Name: John Waters (& Divine) on Letterman, Part 1 of 3: 1982
Uploaded: 2018-02-16T17:27:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'John Waters (& Divine) on Letterman, Part 1 of 3: 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-02-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'John Waters (& Divine) on Letterman, Part 1 of 3: 1982' from Don Giller on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-02-16. Transcript available.

John Waters (& Divine) on Letterman, Part 1 of 3: 1982

Hi there, welcome back to the show.
Filmmaker John Waters calls Divine the most beautiful woman in the world.
Since Divine is a man, John will have to explain this statement later in the
show.
Divine has appeared in such films as Pink Flamingos, Female Trouble, and Polyester.
He is currently touring with a nightclub act and has a new record on the pop
charts.
It says here, singing with Paul Schaefer in the band, Born to be Cheap.
Please welcome Divine.
Cheap! Cheap! I was born to be Cheap! Cheap!
A shadow mother could keep Cheap!
As sure as there's trash, I was born to be Cheap!
I was born to be helpless, I was born to be cold, I was born to never do what I'm
told.
I was born to be shallow, I wasn't born to be deep, but of all the things, I
was born to be cheap, cheap, cheap.
I was born to be cheap, cheap, I was born to be cheap, I was born to be trash,
I was born to be cheap, I was born to be crass, a loud, brash, retard, no one
could accuse me of having a heart.
I was born to be cheap, I was born to be cheap, I was born to be cheap, I was
born to be cheap.
I was born to be helpless, I was born to be cold, I was born to never do what I'm
told.
I was born to be shallow, I was born to be deep, of all the things I was born
to be, I'm cheap!
Ha ha ha, yeah, ha ha, oh baby, oh, oh yeah, I ain't never felt like this
before.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm cheap, I was born to be
cheap, cheap, as I'm walking down the street, cheap, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, oh, oh, oh, as sure as there's trash, I was born to be cheap, yeah!
Yeah!
Thank you! I love you!
A little something off the Christmas album, and we'll be right back, folks.
Divine!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Welcome back to the show, ladies and gentlemen.
John Waters is the man responsible for making Divine a movie star.
She has been in his, he has been in his movies.
Female trouble, pink flamingos, polyester, and multiple maniacs.
John's latest work is called a book entitled Shock Value, which is described as,
it's described as a book that is, well, I'm a little flustered.
A tasteful book about bad taste.
Please welcome John Waters and Divine.
This is Divine.
Now, that was, uh, that's a very nice song, by the way.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Now, let's, let you, let's just start with a couple obvious things.
Okay.
Um, you're, uh, you're not, uh, tell me what exactly you are.
You're not a, uh, no, I don't, I don't mean that to be stupid, but, uh.
Uh, I was born a male.
You are a male, that's right.
I still am a male, yeah.
I have all the, my own equipment that I came with.
Factory parts, huh?
Yeah, these are all added parts that come off with my work clothes.
Now, you're, um, uh, you're not a transvestite.
No, um, um, I'm an actor that I specialize in women's parts.
Yeah.
And in all of these movies that we've mentioned, you have played Divine, is
that correct?
Well, no, I mean, I've played different characters.
My stage name is Divine.
Oh, I see.
I see.
And, and John, how did you and, uh, Divine, uh, meet?
Well, I first saw Divine and I just thought, raw beauty.
We lived in the same neighborhood.
And because, uh, to me, beauty is looks that you can never forget.
And I've walked down the street with Divine and seen car accidents happen.
Now, you know you look good.
Uh, now, the, the, the, the new movie, uh, Polyester.
I, what was your first film?
Uh, the first film, uh, was something that we did called Eat Your Makeup was
one of the first ones.
Eat Your Makeup, uh-huh.
Uh, and then Pink, Pink Flamingos was...
Then we had Mondo Trasho, Multiple Maniacs, Pink Flamingos, Female Trouble.
Now, these, these are, uh, uh, at the time, and still are, uh, cult films, uh,
they play late at night and generally X-rated, or...
Uh, we didn't have any, there was no rating that could really apply to our film.
I see.
Uh, Polyester was rated R, though.
Now, now, Polyester is a departure because it's more of a commercial effort,
isn't it?
Well, yes, but I was, I had made Midnight Movies and they were successful and I
wanted to spread my cancer to dip, to a wider group of people.
You see, I wanted to, to spread my germs to suburbia.
Now, what, you know, people would think you're just being flip here about that,
but what exactly do you mean there?
Well, my germs, but I mean by that is my sense of humor, which I find humor in
all the things that are terrible about America and things that people have
anxiety about.
But the first step of getting rid of anxiety is to laugh at it, so I think they're
very healthy movies.
When you say things that are wrong with America, you mean economically or sociologically
or...
Well, I mean crime, there's a lot of crime in my films and, and Female Trouble
Divine Play is a person that wants to get the electric chair because she wants
crime so much that that's like getting the Academy Award in her profession.
I see, I see, and in, in the book, I think on the first page of Shock Value,
you mentioned that, uh, you make good, bad taste films.
Well, I think there's such a thing as good, bad taste and bad, bad taste, yes.
And what, and what would the difference be?
Well, good, bad taste is creatively nauseating, where bad, bad taste would be
something like that film they made about Jackie Kennedy, uh, what was it called?
Uh, but they didn't even show Jackie Go Shopping.
The tycoon, Greek tycoon.
So, I mean, they didn't have Jackie Go Shopping.
I thought, what was the director thinking about?
So, there's good, bad taste and bad, bad taste, and which one would Divine be?
Divine is all the way good, bad taste, yes.
