Name: Tom Selleck, B. Womack, L. Berry on Letterman, January 12, 1990 (full)
Uploaded: 2018-01-23T21:55:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tom Selleck, B. Womack, L. Berry on Letterman, January 12, 1990 (full)' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tom Selleck, B. Womack, L. Berry on Letterman, January 12, 1990 (full)' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-23. Transcript available.

Tom Selleck, B. Womack, L. Berry on Letterman, January 12, 1990 (full)

from new york as a city you cannot sink lower it's late night with david letterman
tonight tom selick cartoonist linda barry musician bobby womack simon the
singing minor bird viewer mail
and another visit from chris elliott plus paul japer and the world's most
dangerous fan and now
january's crew member of the month
so
so
i'm sitting at my desk this afternoon and uh i came to a conclusion i'm already
sick of the 90s
yes sir well you know there was an interesting item in the uh post today the
new york post
after a lengthy trial a brooklyn man has been acquitted now of walking up broadway
half naked
and and they used a pretty interesting defense they claimed he was allergic to
pants and he got off
wow man is it hot in here today well uh prison authorities in miami got quite a
scare uh this
morning uh they discovered a metal file inside the cell of manuel noriega uh
turned out he just uses
it for facials i don't remember being quite this hot i know i know and uh poor
nikolai chausescu uh first
first he was removed from power uh and then he was assassinated after the trial
and now
i understand his burial is being arranged by the ayatollah's funeral director
so
what what now can go wrong there you know look at this i don't know how we do
this night after night
another ladies and gentlemen another wonderful television program tom selick is
here with us
bobby womack is on the program yeah syndicated cartoonist linda berry will be
joining us
now here's a reason now i know tomorrow is uh tomorrow's saturday you don't
have school tomorrow
yeah so here's a good reason to be staying up later in the program we have a
bird it's a trained what
is it it's an owl right morty it's an owl it's some kind of jungle owl they're
very rare they're
from bolivia or peru what it's a minor bird it's a minor bird and later in the
program this minor bird
and they get to be how big are they well actually in the wild you know you can
get them be eight nine
feet but the one we have here tonight is a desk desk size right this minor bird
has been taught by his
owner what to sing blueberry hill blueberry hill that's right so that's right
from beginning to end
huh we hope no no so set those vcrs and get ready for real fun because we'll
have a minor bird out
here in about just about 55 minutes singing blueberry hill a television first
now over there in the
corner is our friend uh paul shaver ladies
now
so listen
it's friday we tried out different looks for you we tried every year oh that's
right we're gonna have
uniforms for the 90s we dressed as you wednesday we dressed as me now you guys
look part of here in
the raiders today everything's fine back on look i prefer this look i don't
know about you
we brought him out early to sit in with us for the evening say hello to bobby
wow
last night we're talking to uh bill lee he's uh 67 years old still playing
baseball in the
senior baseball league right in the middle of the discussion with bill lee here
here watch for your
own selves see what happened last night a scant 24 hours ago there i am lift up
your head bingo that's
it my contact lens now one more time in slow motion how let's capture all the
drama the excitement the
pageantry the color here it is super slow motion and
not easy ladies and gentlemen this job is not easy oh and also last night we
mentioned eskimo pie
yeah see this is this is the nice thing about living in america today we
received free of charge
15 cases of eskimo pies yeah pretty sweet deal for us isn't it so there was
some kind of method
to that yeah we got it we got a little uh free deal but we should we should
pass them on to a good
cause yeah yeah there they are right there okay let's uh we'll let them we'll
let them get good
and runny and then we'll pass them out uh here it is the uh am i doing this
right the top 10 list
here we go top 10 secrets bush is afraid noriega might reveal you know he was
on the cia payroll you
know so we understand yeah yeah top 10 secrets bush now is afraid that noriega
might reveal here we go
number 10. number 10. and with that the list officially begins number 10.
