA.
And now, he has led his professional team, the Bills, to the greatest comeback
in NFL history.
And I'm telling you something.
NBC ought to think about hiring this guy.
I'm telling you, it's the youth of America, Ma.
That's what that is.
Good news from Great Britain, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm happy to report that Princess Diana celebrated New Year's Eve with loved
ones.
And afterwards, sneaked back into the palace.
I don't understand world politics.
I don't understand much of the political scene today as we have it.
But I believe things have gotten out of hand and perhaps are going too far.
President Bush, now, did you hear this?
Earlier today, pardoned Harry Connick, Jr.?
What exactly?
I don't know.
And here in New York City, a couple of days ago, our mayor, Mayor David Dinkins,
gave his annual State of the City Address to the people of New York City.
He walked to the microphone, stood right behind the podium, looked squarely
into the camera,
and said,
It sucks.
I'm glad you folks are with us tonight.
We have a wonderful program.
Art Donovan, NFL football Hall of Famer Art Donovan.
Also from the cast of Saturday Night Live, the very funny, the always personable
Al Franken is on the show this evening.
And a woman, and are you like me?
After the holidays are finished, you have a lot of holiday debris left over.
And you don't know exactly what to do with a holiday debris.
We have a woman here tonight by the name of Carolyn Jabs,
who will show you in a creative and fun way.
That's the key word there.
Fun.
We'll show you how to handle all of that holiday debris.
Now, do us a favor, kids.
Say hello to our good friend, TV's Paul Schaefer.
David, how are you?
Thank you very much.
Thanks.
Happy New Year, everybody.
Hey, Dave.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year to you, Paul.
Happy New Year to the boys in the band.
Nice to have you guys back.
Did you have a nice vacation?
I did.
Hey, did you see that movie Johnny Suede?
No, I didn't see it.
It was out over the holiday.
Apparently, it has Brad Pitt, that marvelous young actor.
Right.
You didn't see it?
I didn't see it either, but I saw the ad for it.
Right.
And you know how they pull out a line the critics are saying about it?
It said, Johnny Suede, playfully hip.
Right.
Now, to me, if anybody is going to be playfully hip in this industry,
don't you think?
It's me.
Don't you think?
I think.
Yes.
Not only that, Bram Stoker's Dracula, did you see that?
I saw the ad for it.
It said, a hip, scary ride.
Right.
I think if anybody is a hip, scary ride in this industry.
Oh, yeah, okay.
You're right, Paul.
You're the...
No, no, you don't have to patronize me with applause.
Just checking, that's all.
Okay, okay.
Okay, I feel better now.
You know, I was on vacation, and sometimes when you're on vacation,
odd things happen to you, and you have plenty of free time,
so they sort of, they don't ruin your vacation,
but they certainly color the event.
Of course.
I'm walking on a beach, so right away you're thinking,
oh, he's near an ocean.
That's right.
A guy comes up to me, and he says,
he says, those people over there, he says,
are you somebody?
And I said, sir, in the grandest sense, we're all somebody.
Wow, that's beautiful.
I applied a little theology to him right there on the beach.
Lovely.
And he says, well, those people over there say that you're a movie star,
and we all enjoyed a good laugh then.
No, no.
No, I'm not a movie star, and that kind of took the air out of the moment,
and I kept going my way, and he kept going his way.
And then as I was returning, he comes up to me again, and he says,
no, those people told me who you are.
They said your name.
He said, I know your name.
You're Peter, Peter, Peter.
And I said, Sellers?
And he said, yes!
And I didn't know what that meant exactly.
Was he wrong?
Were they wrong?
And was I right?
Do I?
And then I said, well, what is your name, sir?
And he says, my name is Mr. Breeze.
Yeah.
And even before I could think to myself, what does that mean?
He says, they call me that because I'm so cool.
Thank you very much.
Good night, everybody.
Drive safely.
God bless.
I'm the luckiest, most proud man in show business.
Just as the show was beginning, a lovely woman in the audience
handed me my very own Wienermobile.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
God bless you.
Yeah, we ought to try and get that Amy Fisher on the show.
I'm not sure if she's available.
I just want to say one thing.
A lot of people are criticizing ABC because they had the Amy Fisher movie.
A lot of people are criticizing CBS because they had the Amy Fisher movie.
And a lot of people, yes, it's true, are even criticizing NBC
because they had the Amy Fisher movie.
And they're charging them with exploitation of the highest order.
Let me remind you of one thing when you're all so high and mighty.
NBC had theirs on the air first, okay?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, it's New Year's resolutions.
We have some famous people, some resolutions.
Paul, how about some New Year's resolutions music?
Here we go.
New Year's resolutions, 1993.
The New York Jets and the New York Giants, their New Year's resolution, work on
chipping and putting.
I have all that time off now to play some golf.
Shamu.
Here, here's a New Year's resolution from Shamu.
Lay down the law, no cash, no splash.
That's the kind of thing Mr. Breeze might have said.
Absolutely.
Cool.
So cool.
Oh, let's see.
Jennifer Flowers.