Good, bad taste.
And, and, uh, uh, you also mentioned that to you, if you can make somebody
throw up, that's like a standing ovation.
Well, my early films, yeah.
Because I've had theaters where they actually put sawdust down in the lobby
because of that problem.
But that was...
One thing was because of the carpeting we were going to show the film.
But that was the early films.
We were, we were made on so cheap a budget, $10,000, we had to get people's
attention.
And that was how to do it.
I, you know, I, I feel suddenly like Wally Cleaver sitting here.
I don't...
This is Ward and June, ladies and gentlemen.
Um...
Now, Beaver, you better be home early tonight.
Uh, we're going to pause here.
We'll be right back with more of John Waters and Devine.
Thank you, Paul.
Welcome back to the show.
We're talking with John Waters and Devine.
Coming up in the next half hour, a special report on the most beautiful shoe
repair store windows in New York City.
We're going to take a look at a, uh, clip from...
This is polyester, right, John?
Right, yeah.
Filmed in Odorama.
We'll get to that later.
And this is...
You can see Devine in this film play something completely different than this
character.
He's a put-upon housewife in this.
The scene we're going to see is sort of like a deodorant commercial gone berserk.
Okay.
And just when an American needs it most.
Uh, take a look at the monitors here.
We met, we spoke, our love became infinity.
Our timeless fantasy.
One boy, one girl, deeply and honestly, our real life fantasy.
The first good thing to happen to Nancy.
We're going to hear the end of this one.
Let's not get in sick and tired of what you're complaining.
What are you doing?
Complain, complain, complain.
Well, you complain too.
I've got a boyfriend that's like you.
Why don't you have to eat the car?
Get the thing, Bruce.
I'm working on it.
Get back to work, Albert.
Get going, get going.
Hurry up.
Why don't you go back to Francine?
We want to go catch her.
She's got some good taste in cars anyway.
You guys were childhood friends.
And you must, uh, tell me about your parents' reaction to this.
Well, it wasn't too good at first, but over the past nine years, we've become
very good
friends long distance.
They live in Florida and, uh, they love what I do now.
They're, they're proud of the fact that Divine is their son.
I think they're proud of the fact that I'm paying my own bills.
Yeah.
I'm not asking them for any more money.
And they're glad that I'm doing what I like to do and I have a real good time
doing it.
Yeah.
Well, let's go.
Because they're real, they are real glad now.
It took about nine years for them to come around, but.
All right.
We, we have to pause here.
We have to pause here for station identification.
You have the biggest hair of anyone who has been on the show.
Oh, good.
Thank you.
Which, oh, excuse me.
I think something's about to happen.
Verily, verily, we will be back after station identification.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know how it happens.
I have nothing to do with this.
And here's to the king of late night, the Tonight Show.
The number one late night show on television is better than ever, weeknights.
Hi, welcome back to the show here.
We're just sitting around chatting with Mr. and Mrs. America.
And this is John Waters, the motion picture director, producer, and divine.
John, have you ever felt the need to do anything that was of great social
relevance?
No, I haven't at all.
Because I think being socially redeeming is so very boring.
You know, I'm just trying to make people laugh.
That's the only reason I ever pick up a movie camera.
Yeah.
And your folks, how do they feel about it?
You were described as being the prince of sleaze.
No, I think the prince of puke, a lot of different...
I think it sort of sums it up.
My mother, there was an editorial in the Sunpaper in Baltimore where I live
that said the prince of puke, a favorable one.
She said, somehow when you were a child, it wasn't what we had in mind.
That you would grow up to be the prince of puke.
I think they like it better than me being in prison or something.
Well, I guess these are your folks here.
Is that John?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That looks like Warden June Cleaver there.
They'll be thrilled.
Yeah.
Tell us about the Odorama.
Well, Odorama is the film that you can really smell.
And when you come into the theater, you get these cards.
And when a number appears on the screen and starts flashing,
you scratch and sniff that number.
Would you like to try one?
No, I don't care.
I can give you a good one first.
No, that's all right.
But that's, I guess, part of the fun of being there.
Well, this has been a pleasure for me.
You both seem like very nice individuals.
And I want to wish you continued good luck in your career, Divine and John
Waters.
The movie is polyester.
Tab Hunter is in it also.
Thank you very much for being here.
Thank you.
Stay right there, if you will.
I want to see something exciting.
Now that it's spring all over most of North America.
Hi there.
Good evening and welcome to our show.
And a fine program we have indeed for you.
My first guest, John Waters, will be here in a moment.
Quentin Crisp, Mark Schiff, and many, many more surprises.
And not a minute too soon.
My first guest tonight has been dubbed the Prince of Sleaze.
He is a director, a writer.
His films include Female Trouble, Multiple Maniacs, Pink Flamingos, and Polyester.
His latest effort is a book entitled Shock Value, which he describes as a tasteful
book about bad taste.
Please welcome, John Waters.
Hey, how are you?
Nice to see you again, sir.
Nice to see you.
I found the book very entertaining, by the way.
Thank you.
You lead, certainly, an interesting life.
Do you take pride in this whole notion of bad taste?
Is that a sense of accomplishment for you?
Well, I think bad taste is humor to me.
I mean, to me, bad taste is what entertainment is all about.
And for example, what would be something that falls under that description?
Well, something recently that's pleased me because, well, the movie Summer Lovers
I really love
because it's about being young, rich, stupid, and nude.
So I thought that was a good movie I've seen lately.
Is there such a thing as bad taste that is actually acceptable or, as you say,
good bad taste?
Well, there's good bad taste and bad bad taste, 