Name: "Know Your Staff" Collection on Letterman, 1982-84
Uploaded: 2018-01-30T00:25:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Know Your Staff" Collection on Letterman, 1982-84' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"Know Your Staff" Collection on Letterman, 1982-84' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-01-30. Transcript available.

"Know Your Staff" Collection on Letterman, 1982-84

Tonight, Late Night, is proud to present the first installment of a new segment
that salutes
the talented professionals who put this program together.
It's educational, and since PBS was not interested, we decided we'd show it
ourselves.
Late Night is more than just the jokes, the songs, and the fancy sets.
Late Night is people, not just the marvelous stars you see on the show, but the
people you don't see.
The people behind Late Night.
Howard Vanitsky is one of the people behind Late Night.
He's the sound effects man, a tough job that requires more than the standard
training,
apprenticeship, and examinations other NBC employees go through.
He demands a special talent for listening.
Where does Howard get his ideas for sound effects?
Why, from everyday life.
You see, Howard hears things a little differently than most of us.
He's able to detect sounds that laymen like you and I might not notice.
The job of the sound effects technician is not for everyone.
The hours are long, the pace is relentless, and every moment, Howard's eagle
ears are open,
listening for any new sounds he might be able to use on the show.
As the time approaches to tape the show, Howard prepares himself.
All he can do now is wait for that special moment when there's a job that must
be done.
And two gentlemen, each of them representing the east one, the east coast, the
other the west coast, they both work for NBC.
We'll talk a little bit more about them later.
Yes, the moment of truth has come and gone, and somehow, in that one magical
moment, it was all worthwhile.
But there are a few congratulations, because for Howard, the job is not over.
He will be back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.
He will be back tomorrow, leading this drooling procedure, show after show.
And that's what makes sound effects man Howard Vanitsky, one of the people
behind late night.
Yes, sir, Howard Vanitsky, we'll be right back with the Commissioner of Baseball,
Bowie Kuhn.
Hi, welcome back to the program, ladies and gentlemen.
Edward Ruscha will be joining us, and tonight, late night is proud, and by late
night being proud, I mean we here at late night is proud, are proud.
Everyone affiliated with the show, and even strangers on the street, are proud.
To present the second installment of a segment that salutes the talented
professionals who put this very program together.
Late night is more than just the jokes, the songs, the fancy sets.
Late night is people, not just the marvelous stars you see on the show, but the
people you don't see.
Yes, the people behind late night.
Jimmy Fitzgerald is one of the people behind late night.
He's the prop manager, and naturally masks in all the glory and glamour that
comes with such a position.
But with a job like this, also comes responsibility.
Just as a surgeon has his scalpel, Mr. Fitzgerald also has his tools.
And his operating room is the NBC late night studio.
His job isn't one you can learn in some school.
You see, Mr. Fitzgerald is the only person authorized to serve coffee on the
set of late night.
Authority he has earned with experience.
Colombia, Java, Brazil, Kenya.
These terms may confuse the layman, but Mr. Fitzgerald knows these are the
countries that produce the best coffee in the world.
He has to know it.
It's his job.
Many brands will be tested, but only one will be good enough to use on late
night.
As the magic hour approaches, Mr. Fitzgerald has fully prepared himself and his
equipment.
All he can do now is wait.
Now we're going to pause for station identification.
Andrea and I will return right after that.
It's 3D night here in the studio.
And when the coffee runs out, Jimmy Fitzgerald runs out with a fresh cup, as
only he can brew it.
Yes, Jimmy knows it's a job well done.
The perfect ending to a hard day's work.
But he'll be back tomorrow because he's a professional.
Because he wants to keep the show successful in the ratings.
And because Jimmy Fitzgerald, prop manager, is one of the people behind late
night.
He certainly is Jimmy Fitzgerald.
And we're proud to have him, by golly.
My next guest.
Have you ever wondered what goes into the making of a major network show such
as this?
Yeah, well, I guess it's crossed all of our minds occasionally.
So tonight we are proud to present another installment of a feature which salutes
the talented professionals who put late night together.
Late night is more than just the jokes, the songs, the fancy sets.
Late night is people.
Not just the marvelous stars you see on the show, but the people you don't see.
Yes, the people behind late night.
Program, my name is David Letterman.
We have assembled a fine hour of television for you tonight.
And before we commence, let me, reading an interesting study from the
University of Columbia just up the street here in New York.
Apparently now, most incurable illnesses, all emotional illness, and most
juvenile crime is now thought to be caused by bargain muffins.
Yes, another day, another first-rate opening joke.
But where does this endless stream of witty observations come from?
Tonight, meet the man behind the opening joke, comedy writer Steve O'Donnell.
Steve O'Donnell starts each day with what some call an impossible task.
His assignment?
To write a perfect opening remark.
Yes, Steve's job begins even before he arrives.
On his way to work, Steve makes notes of all possible areas of comic
inspiration.
Now he must go through that list and find the ideal target for his satiric bar.
Today, Steve's joke concerns bargain muffins.
But Steve's not ready to write yet, no.
First, Steve thoroughly researches his topic.
And at last, he's ready and types the words he is sure will make America laugh.
Matadors call it the moment of truth.
And to Steve, that moment comes when he hands in his joke
and nervously awaits a verdict.
Yes, it's a hit.