We all know about Jennifer Flowers.
Get a date with new governor of Arkansas.
That's her resolution.
A lovely, lovely woman, really, isn't she?
Lovely, lovely woman.
Chelsea Clinton.
Start taking careful notes for the tell-all book.
There's Chelsea Clinton.
She's a cute kid, isn't she?
Kind of cute.
Yeah, very cute.
How old is Chelsea?
Is she like 11 or 13?
Something like that.
They have Chelsea as the daughter.
They have sons, brothers, sisters.
They have a cat.
We know.
They have a cat?
I don't know.
And it's Bill, President-elect Bill Clinton, and his wife, Valerie Clinton,
right?
Hillary.
I think it's Hillary.
I have to start reading up.
I'm still...
Andy Rooney, CBS News correspondent.
Andy Rooney, New Year's resolution.
Why do people make New Year's resolutions anyway?
They always break them.
I made one last year, and within a few days, I had it broken it.
I think we should resolve not to make New Year's resolutions anymore.
James, I'm psychic.
At 2 o'clock this afternoon, I predicted dead silence.
You're dead, eh?
That's why they call me Mr. Breeze.
Wow.
Because, you know, I'm so cool.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you very much, Mr. Breeze.
Don't follow me back to the room.
Admiral James Stockdale, Ross Perot's running mate.
His resolution for the new year, when in doubt, keep your hearing aid on.
Thank you.
Dan Quayle, Vice President Dan Quayle, from my home state of Indiana.
Dan Quayle, campaign hard and beat Clinton in November.
What are we doing?
We have now a resolution from former President Lyndon Johnson.
Lyndon Johnson and his 1993...
Oh, no, none.
He has none.
Al Gore, Vice President-elect Al Gore.
Before making an important decision, ask,
What would Dan do?
You know, it's very warm here in New York City today.
It's like 55 or 60 of you folks noticed that?
And yesterday it was warm, and they're talking about...
I have a friend at the National Observatory in Washington
who has told me confidentially, off the record,
the reason for this, it has nothing to do with the ozone burning out.
No hole in the ozone, that's not the problem.
The reason it's getting...
The Earth every year is getting a little closer to the sun,
and they're not telling anybody.
Last year, it moved 60 miles closer to the sun.
Really?
Yeah, but you're not supposed to tell anybody,
and I can't name any names,
but it's a friend of mine
who works at the National Observatory in Washington,
or as we say in Indiana, Washington.
Ronald Reagan, no, former president,
making a New Year's resolution,
make this the best 1987 it can be.
Here's a resolution from my twin brother, Rune.
Yeah, Rune.
Rune Letterman.
I haven't seen Rune in a long time.
My twin brother's resolution, Rune,
bust out of the asylum.
You know, the sad truth about that,
it was taken on vacation.
That's me on vacation.
Yeah, you're in shame.
Let's see.
Bill Clinton, president-elect McNuggets,
or Big Mac, not both.
That's his resolution for the United States.
And then we have the Chicago parents
who left their kids alone
while they went to Cancun for nine days.
Oh, of course, we remember.
Is it, ladies and gentlemen,
are we at the end of civilization?
Are we very nearly at the end of civilization?
Well, here is their resolution.
Yeah, they're down there, what,
in the limbo contest
while the kids are home alone in Chicago?
That was them, yeah.
What is the matter with these people?
They're having those rum drinks
sitting by the pool.
La-da-da.
They just get on a plane
and they go for nine days.
The kids are back at the house.
That's it.
Here's their resolution.
Those Chicago parents
who left their kids alone,
find babysitter that's available
for the next three to five years.
Yes.
There you go.
Amy Fisher, here's her resolution for the New Year.
Start a correspondence from prison
with a nice, caring man.
Get paroled.
Shoot his wife in the head.
There.
NBC had their Amy Fisher movie on first,
ladies and gentlemen.
Before you pious people out there throw stones,
we had ours first.
There you go.
And finally,
Mr. Zip,
the symbol of our nation's postal system.
There's Mr. Zip.
His New Year's resolution for 1993,
get laid.
Well, good luck.
We do what we can.
Kids, we couldn't have a better program for you tonight.
When we come back from our commercial,
our old friend Art Donovan will be here.
Also, Al Franken and Carolyn Jabs,
and we'll show you how to take care of that holiday debris.
Come on back if you can, folks.
I don't want to beat this to death,
but I don't get that.
They're down there in Cancun.
What do you want to do today?
Let's go parasailing.
Fine.
And the kids are home,
eating TV dinners and watching cartoons?
At least, yeah.
That's okay?
I don't think so.
By the way,
as a reminder,
ladies and gentlemen,
every piece of furniture
or set item you see on tonight's program
is for sale.
So,
we'll put up the 800 number here in a second,
and if you want to buy the desk,
fine,
give us an offer.
The chairs,
the matching chairs,
anything,
it's all going up
if the price is right.
This prize wonderland.
Use 2D.
Yeah?
Use 2D on this.
Use 2D.
That's what they say
on the home shopping network.
I don't know what it means.
Use 2