number 10. buying
vowels on wheel of fortune is a money laundering operation
and number nine white house pours bar brand liquor in the name brand bottles
number eight
eric estrada and larry wilcox may have played best friends on tv's chips but in
real life
they were anything but
i don't think we'll finish that i'll be right back
it's eskimo pie time kids
so
so
so
so
so
did everybody get an eskimo pie
good good good i'm glad you did i hope you enjoy them
bill we'll make sure all right we'll make sure oh my god there's some kind of
eskimo pie riot breaking
uh it's friday night ladies and gentlemen and uh in addition to passing out
dessert on friday night
all right we answer our viewer mail paul do you have the here we go
okay
here we go letter number one uh dear dave freud said people who drive fast aren't
getting enough sex
comments your pal larry hall hermosa beach california yeah well what did freud
say about
people who drive really really fast
number two dear dave we watch your show nearly every night especially on fridays
when you read the viewers mail uh we already think uh we all really think you
are a nut keep up the
good work general electric has got to be proud of you donald logsdon and oklahoma
state penitentiary
inmates mccallister oklahoma well there you go uh thank you very much uh donald
for your uh kind
letter and uh since you say you and your friends are watching the show now uh
perhaps there is
something i can do for you in return uh here's what you do turn up the
television very loudly right now
and and go to work and i'll cover you uh howard uh play those uh digging and
defiling sound effects can you
there you go i hope that helped a little bit there
i feel like i'm doing time what the hell are we raising orchids in here morty
is that the deal
that's an eskimo back there making pies because some people didn't get hired a
staff of eskimos just
to make those pies for you and i am sweating like a new york waiter this is
unbelievable the roof of
my mouth is now sweating wow that's that's hot letter number three dear dave i
bet you could have beaten
gary kasparoff if you had been playing monopoly uh best john de bello buffalo
new york well uh this
letter is of course referring to uh the nightly chess match that i waged
against a world chess champion
uh gary kasparoff it took about five weeks and we went night after night after
night and it was a lot
of fun and i think this could be great too you know i could just use the phone
right here we call
kasparoff and then i roll the dice and make my move and then the next night he
would roll his dice this
could go on for like years literally you know come to think of it maybe that
would be uh oh forget it
that would be way too long what do you think paul is that too long should we
just skip this
what should should i just forget about this monopoly game oh yes i was hoping
you'd say that you're right
will someone will someone please bring me a moist towelette please i crave a moist
hello thank you
oh an eskimo pie is really nice when you're hot cools you right now yeah letter
number four are we at
four now number four yes dear dave since you gave up smoking have you taken up
any other potentially
dangerous habits concerned vicky welfare edmunds washington you know i used to
smoke cigars and i was
smoking way too many of them uh so i just finally decided to give them up uh
and there was a period
immediately after i stopped smoking those cigars uh where you know just to keep
my hands occupied
i picked up a pretty bad habit roll that videotape helen and see what you think
here it is so where
where did you get the idea to do the book in the first place well my second
husband had a lot of old
card tables around and i just got to thinking there must be a lot of uses for
these things even if you
don't play cards a lot of elmer's glue and plenty of glitter and i went to work
there were a few
problems including the fire that you just showed in the videotape but by the
time the super bowl
rolled around i was ready to go the signs of the zodiac series was probably the
most popular
in fact john davidson commissioned to set for his personal use it was with that
money that i got the
idea for the cross-country trip and the sail-powered card table i went along
route 80 most of the way
but i have a sister in fort worth so i did take one side trip down there that
probably covers
week or two off my final time anyway the series is on the lifetime network okay
there you go
uh i'm gonna take a shower and we'll be right back with tom selleck
i'm gonna take a shower and we'll be right back with you
welcome back ladies and gentlemen the only network television show that i know
of providing free
snacks
you've been around television for a long long time have you ever seen a show
that passes out free
snacks i've been on television for 15 years i have never seen a show exactly
what about the
nightly news do they pass out snacks nightly news no donahue no the today show
no no bonanza
in their heyday never the height of the popularity bonanza were they passing
out snacks never merv griffin
never did no merv ate all the snacks never i don't know you know i don't even
think he's
fat why would i even say that i don't know why yeah you know i don't know i
think laverne and
shirley may possibly have thank you very much laverne and shirley passed out
they may possibly but
damn but that was in between you know when the tape was stopped were they high
quality snacks
no no were they tasty just were they frozen confections were they enjoyable
absolutely all
right were they thoughtfully selected by a dietitian not like ours were were
ours thoughtfully selected
by a dietitian well yeah that's right uh our first guest tonight is a really
really big star and a good
friend of ours he is an actor and listen to this also a producer uh his
upcoming film is entitled
quigley down under ladies and gentlemen here's tom selick
how are you i'm pretty good happy new year thanks is it hot in here because i
got a tweed suit
well if you're doing what i've been doing it's awfully hot there you go uh now
uh oh congratulations
the i think the last time we saw you you were your wife was expecting a baby it's
it's arrived the
baby it's yes you're old and oh yeah and when did you take delivery i took
delivery actually the
day it arrived i was in there and it's a boy girl it's still a girl yeah yeah i
don't know can i use
it kleenex i want to just save this for later these are kleenexes they're
actually tissues oh yeah yeah
i understand these keep real well so so you were uh yeah just put that in your
inside pocket
so you were actually in there when the baby was born huh yeah i was i was fun
no it wasn't fun i was
worried my wife was uh uh uh quite happy but i was doing all the worrying yeah
and how long was the
labor proper role of the father to to worry and be supportive yeah yeah i think
that's all well he
can't do much nothing physical happens to him except maybe hives you know so uh
and was it a lengthy
process yeah it was about 18 hours i was coaching you know i was a coach now
now now to me i can't
imagine doing anything for 18 hours i can't either yeah yeah so uh anyway
everything's great and uh
congratulations on oh everything's great she's she's almost walking she's uh
taking a couple steps
her name's hannah and she's uh it's kind of frankenstein-esque but it's she's
really gifted good
for you and and now you're producing now what does that mean exactly you're
producing a movie how do you
get to a deal to produce a film is that where the real money is by the way uh
can be yeah can be the
the the the there's one way to get it it's kind of the road i took you just
become the star of a
television show and then you say i want to produce next year and they let you
right but we did okay
so so we got uh we got a deal out of it and i'm producing this mo