And Steve has only moments to relax and celebrate.
Because then he has to take his joke for final approval by network executives.
First stop, standards and practices.
And then it's on to the programming department.
Next, audience research, program analysis, marketing, and legal affairs.
Just moments before airtime, the joke is finally cleared.
And it is presented to the American public.
Before we commence, let me, reading an interesting study from the University of
Columbia just up the street here in New York.
Apparently now, most incurable illnesses, all emotional illness, and most
juvenile crime,
is now thought to be caused by bargain muffins.
Yes, unlike the rest of the country, Steve doesn't have to watch the show.
His job is done.
He has written an opening joke that brings new glory to Late Night, NBC, and
the entire American nation.
The show's just beginning as Steve's day is ending, but he'll be back tomorrow
because he knows the show can't begin without him.
And that's why he is one of the people behind Late Night.
We'll be right back with David Johansson.
I am very excited this evening.
Maybe you can sense a special glow around me because we're going to introduce
the first installment of a brand new feature tonight
that's already become a real favorite among our staff members, a feature that
we like to call Know Your Staff.
And tonight, we begin with a man who not only runs the stupid Petrick auditions
for this program,
but can be seen nationwide in a major motion picture.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome production assistant Chris Elliott right
here.
Chris?
Now, first of all, Chris, tell the people what you do as a production assistant
on this show.
Well, a production assistant has various amounts of things that he is required
to do.
Stupid Petricks is kind of my baby, and it's the segment that I'm the most
proud of.
Other than that, well, I do a lot of Xeroxing.
You do a lot of Xeroxing, all right.
Now, Mr. Elliott has been on this program before.
Let's take a look at some of his work from this program in the past.
And if you can tell us...
All right, that's the subway pole that I played.
Playing the part of a subway pole.
That would be you on the left.
That's right.
All right.
And what is this?
That's actually the first time I appeared on the show.
That's garbage.
Uh-huh.
And that was me as garbage.
Garbage, all right.
And finally...
And, of course, that's the turtleneck pants.
Yeah, that was one of your better ones.
Now, you're also in a major motion picture.
That's correct.
We've got a clip from the film.
Tell us what the film is.
Set it up.
It's the new John Sayles film, Liana.
I play Liana's assistant.
She is a lighting designer by profession.
And my...
In fact, the name of my character is the lighting designer's assistant.
The lighting designer.
Assistant, all right.
Which causes some confusion on the credits.
They think I was the assistant lighting designer.
All right, well, let's take a look at that now.
Chris Elliott playing the lighting designer's assistant in the new film, Liana.
Should be exciting.
When there's two thick reds in all the way to one back wall.
Got it.
Looks like you got a...
Looks like you got a hit on your hands there, Chris.
Yeah, well, with...
That was just the first scene.
Now, you're in some more of the movie.
All right, let's take another look.
You're the same part?
Same part.
I'm kind of her assistant.
I'm helping her out in this scene.
I think that's all I'll say.
And these are the only two times you're...
Okay, another clip from Liana.
I don't know what I should ask for.
What do you need to make?
I just can't afford to do this for free anymore.
What if she doesn't have anything in the budget?
Then I'll probably be getting a promotion.
Wow.
It is.
It's unbelievable.
It's unbelievable.
I was cut out of one scene, which kind of makes you wonder how many treasures
are lying
on some editing room floors.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, you can feel the heat coming off of that.
Well, when you're working with an actress like that, Linda Griffiths, she gave
me all
the help in the world, and I couldn't have done it without her, and John Stales
as well.
Oh, geez.
You know, we're delighted to have you as a member of the staff, but I guess
Hollywood will be
calling pretty soon.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't want to jump to any conclusions.
I'm happy Xeroxing and doing stupid things.
And your father is half of the legendary comedy team, Bob and I.
Yeah, and I was watching a couple of weeks ago when we ran some repeats.
You ran the show that he was on, and you introduced me offstage, and the
audience applauded as if it
was a big deal for me to have been born.
Yeah.
Well, it was.
It was.
And a pleasure, Chris.
Thank you.
Know your staff.
Chris Elliott.
We'll be right back.
All the time.
My thanks to everybody who was here tonight.
Chris Elliott.
He does a lot of Xeroxing.
We'll see you Monday.
Thank you, folks.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Welcome back to the show.
About a month ago, we started a new segment on this program entitled Get to
Know Your Staff,
and we have scheduled this particular installment two or three times,
but lately have not seemed to find the time for it.
Tonight, by golly, it's going to happen.
Get a hold of something.
And now it's time for the latest installment of a feature that's become very
popular with our staff,
Know Your Staff.
Tonight's staff member, ladies and gentlemen, writer, crime fighter, George
Meyer.
Hi, George.
Nice to see you, sir.
I guess you're glad to finally get on with this, aren't you?
Oh, yeah.
Now, what was your feeling when you got bumped the first night?
Well, I'm kind of nervous about going on TV, so it was one of relief and elation.
Now, what about the second night when you were bumped?
Well, it was the same sort of thing, only I kind of wanted to get it over with
that time.
That's right.
I just, you know, I didn't want to get the reputation for not showing up either.
That's right.
Same problem.
Smile here.
And what about tonight?
You must just be bubbling over with excitement.
Yeah, I'm very excited.
Now, George is a staff writer for this program and has been since when?
L